(Please read part 1 before this post or it won't make sense)A few years after the family photo I shared in part 1 of this post, we took another photo. This is the one we should have used in all of our family mission fundraising letters. Here's why:
1. Missionary Mustache
It's hard to see in this photo, but my dad is clearly crushing a beautiful missionary mustache now. Look at that thing. It's perfect. In an instant it proclaims, "I'm going to go start a Baptist church in New England. We sure could use your support. But if you can't financially give, your prayers would also be appreciated."
2. No more tie
Gone is my dad's tie. In it's place, he's wearing shorts that have paint on them. And he looks really skinny like instead of eating food he has just been eating the word of God. Brilliant. His clothes instantly say, "I'm working as hard as I can, but this mission is going to take the support of some very special people. People like you."
3. Mom is happy but not lottery happy
Check out my mom. Is she happy? Without a doubt. Did she just win the lottery? Nope. And when I showed her the photo yesterday she said, "Notice how I am leaning against something. That makes it look like the burden was so heavy I couldn't support myself." At the time she just wanted to lean against a tree and clearly never meant to do that on purpose. But well done mom, well done indeed.
4. More kids
Now in addition to me, I'm the impossibly muscular child on the right, my parents have added two more. Good move, but the true genius is having all of us not completely dressed. Look at that masterpiece. I don't have a shirt on. My brother Will is just in diapers and Bennett is rocking the Donald Duck look with a shirt and no pants. Awesome.
5. Grainy is good
This photo is hard to see but I think that is a good thing. If it looks like Annie Liebovitz took your photo in a studio you should go ahead and count on a lot less funds coming in. Make it grainy. Make it gritty. Make it a little blurry.
I hope that if I ever run into you on the mission field you won't punch me in the mouth. Hopefully, you will have incorporated these tips and will be so happy that you will instead ask me to play Frisbee with you. That would be nice. I would like that.
p.s. Special thanks to Tara for getting Stuff Christians Like name dropped (a simple mention) in the culture section of USA Today.com. That was awesome
need a link, Jon, to the article in USA Today.......
ReplyDeleteGod is really broadening your ministry here.......
so, when are you sending out YOUR missionary letter?
'if only' my fiance liked mustaches, I'd be able to rock my missionary mustache, and the funds would be flowing in.
ReplyDeleteOh, man. I can remember one missionary picture my family received very clearly, and that was only because of the insane outfits the three daughters were wearing. They were bumblebee-inspired. Think puffy yellow sleeves with black accents. There may have been aprons involved. Add pigtails tied with yellow yarn. And big pink 80s style plastic glasses. Poor things. I'm sure they have done their best to destroy all the copies of that photo they can get their hands on, but I, alas, shall never forget.
ReplyDeletewhat about goat-tees? do they have a purpose in mission or should I just go ahead and shave the chin?
ReplyDeleteAnd what would you have suggested for me, when I was a single woman missionary? How should I have best maximized my donor potential?
ReplyDeleteI must admit that I found your blog through the USAToday note, and it's definitely making me laugh on a daily basis. Thanks for pointing out the obvious hilarities of growing up in the church and, in my case, going to a Christian university in all its overly cliched glory.
ReplyDeleteHere are the links: http://blogs.usatoday.com/popcandy/ and http://blogs.usatoday.com/popcandy/2008/07/pop-forum-tal-2.html
You are totally awesome and relevant, Jon. I am taking my new prayer card picture tomorrow. I am not making this up.
ReplyDeleteBut, I need more help. See, I'm a single woman, and have no mustache. I do however have a machete, and will try to work it into the prayer card somehow. Really.
But I do need help-have you ever noticed how single people stick out in the prayer card collections on refrigerators? If you have a family shot, the heads are about the size of your thumb. If you have a single person, the head is approximately the size of a beach ball. Not good.
Nora, You can still follow the "borrow children" suggestion. Be like Gladys Aylward or Amy Carmichael! Get about 100 orphans! And if you don't have 100 orphans...just get a picture taken in a really crowded city?
ReplyDeleteI just checked my friend's missionary magnet and they look entirely too gorgeous. I will be passing these tips along to her immediately. I think it would also help if they wore somewhat outdated to clothes that say, "We are entirely to serious and busy to pay attention to silly fashion rules from back home."
ReplyDeleteI'm going to giggle every time I look at my fridge missionary magnet collection now. And then pray, of course.
This is hilarious! Did your mom really say that? If so, she is hilarious, too. She should get her own blog...
ReplyDeleteI wish you would have added that it helps for the kids to be half clothed in the photo as well. looks like you are in a real jungle, or need more money for clothes.
ReplyDeletethis coming from someone who was a missionary for over 12 years.
I think the fact that you and your siblings aren't wearing shirts further emphasizes the need, like saying, "Please support us - look! We can't even afford to fully clothe our children!" Perfect.
ReplyDeleteJon, you genius. i am simultaneously overjoyed you did not one, but two posts on "mish pics," and also completely not surprised you were once in a few yourself.
ReplyDeleteas an MK who grew up in the tropics, i'd say that you're right on with your tips -- but perhaps add that Location Counts. if you're lucky enough to be a mish in an "exotic" country, show it! (if not, pose in front of a big bush.) the one family mish pic that i think was most successful involved us on some primitive-looking stone table thing (thus also triggering latent Narnia-loving tendencies in donors) in a very jungle-ish setting.
single women mishes, this location tip works for you too! pick a cool-looking bush and then, as devout hypocrite said, gather kids around you...but make sure they are the Ethnic Kids You're Ministering To. not only is that more "ethical," but there is nothing like a bunch of Cute Ethnic Kids to make nice church peeps bust open their wallets.
ho. lee. cow.
ReplyDeletelove it. love the term "mish pic" too. i wish I'd have read this before our latest mish pic went out, b/c our photographer-neighbor took ours and it looks too lovely. I shoulda had all my 5 kids barefoot and Donald Duckin' it.
haha, this blog is hilarious. i love it.
ReplyDeleteMy wife just got a nose ring and we are getting ready to take our new missionary pics. Is this a detriment or an asset? It's actually a tiny stud and not a huge loop, but the loop may look more "native". What do you think? I don't have the stache, but I am rocking a 2-3 day beard in our last pic. Would you critique our missionary pics? We are heading out for Thailand in March and need all the help we can get!
ReplyDeleteOh, this is awesome. My family had so many horrible missionary pictures. My brother Nathan was notorious for making stupid faces on accident. (See why we made him be Murdock when we played A-Team?) Oh, the days before digital cameras, when you didn't find out that two brothers looked like total idiots until you had to pay for the prints and send them out on prayer cards.
ReplyDelete