Every Friday, I go through the posts and try to find a few words or phrases for the Stuff Christians Like Dictionary, also known as the SCLD. Here are three new ones:
Craft Rabbit
Origin:
Torturing the janitor during VBS.
Definition:
This is a craft material that, much like reproducing rabbits, has a borderline magical way of multiplying. Glue tends to do this but the best example is glitter. Somehow if you use a sprinkle of glitter in a Noah's ark project in Sunday School you can expect to have glitter in the classroom, the hallway, the lobby, the sanctuary, cars in the parking lot, the nearest highway, etc.
Example:
"I swear, I dropped like two pieces of glitter, I mean, two microscopic pieces of pink glitter and before they hit the floor there were one million pieces. It was like Rainbow Brite up in here. Glitter is such a craft rabbit."
Half and half
Origin:
The Judgment Olympics.
Definition:
This is simply a sarcastic way to tell someone you think something is dumb. The sentence has two primary sections. The first half is a happy compliment. For instance, "I think that author is great." In the second half of the sentence you reverse what you have said with a hidden sarcasm snake. For instance, "if you like to read heretics." When combined, you have a very easy way to make someone think you agree which makes them let down their guard, allowing you to punch them in the stomach. Spiritually speaking of course.
Example:
"No, I completely understand what you are saying about skipping church this Sunday. I just hope hell isn't too hot for you."
Mint Approach
Origin:
The "please turn to" Bible race.
Definition:
I love this move. This is when, out of love, you decide to be the fastest one to find a Bible verse the minister tells you to turn to during church. So right before they say which verse to look up, you ask your neighbor for a mint or some gum. While they're distracted searching for some sort of spearmint delight, you can find the Bible verse first.
Example:
"Yeah, he knows the Bible better than I do, but I used the mint approach to cripple him."
p.s. the weekends are pretty quiet at the old SCL so chances are, few people will see this, but this Monday, I'm writing a summer camp-flavored post called "Making Purple." This is going to be a ribald, or scurrilous if you will, tale of what happens when boys (blue) and girls (pink) get into trouble at camp together.
I'm pretty excited for that, because "no purpling!" has always been a highlight of my Christian camp experience.
ReplyDeleteAh, yes, the "no purple" rule. I've been hearing that at least once a year on trips or at lock-ins since junior high. This of course always spurred the more inappropriate of us (never me, though I always gave a polite laugh) to question what the consequences of making "dark blue" or "red" were.
ReplyDeleteFirst comment! wow...that's exciting for me.
ReplyDeleteLove the mint approach...i find that sussing out the verse before the service starts, and sticking the pencil in the Bible approach also very successful. It was the cause of many giggles for my husband and i last week at church.
Lookin forward to many more entries for the SCLD.
dude, so funny. Keep it coming.
ReplyDeletethanks for torturing us......having to wait on the purple post for 48 hours.......
ReplyDeleteFor those of us who have children who insist on waking at the butt crack of dawn every single day there's no reason not to start the weekend with SCL. So, I guess you could say I'm a hard core SCL mom.
ReplyDeleteIt's 8:38 and I'm giving you a shout out from "The 'ville".
looking forward to the summer camp posts. monday's post sounds like an SCL version of AARP's DividedWeFail animal hybrid.
ReplyDeleteah, the good ol' camp days, memories, what great memories. Can't wait to read that post.
ReplyDeleteO4
i, for one, loathe craft rabbits... glitter absolutely being the most obvious culprint.
ReplyDeleteadditionally... if your name is ms. allison or ms. beatrice, please do not ever ever ever give my child a craft to which you have asked them to glue food. this is detestable and morphs my "christlike cloud of worshipfulness after leaving worship" into the likeness of the beastmaster of the first floor of the education labyrinth...
who thinks that is a good plan. it's sick and wrong and blech.
Oh, I can't wait for the "making purple" post. It's a classic! You should do a whole entry about youth group leaders' love of awkward metaphors for sex: "Sex is like gluing two pieces of paper together." "Sex is like eating Doritos and drinking from a communal cup of water."
ReplyDelete"craft rabbit"...that's funny!! I'm gonna have to remember that one.
ReplyDeleteJust something I noticed, in your example for Half and Half, you didn't use Half and Half in a sentence like you usually do, but rather offered an example of a Half&Half in process.
ReplyDeleteJust thought I'd point that out....so you can develop a pattern if you do choose to publish said dictionary, which I would purchase. ;)
Definately keep up the good work! I just had my wisdom teeth yanked out so I'm pretty sure I could use a little more wise crackin'.
Yup, there was definitely some residual glitter in the sanctuary today from the craft rabbit..
ReplyDeleteum, the whole purpling thing... i was in youth ministry for 13 years and never used that, nor had i ever heard of it until your post. i was so thrown by all the "blue and pink make purple" comments i had to look it up to make sure. yes! blue and RED make purple, not pink. or, as WikiAnswers puts it: "...use cool-toned colors such as magenta or alizarin crimson for the red, and ultramarine for the blue. personally, i think "leave room for the holy spirit" is the best wet blanket to throw on budding romance...
ReplyDeleteJon, please get this dictionary published - it's the awesomeness of dictionariness and I would definitely buy it... hilarious!
ReplyDelete