Whenever my wife and I try to talk about our future, we both end up throwing different cards on the table almost immediately. I’m a big fan of the “G card” (God) and she’s a big fan of the “D card” (Dad). Here’s how a typical conversation about our future breaks down in about 30 seconds:
ME: “I’d like to think about maybe moving or doing something else. I’m not sure if I’m where I’m supposed to be or doing what I’m supposed to be doing.”
HER: (Fearing I’m on the verge of suggesting some crazy, non health care-having adventure like making the family join the carnival for the Lord) “Maybe you’re where you are so that we’ll have a steady income. Why can’t being a good dad be what you’re supposed to be doing?”
ME: (Sensing that I can’t follow my dreams and be a good dad at the same time) “I’m just trying to do what God is calling me to do.”
Boo-yah! The God card always trumps the Dad card because in essence, by getting God into the mix, I’ve said to her, “Are you saying you want to stand in the way of the Almighty, the Great I Am, Jehovah, the Holy Lord? Is that what this is about?”It’s an almost flawless card to throw.
The only way to counteract it is to reply, “Well, that’s not what I’m hearing from God right now.” You in essence snatch the G card off the table and throw it back down. I think technically it’s the “G squared card” at that point, but I’m not sure.
It’s not even really my favorite card anymore though. It used to be, but lately I’ve started hearing pastors throw the Bible card like it was going out of style. In the middle of a sermon, they’ll make some claim like, “You can’t love money and love God.” Sensing that the affluent crowd might have winced a little and thought, “Yeah, but can you love a Range Rover and God at the same time?” the pastor will say, “I’m not trying to be argumentative; I’m just telling you what Jesus says in the Bible.”
I love that. On the one hand it’s such a succinct way to shut down complainers, and on the other, it’s a great way to motivate people. A pastor I know mentioned how he loves when people disagree with him after a B card throw-down because it inspires them to get into the Bible.
“Oh no, he didn’t just say that. I’m going to look that up, prove him wrong and throw the B card back at him on stage next week. Security will probably escort me out, but I’ll be throwing out B cards like an octopus as they drag me to the exit.” (Flipping Bible pages when he gets home that Sunday afternoon.) “Huh, what’s this? That verse he quoted is in the Bible? He was right? Weird.”
So, I'm ging to throw you the G and the D card... using the B card to accomplish this...
ReplyDeleteGod says in His Bible that you are supposed to be a good Dad wherever you are so God would never tell you to do something that would contradict something He's made clear in His Bible.
So, I suppose I get a yellow card for posting this on your blog, no? (yellow card is a football term. Football as it is known worldwide, in the US (& only in the US) you call it soccer for some reason, the rest of the world doesn't know why)
Jon, you're a genius.
ReplyDeleteHow about the "God is not the author of confusion" (aka GINTAOC) card? Familiar with that one? When someone doesn't like or approve of what you're doing, they see, "Well I don't feel right about it, and you know, "God isn't the author of confusion." That one can work against the less skilled, and when it does it hurts. But contextually, using the verse that way doesn't work. So, the perfect counter, of course, is the, "You're taking that out of context" card---other wise referred to as the X-card.
ReplyDeleteA while back I mentioned that I had the spiritual gift of faith during a Sunday School class. My church is VERY traditional and isn't big on the spiritual gift thing. My pastor, later that week came to me and told me that while he thought it was awesome that I had a lot of faith, he didn't think it was biblically one of the spiritual gifts.
ReplyDeleteBeing that I had just finished teaching about spiritual gifts to my youth group, I went back to my notes to look up where it was found and lo and behold, 1 Cor 12:9!
I felt so awkward correcting my pastor. But he threw down the bible card at the wrong time.
I love the "B" card, I've heard that on several sermons lately...Like the pastor will say don't get mad at me I'm just telling you what it says in the bible! Perfect because you can't get mad at the Precious B-I-B-L-E, cause that's the book for me.
ReplyDeleteI believe we need to use the Word of God (B Card as you put it) prayerfully and lovingly as opposed to using it as a means to beat someone over the head with it. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know who is the master of throwing down the B-card?
