Ben Arment doesn’t do small things. So when it came to his conference Story, which is in Chicago on October 28 & 29, he asked if he could give away a big prize to one lucky reader from Stuff Christians Like.
The answer to that question is always yes.
So in celebration of what I honestly feel is going to be a radically intimate, courageously creative conference with Donald Miller, Mike Foster, Michael Hyatt and many others the day after Cultivate 09, Ben put together this insane box o’stuff to give away on Stuff Christians Like.
The winner will receive:
1. A Snuggie – the blanket with arms that kind of spoons you when you wear it.
2. Razzles – the treat that is both a candy and a gum
3. Skittles – good for eating and for throwing at people that are not listening to a sermon
4. The book, “unChristian
” by Gabe Lyons and David Kinnaman.5. The book, “The War of Art
” by Steven Pressfield (one of my top 3 favorite books ever)6. The book, “The Divine Commodity
” by Skye Jethani7. The book, “Gifted to Lead
” by Nancy Beach8. The book, “The Monkey and the Fish
” by Dave Gibbons9. A pre-release copy of Mitch Albom’s new book, Have a Little Faith
(Tuesday’s with Morrie guy)That is one ridiculously awesome collection of prizes and the conference is going to be equally as fantastic. (Click here to register more for Story.)
So how do you win the prize?
Help SCL remix the Metrosexual Worship Leader post.
It needs to be updated. I wrote it 14 months ago and styles have changed, hair gelling techniques have evolved, jeans have gotten more embellished, tighter and expensive.
Click here to check out the original post. Then leave a comment on this post with something that would fit on a new metrosexual worship leader scorecard.
For example:
1. Wears a suit coat vest that kind of looks like he mugged a skinny banker on the way to church. = +2 points
And maybe metro isn’t even the thing anymore. Maybe you live somewhere so hip worship leaders are wearing random things like wrestling shoes and the headgear I had as a teenager when my teeth were all bogus and left turned.
If you were going to create the ultimate modern worship leader stereotype what would you include? (Can be a guy or girl worship leader)
That’s the question. Let’s comment for a week (until August 29th) and then I’ll pick one lucky winner.
So what’s your answer to the question:
If you were going to create the ultimate modern worship leader stereotype what would you include?
I have no clue......you did a great job with the original, and I am soooooo out of the loop in these metrosexual scoring guidelines.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
maybe add
Has a cool dog, like a bulldog = +1
Brings cool dog with him when he preaches = +2
Cool dog that can skateboard = +4
inessaxi-- i have no comment, but i thought this word verification was perfect for this post.
ReplyDeletebrought to mind inxs, bringing saxi back, ...
one of our worship leaders is pregnant......
ReplyDeleteand is rocking cool maternity clothes that makes us older moms jealous 'cause cool maternity clothes didn't exist when we were pregnant......
Jon, your example reminded me of Pete W! haha. I live in the midwest where fashion is still roughly 18 months behind the rest of civilization. Your last list is our here and now.
ReplyDeleteAround here the stereotype for a youth leader is a head that is currently balding... so mine would be:
ReplyDeleteHas a bald spot on the back of their head- +3
The bald spot is not only from dealing with youth's problems and problems with leadership but dealing with his 4 kids once he gets home- +5
I saw Steve Fee wearing super tight jeans the other Sunday so I think that must still be hip.
ReplyDeleteSo let's see. Your is still pretty relevant but I'm going to have to include
ReplyDeleteFor the metro/hip worship leader:
Skinny jeans +2
Skinny tie +1
With a shirt that normally wouldn't go with one +2
With a vest +3
With a hoodie
Day old stubble +1(MILLLION)
Shoes more expensive than his entire outfit +3
Hipster hat +1 (I don't think I've actually encountered this one though)
Thick-rimmed glasses are still a big plus.
For the ultimate stereotype:
Somehow has really perfect hair all time time +1
For guys, wearing a polo +1
For guys, wearing a button-down +2
With jeans +2
For girls, wearing a conservative but long flowy top +2
I think that's all I have for now.
wv - algabsis: the area of pus caused by finding the distance of a coordinate to the vertical axis in algebraic means.
1. Wears a black vest with a gray Tshirt and jeans = +3
ReplyDelete2. Wears a thick leather bracelet/ watch = +2
3. Covers The Climb by Miley Cyrus = -5
4. Sings as bad as Miley Cyrus = -10
5. Is still singing "Shout to the Lord" or "I can only imagine" = -2
6. Likes to ramble b/w songs, and everyone rolls their eyes and tunes him out and quotes Monty Python "Get on with it!" = -5
7. Drinks coffee from Starbucks = +1
8. Drinks coffee from McDonalds = -1
9. Is married to the lead female worship leader, thus creating a HWMT = +7
10. In this HWMT, if you see the wife wearing a certain pair of jeans one week, then you see the husband wear the same pair of jeans the next week = -3
11. This same HWMT has a teenage boy and a teenage girl. If you see the same pair of jeans rotating around the family = -9
12. The worship team comes up to the stage to Chris Brown's "Forever" complete with choreographed routine = +10
13. If they do this routine every week for a month = -5
14. If they do a routine to "The Final Countdown" complete with magic tricks (er, "illusions") = +15
15. Plucks his eyebrows = +2
16. Has to use an eyebrow pencil = -4
17. He does "In Christ Alone" completely acoustic = -35 (Yes, I'm still bitter about that one)
18. Was on American Idol = +25
19. Your worship leader is Kris Allen = +50 points
Was a model in a hair style show =
ReplyDelete+2
Picks his kids up from school wearing sunglasses that may or may not be more expensive than my car = +3
Already owned a sylish cowboy hat when the church did a western themed VBS= +2
Rescued a church member who ran out of gas while wearing a lovely plaid scarf= +50
(Yes, this is a real guy. Yes, I was the one who ran out of gas...)
Wears a blazer with a t-shirt underneath: +2
ReplyDeleteWears a blazer with a button-up and t-shirt underneath: +4 (you gotta layer)
Uses Bath & Body Works men hygiene products (for the small-town metros): +2
Listens to a Christian indie band that no one has heard of that is fronted by a former member of a junkie band (if there is such a thing...I'm sure there is): +5!
Can be seen in any clothing similar to the Jonas Brothers: +2
Wears sweater vests in winter:+2
Looks up to Ryan Seacrest: +2
Wears eyeliner: +2
His home is filled with IKEA furniture, and he can talk art with the best of them: +7
That's all I got.
Then again, I am from rural Alabama...what do I know...you know how that goes...
