Want to get a shout out in the Stuff Christians Like book? It's easy. Write a word definition for the definitive online Stuff Christians Like Dictionary.
The person that writes the most definitions and the person that writes the best definition as decided by readers will get mentioned in the acknowledgements or "ac-awesomements" section of the book.
Here are a few other reasons why I think we should write this dictionary:
1. New readers email me and ask "what is a leg drop" or "what's the deal with Razzle Dazzle?" I think a dictionary would be a kind thing for us to create.
2. You already write really funny definitions of the words blogger.com makes you put in for the comments verification.
3. A link to your blog will be posted with the definitions you write so it's a great way to introduce people to your own site and writing style.
4. I think it would be funny.
Does that sound cool to you?
If it does, then pick a phrase from this site and write a definition. Or share a phrase you came up with after reading a post. Often, the ideas you guys have are funnier than the original post and not everyone gets to see them because folks might not read the comments. It doesn’t have to be hilarious or serious or hilserious, just write it how you want to write it. Add your definitions via comments in this post.
Each one should have three parts: The definition, the post it came from and a use in a sentence. And don’t worry if someone already covered the word you wanted to cover. I think duplicate definitions are fine.
Here is an example of one I did:
Middle finger of grammar
Origin:
From the post, "Being afraid to use our gifts."
Definition:
When you're tired of putting satan "on notice" and you really want to make him mad, it's best to lowercase his name which, in some circles, is known as the middle finger of grammar. OK, it's only known in the SCL circle, but ours is a perfectly fine circle indeed.
Example: "Yeah, I know satan should be capitalized, but what can I say, I'm a big fan of the middle finger of grammar."
Here are a few phrases to help get you started:
Dumb Thumbs
WOTAM
Sin Synonyms
Facebook friend suggesting Jesus
TOC Shofar Horn
Mangkade
SAKV – Swiss Army Knife Volunteer
Mid Bible Study Interruption
Worship Leader Mini Sermon
Sympathy Scoop
Let’s sumbit comment definitions on this post until June 22nd and then I’ll pull the 10 best definitions together and have everyone vote on which one is the most wicked awesome. Then I will put them all together in one massively awesome dictionary post on this site that gives the credit where the credit is due–you. (Which will happen because people will probably say your definitions are so so def. Get it? "Def" as in definition? See that’s not funny. Now all you have to do if you get writer’s block about trying to be funny with your definition is remember I wrote that.)
So what do you think?
Want a chance to get your name on a bookshelf forever?
Want to get your blog some love on Stuff Christians Like?
Want to be so, so def?
Worship Leader Mini Sermon (WLMS)
ReplyDeleteOrigin: Worship Leader Mini Sermon
The period of time when the person who is supposed to be singing, isn't. Probably because they can't remember the words OR because they were turned down for the promotion to El Jeffe (Senior Pastor) and they're just on this side of bitter. The length and content are in direct proportion to the number of words forgotten or the bitterness.
Example: "I had no idea 'How Great Thou Art' had 9 verses - but wasn't the WLMS EXCELLENT in the middle of the 7th verse?"
Aw, Jon! Can't you just put me in the book, PLEASE?
ReplyDeleteI don't need this kind of pressure! Besides, you know I don't like to call attention to myself.
Denial
ReplyDeleteOrigin: I guess a spin off from "Understanding How Metrosexual Your Worship Leader Is"
Commonly though of as a person's antipathy towards God, Denial is actually a state of mind most often held by Worship Leaders as they read the list and realise just how far they've fallen
Example: "Pete isn't leading today, he's too badly in denial over #24. Also #27 & #34. And #35. Lets pray for him now"
Also see "Envy" The Worship Leader equivalent of brotherly love when all the points are totted up and scores are announced.
Worship Leader Mini Sermon (Wer-ship-leed-er-min-ee-ser-mun) noun/noun/adjective/noun:
ReplyDeletethe point of a service at which a worship leader attempts to show off his own theological views and understanding between slow-tempo songs. These mini-sermons often include spiritual comparisons to TV shows, poorly translated Hebrew or Greek catch-words, or obscure Bible stories unrelated to the music.
If the Worship Leader cannot play guitar and give the mini sermon at the same time, the keyboard player plays an angelic ethereal pad in the background while the leader fumbles through his mini-sermon; this angelic keyboard sound usually activates the Holy Spirit.
