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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I might bomb, and 4 other reasons to see me speak.

The cool folks at the MinistryCOM conference, Sept 18-19 in Oklahoma City, asked me to speak. I am actually going to be giving the final keynote address of the conference, which focuses on helping church communication professionals be awesome at doing what they do. Loads of cool people will be there, including some great speakers.

Here's the thing, as the last message, on a Friday afternoon, the reality is that lots of folks are going to leave early. Which I completely understand. There are flights to catch, families to get home to, etc. And speaking last is cool with me. Andy Stanley spoke last at a conference in 2007 and I have already completely annoyed my wife by suggesting that is proof he and I are pretty similar.

But I thought it might be fun to do a quick list of reasons you should not only come to MinistryCOM, but why you should stay until the very end.

1. I might bomb.
Seriously, maybe I'll stink. Maybe I'm just average at writing and horrible in front of a mic. I'll get all sweaty and just start making Simpsons references (something I do when I am nervous). And then you'll be able to say to friends, "Yeah, that dude blew it." We all secretly love a train wreck.

2. But maybe I'll be awesome.
Maybe I'll just destroy it and drop the mic like Eminem at the end of the movie 8 mile as I step off stage with the toughest glare a speaker at a Christian conference can muster. And you'll be able to say, "I knew him when."

3. I might bring a worship eagle.
These are incredibly difficult to get, but a reader in Mongolia tells me eagles are available. If I am able to get it shipped here (can you imagine how angry my UPS guy would be with a huge eagle talon'd to the side of his uniform) I will bring it. At the bare minimum I will bring a pigeon if I am able to capture one at the Oklahoma City airport.

4. I'll be walking around that conference like a hurricane made of side hugs.
Several people are working diligently to ensure that this small, minor modicum of blog success does not go to my head. And so far it is working. I'm not a jerk yet. So if you want to talk about ideas or hang out or leg drop unsuspecting people with me, just let me know.

5. Skittles.
I've said it before and I will say it again, most people don't realize that throwing candy at someone is a really easy way to get someone's attention. It worked for Michael in the television show The Office and it worked for my friend Chris when he preached on the "Everyone is on vacation, anything goes" service. I probably won't be able to get sponsored by Skittles before then, if the heir to the Skittle fortune is reading this please email me, but I will be carrying a massive backpack full of Skittles with me. You'll get free candy, so you've got that going for yourself, which is nice.

The bottom line is I think it's going to be a blast and would love to see you at the conference and even have you stay until the very end with me.

Side hugs and leg drops

Jon

56 comments:

  1. Worship eagle, you say?

    Well, that is very tempting....

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  2. Congrats! I won't be going to the conference (MA being a ways from OK) but good luck! no, wait, good blessings? Nooo. Okay, just don't suck, how about that? Though I'm sure you won't.

    Hopefully the speech will be posted on the web at some point?

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  3. just how many skittles will you need?

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  4. I know it wasn't intentional, but having "bomb" and "OKC" in the same post probably wasn't a good idea.

    Of course now both you and I are on the FBI watch list. ;)

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  5. Speaking of train wrecks, my life is feeling a little empty now that Britney is spending quality time with her kids and Lindsay has stopped falling off the wagon ... Thank goodness for Shia LaBoeuf's DUI. Otherwise, I might have had a very sad weekend indeed.

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  6. When are you coming to Coleman, TX?

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  7. Sein. Feld. Reference.

    well played.

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  8. Do you get to make the decision that you are not a jerk yet?

    Speaking of Skittles, my son really loves those air soft guns. They are like BB guns, but the BB's are made of plastic and they don't shoot as fast. One of his friends has an automatic air soft gun that shoots like 20 per second. Do you think Skittles would fit in those guns? If they do, you know what to do...

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  9. Hooray! Congratulations, Jon. This is cool, and I'm glad to hear you're not a jerk yet. I can imagine the pressure is pretty intense. I'm sorry I'll miss out on the flying eagle and rain of Skittles!

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  10. Whoa, dude. No more comment moderation?!?! You're totally blowing my paradigm, man.