Reads Scripture from YouVersion on his iPhone = +3
ReplyDeleteWears a t-shirt above a short-sleeve hoodie = +2
Sings songs from Christian rock albums that may or may not have anything to do with worshiping God but are kickin' = -5
Has hair that makes him look like he just woke up...with style = +5
Wears black and white checked shoes = +2
ReplyDeleteWears a vest (sweater or suit) with said shoes = +3
Has a "gotee"...that isn't full grown...more like a few stray whiskars. Long whiskars. = +4
instead of a tie, wears a fancy scarf +1
ReplyDeleteif said scarf is bedazzled +2
Wears TOMS shoes +2
squeezes in a mini sermon about the importance of giving and ties in his TOMS shoes +4
In his/her announcements add "These announcement are made possible by Regis Salon. If I don't look good, you don't look good!" +3
ReplyDeleteThe service often starts 10 minutes late because it takes the Pastor more time to get ready than their spouse. +5
Often incorporates Fashion shows in his/her sermon such as "What not to wear", "Project Runway" and "America's Next top Model" +2
Is super skinny - +2
ReplyDeleteIs so skinny you fear they will blow away (guys and girls) - +4
Has an almost frightening visible tattoo - +3
Double points if, up close, the frightening tattoo is a depiction of a bible verse
For Women - 1 point for every layer of clothing (2 camis+ 1 tank top+ 1 long sleeve button up shirt+ 1 vest = 5 pts)
2 pts for every inch the hair reaches above the actual top of head (guys and girls)
Wears a lot of big rings - +3
Has dreds - +20
Remixes Kanye songs - +15
Remixes Eminemem - -15
Wears a pink bracelet or ribbon for breast cancer awareness:+2
ReplyDeleteWears several jelly bracelets: +10
Doesn't carry a Bible because he's 'got an app for that.' +2
ReplyDeleteHas jet black hair. +1
...with a chunk of red hair - like the crayon color. +1
...blue, green, or purple hair. +2
Wears skinny jeans. +1
...with Converse. +1
skates (board, not blades... never blades) +1
Incorporates duct tape into his outfit +10
ReplyDeleteI think you could just copy and paste Jineane's comment... excellent!
ReplyDeleteWell lets see:
ReplyDeleteThe guy worship leader:
hair past his ears
3 day facial stubble
v-neck t-shirt
tight jeans with a few holes in them
t-shirt that you can see the top of the v-neck t-shirt with
tight vest
maybe an ear ring or a tattoo
where's expensive shoes, but not like dress up shoes.
Loves Starbucks, and Diet Coke.
He writes his own songs, and can never be seen without his guitar
sometimes where's a scarf
will always have on like three rings, a thick leather bracelet, and like three live strong type bracelets.
And I could go on...
Arrives late to soundcheck because of the amount of time it takes him/her to get ready - +10 points for every 10 minutes late
ReplyDeleteDrives a car that may or may not cost more than your kid's college tuition - +4
Have a cool pet - +1
Pet is a Chihuahua or "designer dog" - -5
Pastor makes a reference to worship leader's hair during the sermon - +20
-Records himself leading worship with his mac=+2
ReplyDelete-Takes a picture of everyone in the crowd and says "I am tweeting this"=
+2
-Refers people to his blog in every conversation=+5
-Records himself driving and talking about "life" while wearing a hipster hat to the side=+6 for having multiple props
-Wears a chain wallet=+3
-Is under 5'9 (Chris Tomline Style)=+3
-Wears a V Neck that goes to his belly button=+3 or double the points for having perfectly groomed chest hair
-Plays an accoustic guitar through an amp= -10
Has a Facebook fan page = +4
ReplyDeleteHas a Facebook fan page with over 300 fans = +7
Has a Facebook fan page with over 1000 fans = -2 (because he's probably spending more time trolling for fans than playing music)
Writes his own songs = +4
Writes his own songs but lists the whole band as the songwriters = +10
Yeah, he's a worship leader, but what he *really* does is play as the front man to a groovy mostly acoustic band with an awesome coffeehouse following = +9
Ripped enough to be an Abercrombie & Fitch model = +6
Actually *was* an Abercrombie model before he turned to the Lord = +170
Still wears Abercrombie = -3
Wears Abercrombie but it's okay because he bought it at the Goodwill because it's more authentic that way = +4
Reads Scripture from his iPhone = +3
Wears flip-flips to church = +4
In the winter = +15
Wouldn't wear a fedora himself because his hair is pretty awesome, but makes sure someone in the band always wears one = +3
Wears a thin leather bracelet with a deeply personal meaning = +4
Wears a leather necklace with a cross on it = +2
Wears a leather necklace with something enigmatic hanging from it (a shell, an arrowhead), with a deeply personal meaning = +6
Is married = +4
Broke the hearts of all the moms of the 20-something young ladies in the church when he got married = -25 (If you are one of said young ladies or moms) OR = +25 (If you a young man in the church happy to have the competition finally out of the way)
Hey, this contest isn't fair! The churches I've attended don't have worship leaders, so I have no inside information or any ideas about metrosexual worship leaders and thus no chance of winning..
ReplyDeleteIf he doesn't have wonderful hair, shaves his head. +4 (Nashville)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete+1 point for each inch of spiked hair.
ReplyDelete4 inch spikes = 4 pts
Okay, some of the things that make you a guaranteed top scorer of Worship Leader Antics...
ReplyDeleteSports his own expensive hair-do called the "mull-hawk". The mull-hawk takes the business-in-the-front-party-in-the-back idea and upgrades it to the-mohawk-is-always-a-fun-thing-and-lets-try-to-bring-the-mullet-back-guys.
Sporting the "mull-hawk" = 15 (for risk (of looking stupid) factor)
Then there is that thing that only the most dedicated of hip worship leaders will do; wearing a scarf in the middle of August. Whether it's artistically draped around your neck and shoulders (like Kanye), making it look like you head is floating on top of beautifully woven fabric, or tied oh so loose, as if to say "I don't really need this, I just like how vintage it makes me feel", its a must for all worship leaders looking to score some major points.
Wearing a scarf = 7 points
Oh, and the worship leader can also earn some points for letting people know how good he dresses, or how bad some others dress. The best way to do so is by twittering things like "just saw the sweetest boots at buckle" or "I wish some of our other worship guys would learn from my awesome hair styles and go with something more than the standard buzz cut".
Twittering about fashion styles = 3 points
Has an over sized beard +1
ReplyDeleteHas a beard so over sized that in the winter he lets homeless people sleep in it to stay warm. +11
Has a beard so over sized that in the winter SHE lets homeless people sleep in it to stay warm. -400
Your name is Steve Fee +50
ReplyDeleteYour name is Aaron Keyes +100
Should I leave my mailing address here or just email it to you?
wardrobe aside, what about music tastes?
ReplyDelete-tweets his personalized Pandora stations +3
-Pandora stations contain bands that are not so much "Christian" as "spiritual" +5
-Is attending Steven Curtis Chapman/ Michael W. Smith 2009 Reunion tour -15
-Office is littered with mix CD's of bands too indie to be on Pandora or Itunes +8
-Incorporates said indie bands into worship transitions +4 because,
-Occasionally jams with said indie bands and led Bass player to Christ +6
-Video Blogged moment of leading bass player to Christ on iphone +9.
I'd like to vote for Dan (beard comment) and Jineane (American Idol/Kris Allen reference) to win...
