I recently realized that I’ve started dropping a certain phrase into my emails and Facebook comments. Side hugs? No. Razzle Dazzle? No. Leg drops 4-eva? No.
My phrase of choice is apparently, "My wife and I."
When girls email me about Stuff Christians Like or comment on something I said on Twitter, I’ve noticed that I make a point of name dropping my wife.
Even if the email I get from someone just says, "Can you tell me about how you found your literary agent," I am tempted to respond with, "Well my wife and I were talking one day about being married and in love and we're married, and we still have tickle fights and split milkshakes with two straws that bend in the shape of a heart and then I found a literary agent. The end."
It's not like I'm getting inappropriate emails. It's not like my response needs to extinguish some "you're so awesome" blazing fire of words. I just feel compelled to let the online world know that I'm married.
And I'm not the only one. I've noticed several readers who do the same thing and I think that's great. The Internet is littered with wounded and broken marriages that allowed a seed of "emotional over share" to blossom into a full blown affair of disastrous proportions.
I think that I can also take this to ridiculously egotistical proportions, essentially believing that "When that person of the opposite sex asked me if I liked the new laptop bag I mentioned on Twitter, they were probably trying to hit on me. Better remind them I'm happily married. Probably should send them a photo of my wedding ring." That's a bit much and if you send me a short email someday, I promise I won’t copy and paste an “well my wife and I” into the response automatically. But overall, I'm cool with the "look at me, I'm married" approach to social networking. I do have a problem though.
You see, I'm very competitive. I don't want to kind of tell people I'm married online, I want to be the very best at doing that. Only that's such a minor, obscure thing to be competitive about that no one in their right mind would ever come up with an adequate, sanctioned in 17 states, method of scoring who the winner is. Fortunately, I am not in my right mind.
The "I want everyone online to know I'm married” scorecard.
1. You and your spouse share an email address. = +1 point
2. You and your spouse share an email address and the address makes that obvious with a name like theacuffs@yahoo.com = +2 points
3. You and your spouse share an email address and the address makes that wicked obvious with a name like JennyandJonaresoooooinlove@yahoo.com = +3 points
4. You and your spouse share an email address and the address makes that wicked, ultra obvious with a name like Markswife@yahoo.com or Lindashusband@gmail.com = +4 points
5. You sign off on all emails with the phrase, "happily married," = +1 point
6. Emails? What are you talking about? You don't write emails to the opposite sex. = +2 points
7. Your profile photo on facebook is just a close up of your ring finger. = +1 point
8. Your profile photo on facebook is a picture of you and your spouse hugging = +2 points
9. Your profile photo on facebook is a picture of your wedding day = + 3 points
10. Your profile photo on facebook is a picture of you and your husband hugging while he cleans a shotgun. = +4 points
11. Your tweets on Twitter are actually 123 characters long instead of the standard 140 because each one, regardless of the message starts with the phrase, "my hot wife and I" = + 1 point
12. The only activity you list on facebook is "being in love with my husband." = + 1 point
13. The only interests you list are "spending time with my wife" = +2 points
14. For favorite book you listed "The 5 Love Languages" = +3 points
15. For favorite TV show you just got lazy and replied, "I'm married." = +4 points
16. For quotations you skipped the standard CS Lewis route and wrote, "Will you marry me?" "Yes." – “What my husband said to me six delicious years ago.” = +5 points
17. Your wedding happened six years ago but yet you keep updating facebook with fresh wedding photos from the archives of your love = +3 points
18. You use your facebook status updates as a running, “No I love you more, silly!” game between you and your spouse. = + 4 points
19. Your tweets are just a running countdown of days left to key dates, "Me and my hott wife will have been married for 2 years in roughly 117 days!" = +5 points
20. When you got married you "retired" your individual facebook or myspace profiles and opened up a new one called "PamelaFrankSmith" = + 2 points
21. You opened up a shared facebook or myspace account but gave yourselves a nickname, morphing your two names and ultimately settling on, "FramelaSmith." = +10 points
Wow, looking at that list makes me realize I do a pretty poor job of showcasing my marital status online. I'm coming in at a solid 2 points right now.
How about you?
If you're married, are you crushing me in the letting people online know about it game?
If you're single, do any of your married friends play this game?
What item of "look at me online world I'm married!" is missing from this list?
p.s. If you're single and this post made you want to throw up at least a little bit, always remember there's a post about surviving church as a single.
Oh no! I am married, I am on facebook, but I scored no points.
ReplyDeleteIs it time to seek a counselor?
BTW, the guy in the profile picture here, is my husband...does the net me perhaps +.5?
ReplyDeletewhile i probably trail you a tad on the "I want everyone online to know I'm married” score sheet, i totally understand what you're saying. i think name-dropping your spouse is a very noble thing to do, even when it's not completely warranted. it's a way of affirming your marriage and commitment to your spouse, even if only to yourself. so yeah, i appreciate your thoughts on this matter. whoever tops the score sheet, however, must have one saccharine facebook account.