I s'pose I didn't post my definition correctly:
ReplyDeleteWorship Leader Mini-SermonOrigin:From post #520, "The Worship Leader Mini Sermon"
Definition:the point of a service at which a worship leader attempts to show off his own theological views and understanding between slow-tempo songs. These mini-sermons often include spiritual comparisons to TV shows, poorly translated Hebrew or Greek catch-words, or obscure Bible stories unrelated to the music.
If the Worship Leader cannot play guitar and give the mini sermon at the same time, the keyboard player plays an angelic ethereal pad in the background while the leader fumbles through his mini-sermon; this angelic keyboard sound usually activates the Holy Spirit.
Example:
"If your head isn't into what you're singing, then you're like a victim of Sylar from Heroes; he's just gonna cut your head off. I think there's even a bible verse that talks about cutting off heads or branches or something... "
Choir Side Step
ReplyDeleteOrigin: #139 The "Choir Side Step Dance"
This is the thing choirs do when they shift from one foot to the other and kind of angle their shoulders. Back and forth. Back and forth. Work it out.
Example: I know dancing is sinful, but if you move you're feet slowly back and forth God is OK with the choir side step.
Sloppy Agape
ReplyDeleteOrgin: Remix #154 Breaking up after a retreat
What usually happens on the Saturday night of a weekend retreat, which is the cryfest night, where the minister really amps up the emotion.
Example: I felt God calling me to lay something down during the Sloppy Agape at the women's retreat, that something is you.
Bless her heart syndrome (BHHS)
Orgin: Remix #2 Saying "bless her heart"
When you verbally slam, gossip or attack someone else and then try to save face by throwing in a comment like “bless her heart.”
Other variations:
- I don't mean to be ugly
- In Christian love
- God laid this on my heart
- I'm just concerned
Example: Jim, I want to tell you something in Christian love; giving your wife a back rub during the service is both distracting and gross.
Worship Leader Mini Sermon (WLMS):
ReplyDeleteA. Origin-post #520, “The Worship Leader Mini Sermon”
B. Definition-takes place when worship leaders feel compelled, for whatever reason (see below), to interject devotional monologue—be it helpful, hurtful, inviting, repetitive, boring, funny, serious, loud, quiet, relevant, irrelevant, etc.—either in between or in the middle of songs during the corporate singing part of a worship service. It's a very common approach contemporary worship leaders take in attempting to stir the spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and sometimes musical affections of parishioners during a service. It usually involves the quotation of Scripture, the quotation of Chris Tomlin lyrics (which were just repeated ten times in a chorus and which are about to be repeated ten more times in either the same or another chorus), the worship leader starting off slowly and softly, then making a great crescendo, both louder and faster, until he reaches the WLMS climax, then returns again to the slow, quiet monolgue. It must---absolutely must---end with a prayer that includes a citation from the current or next song in the set and a whispered, “Amen…” From there, the WLMS usually invokes some sort of call to action, be it, “Now lift your voices and sing,” “Now put those hands together,” or the all too familiar, “Now let’s get ready for the sermon…” The WLMS is often motivated by the worship pastor’s longing for acceptance within the greater pastoral community at large/the Worship pastor’s seeking to legitimize the “pastor” part of his or her title, the general, and often underestimated temptation, to say something---anything---when there’s a microphone in front of you and you’re standing in front of a group of people, and the unspoken expectation that the worship leader is supposed to have something devotional to say about a worship song and/or set.
C. Example-(Said by the Senior Pastor as he opens his Bible to begin his sermon) “You know, we did not get together and discuss this beforehand, but what (insert worship leader’s title and name) said during his WLMS leads perfectly into what I’ve prepared all week to share with you this morning. Isn’t God good? He knew it all along…”
Booty-God-BootyOrigin: Post 113 Booty God BootyComprised of the word God sandwiched between booty. Booty being form the Latin bootilicious mean that which is worldy in hottness as first described by the Emperor's scribe Sirus Mixa lotus.
ReplyDeleteThis is a description of introducing God in between highly secular topics.
Usage: "So right in the middle of telling us about the crazy party he was at last weekend Ricky says, 'Oh that reminds me about Youth group. You guys should really come,' talk about booty God booty.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOne of my all-time favourite phrases from this blog is "making purple".
ReplyDelete"Making Purple": (mey-king pur-puhl)
Origin: Post #320
Definition: Seperating boys (blue) and girls (red) from making out/ macking on/ getting jiggy wit' it/ hooking up with each other. Most often found merging at camps, outdoor missions, campfires and winter retreats.
Example: "In the great colour palette that is the world, one rule is to be observed- stop the kids from making purple."