ReplyDeleteAs for my addition to the post, some of them have already been covered, but here they are anyways:
1. wears skinny jeans = +2
2. had to stop wearing skinny jeans due to inappropriate butt cleavage/underwear making an appearance = -5
3. wears converse shoes = +1
4. wears converse high tops = +5
5. converse shoes are brightly/multi colored = +1 point per color
6. shaved head for cancer fundraiser = +10
7. shaved head to hide he's going bald = -2
8. stubble/beard = +1 point per days growth
9. piercings = +1 point per hole
10. has stretched any of his piercings = +10 points
11. has covered U2's "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (and pulls it off) = +5 points
12. covers "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey (and pulls it off) = +50 points
13. is frequently requested to sign young girls Bible's at camp = +10 points
14. is not afraid to let his emotions show whilst leading worship = +5
15. cries more often than not, resulting in frequent awkward silences where the band has no idea what they're supposed to be doing = -10
And as far as hair styles in general goes, the faux hawk is becoming a thing of the past, it's all about the messiness now.. shouldn't be super long, and carefully sculpted to make it look like you just climbed out of bed.
All of these are still Metrosexual styles from 5 years ago. Starbucks? Nobody drinks Starbucks anymore. Too corporate.
ReplyDeleteV-Neck down the the belly button: +3
Rides a Fixed Gear: +2
Rims on Fixed Gear match shoes: +4
Doesn't listen to Christian bands: +0
Lets you know he/she doesn't listen to Christian bands: +3
Smokes Cloves: +1
Smokes American Spirits: +2
Doesn't drink Starbucks, opts for indie coffeehouse: +1
Wears a blazer with a T-Shirt: -10
Drinks Starbucks: -8
Wears a Bow Tie: +3 (They are cool now)
Finally, the moneymaker....
Used to be in a band and was an atheist: +18
1. Has a real mohawk, but it's under 3": +3
ReplyDelete2. Has a real mohawk over 3": -1
3. Wears a shirt with a grungy abstract cross or eagle on the back: +2
4. Wears the same shirt, but has ripped off the sleeves to show off bis and tris: +4
5. Has sideburns that come down to chin level: +1
6. Has sideburns that have a pattern cut into them: +2
7. Muttonchops: -3
8. Wears cutoffs on stage: +2
9. Wears designer cutoffs on stage: -5
10. Drinks tea on stage: +1
11. Drinks specialty tea on stage and announces what it is: -1
12. Drinks Kombucha on stage: +10
13. Owns more than 2 v-neck t-shirts: +2
14. Said v-necks are the extra low neck kind: +5
15. Keytar play during worship: -10 ("You ain't David Crowder!!")
16. Slight belly bulge: +5
17. Full on bear-gut: -5
18. Does the robot in between songs: +2
19. Does river-dance in between songs: -5
Dude, it's all about the v-neck these days. And hats. Scarves are so 14-months ago. Skinny jeans and vests remain cool. But worship leaders aren't as skinny - they apparently work out, as evidenced by their very tight v-necks which show off their muscles!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed all the lists...I would add:
ReplyDeleteCarries some type of survival equipment on him at all times:
Swiss Army Knife +1
Flint +10
Caribiner clipped to a belt loop +5
+5 for every blank stare he gives to a culturally relevant reference.
-5 for every disgusted look at your blank stare to his under- ground cultural reference.
Has a special cause not related to music in any way. +20
Has developed his own sign language and hand signals to the sound booth tech and back-up band +5
If you can see the outline of his latest techno device worn into his jeans...even if it's not there +10
Has 2 or more guitars on stage at all times +5/guitar
has a mullet (you know, an edgy one, not a two tone curly monster)=+3
ReplyDeletewears a graphic T under a blazer (like House)=+2
also walks with a cane =+3
reads SCL and makes references on a regular basis =+5
he gives the elders fashion tips =+1
Owns a pair of Tom’s shoes +1
ReplyDeleteOwns a pair of Tom’s shoes in every color +5
Uses Apple products exclusively +5
Always insists you add them on Facebook and Twitter +7
Has a blog +2
Keeps up with his blog +5
Spouse is the youth/children’s director +10
Went to a non-Christian college +4
Decision to come to Christ was heavily influenced by DC Talk +5
Drinks tea +1
Is a vegetarian/vegan +10
Uses words like “radical” “extreme” “stellar” and “ultra” to describe their relationship with the Lord +5
I forgot one earlier!
ReplyDelete-He's ever accidentally set his hair on fire from the candles on stage due to the abundance of hair product he uses = +100 points. (I figure he needs the extra points to make up for the lack of hair he now has to try and style)
wv: flerts
You guys are all outdated
ReplyDeleteno one cares about the rock worship leader.
it's all about the hip hop worship leader, bringing the jams
wears big sunglasses at night service +3
wears a fitted baseball hat +1
wears a fitted 116 clique hat +5
got arrested before he became a christian +5
has a cool tattoo from when he was in prison +5
raps over audio tracks +1
raps with a dj spinning the tracks +3
raps with full band playing hip hop beats +5
raps with full band, a dj, and multiple rappers/gospel singers +11
he says he's been working on an album, for 3 years, and no ones heard anything from it -3
has actually put out an album +3
no one knows him by his real name +7
wears clean new nikes +4
wears man-sandals with socks -4
When he plays...
people "raise the roof" -3
people clap their hands +1
people get "crunk" for jesus +5
has giant afro -1
has shaved head +1
has a cool design shaved into the side of his head +3
you've never see his hair because he's always wearing his fitted hat +5
has proformed with KJ-52 -2
has proformed with lecrae and 116 clique +4
wears tight fitted v necks -1
wears a tall tee +3
You know you are a metrosexual worship leader if you have ever rocked a kilt on Sunday. Yes, I have seen it.
ReplyDeleteHas more colors in his hair than the original crayola box +4
ReplyDeleteDrives a hybrid car +2
Drives a Vespa +2
Drives a Vespa with a guitar case strapped to his back +10
Shops at goodwill because retro is back +3
Shops at goodwill because he lost his "real" job in the past year -3
wears eyeliner +5 (mine did sometimes)
Drinks Chai instead of coffee +4
Drinks Dirty Chai to get both +10
Has own expresso machine in office +50
Can use it +55
Looks like Russell Brand +1
ReplyDeleteHas an accent like Russell Brand +5
Has ever had his personal style referred to as "s&m Pirate" +10
Makes money as a photographer +1
Is a really good photog +5
Milks the tortured artist persona for all its worth +10
Has HUGE social media following +1
Routinely gets into cool xtian conferences free +5
Starts own conference or coaching network +10
Hair: Pantene Pro-V commercial-worthy, long in the front and swept to one side of his face, resulting in regular head-jerking to flop the hair out of his eyes in intervals of 30-60 seconds (+20)
ReplyDeleteFacial hair: one word: NECKBEARD (+50)
Tattoos: not enough to look like a human canvas, but just enough to fit in with the local coffee shop hipsters (+5 for each tat)
Clothing:
-designer jeans that coast at least $150 (points proportionate to cost of jeans)
-thick-rimmed glasses (+10, add 5 points if they aren't prescription)
-knit floppy hipster hat (+10)
-cowboy boots or shoes with pointy toes (+35)
-shoes with heels (-10)
-tight v-neck tshirt (+15, add 5 points if shirt is black, add 10 points if you can see his chest hair)
I'm a worship leader, and I am (unfortunately) all too familiar with the cliche worship leader. Let's pray that these young men (and women) never forget that the state of their heart is more important than the places they shop, and that they are first and foremost leaders of worship, not just musicians. (I know that's my prayer for me, too!!)
add flip flops as one of the shoes of choice...
