There are really only two reasons I wanted to write this post:
1. The first post was just an appetizer.
I wrote about this subject a few months ago when 12 people were reading the site but I just barely touched on it. I didn't do it justice and people have reminded me that there is more to be said on this pivotal subject. So this is like the Timbaland Remix.
2. No one has quantified this phenomenon
There are some things in life that are concrete and true. For instance, it is a fact that "You're all I want for Christmas" by Mariah Carey and "Christmas in Hollis" by Run DMC are fantastic songs. No argument there. But when you tell someone about your church, there's not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader possesses. Wouldn't it be awesome to say, "You'll love my church and the music. Our worship leader scored a 78 on the SCL Metro Test."
Don't answer that last question. It was rhetorical. As a service to churches around the world, here is an easy rating system by which to analyze to what degree your worship leader is a metrosexual.
1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2
10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3
11. Has a goatee = +2
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2
13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1
14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2
15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3
17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all "sweaty" = +1
18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
19. Owns a white belt = +2
20. Owns suspenders = -3
21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1
22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2
23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3
24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2
25. Uses the words, "postmodern, relevant" or "emergent" nonstop = +2
26. Cringes a little when people say the "H word." (Hymnal) = +3
27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, "That song is so 1990s" = +1
28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
30. References Norwegian punk bands you've never heard of = +2
31. Wears a tie = -1
32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2
33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2
35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
36. Has a tattoo = +2
37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, "the Hills" = +3
41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
42. Your wife ever says, "he needs a barrette for his hair." = +2
43. Has a nickname with "the" in it, as in "the edge," = +2
44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
45. Has a soul patch = +3
46. Won't play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
47. Refers to California as "the left coast" = +2
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2
51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
53. Ever says "we got a hot mic here" = -4
54. Shops at the Gap = 0
55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2
I scored one of the worship leaders at North Point and he did pretty well. At some point I will do a lady version, but for right now, I feel like a 55 item list of analyzing worship leaders is enough to earn me a new batch of "you are weird" emails, and at the end of the day, that's all I can ask for.
What does your worship leader score?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
123 comments:
I think you should add this to the Bulletin competition. If you can get your worship leader to score himself and then write his score on your bulletin - +10 points.
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3
no way!! this would give +1000 points!
I am not the worship leader at my church, but I play in the band. I decided to rate the entire band. And here it goes:
The worship leader himself scored a 12.
Our lead guitarist scored a 15.
I scored a 5, but it was touch and go there for a minute.
I guess we are just not metro enough *sigh*
Good list. I think some of it varies by locale, also.
Your worship leader should get some kind of recognition (I can't decide whether it's negative points or bonus points) is your worship leader is any/all of those things and out of his 20's. Our worship leader is in his early 40's but works out more than my college football team did and diets like nobody's business, wears tight, short sleeved shirts with tight designer jeans that accentuate his buff physique, and at times seems as self conscious of his appearance as a teenage girl walking in front of the stands at a football game.
Product in the hair - yes (I think). Not so much the enviro-friendly, techno-punk nerd thing. I think he gets bonus points though, for trying so hard to be 15-20 years younger than he really is.
I don't know my worship leader that well, so there are a few criteria that I can't score. However, based on what I know, he scored a "4." Am I worshipping at the wrong church? He seems cool to me, but what a lousy grade!
Luckily, I am a worship leader who scored a big fat ZERO on the metrosexual scale!
Yet another metric to show that North Point / Buckhead / BrownsBridge rulez. If we could get a cross between Steve Fee and Carlos Whittaker, I think we'd max out the points.
One more point would be "Has been featured on 'LA Ink' (reality tattoo show) +10"
I couldn't stop laughing at #15! I can just picture it now..
Would you belive our 29 year-old worship leader scored a 29??!?!
I also think you really need to add Chuck Taylor shoes and flip flops to the list along with Puma and the like.
30 + ! and i could boos t the score higher, if a few questions get answered our way:
his faux hawk is a receding hairline - does that count?
his wife is "the voice", "the talent" and plays more instruments than 3 bands. so does he get pts for marrying up?
he shops exclusively @ buckle. way better than urban outfitters, the gap of alt teens.
show us some love?
