It is a poorly kept secret that the day before a big holiday, whether you live in Cleveland or Croatia, your church is going to do things a little differently than on most Sundays. That is, with a large portion of the congregation out on vacation, they're going to mix it up a little.
For instance, at a lot of churches, the younger ministers are always asked to preach the day before Memorial Day. Senior pastors know that it's a lot safer to have some rough around the edges minister saying something crazy to 400 people than 800 people. Same goes with music. Go tomorrow (in the United States) and you're bound to see some guy that's always been in the background step forward for a totally unexpected guitar solo. Or a woman that's always wanted to lead worship will suddenly be behind the mic for the first time.
I call it "Day Before Vacation Syndrome" or DBVS.
And because I am a huge dork and it's roughly 800 degrees right now in Alpharetta, Georgia, I thought I would offer a few suggestions for ways you can avoid DBVS:
1. Snakes
Ever thought about incorporating some pit vipers into your service? Why not on the Sunday when everyone is out of town? I don't know where you can buy a "bag o' rattlers" but surely someone near you sells poisonous snakes. By the way, I don't mean to be selfish, but it would really help me out if someone could invite me to a church service where they handled snakes. I'm dying to write about that but won't unless I've actually gone to a service.
2. Skittles
Why not throw skittles out during the service? Instead of saying, "watch this" or "listen to this" or another phrase that is designed to get people's attention, why not throw handfuls of skittles at them? Wouldn't you love to be hit in the side of the head with a bunch of fruit candy delightfulness? I would.
3. Weird instruments
Ever wondered what an accordion and triangle version of the song, "I can only imagine" would sound like? Got a kid in youth group that is really good at beat box? Do you need more cowbell but are afraid most people would hate it? Well they're all on vacation. Get the accordion out, it's go time.
4. Haikus
Do the entire sermon in haiku. It's not as hard as you think. Here's an example:
Jesus was so cool (5 syllables)
He gave His life for our sins (7 syllables)
Let's be close to him (5 syllables)
5. Have a "SCL Sunday"
Why not throw a "Stuff Christians Like" service? We'll play Sandi Patty and Carman songs. We'll take a love offering and interlink our fingers when we hold hands. We'll get a puppet group, named "Strings of Mercy," to come do the Noah's Ark story and then I'll speak. It will be fantastic.
I would do some pop and lock breakdancing tomorrow in the hallway if North Point did any one of these ideas. If they don't I'm going to do that mime move where you pretend to be stuck in an invisible box. Mime is the opposite of breakdancing.
p.s. There are two things that go without saying: 1. I can't promise that your church will use any of these tips. 2. I can promise that the church I start, GracePointeLifeTruthHouseNorthRiverElevate, will use all of them.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)

62 comments:
I was chuckling from the beginning, but "Mime is the opposite of breakdancing" did me in.
Or, all the senior pastors are off someplace at a secret senior pastors' golf open or ssp bass tournament.
We travel a lot and live in fear of accidentally attending a worship service where they do handle snakes. There will be a new me-sized exit in the nearest wall when they bring them out.
My church which is unaffiliated, though not charismatic has an accordion in the service. I think it may have been a compromise though, because it's not miked up.
SO TRUE!!!
except I've never been to a church that has 800 people... or 400 people... or 150 people... but when our church goes from 60 to 25, we usually break out the "untraditionalism"
so that's why they asked me to preach tomorrow!
time to go buy some skittles...
actually, now that i think about it more, maybe i will go buy some skittles and throw them at the congregation. i'm preaching about the parable of the sower and i can do a visual illustration of a farmer sowing seeds, but instead it'll be skittles! hmmm...
Chris -
I don't know if you are serious, but let me be the first to say, "yes, yes you should do that." That would be awesome. Seriously.
Jon
Chris - And let me be the second.
Would the congregation in that instance represent the birds? Or the thorns?
Actually, "I could only imagine" would sound pretty decent on the accordion: kind of a French Cafe style. Of course the fact that there are only four notes in the melody would keep it from sounding too good...
I'm all for the skittles and weird instruments.
This is hilarious. My pastor is on a sabbatical.
They actually gave out skittles at my church once as part of some illustration, granted they weren't hurled from the pulpit, but still...there were skittles as far as the eye could see.
I LOL'd. Repeatedly.
And, I'm officially considering the Haiku idea a shout-out to me!
:)
http://www.12stepscloser.com/?page_id=78
I can't wait for church tomorrow!
Chris -
Please, for the love of everything, please throw Skittles at the congreagation tomorrow and then report back here on Monday that you did. I am begging you. Give a stroke of confidence to all church speakers everywhere. Please, please, do it.
Stellar post. No matter what your church is like, this one's ringing true...