ReplyDeleteI know it's strange, but our Worship Leader is a very manly rocker who rides a motorcycle, so I'm out of the loop too :)
The amazingness of a worship leader is calculated by:
ReplyDeleteThe number of guitars he (she) has on stage in proportion the number of guitars actually played.
His (her) frequent singing obscure blues & jazz songs while roaming the church halls.
Their ability to make that Steve Miller Band song sound like it was meant to be a worship song.
Ensuring the number of band members on stage is directly proportional to the number of church goers in the audience.
The occasional use of the James Hatfield wide leg stance or the Dave Matthews shuffle dance.
Wearing a non-descript football jersey on Super Bowl Sunday so not to betray his (her) allegiance to any particular team (and therefore offending those in attendance who favor the opposing team) (bonus points if he/she includes 'Victory belongs to our God' or any other competition themed song into the Super Bowl Sunday worship set)
One more...
ReplyDeleteHas more facebook friends than the rest of the pastoral staff.
Some of these we too easy to come up with and some were further inspiration from your list (I haven't read comments, so if some of these were mentioned, I swear I was peeking:)
ReplyDelete1.a Has designer jeans imported From LA
b. Goes out to LA to export them himself
c. disguises trip as going to "Catalyst west (left)coast"
2. Has Chris Tonlin, Louise Gigleo(sp), and Steve fee on speed dial ( on his I-phone of course).
3. Lights reflect and blind people from the shiney shirts he wears.
4. Refers to the pastor and his wife not as "Pastor and Ms. Smith", or even as "Steve and Mary", but combines them "Stary"
5. Does a great Ryan Seacrest and announces the service as "This is_____(ins
ert church or service name instead of American Idol).
Plays ultimate frisbee with the Youth Pastor every Monday = +3
ReplyDeleteRockin the Toms shoes = +2
Wears a bow tie = +1
socks that match the bowtie = +4
i dont really know but just a few that i could think of from meeting a few WL
ReplyDelete- owns a pair of converse shoes = +2 for each pair (+5 points when worn with skinny jeans)
- has an acoustic guitar, complete with an appropriate pet name = +5 for each additional guitar
- posts worship song tutorials on youtube from their bedrooms = +2 for each video
- sings all the ad libs matt-redman-style in every song = +1
- has a macbook = +5
Wears trendy v-neck t-shirt = +2
ReplyDeleteWears trendy v-neck t-shirt with a random obscure message about Jesus that does not actually say "Jesus" = +7
Wears trendy v-neck t-shirt with a random obscure message about Jesus that you aren't sure if it's in English or not = + 10
Wears tight jeans that have been faded to an off white color = +3
Entire band wears the same faded jeans, and you are pretty sure they are all the same size = +5
Dances while singing = +3
Does the hang banging, guitar swinging style of dancing while playing = + 10
Wears hemp necklace = +5
Wears hemp necklace he made himself to remind him of some group that saves children from having to make hemp neckalces, and tells you about it every Sunday = +10
Has a "tortured soul" (think attitude, not real torture), but still somehow manages to keep praising Jesus = + 5
Makes obscure movie references during worship = +6
Spends more on a mani/pedi than you make in a week = + 10
Uses the "serious" look while everyone is praying so that if your eyes are open during the prayer, you feel like you need to repent your evil ways. = +12
Rides a motorcycle to church = + 7
Youth girls want to be his wife, youth boys want to be him = +20
I love our worship leader... but he's a funny man... very funny man.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete+1 point for every t-shirt layer the worship pastor wears.
ReplyDelete+1 point per shirt supporting any group like IJM, Feed the starving children etc.
Because I said so blog
A small randomly-placed tuft of hair that is a dramatically contrasted color than the remainder of the head. The hair should not look styled at all, rather like they slept with their head wrapped in Saran wrap. +1
ReplyDeleteShoes a color you can't quite name. +1
Shoes with pointy toes that are slightly curled up (Carefully store them pressed against something to encourage the curl without it getting elfin). +2
Wears Threadless t-shirts +1
ReplyDeleteWears the "Three Keyboard Cat Moon" Threadless t-shirt +20
Opens service with a prayer from a 19th century Irish prayer book bought for a dollar at a flea market +5
If the flea market was in Ireland +10
All right, I have to de-lurk and get in on this.
ReplyDeleteHas skin softer than your two-month-old's bottom due to generous application of "product" - +1
Wears thick glasses, not for vision but for style - +1
Owns and wears every imaginable color of Chuck Taylor converse sneakers. + 2 per color
Rocks tie-dye Chucks - +50 bazillion. Yes, a made-up number. Congratulations, your worship leader has broken the points. He wins forever. And it wasn't even a contest. YES.
hair is grown out and always has that perfect just got out of bed look = +3
ReplyDeletetalks in a raspy voice that dips into whisper levels during prayer = +3
plays sigur ros songs before service starts = +2
wears a bandanna in his back pocket or around his neck = +1
wears a bandanna on his head, as a headband = +4
has scruff but cannot grow a full beard = -3
has a beard that is grown out like a chia pet = +5
has worn cowboy boots on stage = +2
was wearing those cowboy boots because he actually lives on a ranch = -2
wears v-neck shirts = +2
wears a long necklace with his v-neck shirt = +5
uses the phrase 'progressive' to describe everything = +3
portland, oregon is his favorite city = +2
has remixed old hymns to sound indie = +3
organized a worship drum circle at church = +2
went on a church mission trip and was really humble about the experience = -2
went on a church mission trip and talked about it every week three months before the trip, documented the entire thing on video, and then made it into a movie to show at service = +5