Our current worship leader? Well, seeing how he's a good friend of ours, I can totally trash him. :)
He's a total goober. Where's the quiz for that one?
You need to check out my blog today. Feel free to take the "We Miss You In Sunday School" postcard thing and run with it. I was thinking of you, as I stood over the old, metal Sunday School box, in rural Oklahoma, on a stormy Sunday morning.
Oooooohhhh ... Sunday School boxes ... and Sunday School record books! Door-knocker awards! Pack-a-pew nights at revivals! Heck, EVERY themed night at a revival!!!
Man, I'm exploding with ideas today. I expect residuals ... which, of course, I'll donate to an African mission.
I think after doing the addition, our leader is at about -12.
My church is all old school, so my worship leader scored a -15.
8 for me. No metro for me. I need the Hillbilly Rocker scale and then I would get a better score.
I scored a 24. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
I am a worship leader and am very proud to say that I only scored a 5 (I wear Vans shoes because they are comfortable though, not b/c I'm a skater or anything).
daaaaamn. I just got 26, and I don't even live in the USA which rules out several of the questions...
I'm sorry, but this makes me want to gag!
sorry, man, but goatees are so 1990s... unless you're a youth pastor, in which they never go out of style...
but for metro-sexual worship leaders? no way.
I just scored a 33, give or take a few. hmmm. I don't know if I should be distraught or go out and get a tatoo to pump my score up a bit
I'm one of two worship leaders at our church; my counter-part scored a 2. I'm a girl, though, so I'm waiting for that list. If I score way higher, can we take an average? Do I even want to?
Our worship leader has a score of -1.
A question about the French Press: are the points for the fact that he uses a french press period or that he makes it on stage?
My worship leader is female. If you could get the female version posted ASAP that would be super. It brings great sorrow to my heart to not know how my worship leader scores.
genius!
-shawn
My worship leader is african-american and rocks a straightened relaxed faux hawk that resembles a desert yucca plant so I give him bonus for that. Also, he occasionally sports a tie over a solid polo with the collar up, which gets the same points as for wearing one as a belt. His coolest though are his white leather shoes from some mysterious vintage source.
I agree that goatees are out unless it's long enough to have a ponytail holder on it like Charlie Hall.
I stopped counting. My worship leader is metro even though he doesn't have a lot of these things going on.
I used to be a metro worship leader, but I had to tone that down. It was giving gay guys the wrong idea.
our head worship leader got a -4. the other two got 6 and 20. waiting for the female version to score everyone!
Dude, my worship leader is like a 2, though he is bald and has a great worship leader face. Our youth pastor, who plays the guitar and sings with the worship team, is about a 16, but I think he should be higher. These criteria just didn't quite fit.
I scored a big old 0. Do I have to resign?
I'm not a WL but I am in a band. Imagine my disappointment when I only scored an 8.
And my soul patch gave me 3.
Jon-awesome. It's hilarious to me that I have never taken the time to notice, but it's pure truth.
I agree with the Chuck Taylor thing-at least +2 for those.
But the most important step here is recognition.
40. My worship leader scored 40. : ) I would recommend though you add this to your list to go along with #43. Made up his own nickname and made people call him it to try and be cool but the nickname he chose is beyond lame. -3
Collectively, my worship team scored 56. On question #7, anyway. I gave up on the total after we hit triple digits.
And I have to agree with jenny, the handlebar should be +3 when it is worn ironically. Suspenders too.
How many points for or against if your worship leader drives to church with a 4-door american pickup truck covered in mud with a 4-wheeler in the back also covered in mud?
Or that he has no hair? shaven: +2 bald: 0
our worship guys scored in the high 50's. He is tragically hip.
The fact that I sat down with pencil and paper to total his score......is just tragic.
I sent this to all our worship leaders and have only gotten 2 responses back. One scored a 6, the other a 20. Rock on.
I loved this post and this blog.
Happy week,
I'm offended by the "scripted" comment in reference to "The Hills"...we all know that there is nothing scripted about Lauren Conrad's life...and certainly not Heidi's or Spenc's (we're close like that!) ;)
Ok, but for real...Urban Outfitters is just as mainstream as the Gap. And Gap has the (Red) line now...so I think that should count for something! No?
I think E. Palmer at Reston Bible would win this award. I consider that a positive!