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  11. Woah! someone else from Coleman, TX. Consider this your second formal invitation to come to the Metropolis of Coleman, TX.

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  12. Just working on my travel/accommodations for ministryCOM today.

    Probably be the only canadian there. You'll recognize me by my inferioty complex, inabililty to offend and utter lack of accent.

    Probably helps you that a tour of lifechurch.tv was added on Saturday. But I was going to stay to the end anyway.

    Really!

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  13. you'll also recognize me by my inability to spell 'inferiority'

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  14. I would love to see a speaker or preacher throw skittles at people who are dozing. You should definately do that!

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  15. I bet you'll do fantastic. I wish my school had a few more fun-loving protestants than uber-liberal lapsed non-Catholics with poor senses of humor. Because if we weren't in such a minority (I think there are three of us), we would love to try to get you to speak here!

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  16. use the eagle to deliver, or drop, skittles on the crowd.

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  17. What's with the no comment moderation?? I feel so....trusted

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  18. Christianne and Marni -
    Yeah, no moderation today. And the whole thing makes me a little sweaty. I'm going to do a short, "comment on comments" post at some point
    Jon

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  19. Frisbee Golf in your free time? I know where the course is

    I can try to wrangle an eagle for you if you need one or possibly summon a tornado whatever you feel like.

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  20. Aw man... Already I was feeling intimidated but now you're adding exotic birds & sugary goodness?

    (Doh)

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  21. I'm a youth pastor not a senior pastor I don't think I can afford the conference. Jon do you think you could sneak me in as a V.I.P or possibly as your body guard? Although if someone wanted to fight I would probably just curl up in the fetal position and cry.

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  22. Be encouraged, Jon! It's usually when we completly "bomb" (or think we did) that God REALLY shows up! So, here's to you "bombing"! :)
    Praying for you!

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  23. question: will your worship eagle resemble stephen colbert's trusted companion? and will you name it truthiness?

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  24. I live in OKC, and I would love to hear you speak. Can I just attend the last conference? I could totally bring cookies & koolaid for backstage.

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  25. I would like to do a special music piece at the conference, just before you speak. Kind of an ode to SCL. Believe me, I can rock Ray Boltz like nobody's business. "Thank you, for giving to the Lord. I am a li-ife that was cha-a-a-anged..."

    Tears will flow. Lives will be changed.

    Seriously. Let me do this. You don't want me carrying on in the parking lot.

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  26. This is a blog stalker's dream come true.

    Man are you lucky my Terets hasn't kicked in today. You dodged a bullet my friend.

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  27. Michael -
    Frisbee golf? Brilliant. Let's figure that out. Seriously. That needs to happen.
    Jon

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  28. i went to the ministrycom site and read what your bio - you won over oprah with four words? what's that all about?

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  29. I now want to sign off all my emails and messages with " Side Hugs and Leg Drops" before my name.

    by the way, I thought of this last week when you mentioned the prayer version of you stay classy san diego, I thought of my own sign off phrase, but then remembered that my sign on phrase is much more pronounced.

    It's like on Talladega Nights when Ricky Bobby begins his prayers, "dear lord baby Jesus," I think we all do something like that to an extent. anyway, sorry I will miss your stop in OKC, however, every spring in Hawaii there is a big conference that you should totally come to. You have a couple friends you could play frisbee and bocci ball with out here.

    PS, Im a youth minister and this year we gave our seniors official weight frisbees and blue like jazz. They were a hit as some of the seniors occasionally read this site.

    Here's to ridiculously long and random comments.
    Side Hugs and Leg Drops
    JD

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  30. I can not come. Sad for me. I just wanted to say for whatever reason, every time we talk about throwing skittles I always pictured in my head individual skittles, not, say, a bag of skittles.

    I was thinking I would so totally eat a skittle that had been thrown from your sweaty hand but maybe not everyone would be down.

    Then, today when you talked about the backpack full of them, I thought about my middle child's backpack. She is a messie and while I may eat a sweaty skittle, I would not eat a skittle that has been in my messie's backpack.