that movie included montages with sigur ros songs = +4
that mission trip was to africa = +4
brings his own mug on stage = +3
molded that mug on his own pottery wheel and fired it in his kiln = +5
acts annoyed when people talk about rob bell = +3
voted for obama = +5
rides a motorcylce = -3
rides a vespa = +5
1. Wear Dunlop Vollies or Converse Allstars +1
ReplyDelete2. Wears crocs -4
3. Has a man bag +2
4. Carries man bag on stage +3
5. Takes a (shiny white) macbook out of his man bag for whatever reason +1
6. Can't get the macbook to work, needs a grumpy techie to come on stage to fix it. -1
7. Thanks the techie and gets the church to applaud them. +5 for humility.
8. Call his wife beautiful on stage +1
9. Calls his wife hottt (3 "T"s are in) on stage +2
10. Calls his wife something that causes sweat to form on the pastors brow and the congregation to shuffle nervously -1
11. Sweats like a pastor -4
12. Has Acne -5
13. Uses more anti acne creams (and such) than the whole youth group. +2
14. Has shoulder length hair in a Swish style. +2 (Swish being the sound that's made when he flicks his hair to one side before he hairsprays it)
15. Has a can of hairspray in his man bag to keep his Swish is shape +3
16. Uses hair gel. -1 (Gel is out, spray is in)
17. Has hair over his shoulders. -2 points for hippiness
18. Has Dreadlocks. -4 for super hippiness
19. Challenged the world to sponser 500 kids through Compassion in exchange for his hair. His shaven head is now covered by a Flat cap. +50 points for the kids. +2 for the cap
20. Covers his shaven head with a truckers cap. +5 (Punk is coming back in, I can feel it in my bones)
21. Get's judged by the older folk for wearing a hat in the house of the Lord. +0
22. Drive a beat up old VW Beatle. +2
23. Drive a green, eco friendly, carbon neutral hatchback. +3
24. Owns a poodle crossbreed (Like a Canoodle, A cross between a Canuck and a Poodle.) +1
25. Wears loose jeans. (Skinny is out) +2
26. Wears RM Williams jeans. +3
27. Occasionally slips a secular song into a service, but does an acoustic version so no one knows it. +4
28. Performs Hinders "Lips of an Angel" in a service. -50
29. Has designer stubble. +0
30. Has a chin straight out of a Gillette ad. +3
31. Wears his shirt tucked in. -2
32. Wears vertical lined shirts that are designed to have the sleeves rolled up. +1
33. Refuses to drink the coffee that the church supplies, instead preferring to drink a type a coffee that's name involves any of the words "Non fat, decaf, mocha, frapp" and is grown in some small African country like Rwanda. +3
34. Rocks at playing some obscure instrument like the triangle, but not obscure like the recorder. +2
And finally: 35. Has a Mono/Unibrow -10 (Sorry Jon)
the only reason he's a cool metrosexual is because he stumbled upon your original post +5,000
ReplyDeleteEvery once in a while for really special tunes, pulls out an instrument you didn't know he could play...a decidely non-cool instrument that suddenly becomes edgy because he plays it. Like a zither, or accordian.
ReplyDeleteDuring intros or offeratories covers pop, jazz or blues tunes, but does it so cleverly and obscurely so that only 3 people in a room of 1000 recognize the tune. Extra points if the song has objectionable lyrics, and you say to your spouse, "I think he's slipping 'Let's Get it On' into this prelim", and your spouse says, "Nooooo ...wait - you may be right."
Listen carefully for a bad note from the keyboard, a missed beat on drums or too much reverb from the bass. Your MWL will give a quick but nasty look that direction, immediately withering the hopes of any congregant who ever hoped to audition for band.
None of these things are particularly metrosexual... but the opportunity to call out quirks of individuals who roll their eyes at the CD stack in my office at church is just too tempting.
FYI - the American Idol reference was comedic genious and that person should win.
For a female...LOTS of bracelets
ReplyDeleteFor a male...one thick leather bracelet
Rides a Vespa= + 2 points
ReplyDeleteWears pants from the 1980s color spectrum (orange, pink, purple)= + 5 points
Color coordinates said pants with Vespa= +10 points
1. Is Lincoln Brewster
ReplyDelete2. (if a man) talks in the presence of women with other men about where to buy the best girly jeans, and how to launder said girly jeans to achieve the best fit. (I won't say who did that, but it starts with L and rhymes with "inkin' rooster")
3. wears shoes that turn up at the toes. at all. ever.
4. gets highlights
5. ever wears eyeliner for any reason other than costume party
6. gets "man"icures
7. has funky Hawaiian-shirt-print gig bag for his guitar
8. sometimes switches up his guitar to play barefoot congas. or, for even more points, a djembe
9. wears a thumb ring. preferably silver, possibly etched with some cool scripture in greek or hebrew
10. wears "designer" flip-flops.
WV: "pansi". The implications are too hilarious.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete-Wears a v-neck t shirt +1
ReplyDelete-Wears a v-neck t shirt and tuxedo vest +2
-Wears only a tuxedo vest (and pants) +30
-Wears boxers -40
-Likes Coldplay +1
-Loves Coldplay +2
-Is in Coldplay +3000
-Has never heard of Coldplay -4000
-Eats no meat +1
-Eats no meat, poultry, or dairy +2
-Eats no meat, poultry, dairy, fruit, or vegetables +30
-Eats meat -4
-Shaves legs +1
-Shaves legs and arms +2
-Shaves entire body (and the only way you can know is if he just wears a vest) +3
-Doesn't shave -4
-Wears express men +1
-Wears express women +2
-Makes own clothes +30
-Unable to play Sunday night because he hurt his fingers sewing -immediate metrosexual triumph
-Wears a Giants jersey -immediate disqualification
-Voted for McCain -1
-Voted for Obama +2
-Didn't vote +3
-Still has a "Ted Nugent for President" bumper sticker on the back of his Scion =death of one worship eagle per week
-Is secretly interested in ballet +0
-Is openly interested in ballet +2
-Does ballet +5
-Teaches ballet +10
-Teaches ballet to Coldplay +15
-Teaches ballet to Coldplay in the sanctuary +infinity
-Can't do a split -5
-Draws +1
-Paints +2
-Sculpts +3
-Does stop-motion animation -4
-Traded op-yops with Tim Burton is high school -immediate disqualification
-Hair to the shoulders +1
-Hair to mid back +2
-Hair to lower back +3
-Hair to waist -10
-Likes baseball -1
-Likes pro wrestling -10
-Likes pro wrestling and his favorite wrestler is Hulk Hogan -100
-Likes Hogan knows best +1
-Does 20 pushups a day +1
-Does 10 pushups a day +2
-Does 5 pushups a day +3
-Does no pushups -1
-Was a model +1
-Is a model +2
-Likes mayonnaise -1
When asked to empty his European Carry All at the airport, he is carrying...
-Hair spray +1
-Hair gel +2
-Mousse +3
-Hair product bought at the spa that creates a "natural wet look" +4
-It's actually his wife's purse -1
Okay - because the worship leader at RHCC is scoring high in my opinion (but I would wish it no other way), I have found it easy to add things to the list (that he has done):
ReplyDeleteHas lamps (with fringe shades) on stage during service +5
Sings on a oriental carpet +3
5 o'clock stubble +2
Lime Green sweater vest with black and pink striped shirt +4
...with a scarf +3
Leather Cuffs +1
Collection of Youth Camp (and various event) bands still on wrist +2
...add +3 for more than 5 bands
Keeps spare guitar pics in shoe laces +1
...and shoes are untied +2
Hair is Jet-Black and Choppy +1
...something is "shimmery" in hair +3
Covers Coldplay +2
...and Lenny Kravitz +5
Was on Star Search +2
...and came in 2nd place finals +5
Wears sleeveless hoodie +2
Keeps full assortment of electric guitars on stage +1
...manages to snap one or more strings each session and doesn’t miss a beat +3
Love Janet's post. I think she wins, but I'll try my hand anyway.