ReplyDeleteI'm single.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading that, I think I need some Pepto.
My husband won't let me include him in my Facebook profile picture - mainly because he's a teacher and has been advised to avoid Facebook.
ReplyDeleteStill,I scored 3 points because I recently posted an 18 year old photo of our wedding day on my page. However, my motivation for doing so was partly to amuse people (passage of time, 80s clothes etc) so perhaps I should lose the 3 points?
wv: avesses = female "av"s
hmmm, I think I mention my wife a fair bit but I think I scored a great big zero on the quiz, largely do to the fact that I refuse to spell hot with 2 ts. Unless it is a typo. Now I will spell it "hawt" because I rawk. Anyways, if you didn't know it I have been married to my hawt wife for over 10 years now and still lovin it.
ReplyDeleteAhh! Only three points...at least I beat you Jon! I'm a young married...only 22, and been married for over 2 years! So, keeping the people over the internet informed of my married status is pretty difficult!
ReplyDeleteLeaving the same kind of hints for "I'm single" gets a different response.
ReplyDeleteStill Single,
Andrew
HA! I second Andrew...
ReplyDeleteWhy is "I'm married" noble, but "I'm single" pathetic??
I find that "single" status just isn't enough sometimes one Facebook. You must use the tools you are given (ie STATUS UPDATES EVERY 5 MINUTES)!!!
A 2 because of the hugging profile picture! But it will soon be a 7 because I'm going to add my favorite quote from number 16 right now! (That's not cheating, is it?)
ReplyDeleteDo you get extra points if your facebook picture is yourself, your spouse and your child/children? I think I get about 10.
ReplyDeleteLove does crazy things to people. Especially Framela :)
ReplyDeleteStill very single,
Kelsie
I don't do Facebook, so that alone should be worth 100 points.
ReplyDeleteMy Twitter pic shows my wife and me.
Single and anonymous =). Anyway, you "marrieds" can do what you wish, I won't begrudge it.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to point out that if you don't want to go the "standard C. S. Lewis route" on quotes, allow me to introduce you to G.K. Chesterton.
Oh dear - a pathetic 2 points scored. But I have just celebrated 30 years of marriage - that must count for something? We do share an email but also share bank accounts, a business and church responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that we certainly don't share tastes in music, books or wine! (very annoying about the wine)
Here's something a bit more subtle that I've noticed a lot of my married friends do, online and otherwise: they no longer use the words "I" or "me". It's only "us" and "we".
ReplyDeleteWell, we DO share an email and it is HIS first name but I don't begin all my tweets with 'My hot husband and I'. They usually start with 'oh yeah, twitter, what should I say since my last tweet a week ago?' Doesn't quite have the same ring to it...
ReplyDeleteHaha, this is spot on, nice post Jon!
ReplyDeleteI say it with "my girlfriend" and more recently "my fiancee" but look forward to saying "my wife" from May next year :)
As we've had a long-distance relationship and I have lots of female friends and keep meeting new ones I just find it's a nice and safe way of ensuring neither person thinks the other has the wrong idea. More often than not it's not because I think they are hitting on me but I want to make sure they don't think just because I'm a boy at a party talking to a girl I've never hit before that I'm hitting on them!
Oh dear - I have zero points. I think my facebook profile lists "hanging out with my husband" as AN activity, but not my ONLY activity. I have a cousin who is engaged and would rack up a million points on this though - every status update is about the beautiful, sexy, and in all ways amazing love of his life. His interests are things like "my baby" and there's a link to their wedding website, in which he chronicles their relationship in great detail. I love love, but even I was a little grossed out when I read it.
ReplyDeleteGo to this website.
ReplyDelete500 times appropriate today =)
http://stfumarrieds.tumblr.com/
You know what's funny, is that single people make a big point out of saying that they are single. I guess that we're expecting to find that special someone on the internet. And I love that I'm not the only one who notes that we're called pathetic rather than getting a collective sigh at the overall cuteness of how we feel about our life status (as opposed to the "happily married."
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I have had a lot of friends get the joint facebook, merge names, share emails, etc. The Facebook thing seems a bit over the top, but hey, what do I know...
There's a whole 'nother world in blogging too - this is a fabulous place to showcase pictures of you and your spouse and also write blog posts about how wonderful they are & how great your marriage is. :) I most definitely guilty of this!
ReplyDeleteWell, I pretty much scored zero on that quiz but it doesn't bother me because I am secure in the love I have for my husband! However, I do tend to make fun of the people who would score high on that quiz because they annoy me :) And sometimes I wonder if people are just trying to put up a good front online to avoid the reality of what's really going on. Something to think about...
ReplyDeleteP.S.-Just found your blog recently and it makes me laugh every day!
