You have to dig Anne Jackson. There’s not a rule or official decree I am aware of, but if you meet her or hear her speak or read her book, Mad Church Disease
So when she told me she was writing a new book in the style of “Post Secret” in which folks like you and me could talk about the things you just can’t confess in church and put that in a beautifully designed book and beautifully designed website, my first thought was “awesome.”
OK, my first thought was “I’m so jealous I didn’t think of that idea.” And then I kicked a small woodland creature who skittered across my path as I walking to the mailbox.
But once I was able to get to my second thought which was, “what an awesome idea” I asked Anne if the readers of Stuff Christians Like could join conversation. She’s collecting ideas right this second on her site permissiontospeakfreely.com
So that brings us to the challenge of the day.
Simply put, what’s something you can’t confess in church? What is something true of your life that you’re afraid or embarrassed of ashamed to say in the confines of church?
Anne is going to give the author of her favorite comment a free autographed copy of her book, “Mad Church Disease.” And then, she’s going to read through all the other comments and maybe use some of them on her site in a book or in a million other ways that the ever creative Anne Jackson thinks of. I’ve told her ya’ll are awesome, so Anne is really excited to see what you have to say. And because your words might be printed somewhere, at the bottom of this post is the fancy legal jumbo you apparently have to put when you do these kind of things.
Comment on this post until Tuesday, Tuesday, September 22nd with a response to the question:
What’s something you can’t confess in church?
legal stuff they tell me i need to say and that i took from PS: By submitting information to this project, you grant Anne Jackson a perpetual, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, modify, publish, distribute, and otherwise exercise all copyright and publicity rights with respect to that information at its sole discretion, including storing it on my servers and incorporating it in other works in any media now known or later developed including without limitation published books. If you do not wish to grant me these rights, it is suggested that you do not submit information. Anne Jackson/Thomas Nelson reserves the right to select, edit and arrange submissions, and to remove information from the website at any time at its sole discretion.
The first thing that came to my mind of what I felt I couldn't confess to in church was struggling with repeated relapses of eating disorders.
ReplyDeleteIt was the ongoing part of my sin that seemed unacceptable to confess. Somehow I had the impression that epic battles with pride were better sins to confess. The shame I felt reinforced this lie.
Romans 5:8! Like our 2-yr-old loves to sing (to the tune of Jingle Bells): "Jesus saves, Jesus saves, people IN their sins."
I often feel I cant confess in church that I have massive issues with acceptance of myself and often fall into self-destructive hatred of myself.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, what do you do with that?
For me it'd be porn, but my church is pretty cool and accepting, the head pastor man has even mentioned struggling with it.
ReplyDeleteBut loathe to mention masturbation in any Christian circles. (I bet you're disgusted and embarrased just reading that)
See, for years I thought masturbation and sexual fantasy was something you couldn't confess in church, especially as a girl. Finally got up my courage and confessed to my two godliest friends. Discovered that they struggle with same issue and now we keep each other accountable.
ReplyDeleteThat said...I wouldn't confess this from the platform nor am I brave enough to leave my name on this post.
That I love my husband but hate being a pastor's wife.
ReplyDeleteThat I love God but hate the church.
Shout out to Andrew (3rd post) - you are not alone brother!!!!
ReplyDelete1. Mental health issues - depression, anxiety, anger
2. And subsequent taking of medications.
3. Sexual issues - porn, masturbation
WV: unall - opposite of all
I have another one:
ReplyDeleteI want to travel alot and I have NO desire to be a missionary. I don't like having alot of people around me, nor do I care to meet new people. I am more interested in geography, climate, and architecture, and I don't really care to involve myself in many people's lives.
i already made the mistake of mentioning to my very christian bosses that i (as a christian) am a huge supporter of gay rights, even though i still recognize the bible sees it as a sin. even though i am straight myself, i see no reason as a christian in the freest country in the world to deny simple human rights like love and marriage to anyone else. the Bible says we are only to judge those that are our brothers and sisters in Christ (for how can you judge someone with a book they dont believe in?), but to love everyone. the look on my bosses face when i mentioned this was enough for me to never bring it up again. mentioning i had friends in the church that were pro choice was even worse.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with depression. The hard hitting, no cure in sight, kind of depression. It's heriditary and out of my two other siblings, I was the one to inherit it. The church can never know about this because they would never understand. They would say, "Christians shouldn't struggle with depression because they have Jesus in thier lives". Well, I have Jesus in my life, but that doesn't take away the sadness that routinely plaugues me.
ReplyDeleteLet's give another shout out for women struggling with masturbation (anonymously). When I finally talked with a close friend about it, she said that not only does she struggle as well, but so does her sister and all of her other close friends she's talked with. If this is so widespread, why is it NEVER talked about in church?
ReplyDeleteHow I think that the short-term missions trips churches take are the biggest waste of money one could think of. Two thousand dollars a person can put you on a week long trip putting you in nice accomodations, making sure you have plenty to eat, and keeping you occupied with service projects and sightseeing. Now why not take this two thousand dollars a person and give it directly to the people that need it most? Seven thousand can drill a well for a needy village and satisfy their needs for A LIFETIME.
ReplyDeleteSo what makes more of an impact; a week, or a lifetime?
i know what you mean, susie boldt. depression is like a cancer that eats away at everything, even your faith. it is a horrible weapon. it's like satan's atom bomb. for me, depression might not ever go away, but you can learn to make decisions that keep you from getting down, or learn to win the little battles in your head and keep yourself up. i personally like to read james (the "consider it pure joy when you face trials" part). or you could read Job. nothing makes you feel better than reading about that dude's miserable life, haha.
ReplyDeleteanyways, you would think that there should be nothing that you couldn't confess in church.
if we consider ourselves as "the church" and not some building, i think that we could confess anything. we should be the body of Christ 24/7. if we were, i don't think that there would be anything that satan could hold against us.
sorry this is so long.
I think the hardest thing is that I struggle with porn. Not because of the fact that I am worried that they will not accept me for who I am, but because I am the youth leader. I work with lots of teenage girls, but I don't think of them that way. I also want to go into Christian camping. I love working with kids. But I am SO afraid that someone would say, "Well, you're a pervert in one way, why wouldn't you be a pervert in another way." This fear keeps me from confessing that it has been a problem. Especially since our church just got a new pastor who I don't know very well.
ReplyDeleteBTW... I'm recovering from this problem and have been porn free for at least 4 months now. But the problem still haunts me sometimes.
My Husband lied to me about his salvation while we were dating. When we married he was faking his Christian walk. I knew something was very wrong, but ignored it. Seven years later after much conflict he had a lengthy affair.He wanted to move, he wanted to leave me and our daughter, but I wanted to let God work in our marriage. We stayed together, he became a Christian for real. He was called into ministry, we moved to seminary, he took a part time staff position at a church. He had a lengthy emotional affair. It hurt as badly - actually more - than the physical affair. God is now doing awesome things in our home and marriage, but no one in the church knows about what happened. How in the world can I confess that, we're still serving the same church. They would lose their minds over this.
ReplyDeleteI've been a born-again Christian for 20 years and now I don't believe you have to accept Christ as Savior to be reconciled to God.
ReplyDeleteI think God will forgive all people in all religions and all cultures because of Jesus' death on the cross.
I'm afraid to say it in church for fear of being ostrasized and I'm almost afraid to admit it completely to myself for fear of going to hell.
I'm fine with gay people getting married.
ReplyDeleteI voted for Obama.
I've still angry with God about my infertility.
That Church sucks.
ReplyDeleteThat it feels like church is more interested in creating a fun little clique of people who all "serve" together - but they're "serving" mostly within the walls of the church...
It's boring. Uncreative. Tired. Ignoring Jesus' Red letters. Ignoring orphans. Ignoring everything outside of it's clique.
It just sucks. Jesus is the man though and God is the bomb - but church sucks.
I bet God would agree.
When my husband was hired to pastor a church and we moved far away from family and friends to come here, our church said "We want you to be part of our church family." But six years later we realized they meant "We want your husband to be part of our staff." We're still trying to make friends here which is tough when we keep being told that everyone here has been friends for years and they don't have time for new relationships and "you're just going to have to understand that." Screw them.
ReplyDeleteMore:
ReplyDelete- I think most Calvinists are arrogant about their knowledge and their websites are dry, boring, tiresome, and frankly kind of stupid
- I think way too many younger male church leaders are phony with their girly jeans, guitar at their side, product in their hair, and their overly inflated egos
- I don't think President Obama is the anti-christ, and frankly I think he may just end up being another president like all the others before him.
I can say that worship is quality...music, biblical sermons from one of the pastors, fellowship.
ReplyDeleteBut I can't say that our senior pastor is a tool, a type-A control freak who has become a curmudgeon with questionable agendas. And he's slowly poisoning everything we as a church do - proud of numbers rather than relationships, etc.
I also struggle with church issues. I've gotten to the point where i have to force myself to go. I've struggled with a number of things mentioned here that i would not want to share.
ReplyDeleteBut the number one, for me i think, is that i've never "felt" the presence of God in my life.
I don't get the warm, glow-y feeling others seem to have when talking about the presence of God. I heard so many sermons as a girl & young adult about this. I spent a lot of time crying (alone) because i assumed that missing this part meant i wasn't "really" saved & was eternally damned.
It made it hard to witness to folks back in the days when i thought it my Christian duty to beat people over the head with the Bible. How could i tell anyone the wondrous feeling of having Jesus in your life when i had never had it myself?
At a previous time when i did try to share this i was told numerous things that were wrong with me: unconfessed sin, not trusting enough, doubting, not believing, not having enough faith, not "just letting God fill me," not being "filled with the spirit," even being demon possessed (which some well meaning Christians assumed the depression or other issues to be).
I reached a point where i decided i don't have to have an emotional "feeling" in order to believe that what God said is true. It doesn't depend on me. It is a promise of Jesus i cling to whether i "feel" it or not.
MemoriesofGray, I can understand what you're saying. It does seem to make sense, and giving the money directly would probably make more of an immediate impact on the people who are in need. :) However, a majority of people in full-times missions first went on a short-term trip. It's sort of the toe-in-the-water way God often uses to call people to missions. People who go on short-term trips are also much more likely to be consistent, generous financial givers to missions. So it's difficult to calculate a long-term benefit of those short-term trips.