ReplyDeleteis taking notes from these lists: +2
is laughing at these lists because this was all so last month: +7
no matter the hair style, it looks better than the ladies' hair: +1
hair looks better than his wife's: +3
has rocked the frayed cut-off jean shorts on stage: +1
his band opened for Coldplay before they went big: +3
has an Irish accent: +2
you never see him wear the same hat twice: +1 per hat
doesn't wear shoes +1
because he donated his TOMs to kids in Africa: +1 per shoe
was wearing v-necks last year: +2
has used auto-tune: -100
has used auto-tune ironically: + a million
still can lead the flock in worship: double all points, otherwise delete all points
1. somehow doesn't realize that no matter how much he dresses like the teenagers at his church, his tight shirt only reveals his potbelly thus his age = +3 points
ReplyDelete2. gives his children trendy names and incorporates cute stories about them in between songs whilst still playing the piano, ex. *as he plays 'heart of worship'* "you know, Selah reminded me of an important truth yesterday..." = + 2 points
Changes outfits when there is a break between worship sets +5
ReplyDeleteThis outfit-change occurs during a prayer or instrumental portion when the audience is distracted - bonus +3
(seen at a Christian conference by a very prominent worship artist!)
and...
Is a male who prefers v-necks. +6
All the worship leaders at my church (minus one) are men, so I could only think of ones for guys:
ReplyDelete-Rocks Ray Ban wayfarers year-round (+5)
-Rocks knock-off Ray Ban wayfarers from Target (+2)
-Rocks tight v-neck teeshirts accompanied by a jaunty hat (+2)
-Rocks several leather or woven bracelets that each represent deeply spiritual experiences on the missions trips he has made to 3rd world countries (+3)
-Wears plaid button down or a plaid scarf (+2)
-Wears plaid button down AND a plaid scarf (-10)
-Regularly plays their own, published worship songs in your church services (+4)
-In addition to playing sweet licks on his guitar for Jesus, he also practices another form of awesome missional art, like photography or printmaking or mural painting on the walls of loft houses in Mexico (+10)
-Uses the words "tension" (as in living in the tension), community, and missional (+1 for every use)
-Uses an iPhone and a new macbook; uses said macbook in the greenroom before service to print out chord charts and actively tries to convert PC users to Mac (+5)
-Serves every summer at church camps for disadvantaged kids where all the 10 year-old girls fall in love with him, but you can't hate because it's just so gosh darn CUTE (+10)
Tatoo of something other than a Jesus Fish, must be something resembling the "Lion of Judah" +2 Points
ReplyDeleteHas a tatoo of a Jesus Fish or the Praying Hands -2 points
Tries to mimick the arrangement of God of this City Kris Allen did at his church -2
Wears Converse Shoes -2,
Has Belt Buckle that matches Converse Shoes -2
Has Highlights in the hair that is in his/her face while playing +2
Can Pull of a Stonewashed Jean Jacket +10
Wears a christmas sweater, and starts a new trend among the teens in the church +5
Wears a christian t-shirt on stage that references a popular game show on tv instead of Deal or No Deal it says Kneel or No Deal -50.
A few more for consideration...
ReplyDeletePiercings = +1 each
Diamond earrings = +2
Placing spiritual emphasis on piercings as a symbol of being a bondservant, particularly "unto the Lord" = +10
The ability to sing soprano = +2
Actually singing soprano in church = +5
Sucessfully making "Shout to the Lord" sound like it was covered by the Bee Gees = +10
Vegetarian = +1
Vegan = +2
Reminding people that Adam and Eve were originally vegetarian = +10
At least once a service, asks the congregation to "give God a hand" = +3
ReplyDeleteDuring prayer, gets the "breathy," breaking for Jesus voice, which instantly recovers as soon as it's time to move to the next worship song = +2
Wears a ring other than wedding ring= +1 (per ring)
ReplyDeleteWears a thumb ring= +2 (per thumb)
Wears a class ring circa 1974= -10
is tragically cute and has a perfect wife/girlfriend of whom all the girls are jealous.
ReplyDeleteDo all worship leaders wear skinny jeans? haha, i guess it helps them hit those high notes.
ReplyDeleteCompetes with other worship leaders for "lowest plunging V-neck T-shirt" until the "V" plunges so low, the T-shirt becomes a pair of suspenders.
ReplyDeleteI think Jineane wins so far for the HWMT alone. That's awesome.
ReplyDeleteMy take...
1. Has a tattoo that says Jesus is my homeboy in Chinese on his neck.
2. Has holes in his earlobes that a 50 cent piece could fit through
3. Doesn't know what a 50 cent piece is, or confuses my 50 Cent reference with rapper 50 Cent which leads him to believe I'm just trying to be hip.
4. Is under the age of 35 and must have children younger than 7.
5. Spends way too much time on their head. Either shaving it or preparing the hair.
6. Has facial hair either from day old stubble (spent too much time on hair) or purposeful design (is bald and spends too much time on face).
7. Skinny jeans, skinny tie, skinny physique. If the last one is missing when combined with the other two then, "Houston we have a problem."
8. Never got picked to play kickball on the playground, and never uses sports analogies to transition songs.
9. Wears TOMS once a month
10. Wears Krochet Kids International hat once a month...even when it's 100°C outside.
11. Has an addiction to snack food, cereal or Comic Book Character T-shirts and Goodwill.
Our worship leader (for the contemporary service) also happens to be our Youth Minister. So I'm gonna throw in this: He wears a white suit coat signed by the entire youth group when they get back from camp = +10 pts. Why so many points? Because it's not the "norm" for a metrosexual worship leader but it's a very nice way to show the youth group they're loved.
ReplyDeleteWV: Phoyaph
A photo of a graph. Ex: Did you see that phoyaph of the correlation between how metrosexual your worship leader is and attendance?
Wearing dress clothes that look conveniently out of style (skinny tie, suit vest, etc.) +2
ReplyDeleteMultiple people lead worship (hillsong style) and comment on how important it is to not have one focal voice. +4
Band stops. Stage darkens. Spotlight pours onto single musician playing acoustic guitar. Sings a little bit off key in a very "raw" "authentic" "honest" way. +8
Closes one eye in a near-wink at somebody on the front row. (via @loswhit)
ReplyDeletewv: fixtr
"Yeah, the lady on the front row thought I was flirtin' with her, but I clarified with a blog post that fixtr."
A man that wears girl jeans onstage. I know men who do this because they are form fitting and lowrisers.
ReplyDeleteDrives a Scion.
ReplyDeleteYou absolutely cannot forget about guyliner. Yes, it is making an appearace in worship bands nation wide. Billy Joe Armstrong eat your heart out!
ReplyDeleteFirst, they dont go by "worship leader"-it is "worship architect" or "experience facilitator".
ReplyDeleteOnly eats at "real food" places, like Whole Foods deli. If necessary, will go to Chipotle due to the sayings on the cups and stuff.
Has a random bleached streak in hair.
Files nails and sometimes uses clear polish or just one finger painted a weird color like blue or green. To remind them of their sins being wiped clean, or God's love, or whatever.
Drives either a total clunker that is also a bit retro or drives a Prius or boxy car.
Speaks in a language I have never heard (but all the words are technically English) to describe an incredible "God moment" to the congregation.
Doesnt play just the guitar, but has also mastered all the instruments the Beatles played during their late years (think Eastern).
Has a hott wife.
Patterned clothing.
ReplyDelete+1 for each striped or plaid article of clothing worn by the worship team.
+2 bonus if they are all different and somehow still don't clash.