ReplyDeleteFrancis Chan! Man, that dude has some steel ones, huh? Check this out:
Lifestyles of the Rich and Lethargic
I agree with a couple of other comments. I've heard this a lot lately. Recently I had an experience where someone tried to play the God card and it pitted everyone on the team in a corner. The problem for me was that I felt God was perfectly capable of speaking to the rest of us in the room also, not just the one "hearing" from God. (It was a gray area, not specifically spelled out in Scripture.) We have to be careful when the God card is someone's "word" from God. The Word is written.
ReplyDeleteGood post.
Thanks,
Ron Edmondson
http://www.ronedmondson.com
So basically, it could be a like throwing down a "reverse" or "wild" card in Uno, right?
ReplyDeleteDragging you out the door flipping Bible pages ... God says don't tase me, bro!
ReplyDeleteSo when do I play my Rook card again?
ReplyDeletelol. feel like i am playing Uno. be careful, congregations know how to throw the B card back. and then the V card (vote) and the P (pack it up). lol.
ReplyDeleteThis is SO true!
ReplyDeleteI HATE when Christians say things like "God is telling me/us to _______."
In the middle of a planning meeting when someone was using this as a trump card argument winnner, I simply said, "Well, if that's what God's telling you to do, then there isn't any more discussion is there. All of us need to just shut up and fall in line!"
All of a sudden he backed up a bit. "Well, I guess it's what I think."
Language is important, and speaking for God when God is not speaking is a violation of "Don't take God's name in vain."
Speaking from my own experience, when your father is the pastor, the card-throwing from time to time becomes Gambit-worthy. I'm sure you can relate.
ReplyDelete"Feeling rebellious, eh? Remember that commandment about honoring your parents?"
"Want to watch awful movie ____, eh? Remember Philippians 4:8? 'Whatever is true, whatever is noble', etc.? Ring a bell?"
Sometimes I'd try to slap down that "fathers, don't exasperate your children" verse, but I was always outmatched - still am.
Many a man has thrown down the G card and recieved a very different D card in return...or should we call it D paperwork as in the Big D. Sacrificing your marriage for your mission is a hairy subject, one that people more qualified than I can drop their B cards and have a nasty game of 'War'. I...De...Clare...
ReplyDeleteToo true...and I can relate.
ReplyDeleteYou also touched on something I think is important about money. It's true the bible says you can't love God and money. But does is say anywhere that God doesn't love those with money? I think He is more concerned what you do with your money. People with money have the power to bless other's lives and in fact...money is necessary to provide needs in this world.
You're right on...it was just something I've thought a lot about because I don't want to feel guilt for wanting a nice car and also wanting to love and serve the Lord. Can't I do both?
I'm not so great with throwing the B Card. I mean, I read the Bible and all, but I don't formally memorize verses very much. So if I'm in a situation where I know a certain verse would be appropriate, I can't even say anything, because I know it'll come out a third KJ, a third NIV and a third in The Message (and I've never even read The Message).
ReplyDeleteSlapping the D card is like slapping the B card, because Jesus did call God Father. You are an earthly example of God's love to your kids. That is an awesome responsibility.
ReplyDeleteFrank Beckwith has said that (paraphrasing here): "Often times when a Christian begins to feel they are losing an argument (on logical grounds), they will try to trump you with spirituality".
ReplyDeleteIn other words, playing the "G" card. I agree with Mark that if God does really tell you something then you shold have no option whether to obey. Who wants to be in the positon of arguing with God?
-thomas
When I start wondering about my calling, it is usually in one of two situations. I feel like I'm in a really good place and am worried about being complacent or missing something. OR I am in a miserable, uncertain place and yearn for better.
ReplyDeleteEither place can warrant change or status quo. Having made mistakes in each situation, I now try to have a "full house" of cards (not a fool house-of-cards). G-God; B-Bible; D-Prayer for Direction; C-Counsel of my wife and trusted ones; and P-Patience. I have learned that it is best not to play my hand until I have all five - which is easiest if I draw the P card first.
WV "auntesi" - of or pertaining to the sister of a parent (Italo-anglican)
I'm with your wife in that security is a HUGE thing to me so it was good to hear your thoughts. But, I have to admit I'm a little bitter against the whole G card. I've seen too many situations where that's been used just for the husband to go where he wants (moving for a job) or to do what he wants (job) and it messes up the whole family. Like by the time you're 20, moving 13 times all over the US so your dad could either take different positions with churches (just to have most positions end bad) or start churches that fail - all in the name of "doing what God's telling me" - it becomes questionable. I'm with you in that when you play the God card - the REAL, not just-an-excuse God card - the situation will be best not just for you but for your whole family.
