Christie Brinkley was the Heidi Klum of the 1980s. She was one of the world's first supermodels, appearing on dozens of magazine covers and marrying musician Billy Joel at one point. Even two decades later she is a stunningly beautiful woman. But, she is unfortunately also a perfect example of the lie, "if only."
If only is something we Christians like to say when faced with a temptation. For me it usually looks like this:
"If only I could get a book deal, then I would be happy."
"If only more people read my website, then I wouldn't be so insecure about my writing."
"If only I had more money, then I would not worry so much."
If only is a phrase I use to medicate myself. Instead of turning to God in a time of need, I pretend the only thing that stands between me and perfect happiness is one "if only." But Christie Brinkley kind of ruined that for me. Or rather her husband did.
Her husband has recently been accused of having an affair with an 18-year old girl. He has been accused of having a $3,000 per month porn habit. He has been accused of spending $300,000 to cover up his tracks. What does that have to do with if only? Everything.
You see, in one single stroke, Brinkley's husband, Peter Cook, has effectively killed a bunch of "if only" statements:
1. "If only I could marry someone really attractive, then I wouldn't lust anymore."
Cook married one of the top ten supermodels of all time. She was and is gorgeous. And yet he was addicted to Internet porn. Brinkley's beauty was not enough to fill the hole inside of Cook.
2. "If only I was rich, then I would be happy."
Peter Cook is richer than I will ever be. He allegedly spent more on porn every year than some people earn in salaries. And yet, he wasn't happy. Happy people don't do things that require $300,000 in hush money.
3. "If only I was good looking, then people would love me."
Peter Cook is good looking. He is tall and handsome and looks like the kind of guy that knows his ways around Beverly Hills. But he didn't feel loved. People that are content in the love they have don't desperately try to find it from 18 year olds. They don't trawl the Internet for attention.
I might be the only one with an "if only" in my life. Maybe you have never thought, "If only I could get married, then I would be happy," or "If only I had a different job, then I would be worry free." But if you have, if you are at all like me, I want to propose something. I think we need to retire the phrase "if only." Let's send it to an early grave. Let's strike it from our vocabularies and pull it from our hearts, because it's one of those lies that holds us back from seeing what is truly beautiful about our own lives. It takes our eyes of the good that already exists. It makes us blind.
What do you think? Want to retire, "if only?"
Yes.
ReplyDeleteEasier said than done.
AMEN, Jon!!!
ReplyDeleteThere was a man who lived long ago, that had it all, the best schooling a great mind, well of by the world's standards. He used to pray, "Lord make me chaste... but not yet". He lived a life of lust until his conversion to Christ. But then his life is reformed and he profoundly says,
ReplyDelete"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."
-St. Augustine of Hippo
I don't think we can retire "if only" unless it is replaced with something else. We were made with the capacity to fill a void. What if we replace "if only" with "I'm thankful for"... To me, retiring "if only" without creating it into a Godly thought only leaves room for more sin to creep in. "If only" focuses on self and what we don't need, "I'm thankful for"... focuses on God, who gives & is all we need. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI heart your serious posts!
I've been trying to get my husband to retire "if only" for several years now. We own our home, both have good jobs, and have a decent car to get us around, besides all the usual blessings of our families and a wonderful church. Still, I often catch him saying, "If I could only win the lottery, then we wouldn't have to work and life would be so much better." I grew up poor and, even though we handled our finances badly early in our marriage (we're in a debt management program now), we are still so much better off financially than my family ever was. I can't seem to make him understand that, even though we have to work and can't have all the things we want, I do feel wealthy. I think he would be so much happier if he could let go of the lottery dreams and just try to enjoy what he have, without wishing there could be more.
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling lots of similar stuff watching this tragedy in the Cook/Brinkley household unfold. So sad and so empty. What a great perspective, removing the "if only" from our minds.
ReplyDeleteAdam, you rock for pulling out the St. Augustine quote!
Yes, retire it, retire the thinking that goes with it. Unless it's replaced with, "If only I relied on God..."
ReplyDeleteYou had me at Christie Brinkley.
ReplyDeleteAmen! Time to retire it. I agree with Stacy from Louisville...
ReplyDeleteBrilliant Jon. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYes, retire it...I at least want to try.