ReplyDeleteI feel I can't bring up the subject of "too much emphasis on evangelism". The constant message is "reach out to the unsaved"... "bring in the lost sheep"... "minister to those hurting out there". Meanwhile, right in the congregation are people who are struggling with depression, marriage issues, feelings of not belonging, and extreme lonliness.
ReplyDeleteWhat about accepting that "wet-dreams" are not sins and that girls have them too? I'm single in my mid-twenties and it's hard to watch other people around me couple-up, be emotionally and physically intimate and be happy while I'm "pure" and chaste because I stick to the principles of my faith. I'm lonely and people at church don't get it.
ReplyDeleteWhat about accepting that getting my degree in piano doesn't mean that I want to play piano in church? Or join choir?
What about accepting that some girls are naturally very masculine? I'm quick, to the point, very dry and somewhat emotionless (all of which are very much admired in church men) but I'm told that as the Lord conforms me to the image of his son that I'll get more feminine.
What about accepting that it's not a sin if I don't want to hear about other women's husbands, children, grandchildren, Sunday School teaching, cooking, cleaning, etc. I hate social events at church because the men clump together (or sit with their wives), but the women only talk about these things.
What about accepting that just because I confess something doesn't mean I want your advice on how to fix it and it doesn't automatically make you my accountability partner?
I can't confess any of these things in my church. Though I'm repeatedly told that I'm a sinner, I'm never supposed to act like one.
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ReplyDeleteThat I struggle to love my adopted child the same way I love my biological child. I never expected that to happen. I could never confess that to anyone in church....it's hard enough confessing it to myself.
ReplyDeleteworking at a church, with a husband whom works at a church means our life is practically indunated with church activities.
ReplyDeletethere are so many things I would like to say but can't...
first, unless we wake up... church is loosing its relevancy in today's culture. when we applaud videos such as http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VPcPCwK_G0 and think that is going to reach the masses ... we have lost touch.
secondly, many church people just plain aren't nice. i can't even being to count the number of cliques and such that are present in our church. outsiders will always be outsiders- ironic since church is supposed to be the one place that anyone can belong...
doubting my salvation. Pastors and people look down on you like you're a baby believer.
ReplyDeleteWait, how are eating disorders and other mental health issues "sins"?
ReplyDeleteThat's like saying chicken pox, downs syndrome, and cancer are sins to be confessed.
A mental illness is still an illness, not a personal failing, and people who suffer from them deserve treatment and compassion just like those who suffer from diseases that are more "physical" in nature.
No one should be made to feel guilty about an illness they suffer from.
How is a chemical imbalance in the brain any different than an imbalance in another part of the body?
Disease is not a "sin".
I hate the way the church teaches about sex. There was so much emphasis on "sex before marriage is BAD" that I had a hard time mentally changing gears to "sex is not only OK, but GOOD now" after I got married, which caused problems for my husband and me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think masturbation is a sin, unless it's causing a person to not meet their spouse's needs, the person is addicted to it, or the person thinks it is wrong but does it anyway, going against their own conscience.
While I think homosexuality is a sin, I don't agree that we should make laws about it. You can't expect non-Christians to act like Christians. We don't live in a theocracy; we live in a secular democracy and we have secular laws for that reason. I wouldn't want to live under Sharia law. I don't think it's fair to expect non-Christians to live under Christian religious law.
I cannot stomach listening to Focus on the Family's radio program anymore. It is way to politically-oriented.
ReplyDeleteA while back they spoke of some house or senate bill that contained some language that supposedly was threatening to religion on radio or something like that. They named the bill. I went online to check it out and to see it for myself before doing the usual "call your senator/congressman" and was shocked to see this bill was well over 500 or 600 pages long. I never did find the legislation in this ginormous bill FOTF spoke of. The FOTF radio program never said where in the bill to find the troubling legislation. I emailed FOTF and asked them next time they ask their listeners to call their senator/congressmen to be more specific on where in the bill the troubling legislation is.
I never received a response. Yes, they do have some great stuff to present, but please do a service to us if you want us to be politically active!!!
That when I was 15, at the lunch table in the cafeteria, I denied Christ - I literally said "I'm not a Christian, I don't believe in Christ" - in order to impress my then-boyfriend... who wasn't Christian...
ReplyDelete... the one who later abused me, emotionally, verbally, sexually, physically.
And I feel like I deserved it - for denying Christ. I still feel that God will reject me/has rejected me forever for denying Christ. I'm ashamed to think that, and I'd never confess it in church... or to anyone.
i've always felt that i can't confess how spiritually alone i feel in church. Ive never had a mentor or accountability group, and as a leader now and seminar student i still don't have that. It's almost as if the church wants to get as close as it can to endorsing REAL connection and accountability, just to fall short and make a mockery of God and his desire for his children.
ReplyDeleteWhen I confessed to my small group and family the physical, sexual, and emotional abuse I received from my now ex-husband, I was told that God "doesn't care if I'm happy, He only wants me holy." And I should "fear His judgment for pursuing divorce" because my husband didn't commit adultery, which is the only justification for divorce. I was also challenged to be more Christ-like and was told I loved too conditionally. Instead of loving support, encouragement, and accountability, I was sent away wondering what God's purpose was for me and my two young boys, and how we could ever fit in His plan as a broken family.
ReplyDeleteAnd along those lines, I would like to confess that my Christian friends are less loving, caring, and giving than my non-Christian friends. And my non-Christian friends do a fantastic job of not pretending to be perfect.
I could never say at my church, that our leaders need to "Man Up". They sit back and expect strangers to just walk into our church and suddenly be saved. They need to man up and GO OUT into all the world. They think its ok, because they donate money to missionaries, but it doesn't seem like they ever share their own faith.
ReplyDeleteI could never say at my church, that our deacons need to man up and try something new. Listen to some new music, read some new books, stop being so closed minded. I don't want them to do anything sinful, but not everything out there is sinful.
I secretly enjoy when the pastor calls for a churchwide fast, because it gives me an excuse to indulge in the eating disorder behaviors I gave up a year ago that sometimes still call out to me.
ReplyDeleteThere is alot I can't tell in church but two that really stuck out
ReplyDelete1) There is so much talk in church about being godly/holy/being salt & light to the world but in reality in the cliques of church the people are more focused on what you wear, where you live, who you know in the church and keeping up with the stuff in and of the world.
2) That I ended up hating, then forgiving, then became extremely guarded and wary of the church leaders after my husband was laid off (because of the economy) and I was pregnant with our 3rd child. When we went for financial counseling ("godly" counsel from the church) they attacked my husband and told him he was lazy because he couldn't find work and the pastor said he would have a job in a day. He said I would leave him when I saw how all other men provided for their wives. My husband wanted to die that day and wanted me to leave him and get it over with- he believed every word. I told my husband the pastor was like the Pharisees and he should tell someone about it so no one else would be emotionally destroyed two pastors came in and ganged up on my husband and beat him up with scripture. I can't tell anyone in church because I know God expects me to forgive and turn the other cheek. But also because I'm afraid that maybe all churches are like this. But I am still angry that so many pastors are placing such a heavy burden on the church and not lifting a finger to encourage and support and "love on people" as my church so often uses as an expression.
I feel closer to God when I'm outside....
ReplyDeletethat medical probelms have left my husband unable to do his job as a pastor and teacher. And so, I write his sermons, schedule and prompt his shepherding....and I'm exhausted.
ReplyDeleteI feel more "at home" with the lost, the lonely, the forgotten, the marginalized, than among many of the church people I've stumbled upon.
ReplyDeleteFor a long time I griped that my church leaders yell at me for not wanting to wear a tie. But now I just flat out tell them I hate ties. And most of the time I don't wear them. When I do dress up for a special occasion, they all come up to me and tell me how great I look. All I can think is "God doesn't care what I'm wearing, why do you?"
ReplyDeleteI'm tired of them saying that we should accept people as they are, and not accept me (who has been going to the church for 23 years... since I was 1).
I'm a pastor and I hate going to church. They dish out apathy and hostility, then complain when I retreat into myself.
ReplyDeleteI don't consistently love the church. It's hard for me to forgive the church for what it has done to my family and myself and others that I love. I experience physical pain when I hear others speak of their wounds inflicted by the church, but my stomach turns when I hear an innocent baby Christian speak of the church in awe and wonder as if it's holy like Jesus. That sounds so bad for me to say. Maybe it is not something I should say even if it is truly how I feel.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with my responsibility when this happens. Would my parents have let me play with the little girl down the street if they had know her father was a child molester? NO WAY! They were innocent. They never dreamed...
This is different, though, I think. I think this is more like teaching a two year old about the heartbreak of dating. It's probably going to happen someday and they will probably get hurt, but why not let them enjoy the innocence of being a baby. In the church, I believe that if a Christian allows themselves to become passionate, accept a calling or be faithful, it's not a matter of IF, but WHEN the church will fail them. You see, God is not a Quadrune God, but a Triune God. The church is fallen, just like us. It can't be part of God's identity to us. It is a vessel, just like us, that God has CHOSEN to dwell in and use for His Glory, just like us. And He will dwell in it as much we allow Him to, just like our hearts. It's not part of God by nature, but part of Him because He loves it. It is US. WE are the church.
The church is shut down internally, just like our hearts, with bitterness, greed, selfish ambitions, and fear, and that list can be expanded as far as you need it to extend. Just like in every human heart, these are present in every church. A mature Christian knows these weaknesses in themselves and defy these hidden thoughts through exposing them. These ugly cockroaches cannot live in light. An immature Christian will hide these things, giving them a safe place to reproduce and grow simply to maintain their pride. The exact same thing is true in every church globally. Cockroaches survive in the dark and where they are fed. To go a little further with my cockroach analogy, I will also offer that things considered less harmful because they are smaller reproduce much faster and are harder to get rid of. Can you find a perfect church? No. Can you find a church that is mature? I sure hope so.
As a member of a great fellowship (church), my heart goes out to all of you who feel like your church or any church for that matter isn't a place of love and refuge in this world. We as a body (all Christians) are to be the hands and feet of Jesus. He is the embodiment of love. But sadly that is what's missing from most churches today. God said love is patient, love is kind...(read 1 Corinthians 13 for the whole passage), but he didn't say "to those like me" or "when I feel like it."