ReplyDeleteJust in case anyone is confused as to the wide variety of flexible uses of the God of the Bible, check out this well-referenced video for some goodies:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt66kbYmXXk
“Huh, what’s this? That verse he quoted is in the Bible? He was right? Weird.”
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I have yet to have this reaction. Usually, it happens this way:
“Huh, what’s this? What verse did he just quote? It doesn't even say that! Not to mention those three passages I just read in devotions all say something different. Weird.”
I've almost decided to play the B card in sunday meeting, and one of these days I probably will. Not something I really look forward to.
I think the most played card today by Christians and non-believers alike is the DJM card: Don't Judge Me.
ReplyDeleteAnd what they usually mean by that is "I was perfectly comfortable sinning until you said something and made me feel guilty about it, so please go away so that I can suppress these guilty feelings."
I agree with Mark 100%.
ReplyDeleteI would argue that the G-Card is used a lot more than the B-Card. Here's why: It is very easy to say, "God is telling me...", but when you actually open your Bible and start to see what God's Word has to say on the matter, then your agenda gets a kick in the pants.
I have been in a situation where a friend of mine (and I have done this also. I am the greatest of all sinners.) has told me that he feels that God is telling him to explore some avenue of sin. I said, "Really, that's funny. Because my Bible, you know, the Word of God, tells me something very different." That's what I said, minus the sarcasm.
When speaking in love, using the Bible to support your position is great thing. But I get that the point of this article is to poke fun at those who sort of throw around the Bible as support for all sorts of claims.
Ugh, I HATE "the God card".
ReplyDeleteIn college my boyfriend (first love you know, though for sure we were going to get married one day, etc.)
broke up with me because "he didn't think GOD wanted us to be together".
Seriously? What a cop out.
I still seriously doubt that was the reason (not that I care now anyway really). But jeez, man up and say what you really mean, don't use God as a cop-out to take the blame for your jerkishness.
And then there's my FIL. Oh boy, God-card left and right. When my husband was in college he forced him to sell him a piece of property that he owned (one that my FIL forced DH to buy in the first place ironically...) and refused to pay him a fair price (i.e. he gave DH much less than he paid for it) because "God" "told him" that he was only "supposed" to give DH this small sum for the property. Seriously.
I mean, God never tells ME to go around cheating people out of money...
Sorry people, but if God does in fact "tell" people things, I doubt that it's actually going to be that you MUST do exactly the thing that you want to do regardless of how many people it hurts. This is, ironically how the "God card" always seems to be used in my experience.
It's like "Hmmm, I want to do something that I KNOW morally wrong/will hurt someone/etc. how can I get people to approve of this/at least not "blame" me for it?... I know! I'll blame God!".
God does not exist to be your fall person.
Oooohh..this is a sore one for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm ok with the B card. I feel like I know the Bible well enough to argue the point with a B card of my own if necessary.
I positively hate the G card, though. Not that people don't get communications from God -- I have at times felt God leading me in one direction or another, but it's fairly rare, and usually only after intense thought and prayer.
It's that the same people seem to always get the messages and apparentely God doesn't have time to talk to the rest of us. It's also really funny how God always seems to agree with the person dropping the card.
Not that I'm bitter or anything.
ionodde: Ionodde Jim the other day by dropping a G card on him
I’ll be throwing out B cards like an octopus as they drag me to the exit....
ReplyDeleteClassic!
I am queen of throwing out the B card. Typically about tithing or praying for our enemies.
You should do a post about tithing and spouses not in agreement. A source of contention in my marriage, gross v net, 10% tithe isn't the same as offering, offerings don't count towards tithe, etc.
I stopped arguing about it.
It would be a good post though!
Wouldn't it be the G cubed card? Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteWow, my youth minister does that all the time. He's like, "Now I'm not trying to dog you guys, I'm just tellin' ya what the Bible says." Or, I've been thinking a lot about egalitarianism and complimentarianism lately, and everyone who's been trying to help me see both sides - "Hey, that's just what it says in the Bible, yo." It's like using the Bible as a bad news bearer, throwing down the B card is equivalent to saying, "Don't shoot the messenger!"