OR"YOU TWO!! YES, YOU TWO UNDER THAT TREE! STOP MAKING PURPLE OR ELSE I AM COMING OVER THERE, DO-YOU-WANT-ME-TO-COME-OVER-THERE??"
Yolk on
ReplyDeletesource: post 145 weird christian dating sites
Not to be confused with the cooking procedure of adding egg yoke to a recipe, yoking on is a vital part of the courtship ritual of the fascinating subspecies Homo-sapien christianus. Getting ones yolk on is the culmination of a long process of wooing and negotiation for these creatures. It is a process fought with danger.
Example: that woman is acting as though she is desperate to get her yoke on.
Ministry RateFrom the post, "Paying people the ministry rate."The ministry rate is minimum wage's holy cousin. It can be found lurking in ministries of all shapes and sizes. Ministry rates likes include musicians and graphic designers. Its dislikes include feeding children and paying off mortgages.
ReplyDeleteExample: I'd like to graduate from ministry rate to poor one day but i'll need a raise for that to happen.
Secret Bathroom
ReplyDeleteOrigin:
From the post, “The Secret Bathroom”
Definition:
The bathroom that every church has, but no one talks about. It’s clean, quiet, and most importantly no one knows that it exists except for the church staff and a few select praise team members. Usually located in an obscure part of the church that is rarely visited by adults. (check the unmarked doors in the children’s area) If you happen to stumble upon this throne room of secrecy the most important thing to remember is not to tell your friends. If you do, everyone will start going there, and the pastor will have another secret bathroom built that you won’t know about since you ruined the first one.
Mission Trip Love
ReplyDelete(from the post "Falling In Love On A Mission Trip")
Definition: Two people who form a special bond while traveling, serving, and sweating together as part of a mission trip team, particularly a mission trip that takes place in another continent. The couple may or may not be in a relationship back home; either way, they discover a sudden attraction for each other due to selflessly working together for God in a place far from home, and decide that they really know and love each other. The relationship may not last the whole trip home, but for the time being it is true mission trip love.
Example: Jenny and Jon found that while feeding orphans in Africa and gazing at the splendid sunset together, they fell in mission trip love for each other.
The Sound Guy Neck Crane
ReplyDeleteOrigin: http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/03/507-sound-guy-neck-crane.html
You're sitting in church listening to the best soprano in the choir belt out a Sandi Patty ballad of awesomeness and all of a sudden you get the dreaded feedback from the microphone. Your first reaction? To move your neck until you've locked onto the sound guy and glare at him until the problem is fixed.
Example: "When that loud screech came over the microphone during the Sandi Patty power ballad this morning, did you see how many people did the sound guy neck crane?!"
LOL - I absolutely love the middle finger of grammar idea. And I'll ponder on that definition thing. :)
ReplyDeleteSwiss Army Knives. Many a Boy Scout has prized this shiny red piece of equipment becauase it helps fulfill the scouting mantra "Be Prepared." The bigger/thicker the knife the more prestigious. The tool possess the availability and capacity to do a marginal job on a multitude of small, insignificant tasks. Though, when it comes down to it, there are few functions at which it performs with excellence. (It's probably remarkable that the Swiss Army has not been in any serious battles in recent history.)
ReplyDeleteThe SAKV – Swiss Army Knife Volunteer - is similarly equipped and available for similarly insignificant function.
This is the church member who is not the special-music-soloist, a reformed-rock-star-guitarist, or a CPA-with-time-to-spare willing to help organize church finances. This guy wouldn't survive in kids' church; probably end up twisting ears for discipline. And shouldn't drive the joy bus following that whole road-rage-while-exiting-the-church-parking-lot incident. So he's not going to be a "ministry specialist."
But there is still A LOT of ministry this guy can contribute. Things that perhaps few others are willing to do. Set up / put away chairs. Break communion Matsa. Serve (not cook) pancakes at the Men's Breakfast. And he will usually do it all with a smile. As you might imagine, this guy has MVP status among church planters-without-support-staff.
It is important to note that the fully equipped Swiss Army Knife may not actually be the proper metaphore for much of American Christendom. As a young Boy Scout, I remember being nervous that my Christian friends would secretly judge me for owning a cork screw and bottle openner; which obviously imply rampant alchoholism. For this reason, many across the Bible Belt and in the Mountain States prefer the use of the Leatherman(R) Multi Tool. While in the trade-off you spend a little more, and loose some important capacity like the plastic toothpick for instance, you gain pliers; with which I suppose you could just remove the troublesome teeth. I will leave it up to the reader to draw meaningful parallels between this functional trade-off and church-life.