ReplyDeleteTo the church, I say this...God can love, forgive and restore. Why can't we? I don't agree that gay marriage should be legal, but I don't hate those who disagree. I do pray that the Lord open the eyes of all of us to HIS truth.
I guess this isn't really a confession, but it is something most would be afraid to say in church. Just know that to you who are struggling with addictions, depression, whatever...God does love you and there is nothing or no one who can take that from you. He chose to love you and not for your works or deeds but because you are you. Embrace that love. Surrender every detail to him and watch in awe as he transforms you... "Remind me that you take broken things And turn them into beautiful." (Britt Nicole, "Have Your Way", Lost Get Found album)
There is NOTHING that God can't handle. But the real question is whether or not you're willing to let him handle it his way?
To Anonymous, the pastor:
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks that you don't like going to church. Remember that you have been called to preach the Word of God. That's not always popular...not always safe...not always comfortable. But stand on HIS truth! He has called you and He is with you!
To Anonymous, mom with two boys:
I'm twice divorced (almost) with a young daughter. She is two...I left her father before her first birthday. After living in fear and watching her adapt to it, I knew I had to do something. After I left, I found even more to be fearful of. Over the last year he has tried to destroy my career, reputation, finances, and my family. My point is this, God doesn't want you to live in abuse. Wifely submission isn't being beaten down. It says that wives submit to your husbands but husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church (sacrifically). You can't control not be responsible for your ex-husbands heart. I will urge you to seek counsel and forgive him. After a year in discipleship counseling I have come to understand this...forgiveness is a choice and it has NOTHING to do with the other person. It is being able to say "_________, I forgive you for what you did to me and even if you choose to do that to me every day for the rest of my life, I will forgive you." Sounds simple but it's not. I choose daily to forgive my daughter's father. And he is beginning to see the changes in me are real...God is good! ALL the time!
I believe fully that homosexuality is a sin. I am against gay marriage because God set marriage up to be between a man and a woman.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with homosexual thoughts and fantasies. I'm attracted to the opposite sex as well, so I don't consider myself gay, but my same-sex attractions haunt me.
I'm a full-time minister.
Thanks, fellow SCL commenters, for your honesty. I also struggle with loving God but hating "the church" and with sexual fantasies and temptations that "good girls" aren't supposed to have (not to mention that I voted for Obama...). I believe that there is grace enough for me(/us), and speaking honestly to a few friends (admittedly not 'at church', but within the context of Christian relationships) was one of the most freeing experiences of my life.
ReplyDeleteI was trying to think of something that I couldn't confess to the church, and I realized that there isn't anything. And it has nothing to do with me being perfect or us having a great church body that would never judge, never say terrible things to my darkest secrets. It's because somewhere along the line, those dark secrets stopped having any power over me. Because not too long ago, I started confessing some of those dark secrets and realized that, with the light shining on them, they weren't as dark as I'd previously thought. Because sometime in the past, the Truth of God's heart toward me became so intwined in my very being that nothing anyone could say could possibly move me from that place of rest. And I've had my share of rejection from people who thought I wasn't good enough for "church". It's just that it doesn't really matter anymore. I've tasted the love and acceptance of Jesus and a few good Jesus-like people, and that's all I need. Now I shout my secrets to the world and the church and people are healed, hearts are given hope, true friendships are made, and posers slink for cover. They can only hurt and judge you if you let them. But I know who I am. And I know Jesus. And not even the church can scare me into silence.
ReplyDelete~Anne
To the girl who was concerned that her denying Christ in front of her ex boyfriend...is not and can not be forgiven...
ReplyDeleteYou are being lied to by satan..who is trying to rob you of your joy and peace ...don't fall for this age-old trick..
Remember this : Peter denied Christ the night of His death...3 times...and Christ still appeared to him lovingly later..and not only spoke to him in love ...but told him to go feed His sheep.
You don't ask someone you don't love or trust to tend to your precious vulnerable ones.to lead them....whether they be your children..animals..etc....unless you have a deep love for that person....
Christ's love for you is no different than it was before..or than it will be tomorrow or in the future...His love is perfect and all knowing..all seeing...
He realizes our human frailties ..and loves us in spite of them....He knew we would be weak....and make mistakes...but He promised that when we are weak, He is strong..
The very fact that you struggle with shame over this ..speaks of your deep love for Christ..and He is well aware of this..
Now you just have to shut the voice of satan out..and allow yourself to believe in His deep love for you...and the forgivenness that is undeniably yours.....
Wow. Heavy stuff.
ReplyDeleteI am not just saying this to be proud, but I honestly feel like, at my church, all of those who have confessed so far would be welcomed with open arms. And not told how much they need to change. In the right context, I am not scared to admit anything to my church. (the right context being a relationship that handle the atom bomb of my sinful, crooked heart being dropped on it... I won't--and shouldn't--confess anything to a big group at my church or any other)
The beautiful part about the gospel is that it is for jacked up people like me. The gospel is NEWS, not instruction. So if your church is instructing you, but not giving you any good news, you aren't hearing the gospel. And without the gospel, you would be better off to attend a rotary club meeting. The gospel is not about having it all together, but about admitting that you don't.
Thanks for this post, Jon. Thanks that it reminds us that Jesus came for his bride. His adulterous, whoring, ugly, beautiful, white-washed bride.
Reading these comments is thoroughly moving.
ReplyDeleteKathryn, I really appreciated your comment. The emotional experience of Christianity has mostly bypassed me as well. You are so not alone in that.
"Is forgiveness even possible?"--oh, wow. If Christ forgave Peter, who knew Him face to face and had just promised to go to death for Him, how could He offer less forgiveness to you?
As for my own confession: I'm Catholic and I confess just about everything in church. :D But what I do have to offer here is awfully shallow. I'm an introvert, and one who has dealt with burnout and the ensuing depression at that. I don't want to "be involved" with a bunch of programs. Life outside the church feels like a constant guilt trip, pressuring me to give my name, energy, time, and money to social justice causes. Inside the church are endless "opportunities to serve". I wonder if there's something an introvert can do for God and humanity without giving up weeknights.
For years I have silenced myself. I know that God is a God of forgiveness and mercy and grace. And man, I love all those attributes when they apply to me, but I hate the fact that they also apply to people who perform truly horrific acts.
ReplyDeleteTo keep any shred of mental sanity, I have to intentionally not think about the fact that God forgives rapists just as easily as He forgave me.
It's one thing to confess anger issues in church, it's another to admit that you're angry at God because He loves all his children.
I have an anxiety disorder...and sometimes I get so anxious over the dumbest issues in my life. Lately, I just hate myself, to the point where I just want to die. But I know that if I kill myself, then God won't let me in Heaven..so then what's the point of dying? That's the only thing that keeps me from going all suicidal.
ReplyDeleteI keep asking God for a way to get rid of my anxiety or something to help me...but I feel He just doesn't care...no one does...
Nobody I know has an anxiety disorder...so I feel alone. That, and my anxiety keeps me from doing things that normal people do everyday...
I'm just a worthless loner in this world...
I'm a democrat and a Christian.
ReplyDeleteThat when I look at married couples, it makes me want to cry. Because I feel like no one will ever love me. When I tell people this, they just say, "of course you'll get married! You have such a pretty face!" Great, so some guy will love me for my face...
ReplyDelete-Jackie
There are 2 things I can't confess. The first thing is I can't confess that I think most people who "speak in tongues" are faking it and that I think most of the time it distracts from corporate worship and prayer.
ReplyDeleteThe second thing is that I think most people in church aren't really Christians as defined by the New Testament. And it kills me.
Both of those things make me feel more odd and alone in a place where I am supposed to be a part of community. In the end, I am walking by myself.
I just want to say that you all (above) sound like a great bunch of people - just the sort of people I like the best. Real people with real lives. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHow about when you come home from college and see your parents' marriage struggling. Both spouses acknowledge it but don't know where to turn. Your dad is talking to YOU about it because you're supposed to have it all together. You feel like there's no one to talk to because things like this are supposed to happen to other families, not yours...Not one of the "core" families of the large church with relatives on the pastoral staff!
ReplyDeletePeople would be shocked to hear what was going on. They'd say in hushed tones, "Oh, did you hear about the so-and-so's? (proceed to tell all the gossip possible) We should pray for them."
I've never had a problem admitting faults, etc (we are FAR from perfect!) but in this case, I don't want the judgment and questions that will go along with sharing what's going on.
...You're supposed to be the rock, but the rock can't bear everyone's burdens. It's starting to crack.
That my pastor is one of the most distant, unfriendly, discouraging people I've ever met.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't confess that even though my husband and I have been separated for a year now, we still have sex.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't confess that I have a serious shoplifting addiction that has been going on for 20 year now.
I couldn't confess that I have an addiction to porn.
I couldn't confess that while I am in counseling for all of the above, they aren't getting any better.
i would never admit in a church setting that the idea of going to heaven petrifies me. people talk about going "home" and how glorious it will be to be with God. I admit I need to read His word about Heaven, so I know for myself God's truth and ask for wisdom so that I can accept this concept. But, as of now, it is more comforting to think I will simply cease to exist than go to Heaven. I know it sounds silly (I also know that silly is a gross understatement)
ReplyDeleteprayers please? to trust in the Lord and accept that He is wiser than I'll ever be and His plans for me (in this life and the next) are good and perfect.
My husband and I lived together for two years before we got married. And it was wonderful. My Bible-thumping Grandma even supported it. We lied to our church about it.
ReplyDeleteI have many, "famous" Christian authors, singers, speakers, etc. that attend my church. I know where every single one of them sits during the service. I'm constantly staring at them, watching them raise their hands during the music, hug the people around them, when their husbands/wives put their arms around them, etc. I feel guilty for idolizing regular people like that. They would probably hate it if they knew I did it. Or would they love it??
I hate praying out loud in front of people.
I saw these two in several comments...
ReplyDelete1) I won't confess that I feel guilty whenever I masturbate. Like I'm less pure and disgusting, but it's so hard to resist when I'm feeling lonely.
2) I won't confess that seeing all my friends married and with kids has me feeling like there's something wrong with me. Two of my friends just had babies. I'm happy for them, but it hurts so much inside that I'm still single and childless. And that all feeds into the loneliness I feel.