I am the worship leader at our church. I am a woman. Guess I can't play this time....it will buy me some time, though, to go purchase one of those coat dresses and dye my hair blond so I can score high when you get to the female worship leaders....
My husband is our worship leader and sadly only scored an 8. I try but, there's only so far I can take him. Does he get extra points for thinking that he's more metrosexual than he actually is?
I think my worship leader (who is also my fiance) scores like...5-10.
Haha. :)
This could either be a good thing, or a bad thing!
'wears wranglers' - hahahahaha!
We love your blog! Hilarious. (The perfect combination of serious and ROFL funny.) Thanks!
tara and troy
nice start! haha. maybe west coast is a tad more flamboyant. i think you need to add a couple more:
-you can see the remnants of saturday night eye-liner on sunday morning(a la glam rock/good charlotte influence) +3
-either a single fatty leather bracelet or multiple small ones +1
-any love for a bling-ear ring? +1
-wears 3 rings on one hand... not including a wedding ring +1
doesn't pluck his unibrow -5
Our church is pretty traditional, but the bass player (when we have one) definitely gets a decent score on this. I often wonder what worship would be like if he were leading.
As a worship leader, I scored a 4. I wear jeans on stage and cringe at the H word.
Maybe I need to find a new vocation.
ko,
I knew I liked you, you diva for Jesus! The correct term is "worship coat", and make sure you get some pointy, high heeled shoes to wear with your dark denim jeans. Also, french manicured nails are pretty much a "have to have". Blonde hair? Good move.
Haha. I've met a few worship leaders like that. Our current one is a woman though... Glad I ran across your blog today. Good stuff. Can't wait to read more. The laundry is calling my name, now, so I'll check your blog later.
there are too many of said worship leaders at my church to warrant counting... but as i read this, each of them popped into my head at different points in the diatribe...
i love this list. it is very helpful for when my kids arent' paying attention in church... they can play a little game of "score the church staff"... it'll be fun.
My husband is our worship leader - His SCL score would be a 2...only because our toddler dresses better.
Two is good. I'm glad he didn't land any negatives.
even my 10 yr old wanted in on scoring the checklist :)
but i'm too lazy to do the math; did you? because she asked what's the highest one can score?
My worship leader husband scored a whopping 27. H e would totally deny about 22 of those points, but I'm turning him in. Thanks for the list!
We'll be utuilizing this test in our upcoming worship team try-outs. Thanks
http://www.thevineband.com
What's a metrosexual?
How many points if he's pushing 70, has a (great) toupee, and is still refered to as a "Minister of Music"? -300?
Just about any of the negative point items can be amended to a positive point item by adding the phrase "unless done ironically."
okay I love the church I work at and its awesome but I would put our worship leader in a mortal combat scl type of test for whose leader is the most metro. I mean our guy would absolutely destroy anybody. I don't think the pastor would be too happy if I had my score card out during Break Free.
I'm an Irish Prebyterian. what's a worship leader?
Damn you. After scoring myself. I might not even be metrosexual anymore. I might be homosexual.
"Castro revolution looking hats"
aka - Commie hats
Our worship leader scores a tentative 23 (he actually got 21, but his wife is having a baby any day now, and based on their style, I can pretty much guarantee it will dress better than me).
John, are you on Twitter? You know, when it's working?
Mullet = -25
in relation to the "goatie" and "soul patch"
i am extremely offeneded that there wasn't a "full neckbeard" option or "jewbeard".
I would've had 5 more points for my worship leader.
and the urban outfitter's question,
what about "H&M"?
Oh my gosh! This is so funny! I work at a church with multiple locations and if you combine all our worship leaders I think they would average out around scoring in the 40's. I have to admit they're all pretty metro. Their favorite clothing item of choice (lately)seems to be those newsboy type hats or some version of them. But the bill of the hat has to be slightly turned to the side or is just isn't as hip :) But it seems to work for them so I say keep it up boys!
Ok... what I would like to see is a scale that tells us what the point values mean.
Maybe:
-10 to +10 Normal
+11 to +30 Borderline Metro
+31 to +50 Rip roarin Metro
+50 and up Gaydar alert
I don't know, just something for us to quantify the numbers we are scoring... ;-)
19. Owns a white belt = +2
I about fell out on this one...wow what a good list
i play in various worship bands in TN and GA, i definitely score a 36. pretty proud of myself.