We're whipping out our 6th string drummer tomorrow :)
I do welcome and announcements at our church that meets at an elementary school. I tell people "If you're new we are not one of those crazy churches that does snake handeling during the service......We asked and the school district doesn't allow it."
Chris-
Where do you go to church? I have a hankerin' for skittles. Also, do you kick people in the face during the service? I've got a krick in my back that needs some Holy Spirit smack down.
I might also go forward just so people think the sermon was extra super fab-u-lo-so. Who knows, you might get a raise.
Hey Jon,
There are snake handler churches here in Virginia. Really.
But, then again maybe they'll only be using frogs this Sunday.
i can't WAIT to go to church tomorrow!!
skittles, accordians, and snakes...oh MY!
Only if the Skittles are "fruit of the Spirit" flavored. Like the fruity version of Testamints.
chrisdliu -
pls yes...i'll send you $$ for the skittles if you take photos!
and jon, growing up in tennessee i went w/ a guy to a snake-handling church once. definitely adrenaline inducing. i'll see if i can find the little curve in the road town and get you directions for your upcoming road trip.
one of those "50 things to do before..." adventures you need to seek out and then write about.
Wow, you're making me get all excited about what will happen in church tomorrow!
Dorothy -
wow, frogs instead of snakes killed me. well done. well done indeed. that was awesome
Jon
Stacy -
I will never, please hear me, never grow tired of your ability to creatively work in the "kick in the face" idea. That cracks me up every time. Honestly, all sarcasm aside, I thought your comment was really funny
Jon
I'm a kids' minister so I've done the skittles trick before during a message about the sower, but it was just to our kids program. Went down a treat though.
All too true. I'm the High School Pastor at our church and every Memorial Day weekend I am up to do the message. It's the same weekend we honor the graduates.
Not using snakes, but I've got a hair dryer, a classic Chicago love song, and legos. To top it off, we are closing with a drama. Some may call the drama a mime. All ingredients we would tend not to use on a Sunday morning.
okay so you are hilarious! i had a friend introduce me to this page and i havent stopped laughing since!
Jon-
My spritual gift is sarcasm. I minister as I see fit. Also, beating a dead horse is high up on my list, right up there with whishing I were Elaine Bennis. Just keepin' it real, home slice.
Stacy
That's great! Hee hee hee.
*I* need more cowbell! Maybe we'll have a guest worship-leader tomorrow. I can always hope. At the very least, maybe he'll pull out more than one Unicorn Song.
This is hilarious. I think chrisdliu, who commented on throwing the skittles, should totally do it! He'd pull everyone's minds out of the bbq their planning and back into the service in a heartbeat. lol!
Wow! I'm so glad I checked the SCL comments section before leaving for church this morning. Now I'm sure to be completely focused on the snakes, er, skittles, er, mime, er, accordian, er, holy spirit smack down, er um, MESSAGE! Yeah! I'll be completely focused on the message! But I'm totally gonna wear my "I heart unicorns" t-shirt.
When we were brain storming ways to get everybody to enter the sanctuary on time (many hang out chatting while the first songs starts) I'd suggested dressing somebody up in a gorilla cosume to body slam everybody inside, and having the worship leader throw candy to the worshippers who are where they are supposed to be. Strangely, nobody seemed to think this was a good idea.
I'm not sure that break dancing is exactly the opposite of mime. It's more like the alternate reality version... If mime was the hero of a cheesy sci fi series, then break dancing would be the anti-mime that wears an eye patch and has a gautee but is otherwise identifal to mime: in some ways exactly the same but in other ways the opposite.
Stacy - "Holy Spirit smack down" love it!
Ha! I don't need a SBVS to hear accordion in my church!
Elevate. Nice.
i can hardly wait for church today!
p.s. i have already heard rumor of the accordion. seriously.
Today our church had a mandolin while playing the contemporary version of Blessed Be The Name. Yikes.
We were missing our bass player, our drummer and were on the second string piano player, it was a unicorn day!
If Prodigal Jon wants more cowbell, then I say we give him MORE COWBELL!!
Psst - Taste the rainbow!
Some of these go for 6th grade SS class too!
So...... I am the new young pastor at our church. And guess who was asked to preach for the first time since I've been here? Me, new guy they had no idea who he would offend.
You hit the nail on the head.
There's a documentary called (I think) "The Jolo Snake Handlers," and it's kind of like going to a snake-handling service. Or, you could just drive over to Jolo, West Virginia, and see for yourself.
ok chris-- didya do the skittles?
Inquiring minds want to know.......
Just a thought - if poisonous snake handling is on your list of "50 things to do before you die", I'd suggest you make sure you get the other 49 things done first, just in case.