My husband is in graduate school and will one day be making a TON of money. And I'm so excited. Of course, I can't wait to tithe out of it, adopt a Compassion child, and go on mission trips. But I also can't wait to have a big, pretty house, a nice car, and cute clothes. And to get a pedicure every now and then.
ReplyDeleteI like to drink. I love getting a margarita or two at a mexican restaurant. I love having a couple of beers when my husband grills some steak. I don't like to get sloppy drunk and take shots and puke everywhere, but I enjoy having some drinks every now and then.
There are so many of you that I want to respond to personally, but it would say pretty much the same thing...
ReplyDeleteGod loves you...he knows you. Your heart, your motives, your struggles.
I see a collection of really beautiful people...there is nothing that has been said that would make me "run away." It has been my experience that fear kept me from confessing...Satan had me believing that no one would forgive me or accept me or love me. And yes, there are those who don't (my mom being one), but God loves me. He has changed me. I have turned from those things (lots of the things mentioned here). Do I still think about it? yes. Do I still struggle? yes. I am human and I can't do it! Jesus came so we wouldn't have to. God sent him knowing we couldn't do it alone...
"I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved"
(Natalie Grant, "I will not be moved")
This song became an anthem for me. When I faced temptation or struggles or whatever, I sang this. Now, I want to share my past. I want God to use my life and testimony for his glory. The focus though is not on the details of my past but how God has brought me through it. He is IT! All I need. All I want. Praise God...right now!
Anonymous @8:51
ReplyDeleteWow. Yes. Took the words right out of my mouth.
1. Loving your husband, but wanting attention from other men.
ReplyDelete2. Addiction to porn as a women (which God has delivered me from, praise Him!)
I attended a church for 14 years and never had a single friend. I thought switching churches was wrong, because you weren't supposed to go to church for the people, but rather for God.
ReplyDeleteI switched churches a few months ago, have amazing friends, and am passionately in love with God. I am happy with my decision, and I'm sure God is too.
My pastor is not one bit interested in who I am, or what I feel. He only talks to me when he wants me to sign up for one of the many projects he's got going.
ReplyDeleteThat I don't like my pastor's sermons.
ReplyDeleteThat I'd go almost anywhere for counsel before I'd go to my pastor.
That, it my lower seasons of depression, Sunday morning is the worst part of my week, and when I come home from church I spend the afternoon huddled in a corner of my sofa wondering whether I'd be better off dead.
That I frequently browse the internet for other churches, the way one might browse Monster.com after a particularly bad day at work.
That though I often vote right of center, it's not for any of the Dobson-and-Christian-Coalition-approved reasons, and I'm not registered Republican, because political parties are despicable institutions that don't deserve my fealty.
That I resent how much the church has tried to make me feel that being intelligent and intellectually inclined makes me a bad woman.
That church is the only place in my life where I ever get the message that the person God made me - personality, experiences, gifts, present circumstances - is fundamentally not ok.
That I don't think being a Christian means you only experience pleasant and inoffensive feelings.
That I'd rather pay $10 for the privilege of not eating the mission team's overcooked spaghetti and iceberg lettuce than participate in their fundraising "banquet".
That as a pastor's daughter I still resent the church's feeling that it has a claim on its pastor's family - even though I've been away from my father's church for a decade.
That I sometimes use traditional liturgy in my personal devotions (anathema in our line).
That I could keep going with this list for several days, but will go to church tomorrow anyway.
That my biggest faith struggle isn't wondering, "why do bad things happen to good people/" but, "why did God ever think creating the universe was a good idea?"
ReplyDeleteI can't admit in church that I don't like church people, the ones who have been in church all their lives and are jaded and angry.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I don't think I would feel safe confessing anything in a church.
ReplyDeleteI have a couple things I'd be to embarrassed to confess in my church:
ReplyDelete1. Struggling with masturbation. After struggling with this for 10 years, I've talked with a couple other guys about it and it has gotten a lot less frequent than it was for quite some time. I still feel like my most of my Christian friends would be shocked and ashamed of me if they knew (although everyone I've talked to about this has worse struggles than me).
2. Although everyone seems to think I'm on fire for God, I often feel very discouraged and guilty for things like not praying enough or reading the bible enough etc. I couldn't bring myself to tell people that I feel like I'm all backslidden.
3. 90+% of sermons I hear bore me, although maybe one in 10 or 20 is really good.
Thanks to everyone who posted, it really helped to read all this.
I have never led anyone to the Lord so I feel like a failure as a Christian. I, also, struggle with masturbation, porn, and same-sex attraction. When my husband and I watch porn our sex life is awesome but when we don't not so good. Seriously, I'm shaking just writing this. There are times when I have doubts about salvation. Among the staff at my church there is so much division, strife, slander and hate no wonder God is not moving among us.
ReplyDelete@ starlight
ReplyDeleteI struggle with anxiety, depression, & ocd as I have been going to counseling to process the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child.
There are moments when it feels as if you do not have the strength to take your next breath. I have been there and I know I will likely be there again. God has grown me through this journey. I often wrestle with Him on the why of these things in my life. But keeping the conversation going with Him means that it is in the light and not the dark. Somehow, this will glorify Him. I may not know the why's or the how's on this side of the sky, but that is where love, trust and faith come in. And those are big things whether you have been abused or not.
Starlight, you are not alone. The moment you accepted Christ into your life, the Spirit filled you. We are siblings in the family of Christ. You (and all of the brave, authentic & transparent people who have commented here) will be in my prayers. Your words have brought me comfort to realize that I am not alone in my struggles AND God is faithful.
I'm a republican and a Christian.
ReplyDeleteI don't confess that I often doubt that I will ever find a husband by looking inside the walls of a church. At 29, I (a single successful professional female) have little hope of finding a match there. I have no demographic to connect with; no Christian peers; few close friends. I think single professional men don't go to church anymore.
ReplyDeleteI wish that faith didn't matter so much. I broke up with my only ever boyfriend just over a year ago because of his lack of faith/belief. He was an absolutely amazing man who would have been a fantastic husband. I wonder if I made the wrong decision.
Despite singleness being described a wonderful opportunity I still feel left out sometimes. I don't want to be the person who dates for the sake of being in a relationship, but maybe I would fit in if I were married.
what an awesome venue this is for us to open up.
ReplyDeletei wish i could talk to everyone individually, just like some other people said earlier.
nevertheless, things that people feel they cannot admit publicly have been posted, and at the very least, you are being prayed for and you know that you are not alone in anyway.
don't let yourself think that God can't handle these things. all of these things will pass (even if it takes a lifetime) and satan wants these things to keep you from enjoying God for eternity.
as for me, i've struggled with suicidal feelings, lust and addiction to substances, all of which seemed to get worse after accepting Christ. but through it all i know that faith in the Lord will keep satan from victory over me.
i also hate it when people tell me to "trust in the Lord" when i'm down, but i find myself doing just that anyways, because i honestly belive it. i hope you do too.
wow. my heart is sad after reading the pain described in the comments. and yet, i'm moved (and convicted) by the honesty. we, as american christians, have gotten the gospel and church so wrong. i'm thankful i go to a church in denver that loves me deeply and sincerely strives to be following jesus in every way.
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty because God should be enough. I am single,40 and lonely. I serve in a great church filled with wonderful, married, fertile people.I am surrounded by babies, while my eggs grow dusty and will spoil.
ReplyDeleteI think I should be totally okay as God clearly wants me all to Himself. But I want the hand holding, and being in love. The etc. I keep asking God to make me okay with being alone. Most of the time it's fine. Sometimes I hunt down a bowl of pasta (Ah food. My drug of choice) to feel better.
Oh right, I wont be confessing that either.
How do I reconcile needs and wants. He promised to supply all my needs. So since He doesn't lie, I need to reexamine my needs.
I fear dying.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if God hates me that much, or if He just makes sure my life is a total wreck so that I will look forward to dying.
- Believing that love (even from God) equals emotional pain based on what I experienced from the church and my christian father. Continually struggling with even wanting to talk to God out of this. I have shared this with an older woman in my church only to be told that it concerned her very much and that I needed to focus on who love is instead of what it is. I feel guilty for having a hard time trusting or loving God or believing that He loves me. But am I in counseling for it. Is there grace to try to work through this before being condemned to hell?
ReplyDelete- As a woman, sexual fantasy/porn/masturbation. Again, told an older woman at my church, who is also the director of a church ministry that I was involved with. Even though she says that she still loves me, I sometimes I feel like she treats me as if I am dirty, and will contaminate anyone I am around unless I have kept myself "pure" for an unspecified amount of time. I am no longer part of the ministry, for various reasons. I know it's a sin, and I am able to do so much better with it than before, but I also recognize that it is a symptom, not the main cause. That is why I am in counseling.
- Being open out needing counseling. I've got news- just because I've "got Jesus" everything is not okay. There are still a lot of hurts that need time and a professional to deal with. Whatever happened to the church being compassionate instead of kicking it's wounded?
I can't express my incredible doubt towards Jesus Christ. I can't talk about how I struggle to put the lessons from ancient text into my everyday life, and I can't shake the undeniable guilt I carry from growing up in the Catholic church.
ReplyDelete-I think the church would be better off without James Dobson.
ReplyDelete-I'm still completely pissed off about how my childhood church taught about sexuality. It messed me up and made the first years of our marriage so SO much harder.
-Realizing that the church was wrong in it's teaching about basic sexuality made me reexamine lots of my previously held, church-taught beliefs. Now I'm an Obama-voting, gay-rights supporting, pro-choice, not-Creationist Christian. And I love Jesus more than ever. I don't believe freaky right-wing Christians really know Jesus very well at all.
-I've been in the same small group for four years and I love them, but none of them know about struggles in our marriage or what I think about political topics.
The amount of pain talked about here breaks my heart. I'm so confused as to why we are keeping all this in but know 100% that I struggle with lots of things mentioned here that I would never dare confess at church! All of your confessions have been oddly comforting so thank you.
ReplyDeleteEveryone thinks of me as the pure, good little christian girl but I still can't seem to tell anyone I have struggled with masturbation for four years. I feel so unfeminine and ugly because of it. I feel like christian women are supposed to be quiet, graceful, pure, dainty, calm, and overall PERFECT and no decent christian man would want to be with otherwise. I'm so exhausted from primping and being stylish but modest in hopes a guy with consider me. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut and just nodding my head. I'm the most tired from watching girlfriends live a lie to have the dream husband and life...and then getting it.