ReplyDeleteBut basically, the B card is more well-defined than the G card. No one can know the mind of God, but the Bible is maddeningly black and white!
@Chuck: doesn't it seem that people tend to start the "don't beat me with the Bible" whine after the B-card has been laid out? Usually because they're feeling a bit guilty about whatever the B-card was oh so carefully laid out to talk about?
ReplyDeleteRecently my 16yo tried playing the God card with us and, bless his heart, the smackdown was quick and painful and was accompanied by wails of "You're keeping me from God!!!!!" (lots of ! To indicate the decibels of the wail and the irritation of the parents). Now, after we kept him from God? We never let him forget it...meaning we tease him over that phrase by throwing it into the convo whenever we can work it in.
I love the B-card, whether the person usingbit knows what they're talking about or not. Is there a verse that trumps theirs, proves their selection out of context, or is theirs not there at all (this is a personal fav) a la a Ben Franklin said that, it's not in the Bible-card.
WV:ovailia as in
You ought to ovailia'self of that Nible that just attempted to quote, man, that isn't even in the Bible!
Note to self: Turn off spellcheck on iPhone before typing response. Nible? *disgusted sigh*
ReplyDeletewe're constantly wondering what God wants us to do--i can relate. i also am hoping God tells us to go somewhere different, like on an adevnture. on the God's will note, what do you think of this book?...
ReplyDelete"Just Do Something: How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky, etc."by Kevin DeYoung. that's the whole title. you can read about it on amazon.com...
Oooh! Hockey reference. I'd love to have someone throw an octopus to celebrate a really good sermon point.
ReplyDeleteWhat happens when someone throws the God card while crying? Triple guilt score!
Or you could never have kids. Or sell the ones you've got. Then the D card is consumed in a thousand fires! You're free!
ReplyDeleteAnd you'd probably free yourself of a wife too. No biggie, right? Be Paulish!
I guess, truly, we should all throw our cards away anyhow. Winning arguments seldom helped bring an entrenched opponent around. That's easy, guys. C'mon! Just put 'em down. What are you, weak or something? Spirit willing, flesh weak?
end sarcasm
Deek, I throw the X card out a lot to combat stupidity...but I never knew what to call it. Thanks for letting me know!!!
ReplyDeleteThe only problem with the B card is that it is often a verse taken out of context and used as ammunition to convince another that your argument is right. I am pretty sure that God NEVER intended His word to be handled that way. I suppose His word was intended to "handle us" and not the other way around.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really sore spot for me. I just had a break up that involved a B card. More specifically an S card. Yup, that's right....submission. Apparently it doesn't matter how degrading or demoralizing the action...if you don't submit you're horrible woman and crappy wife to be who doesn't truly love or respect her future husband.
ReplyDeleteIn less then two weeks I've dropped my status as a fiance and as a complementarian.What do ya know...
I love bringing scripture into conversations because it shortens them and prevents arguments. Can't argue with the word of God.
ReplyDeleteWhy does your wife think that when you say you want to do something else that that immediately excludes being a good dad and providing a steady income? The two aren't mutually exclusive.
ReplyDeleteTo take it another way, I love to play the B card when someone is hurting. Scripture tells us who we are in Christ and we can't hear that enough. I know I can't.
ReplyDeleteGod used a talking donkey to communicate to someone before. So if someone I know closely is trying to throw a B card or G card at me, I try not to ignore them, no matter if I think they are a jackass or not.
ReplyDelete2 Timothy 2:15 - "Do your best to present yourself as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correclty handles the word of truth."
Heb 4:12-13 - "For the word of God is living and active. It is sharper than any double-edge sword, it penetrates even to dividing the soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him whom we must give account."
Deut 11:18-20 - "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
Thanks for bringing some humor and thoughtful stuff to my day.
ReplyDeletei think its interesting how different people read different things in the post.
ReplyDeletei think its great and poignant, and dangerous when any of said cards are misused. i agree with ron edmonson. the word is written.
i dont appreciate the B with an asterisk card. this is when it looks like, smells like, sounds like something that would be in the bible, but isn't actually there... that's dangerous.
dowlfea: if homer simpson were in ireland and had a bit o the "fey"
I wish I felt that people used the B card the way SFL said...but mostly, I've observed people using it (often out of context) to shame other people...in short, to judge other people but to say "It's not me, it's God!"