In a sentence:
"The guy couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, and he's got a temper like a cornered rattle snake, but he's a regular Swiss Army Knife Volunteer when it comes to getting stuff done 'behind the scenes' (where a screw-up won't embarass any of the church leadership.)"
Casserole of Hope
ReplyDeleteOrigin: Remix #245
Definition: The virtual pot of gold at the end of the crisis rainbow. Contains one meat of your choice, one green vegetable, one cream of whatever soup, and cheese. Optional crushed crackers, cornflakes or breadcrumbs. Must be freezer friendly and easily heated at 350 degrees for 30 to 45 minutes.
Example: The day after I broke my pinkie toe, the ladies from our home group brought over 27 casseroles of hope for the family. I think we’ll make it until the end of the week now.
I think this is an excellent example of crowdsourcing, and a terrific way to bring the community into the book.
ReplyDeletepeace|dewde
"God Card"
ReplyDeleteOrigin:
From Post #536. Having a very specific idea of what certain people from the Bible looked like.
Definition:
This discussion ender and definitive "game over" token can be used in any conversation at anytime ensuring a winning argument regardless of whether God relates to the conversation or not. Think Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh, it would be like having the force 7 dragonspellA-bomb card. Or like a bunch of South American kids showing off their GBA (Guatemalan Basketball Association) players cards and someone dropping a Michael Jordan Rookie card and yelling BOOYAH SUCKERS! Or like playing POG with a sledgehammer. Hey remember POG! POG was awesome until you realized the whole point was to throw plastic discs at the ground and that you had just spent $300 on 12 Slammers. HA HA, Man kids are bad with money...
Example:
The God card is most commonly used by North Face/Banana Republic wearing Samford undergrads (you know its true), in situations such as...
"So I was at Macaroni Grill the other night with Cindy,"
"Bro you should have gone to Olive Garden bro."
"No we like Macaroni Grill,"
"Bro Olive Garden is better,"
"No we really like.."
"GOD likes Olive Garden it's biblical. Helloooooo OLIIIIVVE garden! Sorry bro I had to throw the God card."
At first, I thought this was going to be like a Christian version of Sniglets (if anyone remembers those). Actually, I think this will work even better, though.
ReplyDeleteAnd oddly enough, the Word Verification word I have for this comment is "prophyt." I'm sorry. I just can't. That's practically a gimme.
Unspoken Prayer Request
ReplyDeleteOrigin:
From Post #17: Unspoken Prayer RequestsDefinition:
Confessing a sin, problem, obstacle, challenge, struggle, etc. without naming it. CAUTION: use at your own risk, as people may assume the following: "that dude is having an affair, he laundered money, he is making meth in his basement or he is doing all of the above."
Example: "Thank you for confessing that you aren't reading your Bible enough. As for me, I have an unspoken prayer request."
Synonyms: unspoken "As for me, I have an unspoken."
wv: chrona
I was trying to do The Garage Poke to see if you had any chrona around. Do you drink, too?
Should have added to my post above:
ReplyDeleteCommon mistakes made by Unspoken Prayer Request Rookies and how to solve them.
1. Saying you have an unspoken right after a big confession by someone else, thus linking you to their request.
Example:
Friend 1: I have a prayer request. My friend Jane is struggling in her marriage. Bless her heart.You: Oh yeah, that reminds me, I have an unspoken prayer request.
Result:
Everyone will think that you are having problems in your marriage because you linked yourself to the request right before.
Solution:
Call out your unspoken first, before anyone else can mention a prayer request OR call it out after a long pause between requests.
2. Rarely saying you have an unspoken prayer request.
Example:
Friend 1: Anyone have any prayer requests?
You: I have an unspoken.
Friend 2: Wow, you've never said that before.
Result:
People will assume your problem is really bad.
Solution:
Say you have an unspoken prayer request at every possible opportunity. People start tuning you out when you say "unspoken" because you have overused the phrase. Congratulations, no one will judge you because they forgot your unspoken request two seconds after you said it.
Downside:
No one will pray for you because they forgot your unspoken request two seconds after you said it.
3. Calling out an unspoken on behalf of someone else.
Example:
You: I have an unspoken request for my friend Tom.
Result: Disappointment all around. Your friends would rather you just disguise gossip as prayer so they can more effectively pray for Tom.
Solution:
Decide what is more important: your friendship with Tom or popularity among your prayer buddies. I'm sorry, there's no win-win-win here.