I also got drunk on purpose twice this past summer after I took a job at a church. All this stems from my rock bottom self esteem and loneliness. I am constantly believing the lie that everyone will leave me if I opened up about who I really am. I'm scared that no one will ever want to be with me.
I also voted for Obama. I think he's great.
"Give up control. Give it all to God. He can take care of it."
ReplyDeleteI've been a Christian for years. And I struggle with this every day. The only reason that's different from what many other Christians say at church is this:
How? HOW does one "give it up to God"?
I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know how to really live a Christian life. And I could never share that with people at church who assume I DO know.
That I lied to my wife about being a virgin and am terrified to tell her the truth
ReplyDeleteAnnie @10.29. You asked how disease can be a sin. There is a school of thought (NOT MINE) that says we are sinful for "accepting" disease and that we have a choice about it.
ReplyDeleteI think this is bad enough when we're talking about things like eating disorders (which I've had) but in prayer ministry at my ex-church I had to repent of "the sin of trauma". This was after coming very close to death on the mission field. It was at that point that I realised I had fundamental theological differences with most people in our church. I felt so bad in that church that I would sit through the sermons wondering if I should be taking antidepressants, when all the time it was the church that was making me ill. I couldn't agree with what the pastor was teaching (prosperity stuff) but didn't have the courage to yell and heckle during the sermons or even to speak to him privately. I got very close to self-harming for the first time ever and when I confessed this to a friend, she said I had "accepted a spirit of death" during the traumatic experience. What a load of rubbish. I was just struggling with being in the wrong church. I left not long afterwards and felt better from that moment. I'm in a great church now.
That I am quite sure that I am slowly turning into my mentally ill mother, and the anger that I feel because no one notices.
ReplyDeleteThat I have thought of suicide on more than one occassion to escape this path.
I'm supposed to be the "redeemed woman of grace." I'm supposed to be a "missionary."
I'm not.
Anon @11:52-
ReplyDeleteMy spouse recently committed suicide. It didn't make things any better. My children and I are going through our own private, extremely difficult, confusing, struggle because of his act.
Don't do it. Ask someone to help you. Call the hotline and remain anonymous. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for those who will be left behind. It is devastatingly painful and an intentionally hurtful act to survivors of suicide. We will never recover or heal completely and he will forever be dead.
Nothing is solved by suicide - the pain just intensifies for everyone else. Get help NOW!
I struggle with two things - 1. I'm not sure that abortion is wrong 2. the sayings Christians say - like "lift Him up", "He is worthy of my praise" (course He is, where do I get off even thinking He isn't?), "led by the Spirit". No one has explained these (and other sayings) to me, and I'm embarrassed to ask what they mean!
ReplyDeletedepression-you cant confess it. people dont get it, people try to "verse" you out of it and it yes makes you even more depressed
ReplyDeleteI live with my boyfriend. We have been for 3 years. I hate that a huge reason for our upcoming wedding is my fear of being fired if anyone found out- I'm a youth pastor.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jon for this post, and thank you to all of the commenters for speaking from your hearts. I pray that you'll all find some comfort in having "spoken" the unspoken and received words of encouragement from other commenters.
ReplyDeleteI've been afraid to pray for God to give me His eyes to see those that are hurting, because that would mean I'd actually have to DO something to help. And this has made it so obvious that we as a church need to do just that.
I think Infertility is a big one nobody talks about.
ReplyDeleteBut I think being Pro-Gay marriage and Pro-Choice are the biggest taboos in the church. It's a huge no-no to attend gay weddings or support gay rights in any way.
And saying Pro-Choice in the church had better be preceded with "I'd never be.."
It's all judging others - casting the first stone... I am no better or worse than other sinners, regardless of the sin.
Thanks, Jon, for giving us an opportunity to speak out, even if anonymously! Although I know theoretically that other Christians have problems, it never comes out in church, and it's therapeutic to read it here. Can we start a revolution of some kind?
ReplyDeleteThings I can't confess:
That I also am bored by at least 90% of the sermons I listen to...
That I have an extremely hard time believing in a God that would create people and love them and then let them go to hell...
That I HATE praying out loud; I never feel real but that I'm talking to some fake god up in the sky. Alone, I know God and can talk to Him. In groups, not so much. As a missionary, this is SO not okay.
A few things first then my confession:
ReplyDeleteit also pains me to see so many people hurting and unable to reach out to the very people that should be ministering to them. To everyone out there, please check out anne jackson's website (link in jon's post) because there is a "get help" tab where a lot of you may find help. Especially women with porn and sex addiction (dirtygirlsministries.com check it out...awesome).
Also, to anon at 7:00 am-we can join the revolution...check out Anne jackson's website (link in jon's post). There are resources for churches to begin talking.
As far as my confession, I feel I cannot confess that I am having marital problems and they are 100% my fault. Almost exclusively because I am extremely selfish. It's ok to have marital problems in the church if you are the one being lied to, cheated on, or otherwise blameless in the problem, but if you are the one causing the problem, there is no one to turn to. You should just go to counseling, apologize and then be magically fixed somehow. Well, I've done that - no magic yet. And everyday is a struggle...to stay married, to try and raise my children in a Christian home despite the strife, to try to minimize the damage that is certainly being done to my children. I've had fleeting thoughts of killing myself to end it because divorce isn't an option, but I've seen what that does to the survivors and I would never do that.
Also, I am not always thankful for my children. They sometimes seem like a burden. I can hear your gasps even through the internet. What's worse is we struggled with infertility so I BEGGED God for these children, and now that I have them, they don't always seem like a blessing. sometimes I had never had them. And when I did confess this to my husband, he told me that was "disturbing" because that's what women say who kill their children! I certainly won't he telling anyone else that!
My confession -- no matter how many churches or denominations I try, I still can't find one that feels like home. Intellectually, spiritually, etc I never feel truly SAFE. I know i'd be judged and patronized if they really truly knew me. :(
ReplyDeleteWell, I have a great church where I can confess pretty much anything but what about thinking your pastor is hot? It's a weird thing because it could easily be misunderstood and made into a bigger deal than it is. To me, someone being attractive isn't the same as being attracted to them. But since he is actually hot, I bet lots of other women struggle with it on all different levels too. There's also a guest speaker we've had a few times that's hot too. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI will really spend some time praying for those of you who feel trapped in sin. That's exactly opposite of the point of the gospel. He came to set the captives free. I'm putting satan on notice for this and will pray for freedom for us all.
One more..
ReplyDeleteI've noticed a couple other women sharing this. I HATE HATE HATE that I felt marginalized as a woman who wanted to study the Bible from a scholastic perspective. I have a 4 year Bible degree -- that I cant USE, according to many churches, unless teaching women or children. Sometimes not even then! In Christian circles there was just so little respect (and even fewer open doors) for a woman who wasn't "called to be a pastor's wife." Good grief! I didn't want to be head pastor -- I just wanted to be respected as a fellow student of God. I was never given that respect. And trust me...I worked myself to death trying to earn it.
Now months after graduation I struggle with my sexuality, my purpose in life, my inability to find work, my broken relationship with God. I cannot escape a feeling of not being "good enough" as a woman and some days wishing fervently that I had been born a man. Thanks Christianity...
Ironically, it's even harder to post what you can't say in church, because likely, someone else would be able to (say that in church). Plus, there are already so many good-and-better answers to that question in the comments (with more unsaid, and more to come).
ReplyDeleteFor me, then, it's hard-near-impossible to say that I'm struggling with something a church-friend has "successfully" struggled with, or that they currently are. It's hard to confess that someone else isn't alone in their troubles. It's easy to say, "oh, I understand" or "I know what you mean," but it's another thing to Own a trouble.
I've been guilty of about 90% - 95% of the things confessed in these post replies, and worse. (Many years ago I slept with married women and paid for sex with strippers.) And I couldn't escape the truth about my past if I wanted to because I have a teen daughter now who was born to a woman who has no love for Christ, and in my unwillingness to marry her she chose another husband who went on to abuse my daughter.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm just thankful that God has chosen the worthless things of this world, such as myself, to shame the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27). My chief joy comes from the Spirit of God working within me, to daily draw me to prayer and scripture to better know my Saviour and His story of redemption that runs through the entirety of history, and live for His glory.
I am grateful for my current struggles, although they continue to diminish, that serve as a reminder of my inability to do any good on my own. And as the work of salvation God began in me continues to work through me I no longer stumble as hard and long as I used to, as His Holy Spirit is outshining the darkness of my singul human nature as He gives me energy and desire to do the good works He has prepared for me.
I also can't help but smile as I pray over all the people in my church directory (shameless plug: a Sovereign Grace Ministries church) because so many of them comprehend the grace given to them on deeper levels and we can be open about our struggles. And I was just marveling over this last night with some other church members of how so many families at the chruch exercise the character of God by adopting orphans from AIDS ravaged countries and developmental disabilities.
Abruptly ending this reply to eagerly head to church,
Jason
voting for Obama is not something you should be ashamed of and afraid to share in church
ReplyDeleteI am 23, the daughter of two pastors, and I do not know how to pray, and I'm ashamed to ask for help.
ReplyDeleteAs somebody above posted, this sounds like a group of people I'd like to hang out with...
ReplyDeleteI just posted my thoughts on this whole thing, and why my heart breaks, over at my blog.
I struggle with being single and impure thoughts. I occasionally flirt with a male friend (non-christian) with the intention of hooking up in some way. I'm surrounded my married and engaged friends and I sometimes believe that God has forgotten me. Three and a half years of praying for a husband and in that time I have been strung along and then summarily rejected by two men (both Christians) and hurt deeply. At my low points I even consider a hook up just to get laid and have some physical affection. Even if it is not within the bounds of marriage or even a committed relationship.
ReplyDelete1. It frustrates me to no end that God would allow Satan to roam the earth and bring sin, and then call humans wicked abominations.
ReplyDelete2. It makes me angry to see how God punishes people, especially in the Old Testament. I wouldn't even punish my dog like that; I use positive training methods with good success. Then I feel guilty for judging God.
3. I think door-to-door evangelism is tacky and understand why it annoys non-believers. It would be far better for the church to demonstrate the love of Christ by doing things for the community (e.g. provide free child care to struggling single moms) with no strings attached, so that people will want to join God's family.