Who knows? Maybe poisonous snakes like skittles, or at least accordion music. Also, I saw a frog today at church. It was outside, but still funny.
so, i'm posting from the other side of the 'anything goes service'. it was amazing.
to start off, our video guy sang a 'when johnny comes marching home' while playing drums with orange, mysterious lighting which was followed by a video.
after this our worship pastor, as the music was starting for the next song, emerged from the wings chanting 'yea, yea, yea! get'em up! get'em up' like a rapper. however, he diffused the situation by saying 'i always wanted to do that' and everyone laughed, letting him know that there wouldn't be a mountain of hate letters tomorrow.
anyway, i nearly died when all of this went down because i was totally like scl called it.
hi jon (and friends :D),
oh yea! i did throw skittles at the congregation AND the response was fairly positive which was cool because our church is fairly conservative (that means no kicking old grandmas in the face and no leg-drops for the Lord).
when i started pouring the skittles in my hand and explaining that i was the farmer and the skittles represented God's Word, people gave me the "oh no you wouldn't" look. it was great. i tried to throw the skittles especially at those people. haha
anyway thanks for the idea and encouragement and above all, praise God for using something a silly as skittles to make an impression about the importance of responding to God's Word :D
as i sat waiting for the service to begin this morning, a friend walked over and said, "things are going to be a little different here today." i said, "yeah, i knew they would. this blog i read told me this would happen."
thanks for the heads-up!
chrisdliu!!!
name your charity, and i'll send $$ in the name of skittles. but i still want a photo :)
proud of you; way to man up
I live on the West Coast and stumbled upon your blog through a friend some time ago- nice work, my husband and I laugh daily. I felt it important to note that at our Saturday night service there was a trifecta: our Memorial Weekend guest speaker dropped "boxen" in his message and all this was preceded by 5+ min of announcements from the "worship packet", also commonly known as the "bulletin". I was speechless.
Church was different - lots of absent people - but GREAT yesterday! The Youth Pastor preached and incorporated the phrase "I used to be a playa back in the day" into his message. I'm assuming it went over most people's heads but everyone under 30 was cracking up. This is the same guy who is married to the senior pastor's daughter!!! We had free hot dogs and smoothies made from Hawaiian Punch.
FYI - Orange Hawaiian Punch leaves an aftertaste.
Chris, you are awesome. Thanks for not letting us down. :)
My brother is a pastor (probably not the best one) and we play a fun little game. I call him on Saturday and give him a random word or phrase that he has to fit in his sermon. Buns of steel was the best to hear by far!
Chris, you ROCK!
I'm sure every kid will talk about this for weeks!!
"Hey, man -- you gotta come w/ me to church sunday -- he threw SKITTLES out.....let's sit at the front and see what he throws this week!"
So, I read this after the fact, but I think that may have made it more hilarious. Our church busted out not one, but two unicorn songs (one in mornnig service, one in evening service), AND chose to mix up the seating arrangements! Our regular pastor still spoke, but his sermon was actually kind of poorly put-together. Conveniently, the title was "Puzzled," which is what my husband and I were as we tried to figure out what Isaiah 49:2 (the verse written at the top of thesermon notes) had to do with being confused and why Pastor had us stand up to read the verse in Isaiah but preached on Romans 8:28-29 instead...
Chrisdliu is my new hero! I totally would have loved to have seen the looks on those people's faces.
Another of my new heroes is TeamStrand's brother. I cannot imagine working Buns of Steel into a sermon. I wonder if that would work for teaching as well... I need to get back into teaching and have my sisters give me words to work into the lessons.
I got a fever and the only prescription is more SCL! (I don't think more cowbell would hurt, either.)
Being the older - and funnier - brother of teamstrand, it is really funny to try to work words like "buns of steel" into the sermon! People who are "in the know" at our church try to figure out what the "word of the week" is...and its even funnier when they guess phrases when there was none! Maybe my preaching is weird without my sister's help!
PS...Chris Rich: I think you're funny, no matter what your wife says!
Wow, Chris, you just one-upped God!
I'm sure manna from heaven was great, but I'd love to listen to a pastor who can make it rain skittles!
Yeah, I'm in this business of blessing.
Got a handful of Skittles 'bout to teach you a lesson.
I make it rain (I make it rain)
Yeah, I'm in this business of blessing.
Got a handful of Skittles 'bout to teach you a lesson.
I make it rain (I make it rain)
I make it rain in this church I make it rain (I make It rain)
I make it rain in this church I make it rain (I make it rain)
I make it rain in this church I make it rain (I make it rain)
I make it rain in this church
what...my brother on here now...you just might get to see a cyber smack down!
O.k. here is a challenge. How many people can work the word Skittles into their blogs or sermons this week?
Here's mine: 'Amish and Skittles'
http://crux-theheartofthematter.blogspot.com/2008/05/amish-and-skittles.html
We had a guest speaker at my church a couple of weeks ago and he threw peanuts at everyone.
peanuts huh? let's hope nobody was deathly alergic. How about a snake alternative peanut-handling church?
Post a Comment