"Unibrowed,"
ReplyDeleteOriginating Post:
Want to be in the stuff christians like book?
Definition:
One eyebrow, two eyes. I know you may think a cyclops should qualify as being unibrowed but this would be incorrect. You MUST have two eyes in order to be unibrowed. Pirates with eye patches sorry you're out as well.
Example:
#1. "Hello sir may I help you?"
"No I'm just browsing,"
#2. "Yes there is a dress code as this is a very high brow event."
#3. "Hit the back button on your browser."
#4. "My man, much like Ghengis Kahn your one eyebrow is slowly conquering your forehead and has its sights on Greater Mongolia."
Haha... was going to post something else, but my word verification is enough...
ReplyDeletebigheri: The biggest symptom of being a gal in the late 80's- early 90's
+1 for "Making Purple"
ReplyDeletelexical adjustmentorigin: a spin-off of #346, "worship leaders that add the word 'and' to songs"
ReplyDeletedefinition: the phenomenon in which the worship leader will add and/or substitute words in a song. typically, the words that are added are conjunctions, e.g., "and"; or affirmations, namely, "yes" (e.g.: "yes, this is the one we have waited for" ["this is our God" by chris tomlin]); or simple monosyllabic exclamations, like, "oh". the most common type of substitutionary lexical adjustment that is made in any given praise song is the pluralization of a pronoun. especially in any corporate setting, all the first person singular pronouns - "i" - will become, "we" (e.g.: "i want to you know you" becomes "we want to know you" [from "in the secret" by vineyard]. the verb following the pronoun will be conjugated accordingly.
lexical adjustments can occur simultaneously.
example: "wow, that was such a powerful time of worship. i felt like it all flowed really well and we were all united. why is that?" "well, [worship leader's name] has such a way with words; i think (s)he made some really good lexical adjustments as the Spirit led."
prodigal phaseorigin: inspired by #544, "taking the college years off"
ReplyDeletedefinition:
a duration of time and/or season of life in which a Christian satisfies spiritual wanderlust by rebelling and/or disregarding long-held convictions, beliefs, and/or norms. the prodigal phase originates from (an unholy) discontent; apathy towards God; a perspective of God that regards Him as a means to an end and the resulting impatience because the means seem to take too long to reach the end; and/or lack of trust in the goodness of God Himself, resulting in the desire to see what's out there because God doesn't seem good enough.
examples: "sara's summer abroad, while an enjoyable and educational experience, was the beginning of a somewhat prodigal phase; her participation in youth group grew lax, despite holding a leadership role." "hopeless after having waited a long time to meet a man to sweep her off her feet and marry her and seeing no one coming, mary went into a prodigal phase, chasing men down and throwing them her heart.
sin synonymsorigin: #494, "sin synonyms - pretty ways to say an ugly word"
ReplyDeletedefinition:
words used to hide the white elephant, to call a spade something other than a spade, to shade the truth or avoid exposing sin for what it is in an attempt to mitigate guilt and/or shame. sin synonyms can either exaggerate or downplay its character.
additional examples of sin synonyms: obstacles, stuff, weaknesses, crap, shortcomings.
do you get points for USING the new terms in casual conversation?
ReplyDeleteI'm in charge of a 9th grade trip to Six Flags and in my before-we-leave "talk", I will discourage "making purple" by using the term and its definition......
thus making sure purple will be thought of all day long by 14/15 year olds....
Just
ReplyDeleteA.K.A. God's Favorite Word
Origin: God's favorite word
Definition
A word so powerful that God will hear your prayer and respond with the desires of your heart. This word may no be said too many times in a prayer, for each time multiplies your seriousness and devotion to the Heavenly Father.
Example: Lord we JUST lift your name up. We JUST offer ourself to you and JUST give you praise.
The Letter "E"
ReplyDeleteOrigin:#163. The mysterious arrival of the letter "e."
Definition
1)The fifth letter and second vowel in the English Alphabet.
2) The silent and sometimes invisible last letter in the word point(e).
See: Truthpointe, Crosspointe
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe Double Sermon
ReplyDeleteA.K.A. The sermon leading up to the sermon
A.K.A. The sermon after the sermon
A.K.A. Is he still talking, should I be taking notes...we're out of fill in the blanks.
Definition
The part of the service that isn't part of the sermon, but the pastor is still trying to get one or more points across. Sometimes it's a LONG intro to what he's going to say. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with the scheduled sermon. i.e. the history of communion. It can also be an explanation of someone else's sermon. Most likely to happen if he had the Sunday off and still attended (and it started as a "thanks" to the guest speaker-or youth pastor).