My own hypocrisy is what I fear confessing to others in the church.
ReplyDeleteMy life's testimony for the first forty years was that God has always handed to me on a silver platter precisely what I've needed right when I needed it most. I always got up and running forward again, no matter what it was that I got myself into or that had gotten me down. I'm a survivor, bruised but still standing, a ministry leader on staff, a poster-child Christian. A regular weeble of faith.
However, over the past two years, some of the sand under my feet started shifting and my weeble started not bouncing back up like it used to. And maybe for all these years I've been so blessed, the security and trust in my Maker I was claiming belief in wasn't "Jehovah Jireh, God my Provider" after all, but was really "Jehovah Moolah, God my ATM." Now that I'm near to losing my home to foreclosure and having my car repossessed because the only work I can get is a few days a month substitute teaching, I'm totally freaking out and definitely NOT resting in the Lord. And I'm afraid that if I admit openly in the church that such a spoiled brat as myself is now suffering from crippling depression while being stuck at home unemployed for nearly two years, that I will be judged and have people think the wrong thing - like I must have done something to "tick God off" or that there's some deep hidden sin I'm not admitting in my life.
Yes, I know that satan (note the small "s" - using the middle finger of grammar here) is messing with me right now. Knowing it in my head, knowing how to walk through the valley of death while fearing no evil, and even knowing that God will use this low time in my life and turn it all out into something for my good still make me feel like a hypocrite when I can't get myself up in the morning, can't hold my inner peace (it's like totally gone), and even a blind man can see that I no longer enjoy the favor on my life that got me any job I ever applied for. I'm feeling forsaken. Me, the model Christian, golden girl, who had lots of friends who wanted to be around my cheery self and who now has about two friends left because all the others proved to be fair weather friends once the "happy boat" sailed.
I realize that a "dark night of the soul" is a normal test of faith God allows us to go through and that I have to affirm as an act of my will that I know God loves me, that I believe He has my best interests at heart and that He has a good plan for my life and to wait patiently for His perfect timing - but too often over the past few years I'm feeling (there's those emotions going) that He has forsaken me and I find myself to the point of tears. See? I couldn't even admit that: I meant to say all-out body-convulsing bawling. I feel like Job and I don't want "keep your chin up" and "rejoice in your trials" advice. I just want it to be over and to go back to the sunshiney life I had before. I'm a wus. I can't handle this. Worse, I feel like a fraud.
Fighting bitterness, self-pity, paranoia, confusion, withdrawal and "the shakes" from being brutally ripped from my addiction to financial security, plus a plethora of personal quirks and habitual sins, including attitude.
Me = hypocrite. That's what I just can't confess in church. I'm not the mature Christian I thought I was. How embarassing.
Thanks Jon for allowing all of us to post these confessions.
ReplyDeleteYes, some of my confessions reek of anger towards others. This is not something I would terribly be afraid to confess in church, because some already know about it.
Churches talk about being "winsome" and talk about always engaging with people. In college, it was all about debating non-believers. I can't stand alot of people. I don't like to talk to alot of people. I am more energized by time alone. I can't stand that I never measure up to some other's opinions of what you should be.
One last thing: I would be somewhat afraid to admit that I AM VERY LEARY OF AND FRANKLY CAN'T STAND MOST MIDDLE-AGED, MIDDLE-CLASS WHITE MALE CHURCH MEN. Why? Because I have had alot of them in my sexual purity groups, and many of them, after getting on me because I couldn't "get my act together" went back to acting out sexually themselves. And most of them were more interested in talking about gold, football, or business, than talking about things that really matter.
When I do go to church and I do see one of the pastors or church leaders get up in front of the church and talk and he reminds me of these other men, I have to remind myself that he is NOT one of those other men.
Everone here remember: God KNOWS your pains, your anger, and your disappointments with the church! God is FOR you, not against you!!!
I,too, am sick to death of the church as it is in most places today. Have been burned to many times. Oh I still go - and my kids go - but am not enthusiastic about it. Hate to think of what "it" will do to my grown children in time. I love God - but really am tired of the way "Christians" treat each other.
ReplyDeleteI'm scared to sit down and count how many times I've stepped out on my husband.
ReplyDeleteOur own personal lives.
ReplyDeleteSure, the pastor may preach about gossip or sex or love or finances, but we never hear the personal stories anymore.
No one talks about why why, when one person and something going, the whole church seems to know when they only told one person.
Or exactly why someone just disappeared for a few months.
We saw, we care, we pray, but at church, you never get into why details,into the hard hitting reasons of why this is happening in your life.
Im tired of doing and saying things for looks of the church.
In short: i feel like you cant talk about the secrecy and gossip in some church's.
I might sound like a total jerk, but I don't get why everyone on her who is complaining about the lack of love and "christian-like" behavior in the church feels the need to whine about it on here. Go do something about it, go find a new church, BE the person to change it all.
ReplyDeleteI come from an awesome church, one that I've been involved in since I was born (I was the baby Jesus when I was a few months old in our Christmas play) and I have a problem with being the most hypocritical, 'holier-than-any-one-of-you' people in my church, yet I know I'm all rules. My actual relationship with God seems totally non-existent most of the time. Half of the time I question if God is even real, because I never FEEL him personally.
And I feel like I just horribly sinned by confessing that too.
I posted earlier as one of the numerous anonymous'.I woke up this morning and prayed for the people who have posted their confessions and for the people reading them.
ReplyDeleteWe are broken and tired. Our masks that serve us so well in church are cracking and falling away. Some of us do not even remember who we are because of the masks. Thank God this is happening.
Depressed, lonely, angry, confused. The voices in our head shrieking. Sounds like the valley to me. Valleys tend to be dark, lonely and fertile places. I have to remind myself that mountain tops are nice, but you cannot live there and real growth is not sustained there.I heard someone say once that you are vindicated in the valley.
Knowing this does not make things easier. Reading what is going on here reminds me how not alone I am. God Bless all of you
I do not want to confess in church that I used to be a lesbian. A drug user? Sure. An alcoholic? Yep. Lots of sexual partners? No prob. Suffered much abuse? Shared that. Stripper for a living? Told tons of people. Porn issues? Shout it from the roof tops. I am not sure why but that is the one thing I just have not wanted to confess in church.
ReplyDeletei'm afraid to complain of denominations cheerleading and patting themselves on the back. however, I don't want to hear denominational cheerleading from the district bishop, rep, superintendant, etc... we're all working toward the same goal, no matter the name of our church, so turn it off.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm better than other people and deserve something because I have never struggled with the "big sins." I hate myself for it.
ReplyDeleteI forget that God's given me grace, too, and He's not rewarding other sinners with what I think I deserve.
I absolutely love this thread; the honesty is heartbreaking and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteMy confession?
I'm a cutter. I've been cutting myself off and on for three years. It's gotten really bad during the past couple of months, and now my left forearm is covered in scars. I become extremely paranoid about my scars when I'm around people, especially when I'm at church. I constantly walk around with my arms crossed. There are a couple of friends who know about it. I'm in the choir and orchestra at church, and I would die if any of the leaders I serve under found out about my problem, because I admire them a lot and I wouldn't want them to be disappointed in me or kick me out of the ministry.
Sometimes I wonder why God called a severly messed up, traumatized person like me into pastoral ministry.
@ Sally: I cannot believe some idiot made up a "sin of trauma"! Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is real illness, and unless someone has experienced it, they have NO IDEA what HELL it is to go through. I wouldn't wish PTSD on anyone.
ReplyDelete(I was in a terrible auto accident where a car landed on top of mine, bounced and rolled off again. The person who hit me died in the accident.)
In light of that, I guess I wouldn't confess that some people are better off dying than surviving a horrific accident, because the PTSD is a living nightmare, the depression, the nightmares, the anxiety, the reliving of the accident... heaven surely would be a lot better than living the life of the undead, until, if and, or when you get better.
My heart goes out to anyone who's had a near death experience, or has seen someone else die, or almost die and felt helpless to do anything. I especially think about the men and women in our military.
I hope that no one else tells them they have a "sin of trauma". that really makes me angry.
@ Sally. apologies, i see you are a psychologist. preaching to the choir, i was.
ReplyDeleteit did feel good to air my opinions, maybe it will help someone else, i hope?
Confession #1: Although I have an awesome husband, who is also an amazing father to our kids, I still have trouble lusting after other men. That's right folks, I'm a woman, and I lust. Friends husbands, fellow worship team members, coworkers, the list goes on. I am grateful to say that God is changing my perspective and my life in this area, though it's not a finished work!
ReplyDeleteConfession #2: I am a mother of two wonderful kids, and I love to work! I love what I do, I love to go to work, and I miss my kids a little while I'm there, but mostly I enjoy using the non-mommy side of my brain. I love all of my friends who stay at home and go to MOPS and women's bible studies during the week, but it's not for me. I don't know of any other working moms in our congregation of about 500. I'm sure they are there, right???
And, I shall remain anonymous, unless I win. :)
I believe the idea of "sin" is a fully man-made concept created as a way of keeping score against our brothers and sisters. I believe Jesus' message is one of reconciliation, and that enumerating our own sins, counting those of others, and striving for some sort of false "purity" creates a wall between us and God's grace, and that includes the idea of being sexually pure --whatever that ridiculous concept is -- and homosexuality.
ReplyDeleteThe only sin that exists are those acts that harm our brothers and sisters.
Things I've never been able to say at church, or to "christian" friends. . . .
ReplyDeleteThat I was raped when I was seven and systematically abused for the next four years, and because of that I will never, ever be sane, normal, or easy to get along with.
That as a singl mother trying to raise three children I resent feeling left out and excluded in every church I've tried to attend.
That while I long for physical closeness that marriage to a good man would bring, I cannot imagine ever being vulnerable to another human being again.
That I'm afraid my own children will be abused so I don't let anyone close.
That while I love church, and the idea of praising god and serving god, I wish the pastor would jsut shut up so we coudl sing some more.
I voted for obama
I think homeschooling is for idiots
I think gay marriage is only right and fair.
I'm pro choice.
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ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want to tell anyone in church that I was glad, even happy, proud, and pleased, that the man who bashed me at work was shot dead a week later. I was rapt and glad that some justice had been seen to be done even if it was the rough kind.