I think my hawt husband is wonderful, but I scored a zero on your quiz.
ReplyDeleteI do mention him in tweets or in comments, but it isn't for any other reason than at times he belongs there. I share my heart, and Bob is my heart. Awwww....
Excuse me...I am going to go think of cutsiepoo names we can put on a brand new joint email account!
You forgot appropriate abbreviations. I use dh (dear husband) all the time. Mostly because I'm on the iPhone and who wants to type all those words??
ReplyDeleteBtw, we've been married 10.5 years but don't share email or fb. We did when we 1st got married-in order to keep each other accountable, but found that it's really pretty annoying. I trust him. He trusts me. We're good.
I am happily married for 15 years and I scored a "0". The joint Facebook thing really bothers me more than words can say. I never know which one is commenting to me or what. Everyone should have their own Facebook account. My husband has a couple of hundred friends from high school and college and I don't want to read about their trip to Wal-Mart with the kids especially if I don't know them.
ReplyDeleteI saw you being quoted in the newspaper article on e-mail addresses.
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, uber hott wife and I used to share an e-mail address. Then she began to get more and more e-mails, so she now has her own account and her own facebook page. We know each other's passwords and actually use each other's e-mail sometimes.
My hot husband and I love SCL.
ReplyDeleteI have been lobbying for
ReplyDeleteFrank + Beth = Frankenbeth for years...a monster of love...
I'm with Helen. I mention my husband quite a bit and have thought maybe it starts to get on the annoying end of the spectrum sometimes. But I do it just because he's important to me. And he's not into social media, so I have to make sure he's portrayed as the awesome, strange and wonderful man he is!
I'm not married but I've seen this many times. When you work at a church, the pastors are always talking about their hot wives. Does it bother me? No. Because I've seen women totally hit on them. I think it's kind of sweet actually. It let's people know you aren't available.
ReplyDeleteDon't underestimate the power of the wedding ring :) I once borrowed the diamond band part of my cousin's wedding ring to keep some creepy guys from hitting on me. It totally worked! They left me alone for the rest of the night :)
My hott wife and I scored 5 points, as my Facebook shows a picture of us on our wedding day, plus we merged our LiveJournals into one (which never gets updated anyway). But being married to a sexy woman, I can appreciate this list greatly.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting another funny list that my wife, who is hot, and I can enjoy. She and I greatly appreciate the effort you went through to brighten our, my beautiful bride and me, day. (we read it together because it would be inappropriate for her to read it alone, since she is both irresistable and married to me and I know what you're trying to do with your little jokes and lists and self-deprecating humor and I'm not going to let it happen, buster, so watch yourself)
Warm married Christian love,
Brian
FrankenBeth... that's funny! Hmm. My name is Pam, hubby is Chuck. Would we be Puck? Cham? Maybe Cham-wow?
ReplyDeleteFrankenbeth is awesome...and my sooperhawt wife would agree. We don't share an email of FB, but we do know each other's passwords...would that count?
ReplyDeleteI've been with my sooperhawt wife for over six years, and i tell people that every chance i get...not because i think they need to know that i'm married so they should back off...but because i am just really happy to be married to my sooperhawt wife...
did i mention that my wife is sooperhawt?
or that when she sees this post, she is probably going to think that when i wrote it, i was feeling guilty about something, and felt the need to make up for it by broadcasting my love on the interweb.
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny because when I e-mailed you for an interview, I noticed you used "my wife and I". I was like, uh, great. I already knew he was married, but OK. I'm a writer, not a home wrecker.
ReplyDeleteAs a single gal, I want all you married guys out there to know--I'm not hitting on you. :) But since my dad met a lady on the Internet and left my mom causing a devastating divorce, I completely understand. :)
UGH I only scored 2 points as well. My husband and I will have to do better.
ReplyDeleteHappily married to the love of my life in GA,
Leslie
The people I know who have a joint FB account are also joint when it comes to status updates. For example, "tommyandmary think it's time to eat dinner." or "tommyandmary are getting excited about mary's upcoming job interview." too weird.
ReplyDeleteI got 5 points for our shared email address (brentifer1218) but no one really knows about it so I guess I lose the points. It has our names melded together (Brent & Jennifer) and our wedding date (12/18). There should've been points for the wedding date being part of the email address too!
ReplyDeleteYes. I am single. And this post did make me throw up a little.
ReplyDeleteThere should have been a disclaimer or something. If you wait to console the singles at the end. The throwing up has already commenced. You can't take that back...
Being single, it is understandable that married couples should want to flaunt their happily taken status on the internet. Its better if its less as a defense and more as a proclamation, but it all works the same. I know when I get married you all better LOOK OUT. I'm going to dominate the 'flaunting the marriage' scene. Minus the back and forth tweet fights. That might be a little excessive.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I aren't bothered when people do any of these things.