Ministry:
ReplyDelete1) Christian word for the secular term work. Lightens the percieved load for a task nobody wants to do.
2) Christian word for the secular term leisure. Increases the percieved value of a task you want to do anyway.
"Sorry I can't go hang out at the Reliant K concert, as tonight is my toilet cleaning ministry."
"Sorry I can't clean the toilet tonight, as I'm on concert ministry."
Hott Pastor's Wife (HTTPW)
ReplyDeletePost #545
A term used to describe the wife of a pastor that has "married over his head," "married up," or "tricked a beautiful female to think he is smarter and smells better than other males." The addition of the extra "t" to the word "hott" connotes a woman of exceptional beauty, smarts, and mad cookie making skills.
Example: "Today we are going to look at the book of Song of Songs. This dude obviously got himself a hott woman and he knows he is in way over his head. Speaking of, has everyone met my hott wife? She has mad cookie making skills."
Sympathy Scoop:
ReplyDeleteYou see that AnnieMerle's strawberry jello marshmallow cream cheese delight with bacon and Ritz crackers isn't getting any play the pot luck. So you give the casserole a lil' sympathy scoop and stir it around a bit to break up the crust and make it seem like someone was excited about her intestinal distress inducing dish.
If you really love her, you'll put a teaspoon sized dollop on your plate to be thrown away later. This allows you to be polite without lying later.
"Did you get some of my grandma's favorite dish?"
"Mmmmm I did!"
Grace - a lifeguard at the local swimming pool. See "saved by Grace."
ReplyDeleteSaved by Grace - see Grace
ReplyDeleteYouth Pastor Syndrome (YPS)
ReplyDeleteOrigin: spin-off of post #469 Thinking you're supposed to be a minister
Definition: a disease common in Youth Pastors where they show extreme immaturity despite their age. It often excellerates as the YP gets older (i.e. the older the pastor the more immature). Symptoms include: excessive drinking of coffee, especially Starbucks; frequent use of the words rock on, totally, extreme, cool, and awesome; blasting loud music, particularly rock; engaging in immature, dangerous, and possibly illegal activities included but not limited to: doing 80 with the church van on the interstate, throwing objects off the church roof, blatant disregard of permission slips, and ambushing students with marshmallow guns. If you think your YP has this do not change churches. Chances are, the next YP you try will have it too. Just accept it and move on.
Example: I think my YP has Youth Pastor Syndrome because I just saw him with a giant catapult.
Willow Tree Figures
ReplyDeleteFrom post #284: Willow Tree Figures
Definition: Ubiquitous statuettes beloved of many Christians. Go into the average Christian’s house and chances are you will find a Willow Tree Figure lurking on the bookshelf or over the fireplace; a pious angel, an embracing couple, a mother and daughter gazing into each other’s eyes... (Oh, scratch that, they don’t have eyes and they don’t gaze. It’s all done with gesture).
SCL opinion is divided as to an accurate description. To some, they are chillingly creepy with their eyeless, mouthless beige faces: the very stuff of nightmares. To others, they appear cloying and nauseating – like a mouthful of sugar, aspartame, saccharine and syrup, washed down with cream soda. However, to their sensitive fans, they are “delicate and exquisite”, their facelessness representing “common shared human emotions”. (However, it must be said that range of human emotions being expressed is fairly limited. Willow Tree figures do not get angry or resentful; they don’t feel pride and they rarely lust after other Willow Tree figures, though sometimes they have been known to make lewd suggestions to Precious Moments Dolls when no-one is looking). Willow Tree Figures: Love ‘em or hate ‘em.
Example: Jon’s sleep was disturbed by a terrifying nightmare: he found himself running from a Willow Tree angel, who brandished an axe and whispered (from her mouthless face) that she would hack off Jon’s nose and make him into a Willow Tree Jon Acuff.
I think my previous post needs an additional made-up definition as the term "Willow Tree Figures" is not uniquely SCL.
ReplyDeleteSo:
Definition: Willow Tree Wedge
Origin: Post #284 Willow Tree Figures
The Willow Tree Wedge is what comes between two people who thought they saw eye to eye; who believed that their friendship was special; who thought nothing could divide them - UNTIL - they discovered that they felt differently about Willow Tree figures. The Willow Tree Wedge is sharper than a two-edged sword.