ReplyDeleteIf, just once, someone would pull the B card on me and say, "You know, you really need to read this whole chapter to really get at what God is saying about X," I would be thrilled. Because, yes, the Bible is right there in black and white, but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot to reconcile within it.
WV: yadaless
The Seinfeld episode, but without the sinful yada-yada that made George's girlfriend so tired. Yeah, that's how SCL rolls.
To every dreamer out there who also happens to be a Dad, my husband throws out his J Card over their P Card.
ReplyDelete"So are you saying that the mission to which Joseph was called wasn't as important as the one to which Paul was called?" As if raising the Savior of this World for the first 13 years of his life wasn't important???
The shaky-kneed, fearful of losing health insurance wives all seem to be married to Pauls when all they really want is a Joseph.
I'm just saying. Actually, an H Card... My HUSBAND is just saying...
I've been known to throw down the B card here and there. My favorite was when my assistant manager at a bank I was working for tried throwing down the b card saying, "That's not even what the bible says." I trumped her b card with the Bible that was in my desk, showing that she had in fact counterfeited a b card. It made no difference, because after seeing it in black and white, she still said she didn't believe it was in the Bible, as though I had printed my own version.
ReplyDeleteAnd was that a reference to Detroit Red Wings fans throwing octopi on the ice? If so, word to your mom. If not, what did that even mean?
So my husband totally held onto his G card during a conversation on why we were taking a pastorate with a particular church. And I was fretting and fuming and wondering why, against all advice and common sense, he would do this. THis went on for a couple weeks until finally he yelled "Because God told me to! That's it - that's all I've got!" Funnily enough, that's all I needed to hear - I've followed him halfway around the world (twice) for that exact reason. So I've gotta say - if you have a legit G card - play it!
ReplyDeleteIf you want to throw the G-card at me, and you tell me God's calling you to do something you really don't want to do, or something it never would have occurred to you to do, then I'll listen.
ReplyDelete(After all, God called Moses, and Moses ran the other way. And even Jesus asked if he could get out of going to the cross.)
But if you want to throw the G-card claiming God has called you to do exactly what you want to do anyway, please forgive me if I'm dubious.
Haha! So hilariously true.
ReplyDelete@ Amelia,
ReplyDeleteI don't know what your life is like right now but this is for you, girl. No matter what anyone has ever said or done to use God's Word against you be confident in this. We all know vs. 16 but 17 is just an key. Love In HIm to you, girl!!
John 3
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Sometimes the God card is the Joker (Satan) in disguise. When I'm unsettled about something in life it's often because I'm actually doing what God wants me to do. It's really the enemy trying to cast doubts.
ReplyDeleteLike an Octopus? Was that a Night at the Museum 2 reference?
ReplyDeleteYou forget the H card... calling something "Heresy" in your most sappy "Humble" tone... and then throwing the H-B combo by saying "that's just what I get when I read my Bible."
We had the author of the Shack at my church... he has enough H cards to supply flash card companies until the end of time, or until the new preschool iPhone teaches you the alphabet and how to pee.
How about the fact that Jesus said that those who leave their own families for the sake of the gospel will receive 100 times more.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad this satirical. Even jokingly I get into a crouching tiger position when talking about stuff like "hearing from God" and "reading the Bible" comes up.
ReplyDeleteBrian Miller:
ReplyDeletethe "V" and the "p" card.......
love it!
Stacy, that just made my day, it really did. Nothing but love, SFL!
ReplyDeleteI was delivered from the G card when an ex-boyfriend pulled the G card and said that God wanted us to be married and stalked me for a year (and that is not a joke- it was very creepy- he would "pray for me" outside my house for 12 hours etc). I said well we must not have the same "God" because that is not what he is saying to me. I am very suspicious of anyone who says, "God told me..." I have been sharpening my discernment skills ever since. There are a lot of misguided manipulators out there... Very scary.
ReplyDeleteJust something to mention to all the people saying that quoting the bible reduces confusion. The bible is only as clear as one's interpretation of it. The bibles we read are just the interpretation of a group of men that translated it into our language.
ReplyDelete