ReplyDeleteJohn,
ReplyDeleteI totally with you on this one. When we constantly focus on what we don't have we miss out on enjoying what we do have. Great post...as usual. Keep up the good work.
-John Hall
Fresno, CA
a guy I thought I was in love with used the "if only" on me a couple of months ago. amen to retiring it.
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing post that strikes to the heart of what's wrong with American Christianity. We have so much, and yet we lust after so much more.
ReplyDeleteWhat's amazing to me is that God continues to want fellowship-- to want a personal love relationship with us. As filthy, as fickle, and as annoying as we can be sometimes.
Yes, retire "if only" and replace it with "but by grace"-- because if it weren't for grace we'd simply be wishing for the luxury that we now take for granted.
Whoops, delete my last comment, Jon. I apparently skimmed your post and didn't realize that I was repeating what you already said, more or less. Thanks.
ReplyDelete"If only" we would be content with all the blessings God showers on us, and realize that we have what we have and are where we are in His almighty providence! How counter-cultural in our society that worships stuff and the next best thing.
ReplyDeleteOOooooh, how I have struggled with this in my life!!! You are absolutely on the dot with this one...very good post!
ReplyDeleteI want it gone from my life, too!
I so agree--as a girl, the day Brad left Jennifer for Angelina I was set free from my thought that "if only I was prettier, skinnier, perfect in every cosmetic way" sounds shallow but it's true.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this great post (and stephanie c. in ky for the very honest comment). It made me feel quite silly for saying "if only" instead of counting my blessings.
ReplyDeleteIf only we could retire it. couldn't resist.
ReplyDeleteIf only we could retire it. couldn't resist! Love this site by the way.
ReplyDeletePreach it, brotha!
ReplyDeleteI love your funny posts but these insightful deep ones are my favorites.
ReplyDelete~Leslie
Ah contentment!
ReplyDeleteIf only I was content...
Yeah, that phrase doesn't work for me anymore. I want contentment, which is not a bad desire, and we should strive to be more and more like Christ (not be complacent), but at the same time contentment is resting. It's resting in who God is. It's believing He's enough. It's looking to Him and Him alone for satisfaction. And once we do, we'll rest in what we have, where we are (geographically and in life), and it's the only way to avoid starting the contentment lesson over when things change.
Amen...what an amazing thought. I am currently reading Do You Think I'm Beautiful by Angela Thomas and you're right...the only thing that will truly complete us is the love of God.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be from North Carolina to know about the Raleigh Ringers...
ReplyDeleteI'm from the Midwest, and our handbell director talks about the Raleigh Ringers a lot and plays us some of their recordings.
And alas, the only guitar I've been able to rock is one with a lever for strings and 5 colored buttons for frets.
We do need to retire this. I caught myself thinking this way, sometimes, too. Will work on that.
ReplyDelete1. I used to be addicted to porn to the point of working in that industry. It wasn't the loss of my wife through divorce that freed me. God is my rescuer.
ReplyDelete2. I have never made so little money but I have more than enough and I give money away. God is my provider.
3. Well, I am made the way I am made. Can't change that. Not that good looking but what can you do. Fortunately, God made me perfect for His will. God is my creator.
Ask me, since I submit fully to my God, how many times have I said "if only"?
You are correct. Zero.
Great post, Jon. Makes so much sense when paralleled to this man who seemingly had it all...
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Jon.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it's, "if only I had more money so I could replace the roof/finish decorating the house I've lived in for 3 years/treat for termites/pave the driveway/redo the kitchen/add a deck in the backyard, I could have enough money to support this missionary/my church/travel the world." Thanks for the reminder that If Onlys suck.
ReplyDeleteAnd also? This post totally makes me want to listen to Hanson's "If Only", which is one of my favorite summer songs ever. (It's not about summer, it's just very good to blast in the car with the windows down on the way to the beach.) In case you are sadly uneducated, and think Hanson is still very MMMBop, here's a link to "If Only": http://youtube.com/watch?v=R14VRaaBFNM. Which, actually, is 8 years old now, but is a cool video featuring 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, mountains, and playing music on top of tour buses. Their newer stuff (like on their album "The Walk") might be more your style - they're winning over converts to their music left and right!
/Hanson pimping. Hehe.