Example: I thought we really hit it off but then she bought me a faceless angel on my birthday and I realised the Willow Tree Wedge had come between us.
Sympathy Scoopfrom Taking a sympathy scoop from the dish no one eats at the pot luck.
ReplyDeleteThe small serve you take out of the plate of something that may or may not be food at potlucks to encourage/placate/suck up to the less "gifted" cooks of the church.
Example: Hmm i'm not sure if that is soup or nuclear waste. Better just take a sympathy scoop not a whole serve.
Leg drop
ReplyDeleteFrom #207. The idea of kicking old ladies in the face for God. What?!?
When the laying on of hands doesn't work, you've gotta move on to the leg drop. The leg drop is an advanced move that provides the greatest holy spirit hit. It is guaranteed to provide healing and/or concussion.
Example: What do we have here? Cancer? I think that will need a legdrop.
Forgive me for straying away from defining a word already in use by the SCL community, but I simply couldn't resist!!
ReplyDeleteGod, Booty, God.
Origin: Spinoff of #113: Booty, God, Booty.
1. This usually occurs during an icebreaker or similar activity in a youth service, where the youth pastor who's trying to talk just like you tries to throw in a secular song such as "We Will Rock You" into the icebreaker activity. Because what hip teenager wants to listen to Clay Crosse and "I will follow Christ, I will run the race, fighting the good fight" when Queen will bring your arm breaking/super gross/driven to tears icebreaker to the next level?
+3 if it's a rap/hip-hop ensemble.
Example: Matt: Carly, I can't believe you actually downed that whole can of sardines for the new Hillsong CD! Carly: What was even better though was as I was wiping the sardine juice from my lips they played "We Are the Champions"! Matt: That's so God, Booty, God.
2. Using songs from bands such as Coldplay and U2 in Sunday's worship set and disguising it as "relevant music"
+1 if the singers from the groups have cool accents.
+3 if your metrosexual worship leader gets on his knees and thanks you for the song he's just so pumped to play on Sunday because he knows it will touch people more than his taste in hair mousse.
Example: Walking into church one sunday I hear "Beautiful Day" by U2 and whoa, Deja Vu. When you go to the concert there is definitely no worship leader mini sermon here. Is it relevant? No. It's God, Booty, God.
3. Yet again your youth minister who is 69% of the way to talking exactly like you is trying to stick mainstream figures into his sermons such as "spiritually, which Napoleon Dynamite describes you best" or "what national clothing chain is most like your prayer life".
+5 if it's a message you could use for both a Wednesday youth service and a Sunday morning adult service.
Example: Kids, lets turn our bibles to Proverbs. Those two brothers sticking real close remind me so clearly of Napoleon and Pedro. It's a brotherly bond. And let us now look at what God has to say about veganism, because we don't want to leave out poor Uncle Rico. Hushed whispers amongst the crowd: "omg, he has mastered the art of God, Booty, God".
Fiveninetyfive or 595
ReplyDeleteOrigin: (Women’s Bible study, a dim church basement, 1987) In an attempt to call attention to herself and to gain recognition for all of the courageous and selfless acts she has performed, Clare* declares herself one of the fiveninetyfive.
Definition: Some folks do all the work at church. Some people are the go to people when tables need to be moved, microphones need to be set up, or 437 poinsettia’s from Christmas need to be removed from the Sanctuary. They are the “5% of the congregation that does 95% of the work”. Usually self described.
Synonyms: VBS volunteers
Antonyms: 666
Since I can come no where near to your level of wit and sarcastic dialogue, I give you free reign with this one. If you like it, change it to how it could be better. If you think it will work for your book, change it up to fit your criteria. It is now YOURS!
(And yes, that means that you do NOT need to feature me on your blog or anything if you use it!)
God bless!
Amanda
Unicorn song
ReplyDelete#250. The unicorn hymn or worship song.
A mysterious completely out of place song. Whether it be a hymn in a contemporary service or a contemporary song in a traditional service it comes as a surprise to everyone. It leaves quickly, leaving everyone to ponder whether it was a dream or whether indeed it was real.
Example: Hey band, the congregation looks really sleepy today. I think we'll need to pull out a unicorn song to wake them up.
Middle finger of grammar
ReplyDeleteFrom #271. Being afraid to use our gifts.
Showing the satan some disrespect by writing his name in lower case.
Example- Hmm looks like the spiritual warfare isn't working. We'll have to try the middle finger of grammar.