ReplyDeleteI also don't want to tell anyone that I have this idea of setting up some sort of ministry thing for perpetrators of sexual assault.
I don't want them to ask why and have to point to the example of Paul on the road to Damascus...
Wow. It's almost too bad we can't all just go to church together.
ReplyDelete@Charlotte 7:14--Why would God call "a severly messed up, traumatized person like [you] into pastoral ministry"? Because clearly there are a lot of damaged folks out there, and we can only take so much ministry by people who don't Get It.
@Annie 10:29--I'll put my 2 cents in with Sally. In my experience, depression (anxiety, etc) is often thought to be "oppression by The Enemy" rather than a medical condition. Things might be coming around a bit in church, as in society at large, but viewing disorders of this nature as a spiritual shortcoming is still pervasive.
My confession is that I haven't had a church home in a decade (after growing up in church and attending a Christian college). I feel lonely for it, but every time I make myself go, I feel miserable, almost like a widow on a date with someone she can't help comparing to her late husband.
I can't bring myself to care about anyone/anything anymore because the repercussions are too strong and I always get too emotionally involved. So I literally sit and chant to myself "I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care" until I've tricked myself into believing it. I think writing that makes me seem like the biggest weirdo in the world.
ReplyDeleteI am so insecure I wake up in the morning wondering "who" I have to be that day.
I struggle with anxiety, and the littlest thing will set me into a nervous panicky sweaty heart pounding wreck. Not that I ever allow anyone to notice.
I wish I could find a church.
@Lydee - when I read about the "sin of trauma" on the counselling assessment questionnaire I was FUMING. Thanks for your comments which were great - so please don't apologise for preaching to the choir. It's one thing to counsel others who have PTSD, it's another entirely to go through trauma yourself - so you are an expert. I didn't fully appreciate what it was like until I went through it myself.
ReplyDelete@Anon 4.55 I agree about encouraging people to get out of abusive churches. I know it's not that easy - when we left our last one, we lost all our friends and went through a long period of isolation and loneliness - but it was the best decision we've made for a long time and we wish we'd done it earlier!
wv lectolot. One of the lesser known Knights of the Round Table: Sir Lectolot.
Dear Susie Boldt,
ReplyDeleteMy pastor struggles with depression. The hard hitting, no cure in sight, kind of depression. He is very open and honest about it. You are not alone, and I'm so sorry that the church has made you feel as though this is somehow your fault.
You might like to check out our church website and even contact my pastor with any questions you might have. www.ccvnow.com. Blessings to you sister!
I hate the sexism in church. I'm a 24yr old woman and intellectually I'm in the top 1% of the top 1% in my country. The church doesn't seem to accept that within each gender there is a huge range of types. I'm not interested in fashion, hair, make-up, babies, shopping etc. I'm very sporty and love all sports and am not very good about talking about feelings or showing people how I really feel. Yet the church does not accept this. They have a very closed-minded view of what a woman can be and what a man can be. We're all different, God made us this way. Uniqueness is wonderful - why can't men in the church accept this? Also, why can't they realise that women struggle with lust just as much as men, and have just as big a sex drive as men. As women we know this, but it is taboo to speak about this in church. Male masturbation they can cope with, female masturbation they can't. Why are women somehow meant to be purer than men?
ReplyDelete1) I would never be comfortable to speak to my pastor about any of my problems. I feel like he doesn't care about the congregation at all.
ReplyDelete2) I have daydreamed through the majority of my pastors sermons over the last 8 years. I only ever feel inspired and alive when away at conventions or other churches.
3) Homosexuality does not bother me as much as I know it should.
4) I feel like a phoney Christian in that I struggle to pray and read the Bible at all - but don't feel as bad about it as I think I should.
What can't I confess at church?
ReplyDeleteI don't think my parents are in love.
I don't think they ever were. I think they might separate as soon as I leave the house. I'm not sure if that is a frightening or relieving thought.
It's not that they fight a lot. But I look at their relationship and I see hidden pain, confusion, disappointment and resignation.
They ignore the fact that they're married. When they tried counselling, it just brought all their unmet expectations right to the surface where they wrecked havoc. It's safer to avoid the issue.
Mom warns me not to get into a relationship without knowing myself first. Like she ever needed to tell me.
I don't want to get married. Surely it's better to live alone, than be trapped in a marriage that's a lie, knowing that the one you married will never love you the way you deserve to be loved.
The church is run like a business, not a safe, communal place where everyone can gather to fellowship.
ReplyDeleteAll these comments solidify my feeling that the Western church is in need of a major reformation.
I finally confessed to my pastor that when I was 11 I snuck into the upstairs sanctuary of a church where my girls scout troop was meeting and scribbled the F-word in the pulpit bible. I had carried that with me all this time. But that confession was so freeing. The pastor showed Christ's love to me and I knew I was forgiven. After I confessed, I was convicted in my heart that I needed to search out the pastor of the hometown church and apologize. After I google searched him, I found his number and called him up. Told him my story through my tears. He was so loving and kind. It was the best thing I ever did. I am free.
ReplyDelete... the "espresso cafe" really bugs me. It's an opportunity for people to get nothing of substance. People stand in line just like Starbucks and communicate with others only slightly more than you would at Starbucks.
ReplyDeleteI do financial counseling and half of the folk I'm counseling are in that line and are feeding their enslavement.
I only enter the room to extract my children or when I'm required to as part of my counseling or treasurer work requires - but it leaves a cold feeling.
i find it difficult to confess how lonely i am some days when i'm leaving church. i'm afraid it will come across as my inability to feel that "God is enough" when i so desperately feel the need to be held and cared for by a partner and to have a family of our own.
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ReplyDeleteFirst thing I would probably not tell others is that I hate the Christians that come across as holier-than-thou that have hurt so many of the people in the previous posts. These people would be the number one answer if there was a text book written to answer the question, 'why is the church in America failing?' Look at all the pain they have caused. It breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteThis leads me to my second point. People like James Dobson, Pat Robertson, etc. and their agenda only cause non-Christians to hate the church more. Saying Katrina happened because of homosexuality is the most ridiculous thing you could say.
Speaking of homosexuality… Explain to me how gay marriage affects your marriage? Is your marriage somehow tainted because someone else got married? I realize it is a sin, but this is NOT a Christian nation (read Greg Boyd's book) and therefore forcing your beliefs on someone is not going to win them to Christ.
Fox News is a republican propaganda machine.
No matter what Christians do, abortion is not going away. I am pro-life, but think that it should not be an issue when you vote. They are not going to change it anyway.
I had no problem with voting for Obama and proudly put a bumper sticker on my car which I am sure people at the church disagreed with me, my wife did. However, I couldn't stomach voting for another warmonger or a crazy lady who knew less about how America works than most teenagers.
Anyways, what I wouldn't say in my church...
I hate my church. I want to leave, but am waiting on God to tell me to leave.
I could list many reasons, but I will stick to one: The baptism of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in other tongues is the most ludicrous phrase of all time. I disagree that everyone can have the gift of speaking in tongues. However, I vehemently disagree that everyone who doesn’t have it, should desire it. I know some people have the gift, but come on, they make it sound like you need to be truly close to God. My wife struggled with this for a while, but has finally seen through it as Pentecostal propaganda. I have no desire to have this gift unless I felt that God wanted me to. So far I can definitely say he doesn’t. On top of that, one lady in our church chatters her teeth just so it seems like that is her "prayer language." Why do we do this to each other?
I think sexual sins are the hardest to confess to. Affairs, promiscuity, losing your virginity at a young age, having sex before you're married, pornography, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt is common to hear that men struggle with pornography, lust, desire, masturbation etc. I was lucky as a female to hear a female leader at the first ever camp I went to admit to looking at pornography and struggling with those sexual desires. What is it with stereotyping sin anyway? I mean, it seems as though in church, if a female confesses to sexual fantasy and a male confesses to an eating disorder, its worse than the other way around. We are all people, and we all struggle.
that 1) I don't care how long I've worked for the Baptists or gone to a Baptist church - I don't believe in Once Saved Always Saved, and I'm likely to be a Wesleyan Armenian to my dying day (even if I ever go back to the Presbyterians too) and 2) I want to ask why we interpret certain things the way we do, when it doesn't look like there's biblical reason to, without them thinking that means I disagree with the final outcome - its not enough to have me doubting - at least not yet - but I know it would be seen as that and not taken seriously (much like a question I asked a professor once about the apocryphal books, and whether it was true that they were likely in use at the time of Jesus - they just went round and round the issue and never addressed it - I'm not saying I think that - I just want to know our explanation for it people!)
ReplyDeleteI struggle with self-hate the most, and I would never confess that in my church. I'm afraid people will see me as looking for pity, or seeking attention. It is a difficult life to wake up every morning, loathe yourself, dread the day, go to bed, and do it all again the next day. I'm good at faking it. I'm good at putting on a happy face, saying the right words, being involved, etc so that no one is the wiser, but when I get to my home (I live alone) I allow myself to feel all those seething, hateful feelings I harbor for myself, which in turn causes guilt and shame. The following excerpt is from the book Who Calls Me Beautiful?
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you - heart, mind, and body. You are My desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you with gentle passion. You are My beloved and I am yours.
I hate myself, who I am, what I've become, and then feel badly about it, because I'm hating God's creation. What an endless cycle.
That I love yoga, and for me it revives my spirit and my body. And it is possible to do "secular" yoga and tune into God at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThat yes, I am married and want kids, but not right now.
And I do not want to become a 50s style homemaker. I love doing all that stuff, but I was created for more than that as well.
That depression isn't always because I am not in a right relationship with God. Building my relationship with Him has helped tremendously, but it still exists some days.
I can't confess that I don't like most people there. We're not in a good place and have created a standard based on man's word rather than God's.
ReplyDeletei am crying and laughing with joy at the same time while reading this, because these posts are so amazing. something so very sacred is happening here.