I was happy to say you were going to do one for us ladies. I was a bit worried that you thought all worship leaders were guys! I will say that I am probably not terribly cool as I do not know any Norwegian punk bands at all. Is this important to the art of worship leading?
well now I'm worried because I don't own a worship coat and I am a brunette. And I don't have french tipped nails. Where do I buy a worship coat????? I must have one!
what if he drives a moped that has a dave ramsey sticker on his helmet?
i love mariah carey's "all i want for christmas is you" it is played constantly in stores during the christmas season and i love it! :) i also love that you referenced it in this blog...you seriously crack me up!
wow... not even one chi hair straightener comment! as a worship leader around the north point ministries, this is priceless, hilarious, and sooo true. as a chick, i can't wait to see what you come up with for us... there really is so much to say!
we don't have a guy worship leader --- but I already know she would score -500! yeah, really I'm not joking and I'm sad that I'm NOT joking!!!! :(
Thats funny, because I just got a pedicure and im about to teach barefoot on stage.
i just said the "hot mic" bit last week, so that brought me down to +15.
thanks for the quantifiable scale.
Uh, what does a 59 mean? Based on everyone else's score, I'm pretty flaming metro! Now, my wife watching the hills so that's my excutse. The other stuff is all me, especially the shoes, I have 7 pairs of pumas and 3 pairs of vans.
Funny post...but to be picky - if you are referring to the guitarist for U2 as "the edge"...you should know that he is known really just as "edge" - which disqualifies him for those metro-points.
What if he wears women's designer jeans. This should be like +10 for the metrosexual meter! :)
Phil
One of our worship leaders has a bald head with a tatoo of a cross on it how many points is that?
So I rated my worship leader...pretty sure he got like a 2. then again i don't know everything about him so it could be a little off
Great Post but I think you might have a misconception of what metrosexual is. Metrosexual is basically a staright guy that knows how to dress. I guess you could say it is a gay looking straight guy. Look it up on wikipedia if you don't believe me. My worship pastor has alot of those characteristics but in no way is the metrosexual type. He farts, belches and sweats after playing like the rest of us. I also looked at your friend Carlos' blog and it seemed the same. I think what you are describing is more of the rockstar look.
Roberto -
Thanks for the comment, but I have to disagree. You mentioned that Carlos is more rockstar than metro? Here is what Carlos said when he read this post:
"Damn you. After scoring myself. I might not even be metrosexual anymore. I might be homosexual."
So in his own words, he's beyond metro, not rockstar.
Jon
Awww...my poor dad scored a -4. But then again, he's the MINISTER OF MUSIC (re: Not Worship Leader) at a small country SBC church. I like my daddy just the way he is b/c he's cool like that!
Me as the lady worship leader though...whole different story! :)
I scored a 22 ... how's that?
23
Great stuff bro. I got a 15.
One of the members of my churches worship band got a 27.
Would have been higher if he probably lived in the states or money :lol:
as a worship leader, I really believe you should add
#56 - pronounces words differently while singing than when speaking them.
just a thought - this from a 9 pointer.
As a GenX lead pastor at a contemporary church, I can testify that all the worship leaders I meet at conferences range from 30-50pts each. If you're at a traditional church, you need to go to Catalyst or somewhere and you'll wonder what clothing store everyone just came from.
Has anyone noticed but me that alot of my lead pastor peers (ie lead pastors of contemporary churches 35 years or below) are also somewhat metro? I went to a conference recently and all of the speakers dressed the same way: subtle 'oriental' pattern button down long-sleeve white shirt, designer jeans, some kind of loafers and Rob Bell glasses. I thought to myself, 'you could be on that stage if you could just dress like them ..."
my former (sadley) youth pastor scores so high for this thing! His kid dresses cooler then me! Well, good thing he ever brought a coffeee press on stage. Does he gets bonus points for cooking on stage for us? Well.. he did put epicac in it.. good thing he didn't give it to us LOL! Don't you just love object lessons?!?!
As a Worship Pastor, I totally agree with the hair straighter comment: should be at least +2!
My score came out at 34- the crazy thing is a lot of my worship leader friends would come out with a much higher score!