More Eagle
ReplyDeleteOrigin: Post # 257 Eagles; see also Isaiah 40:13
Definition: What the Bruce Dickenson version of God says to every Christian church in the world; what ought to be released during every interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings" at sunday worship; why your pastor started wearing that leather cuff.
Example: "That one bird swooping around during the sermon was pretty amazing, but could you imagine if we had two? Our church totally needs more eagle."
testi-whoa-ny
ReplyDeleteFrom #363. The Camp Testi-whoa-ny
A testi-whoa-ny is when a testimony and secrets combined into one big too much information mess. It involves telling your testimony in way too much detail often incriminating/embarrassing someone else in the process. They often take part around a camp fire.
Example: If this testimony keeps going the way it is headed it will turn into a testi-whoa-ny
prayer pressure
ReplyDeletefrom #555. Making up a prayer request because everyone else has one.
A specific form of peer-pressure that involves intimidating people into praying in a group setting.
Example: I don't ever want to go to her prayer meetings ever again. Too much prayer pressure.
Bootleg cookies
ReplyDeleteFrom #5 bootleg cookies
Just like oreos. Only they cost a quarter of the price...and have a weird texture....and are made in China....and don't taste very good. They are a commonly spotted at Vacation Bible School.
Example: I got excited for a moment there and thought it was really Oreos. Alas it is only bootleg cookies.
Sin Synonyms
ReplyDelete#494. Sin Synonyms – Pretty ways to say an ugly word
While we know that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet Christians often believe that a sin by any other name would be less serious. Sin Synonyms are creative ways of disguising bad actions with positive words.
Example: You did WHAT? Better start working on some Sin Synonyms before people start asking you about it.
Sidehug
ReplyDelete#106. The side hug.
More sanctified than a normal hug, a sidehug a way of expressing care without the dreaded body to body contact. It is especially popular between members of the opposite gender.
Example: Sidehugs only please, i need my personal space.
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ReplyDeleteScripture Sipper
ReplyDeletefrom #231. Drinking coffee in church.
Everyone knows Christians are often addicted to coffee. Unfortunately some people don't approve of taking coffee into Church. The scripture sipper solves this problem by disguising a coffee flask as a bible.
Example: "That's a cool looking bible! Is it an ESV?" "No, it's a scripture sipper
Mangkade
ReplyDeleteFrom #530. Buying a new bible. (The 9 easy questions you need to ask yourself.)
Mangkade brings the divergent worlds of Manga cartoons and Thomas Kinkade paintings together for the noble task of bible illustrating. It is a sensible partnering because everyone knows Jesus enjoyed karate kicking zombies in quiet meadows when he had a day off.
Example: Have you seen the new Mangkade bible? the devil gets karate chopped pretty hard!
God-dar
ReplyDeleteFrom #242. Developing highly sensitive "God-dar" (or how to spot a famous Christian)
Leave the gaydar to the heathens, real believers have a God-dar. The God-dar is the instinctive ability some Christians have to be able to determine if a celebrity is really a Christian on the basis of subtle clues most would miss.
Example: As soon as he appeared on TV, my God-dar lit right up
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ReplyDeleteI must harken back to old school SCL and one of my first comments ever:
ReplyDeleteThe Scripture Sipper:
Tired of marginalizing your spiritual integrity by drinking coffee in the church sanctuary? You know you've done it; condemnation sliding down your esophagus with every guilt laced sip. Fear not for there is a solution for you: The Scripture Sipper Bible. Now you can have your steamy beverage in church without the flames of hell licking your Pumas. This completely functional Bible has a hallowed out thermos core for coffee. There's also a zippered pocket for biscotti.Best of all, we've included a bendy straw that's 24 inches long so you can hold your Bible in your lap and read along while delivering frothy carmel half caff deliciousness straight to your pie hole. Ahhhhhhh. The Scripture Sipper. That's one more thing you can cross off your Repentance List.
Example: Every time the pastor said the word "sex" from the pulpit I spewed forth a mouthfull of Joe on those around me. I nearly had my highlighter revoked. But thanks to the Scripture Sipper Bible I endured a series on the Song of Solomon without incident. Oh, beloved Scripture Sipper, what would I be without you?
Pot Blessing
ReplyDeleteFrom #182. Saying "pot blessings" instead of "pot lucks."
Christians love sharing food. What they don't like is the idea of luck- it sounds too heathen. So that these two do not meet Christians have Pot Blessings instead of Pot Lucks. Whether the contents of said pots is actually a blessing is debatable on many occasions.
Example: I feel really sick today. That pot blessing certainly wasn't a blessing for me.