ReplyDeletei feel as though i can echo many of these confessions. the biggest struggle i feel is from committing many of them coming after i had become a christian. i've listened to countless sermons on giving up sin in order to find jesus - i've already found jesus. i'm still sinning. and so i've often felt there isn't a place for people like me.
people who just can't quite stop hooking up because their need to be desired is so strong. or people who still wrestle with vices like smoking and drinking because it fills voids of self-consciousness. people who are so self-conscious that they have trouble focusing their thoughts on others, and instead are always thinking and worrying about themselves. people who struggle with impure thoughts and impure motives. people who are dishonest because they're ashamed of the things they've done. people who have wrestled with depression, who know that jesus is their hope but sometimes have trouble believing that it's true.
many of these things same struggles have caused me to live in guilt and shame for most of my life. i did some pretty awful things last year. in a culmination of all of my deepest-rooted struggles, i essentially hit rock bottom and ruined a lot of amazing, godly things in my life. and through all the shame and guilt, all the condemnation i was made to feel by those i had hurt, there was christ.
i didn't find him with shame or guilt. i didn't find him with condemnation. because all of those things had been broken and silenced by the cross. and i saw that when my god looks at me, when our god looks at us, he does it through the nail-marked hands of christ.
every time i am tempted to feel shameful, i remember that my worth does not come from others. it comes from god. i remember that my forgiveness and acceptance does not come from others, it comes from god. and i must, must work towards understanding, compassion, and forgiveness towards everyone. always.
christians aren't supposed to make each other feel guilty or shameful. christ calls us to emulate his forgiveness, compassion, and grace. he preaches a gospel of enemy love. and in that, we are free.
free indeed.
i would never confess that i had sex with my now ex-boyfriend because i thought i was going to marry him, and then later because i thought it would fix the relationship problems we were having. i know it's probably not terribly uncommon, but i feel filthy, like i'm "damaged goods", like they told us you'd be if you made these mistakes when they talked about it in youth group true love waits. i feel like if i do find another guy who is interested, and would maybe view me as a potential wife, as soon as i told him about the mistakes i made, he would leave because i'm not worthy of a good christian man anymore.
ReplyDeleteTo Megs @7:46 AM: I completely relate to your feelings of loneliness walking out of church Sunday afternoons as a single person. Friends walk to their cars with loving spouses, carrying their young children in their arms and I sometimes cry a bit.
ReplyDeleteSermons, scripture, and books run through my head with messages of "God is enough" but they don't always help. All I have in my arms after church is my Bible and sometimes, especially yesterday, it didn't feel like it's enough.
The last Sunday evening of summer, although very warm, felt like the dead of winter to me.
Then the realization I've made an idol out of marriage comes to me, but sometimes the road back home for the prodigal heart seems long and very lonely.
1. It breaks my heart that the church scars people in this way.
ReplyDelete2. I don't think I've told anyone but my boyfriend about my struggles with girl on girl
When I said I didn't like the way people in a previous church treated me, I meant the pastor's wife. Oh, wait, and all the other women in the church, who eventually followed her stellar example.
ReplyDeleteYes, I've been married for a few years now. And the more I'm around the kids at church, the less I want any of my own.
Pastors: when you ask everyone to leave the sanctuary quietly so people can pray, you're telling us we can't fellowship. Can't meet people. Can't get involved. It's amazing how long we've managed to attend a large church without meeting anybody -- because when would we?
I don't think that I'll ever "know that I know that I know" that I'm saved. It's not that I don't know that I asked Jesus to save me or that I doubt that He'll do it. I'm just not a very certain person. I don't always know that I know that I know that I've spelled my name correctly...
ReplyDeleteI am scared to confess to my church family two things.
ReplyDelete1. I struggled with self injury for seven years. And while I haven't cut in almost two years the struggle to not cut is with me everyday.
2. I feel like I have failed everyone who looks up to me at church because I can look really good on Sunday and Wednesday but really I'm a mess.
I am a youth pastor and I would never confess to my church that I question the answers I have given youth for so long regarding "how far is too far"... And that this questioning often comes in the form of pushing the "line" with partners I'm not even committed to.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't confess that I question the fundamentals of my faith. A lot.
I wouldn't confess that though I LOVE my job as a youth pastor, some days it is just that- A job. A source of income.
I have used sex because in the past because I thought it was the only way someone could possibly love someone like me. Now I'm stuck with images and words that I can't seem to escape, even though everything is "different now."
ReplyDeleteIt took me all weekend to write that because most of the time, I'm ashamed of the stuff I've done.
I can't confess that I still think of the man I dated not long before I got married to someone else, and I was much happier with him than I was with my spouse.
ReplyDeleteThis may be too late, seeing as how it's Tuesday, but...
ReplyDeleteI would never confess that I think my infertility is punishment for having premarital sex with ONE man, whom I thought I was going to marry. I was devastated when he left me. I married four years later.
Deep down I believe it is punishment (even though my own Bible study tells me differently) because my church growing up hammered into me "Thou shalt not have sex before marriage."
I'm afraid if I confess that, someone heartless will say, "You're right.It is punishment"
And I would never confess I write women's erotica. Everyone in my stories is married, but still...I can imagine what people would say.
I am a man who struggles with weight and food addiction. At church, we're told women struggle with body image, and men struggle with porn. But that's not the case for me. I pretend like I don't care about how I look and how much I weigh, but I really do. I pretend that I like being a big teddy bear, but I hate it. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror. I am afraid to say anything about it because I feel all alone in my struggle. The men in my small group want to start an accountability group for looking at porn, but I rarely look at porn. I need someone to help me eat right and exercise. I feel helpless and hopeless.
ReplyDeleteI was also groomed for a staff position at my church by one of the associate pastors, until he threw me under the bus for his own good standing with the senior pastor. The senior pastor is a loving, Godly man, but sometimes he runs the church more like a cut-throat corporation than a house of healing and discipleship. I am afraid to say anything about for fear I'll lose my standing and be labeled as someone who is "not a team player."
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ReplyDeleteI'm a female and I masturbate.
ReplyDeleteI graduated from a Christian school with a degee in youth ministry, and I question my faith. often.
I don't know what to tell my depressed friends because I think I might be as bad off as they are, but I just ignore it.
I hate that women aren't allowed in leadership and I think the church is a shithole for propogating the emotional abuse of women in our own country, and condemning it in other places.
I think homosexuality is fine and homosexuals should be able to get married.
Obama isn't a dirty antichrist waiting to send us all to hell.
I didn't marry the one man in my life who has loved me, and I wonder if I'll ever have another chance to marry anyone.
Single female here.
ReplyDelete1) No one seems to care that we don't have enough single spiritually mature men in the church to go around. Single women are dying on the vine in loneliness.
2) Many (not all) of the single men that I see in church are painfully socially awkward and are not mature enough to become husbands and fathers. They don't know how to approach and date women. No one, particularly not the older men in the church, are helping them overcome this.
3) That there are times I wish I was not a Christian because I think it would be easier to find a man to marry if I were not a believer.
I think God is a narcissist.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for heaven because I think being a Christian on this earth is just too hard.
ReplyDeleteI know prayer is important. But I wonder why I even bother when I pray for things for years and don't see any results. When I pray for a parking space, God provides. But when I pray for something important, he is silent. Why is that?
ReplyDeleteWhat I couldn't say: If you put a gun to my head and told me I had to choose one: remain a Christian, but I had to embrace folks like Kirk Cameron and Ray (Banana Guy) Comfort and their anti-evolution thinking, or believe the science but have to profess atheism, I'd choose science. I don't feel like believing in science and evolution is anti-Christianity, but I think so many in the church feel it's either/or.
ReplyDeleteWhy in the world is masturbation (female or male) considered to be sin? I can find no biblical basis for this view; outside of letting it usurp your relationship with a spouse or in connection to pornography. It is normal and natural. And like blowing your nose or passing gas, meant to be done privately and not flaunted publicly.
ReplyDeleteHere's your next blog topic Jon, Stuff Christians Like...pretending God hates masturbation.
Well said Anon. Well said.
ReplyDeleteIf only Christians could spend all of the energy they seem to waste on feeling guilty about masturbation on doing something good for the world.
I seriously doubt God cares if you masturbate, but I'm pretty sure God DOES care that people are hungry, homeless, lonely and sick out there and "Christians" are too busy sitting in their "small groups" wining about their masturbation guilt instead of figuring out how to make a difference in the world.
The problem isn't masturbation at all. It is the lust for physical pleasure and lusting after the other sex that is the problem. Jesus said that if you have even thought of someone of the opposite sex in an impure manner you have sinned against them. Masturbation nearly ALWAYS involves lust. That is just how it works. And just because something is commonplace doesn't make it normal or right. God calls us to be better than average.
ReplyDeleteThere is no question about it, Masturbation is dangerous.
I want to be the last comment here so a few of the previous comments making people feel bad about stuggling with masturbation won't be the final word.
ReplyDeleteGod knows our hearts.
God knows our sins.
God knows the sins of those that have hurt you and I.
God knows the sins that we have committed against others.
God knows what makes us mad about the church.
God hasn't fallen off his throne.
God is still there.
God knows how we stuggle with serving him because of our "little sins."
God cares more than you know.
God is FOR you.
He is FOR you!
What an amazing, heartbreaking list. May Christ be with and bless you all.
ReplyDeleteSince puberty, I've had homosexual thoughts and attractions. I've never acted on them, so I don't classify myself as 'gay,' but they are there. I don't feel like I can tell anyone about this, and if I did, I don't think that there's anything they could do. I agree that having homosexual relationships is a sin, but what everyone I know doesn't seem to understand is that being tempted is not a sin. Jesus was tempted in the desert. So my having these thoughts is not sinful as long as I don't give in to lust or sinful actions.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing that bothers me though is the knowledge that I could never be happy in a heterosexual relationship, but I can never be with a guy. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life.
I haven't regularly attended church in about 9 years. I'm 26 now, and I stopped churchgoing after starting therapy.
ReplyDeleteI realized that continuing to go to a youth group and church that told me that I would go to hell for being gay was the major cause of my depression and suicide attempt.
I recently found a reconciling methodist church and have tried to start attending. I don't feel any connection and I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I find myself unable to pray. My relationship with God is like the white elephant in the room. I know he's there. I know he love me. I know that it's OK. But there's a wall between us I'm not ready to tear down. I miss the closeness and community I used to feel.
I sometimes find myself hating my old church and youth group for 'ruining' my faith. I feel betrayed by my pastor, my youth leader and my former 'friends'. Now I wonder if I ever really was "saved" or just going along with the crowd because I felt pressured to say yes. I wonder if it's really necessary at all.
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