I scored a 34.... should I be scared? Am I still going to heaven?
I am worship leader for a church in houston! I scored a 64! I am a little freaked out...
Ha! I've totally done #15!
Oh, and do you get any points for giving direction to the sound booth with a text message during a pastoral prayer?
I know this is worship leader...but I tallied it up for my husband who is a youth pastor. I like to jokingly tell him he's metrosexual and he growls at me. After doing this it is confirmed that he is borderline. He scored nearly 30.
Dang. My worship leader got a 3.
Aaron from Texas
Nice, I scored a 25, I don't feel too badly about myself. But I agree that you should get points for plucking your eyebrows, waxing in any way, shape, or form, and texts the sound booth from stage.
Marc - speaking as a sound guy, let me assure you - NO, this does NOT earn you points :>
24... agree with the chucks comments. i'd score higher with that... time for me to tone it down!!!
how about not only wears jeans on stage, designer jeans no less, but designer jeans that are so tight that you can see his p*#!$.
all these things sound more like my english teacher than my worship leader xD
I go to a conservative church and so my Worship Pastor (yes that's what we call him ... can you guess how low he scored?) scored a -1. He only qualified for #31.
Not gonna lie though I love it - even at the age of 24 I appreciate and love the full choir and orchestra and dare I say it Hymns my church plays :)
I am going down to LU for homecoming this wkend and I can promise I will have this list ready to judge:)
This made me laugh so much. I can totally relate those 2 people I know.
I found some of these on www.metrosexualman.co.uk.
On there it was more for regualr people.
just by your post I was able to call out which guy was the worship leader at a new church I attended this weekend. Thanks it was a pretty "handy guide".
61!! I'm From Regina Saskatchewan Canada,
My friends and I ranked my Young-Adults/"Worship Arts" Pastor (Worship Arts is the trendy way of explaining that he brought and officially leads paining, dance, and sculpting in the worship set.)
I am a worship leader in Nashville TN. I scored a 55
I scored 55....yea me
Im a worship leader in Houston and i scored 32
I only scored around 7-10... I'm actually disappointed. 5 years ago I would've scored closer to 30+. That's what getting married and having children will do to ya, I guess. I'm sorta disappointed. I think Metro is cool ;-)
Too funny! I only scored a "2" myself, but would probably score tripple digits on the "You might be a red-neck worship leader if...." test.
OH boo!
I scored a 28.
haha.
The Timbaland Remix of the Metro-guide is nice.
I'm a worship leader in Auburn Hills, MI... I got a 50 all by myself.. wow..
I thought I was going to be in the top but then I saw the 50 comment... he must play at the Catalyst Conference with that +10 score... I got a 35 and I am a worship leader... I would like to refute the tie comment b/c I wear a tie loosely with a vest and designer jeans (and I got a -1 on that) so anyway I think this is hilarious... I am not emergent/postmodern/emerging I am a Reformed Southern Baptist and I play at a small church that is reformed and we are NOT seeker sensitive... so I don't think the locale has anything to do with this... it is a PERFECT test (besides the tie question)
oh man oh man oh man... I know this is old... BUT i scored an 85...
i think it was all those pairs of vans/pumas/diesel shoes I own...
85!!!
I'm a worship leader - I scored a twelve and i'm nearly 49 years old, how cool is that (how sad is that I hear my 15 year old daughter saying)
Just visited a church this week where the highly metro worhip leader had an 18" tall, sequined cross on the back of his untucked, denim shirt (with the pink golf shirt collar underneath and the cuffs rolled up just that one time -- double collars are muey metro).
Sequins need to be on your list.
I think you add 1) if your worship leader drops his name to just his first initial, and 2) if he wears more chapstick/lip gloss than the women in the congregation.
hilarious.
you should add something in this list about graphic design and possibly TOMS shoes.
you are truly, culturally, out of touch....unless you consider mall culture valid.....your trying to relate and compare christians to "hipster" culture, when you have n't the slightest about it, is almost as bad as a youth pastor saying the words "awesome" and "dude" in the same sentence....
Wow...I got a 4. I have got to get some Rob Bell glasses.
Funny stuff... I'm a worship leader and scored a 15, but have definatly known some guys who would score ALOT higher.
Post a Comment