    I am only saying all this because you are not approving posts today (good thing since I said hooka in another post and thought you might not post it since you have not posted my posts in the past) and I have more words to use up today than usual because I am alone and have had time to contemplate skittles in backpacks.

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  31. michael (from okc) and jon,
    maybe you'll have time for some parcours too?
    this site has oklahoma on page 3.
    http://urbanfreeflow.yuku.com/forums/83/t/Local-Action-USA.html?page=1

    great frisbee golf course in norman too, @ univ of okla. oldest in the state i think.
    because nothing gets one in the right frame of spiritual-ness like playing 18, you'll rock the house, jon.

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  32. Jon,

    With all the congratulations, frisbee talk, skittle discussion, side hug comments, and leg-drop puns, I think everyone has failed to see the big picture here.

    You snuck in a Caddyshack reference! Way to go, my friend. Way to go.

    -John Hall
    Fresno, CA (AKA the center of progressive culture in the west)

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  33. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  34. Jon,

    I'm from the OKC area (Norman, to be precise), home of cheap gasoline, Toby Keith, and Lifechurch.tv.

    Represent! Congrats on this very cool opportunity!

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  35. I love it! The thought of an eagle talon'd to a UPS guy...amazing.

    Also, you're going to do great! Can't wait to hear how it goes!

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  36. Jon,
    We have great confidence in you and in the Lord's ability to use you. Just stay true to the values that make this blog great.

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  37. Good luck. I am sure you will do well.

    BTW, I find the whole throwing candy thing a little annoying.

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  38. They totally got the site wrong! They put .net instead of .com. I know it still gets you here...but come on. Do they know who you are??? You are Jon freakin Acuff!!!

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  39. You should go to a Relient K concert. Haven't you heard? They love skittles and combos.

    I only actually figured out what the lyrics to that ditty were once I re-listened to the song this week.

    re: side-hugs - I've actually used it recently to test a hunch about someone who I figured might be christian. was totally right

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  40. A few reps from our network will be there. Going to try hopping into the trunk.

    See you there.

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  41. i soooo wish i could come! i agree you simply have to ensure it is filmed and posted to youtube asap for those of us who can't be there.

    i promise to eat skittles as i watch!

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  42. Alright, I'll need to brush up on my skills...or lack there of.

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  43. Oh, you mean we'd actually have your permission, as the speaker, to throw skittles around at you and everyone else? Humm....that is something to consider...

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  44. Well I plan on being there ..whether you bomb or not ..and somehow I don't think you will ! I'm bringing no candy..but if YOU are..can't you make it Starbursts? I love those !

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  45. hey, jon.

    i'd love to meet you while you're in okc. i want to know more about your book. coffee? lunch?

    and how much does it cost to meet you?

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  46. you should train your worship eagle to drop skittles from the sky as the listeners lift their arms (or half and half or whatever worship style they do) during the worship time

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  47. Please post your speech. It would be great to be able to hear it, as there is no way I can trek to OK from MI at this time.

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  48. Living in Norman, OK, I would love to hear your speech. However, $325 is a bit steep, Especially since Ia m not in ministry, per se. I WOULD like to join the disc golf outing. Let me know if that actually materializes. I also may start using "side hugs and leg drops."

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  49. So John, you can still order your eagle, but I've just adopted a gobi hedgehog as my flatmate.

    So howabout a worship hedgehog instead? the cost of shipping would be less because he's a fair bit smaller, but you'd need extra packaging for the prickles.

    Then again, i think he's a shaman hedgehog - i'll ask him tonight...

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  50. Love your blog. It's on my list of blogs to check out. You'll be great!

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  51. I hope you remember you have your own private behind-the-scenes tour of LifeChurch.tv waiting for you. Don't wait for the lame Saturday version. Mine will include Satan. (FYI, Satan has replaced Craig as being the most sought-after person on the LC.tv tour now.)

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  52. Fresno, CA (AKA the center of progressive culture in the west)

    Hahahahahahahahehehehehehehehehhmhmhmhmhmhmhm...well you get the point

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