+3 for a pattern incorporating the local university's school colors
-5 for a pattern using the colors from "that other school" on the other side of the state
Given that there is a new men's salon in town, +1 for each band member you think may have gotten a haircut this week.
These are probably too specific to my church, though.
Clapping: +5 if your female worship leader has read SCL and helpfully claps throughout the whole song so you don't get lost.
well here in the central florida area definitely flip flops not sandals and quoting ministries as such: Frank Smith at North Yakety Yakety Ministries has this set up and they run about 2,000 every Sunday. as if anyone know who Frank his or where his church is at.
ReplyDeleteHe wears guyliner and mandanas, carries a murse, and has a bromance going with the youth pastor (completely plutonic).
ReplyDeleteHow about these?
ReplyDeleteHis perfectly feathered hair is sideswept across his entire forehead = +2 for each layer
Wears skinny ties with all outfits = +1 for each tie
He wears white buttoned-down shirts with the sleeves rolled up to give him a "casual but classy" look = +2
His white buttoned-down shirt is so tightly tucked into his skinny jeans you can see his bellybutton = +2
Is into gloomy indie bands that nobody has ever heard of = +3 for every reference to an unknown band or band shirt worn with a blazer
Has "vast" knowledge of totally made-up sounding instruments = +2 for every bangelele, canjo, or dulcimer he owns and pretends he can play
His left wrist is covered with handmade bracelets = +1 for each, +2 for each one that is thicker than 20 strings wide
He has ever admitted to "peacocking" at church to attract the single ladies = +5
Has done an acoustic cover of "All the single ladies" = +5
Is mistaken for Adam Lambert in the airport = +2
ReplyDeleteTried out for American Idol drove 2 states away and waited 15 hours in line = +1
Buckles his belt on his hip = +4
Keeps time with the bass while stomping right foot in perfect 90 degree angle, fist pumping into the air, head bobbing, beating on chest then pointing to the sky all in fluid movements then swears its all about Jesus = +3
Sings pop remake of Jeff Buckley Hallelujah = +2
Says he wears foundation and powder to avoid glare from the lights but it's really to look good on the vcast = +1
While praying called Jesus “Bro”= +4
Freudian slips in the hopes he ends up on Youtube = +3
American but punctuates every sentence with “right, Love”? = +2
Paints with watercolor or is also a photographer = +1
The Hipster Worship Leader Checklist
ReplyDeleteI am a female worship leader in the Southwest (Arizona) and since we are so close to California, I suppose you could say we seem to be on the next wave of worship leader coolness. It seems that this wave is the "hipster" worship leader. Seems to be the next generation of the "Metrosexual Worship Leader Stereotype" looks something like this:
-Wears Toms shoes, Vans, or slip on leather boots or any other shoes he doesnt have to tie. +3
-Drinks tea on stage that he brings from home (especially Throat Coat, and organic free-trade tea made especially for the voice) +2
-Has a tattoo of a bible verse in the original Greek or Hebrew. +3
-Owns a harmonica. +1
-Plays the harmonica on stage +2
-Owns a harmonica holder so he can play the guitar at the same time +2
-Has one of those hairstyles that looks like he just woke up but really takes hours to perfect +2
-Wears a beanie when it isnt cold out +2
-Older than 29 -1 for every year
-Owns a v-neck shirt +1 for each
-Rolls up his jeans +1 for every inch above the foot up to 4 inches, -1 for every inch after that
-Owns a white belt +2
-Drives some sort of androgynous car (examples: Prius, Corolla, Yaris)+2 (+3 for Prius)
-Married to or dating the female background vocalist +2
-Said wife/girlfriend/background vocalist has a tattoo on inner wrist, and looks as if she stepped out of an Urban Outfitters catalog +3
-Plays barefoot on stage even though the rest of the band complains that it makes the carpet smell disgusting +3
-Unmarried because of his raging repressed bitterness towards a girl that dumped him 12 years ago - 4
-Takes said bitterness out by muting everyone else except himself, giving lectures to other single male staff members on how women are 'destroyers of the soul', throwing himself two going away parties when he finally moves to California to fulfill his purpose in life which is apparently to become a surfer and work and a Japanese restaurant, then returning less than 6 months later and never lets any female in the band...ever -2,534
-Owns an iPhone +2 (+3 if he has ever worked at the Apple Store)
-Looks as if he hasnt shaved in 3 1/2 days +2
-Writes his own acoustic indie music +1 for each song
-Only uses the ESV translation of the Bible and scoffs at those so tragically uncool they are still using NIV +2
-Owns a vest +2
-Dresses anything like a Jonas Brother +7
-Leads from bass guitar - 2
-Has been to a Catalyst conference +1
-Has been to a Hillsong United Encounter conference +1
-Has a Twitter account +1
-Reworks hymns into cool new songs by adding his own chorus +2
-Under 6 feet tall +2
-Reworks any mainstream song into the worship set in any way shape or form +2 for each instance
-Too cool for Starbucks, reads Rob Bell books in indie coffee shops +1
-Twitters about reading Rob Bell books in indie coffee shops +3
-Is a vegetarian, vegan, or has any voluntary dietary restrictions +1
-Has "jam sessions" on a regular basis with other members of the worship band +1
-Has ever "signed" any Jr. High girls anything at any church camp+1 for each
-Teenage girls say he looks like Edward Cullen +15
Scoring System:
ReplyDelete71 + Points= Phil Wickham- Hillsong United and beyond!
Congratulations you are THE hippest Hipster Worship Leader in the worship leading community. You are also definitely the hippest person at your church. You might be the hippest guy EVER in the history of the world! You probably have your own Worship Conference, and are one of the most prominent worship artist in the industry. It is literally staggering how hip you are. Now you can go around the nation spreading your hipness to all people of all religions...because you are so hip that your appeal isnt just for other Christians!!
50-70 Points= Charlie Hall - David Crowder
Wow. You are pretty hip. You have probably started your own church so that you and other hip people could be hip together. You are also hip enough to pull off things that others could not possibly pull off (read Charlie Hall's red and black foot long gotee) but that doesnt mean that you can get away with anything. Dont get too cocky and make people repeat the bridge of the new song you wrote 15 times while also requiring them to do the motions that it describes (Lift my hands and spin around...)...Thats just annoying.
30-49 Points= Chris Tomlin- Matt Redman
You are pretty cool, and you are definitely a good worship leader, but you arent exactly "indescribable" in other words you err towards the generic side. Great worship leader, but only cooler than us because he can play an instrument.
29 Points and Below= Stephen Curtis Chapman
Eh well....you are a worship leader so that counts for something right? And you know what, you dont have to be hip. What is hip anyway? Who says that being hip is ....hip? Not you. You are timeless.
Admittedly most of these are descriptions of one of my really good friends who is a worship leader at a church in California, but i've found this trend is actually alarmingly common...
Where's jeans that wouldn't pass the golf ball test. +5
ReplyDeleteI think Robert Ridgell, organist at Trinity Wall Street, wins. (Seriously, watch that video. It's pretty fantastic.)
ReplyDeletePlaying (arranging and improvising) a postlude that's a tribute to Michael Jackson incorporating "Beat It" and "ABC": +100
Rocking the organ and the traditional robes hard enough to be included in this post: +1000
male or female: wears black nail polish
ReplyDeletesings hymns but remixes them to sound "hip" =+3
ReplyDeleteKnows that "IHOP" is not the pancake house you are thinking of but is International House of Prayer. = +7
Graduated from IHOP school of worship. =+10
Is a fan of Misty Edwards. =+20
Has a scarf to match all his/her outfits. =+5
wears converse shoes. =+5
A beard=+5
Knows that diet coke is out the new hip thing is coke light. =+10
Always wears a leather bracelet.=+3
Has aviator sunglasses. =+7
Offten sports a white v neck undershirt. =+5
Shops at American apparel.=+20
doesn't know what twitter is.= -100
Owns a mac. =+50
More then a thousand friends on facebook=+50
Is a second hand shopper,not because he/she doesn't have money
but because it's in to look poor.=+70
wrist tattoo=+40
word wrist tattoo=+80
Knows who Josh Garrels.=+30
Pre ordered his new album and it's all he is listening to now=+60
Is also rocking the new Cory Asbury cd! =+50
Knows about steiger ministries=+40
Has read "Rock Priest"=+50
Has seen "No Longer Music " on tour=+80
Was a part of the scalawags.=+100
Okay how about the face of steve Taylor and hair like benny Hinn(but a little spiked) and of course a little stubble below the lips. T shirt that reads I heart sunday school and talks about his goose bumps experience at the U2 concert then goes into some of parodies worship song like "feel like, feel like worshipping you" (Bad company song) And a shout to the Lord, couple new songs wrote over the weekend at starbucks and close with a version of Sweet Home Hallelujah"...
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest, I didn't read all of the comments, but our worship leader has differing degrees of stubble and/or facial hair styles week to week, + 10. He also only wears converse. Has a music themed Jesus Tattoo + 5. Just a couple I thought I might throw in.
ReplyDeletename drops while talking about writing songs w/ famous worship leaders like matt redman and charlie hall. -4
ReplyDeleteworks in sushi analogy to each worship song in the days set +2
wears white peg leg jeans w/ neon throwback 80's hi-tops +3
wears 80's secular band t-shirts during worship +3
wears current indie rock tees +1
wears more jewelry than a TBN host -4
wears 80's jelly's bracelets half way up one arm +1
ties a scarf around mic-stand a la Steven Tyler of Aerosmith +/- 0
introduces all those playing in the band w/ alternative names for the instruments (i.e on ax, on skins, etc) -2
converts engine of vw van or honda element to run on fast food grease +5
wears tees that have instruments of war mixed w/ instruments of love (i.e. tank shooting out hearts, b1 bomber dropping cupcakes, gun shooting flowers) +1
drinks bubble tea instead of coffee -1
is weekly touting a new fair trade product +2
wears TOMS +5
drinks water b/t every song -3
turns & points at drummer during songs or stands next to other instrumentalist in band and mimics their moves -4
runs and jumps off bass drum during a song -5
tries to the crowd clapping during a song by holding mic in one hand and clapping w/ the other making a "thud" sound every time -10
tweets links to bloodwatermission. TOMSshoes, xxxchurch and other causes regularly +5
has a 12seconds channel where he regularly interacts with his commenters +5
pastor refers to a new indie rock band worship pastor turned him onto in a sermon +10
indie rockers begin attending church because of the talent level of your churches worship band +15
indie rockers want to play on Sundays because of relationships w/ worship pastor +25
the ideal worship leader is:
ReplyDelete1) either a sweet singing girl who plays guitar and sings with an angelic voice, wears t-shirts with weird sayings that don't make sense like surf obama, and is super shy/humble in person
2) or the complete polar opposite, a bear-like man who is way too big for his grand auditorium taylor guitar, who growls when he sings and sounds like he has a rat down his throat and a goatee that he scratches when he prays.
The pensive alternative WL
ReplyDeleteSkinny jeans so tight you are momentarily unsure whether he is in fact wearing pants or just has really bad circulation turning his legs a weird purpley blue colour. +5
Shirt is a t-shirt that comes to just above his knees, and is stretched out and a weird gray-blue colour as though it has been on permament wash for the last 2 and a half weeks. +8
Jumps and claps -3
He may or may not realise he is on stage and not in his bedroom practicing based on the proportion of times his eyes are closed, looking down at his guitar, or looking up at the ceiling. +4
Podcasts his sermons = + 20
ReplyDeleteDrives an old car with an awesome sound system = + 4
Plays Christian rock music from the car = + 6
Plays his podcasts of sermons out of a speaker on the roof = + 10
Holds winter blanket drives, including knitting groups to make the blankets = + 100
Invites the homeless in to have a hot coffee and some food and share their stories with the congregation = + 1000
Our old worship leader looked like Keith Green and he OWNED it.
ReplyDeleteSooo....
Sports a giant fro and mountain man beard and still seems "hip" -- +4
Loved Jineane's HWMT comment about the jeans...Hilarious
ReplyDelete1. Seems to believe Jesus is in the microphone and croons to it as if it were his lover. (Holy Lover, that is) = +5
ReplyDelete2. Has difficulty maintaining a melody, as most of his "singing" is actually comprised of passionate breathing = +3
3. Has on occasion actually passed out on stage after becoming a bit overemotional = +12
4. Members of audi...I mean, congregation have passed out after becoming a bit overemotional = -3 for injuring God's people
5. Drinks Starbucks = +1
6. Drinks some random indy local coffee = +5
7. Drinks home-brewed coffee from the grungy place he owns down the street where all the young adults go to chill after the service = +7
8. Ministers to said young adults by playing AcoustiChristian versions of classics such as "God Made the World and He Liked It" (Katy Perry, of course) and "Jesus is Coming Back" (the song Justin Timberlake would have sung if he were saved) = +10
9. Participates in extreme sports every Friday (not Saturdays because he wouldn't have time to fix his hair before the next morning) = +5
10. References Friday escapades in between songs to show how good God is = -3
11. Plays any instrument besides guitar = +2 per instrument
12. Plays any instrument besides guitar in church services = -1 per instrument
Wears a soul patch = +10
ReplyDeleteWears t-shirts with ironic slogans = +5
Wear t-shirts with ironic, CHRISTIAN slogans (eg: "I went to summer camp and all I got was eternal life" or "Mission Trip Bus Driver") = +10
I've been trying to come up with other qualifications but just can't come up with them. I think you should do a post on the differences between older women on staff and 20-something guys working in the youth department. Those are some of the most amusing things I have ever seen.
ReplyDeleteI want to win! I especially want the Snuggie and the new Mitch Albom Book!!!
ReplyDeleteThe modern spiritual leader would look like Slash, be able to do backflips on stage like Fergie when giving a sermon and would let us take our dogs to church! :-) Oh, and they'd have your wicked sense of humor, Jon.
(Skittles! Skittles! Skittles! Skittles!)
themeddetective@gmail.com
To add to my previous 35
ReplyDelete36. Is in competition with the youth pastor to get the most facebook friends +2
37. Is beating the youth pastor +3
38. Has a neck beard +4
39. Isn't seen outdoors with sunglasses on +1
40. Wears aviator sunnies +3