ReplyDeleteI'm single but one thing I see left off the list is the shared Facebook account. This drives me crazy, especially when I'm truly the friend of only one person in the marriage. I never no who is commenting on my posts.
ReplyDeleteI'm married, but apparently don't show it well enough online.
ReplyDeleteI do have a friend that her email address is: Dustinsrib@whatever
I thought that was a pretty clever one.
My wife and I scored 12 points...is that good or bad?
ReplyDeleteAny points for belting out "Tiny Dancer" together any time it comes on?
ReplyDeleteI name drop my husband all the time - why shouldn't I? If I managed to get the most wonderful man ever, I'm gonna talk about it ;-)
That being said, we don't even share a bank account, much less a facebook account. (We're both very careful about tracking purchases, and it's just easier each having our own account.) In fact, I will reject friend requests from any FB account that has "NameAndNameLastname." I find it very obnoxious.
Definitely scored zero. I think linked accounts are creepy though, as are shared email addresses. I can't plan a surprise party or weekend getaway if he had access to my email.
ReplyDeleteWe do know each others passwords though, does that count for anything? I do "name drop" him in my status updates on occasion though. :-)
I scored a 3 because I recently uploaded a few of my wedding pics into an album on facebook entitled "old pics" - we've been married over 6 years. Do I get extra points for blogging tho? To keep people updated on my husband's deployment, I started a blog, but we're both on it as contributors...so, even though he probably has no idea how to use it technically that means we SHARE a blog. Right? Extra points?
ReplyDeleteYou admirably covered all the digital modes of marital bliss, but you forgot a few of the physical ones. What about sporting a bumper sticker, window decal, hat, or t-shirt that says "I Love My Wife" ?? Or wearing his name beaded into your keychain? Or a necklace that says "Taken" ?? (old boyfriend gave me one of those once!!!)
ReplyDelete#10 is a little creepy...sounds like he is cleaning his shotgun behind her back. She better look out.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this! Since I go to a Christian college, about every other facebook friend does the whole "wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend" name drop and it drives me crazy! Just another reason why I plan to stay single all through college.
ReplyDeleteI have an inactive facebook account that is never updated, and I've blocked everyone but the six "friends" I have, and I still managed to score a 3.
ReplyDeleteThe only picture I had of me to upload for my profile pic was of my husband and me on our wedding day. And we're hugging.
I've now added: "update facebook profile so that I can score maximum points on this quiz" to my list of things to do today.
ReplyDeleteoh, do you get the ten points for the last one if someone else gave you the combined nickname? I'm counting it any ways.
chrisheena
I know a couple on Facebook who would score at least a 17. They spend half their status updates posting to each other how much they miss each other while he's at work, and saying things like "Leaving work to go home to my hott wife."
ReplyDeleteIt's very annoying. Get a room, already.
Haha! Next time my hubby cleans his shotgun, I'm going to hug him and get someone to take our picture. I bet he'd be happy to get out a clean shotgun for the occasion.
ReplyDeleteFunny, we never once considered getting a joint email account. Maybe because he was deployed to Iraq so soon after we got married -- when you don't actually get to live together, it's nice to have email to keep in touch with your spouse. :-)
2 points here.
ReplyDeleteThis post had me laughing all the way through.
I do find myself feeling bad sometimes that I'm in a happy marriage when so many others aren't.
Hysterical!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat should a couple's score be if the husband & wife share a fb page but that is only a front, i.e. after a few views it is clear that it is dominated by either the wife of the husband?
ReplyDeleteI was fairly new to fb and soon was connected to a buddy & his fiancee, who were already sharing a page. I soon defriended him (or him & her) after seeing too many posts & status updates that I could tell came only from her, and it hindered our communication.
BTW, the higher a couple's score is, the less time I will spend reading posts from them.
Cheers to all!
wv - skulbe - the movement of one's brain matter from enjoying sensory overload, e.g. watching two or more sports events & listening to the President's speech all at once.
Keep up the good work all you affirmers. It may be the thing keeping you hitched and you don't even know it.
ReplyDeleteBut don't actually say this: and we still have tickle fights and split milkshakes with two straws that bend in the shape of a heart -unless someone asks. It may make someone less fortunate cry.
I
ReplyDeleteAM
ReplyDeleteMARRIED
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm not married, or attached, but still scored some points! Go me :)
ReplyDeleteMy FB profile photo is of my wife and I posing with a Power Ranger. That's got to be worth some bonus points right there!
ReplyDeleteHappily Married,
Aaron (and Sarah)
Single, have my own email address, and yes...I threw up a lot.
ReplyDeleteAt least I know how to be a survivor in this world of married fish. =)
Oh, I howled. H-O-W-L-E-D.
ReplyDeleteAnd on a whiny sarcastic note, one of my biggest pet peeves of FB is when husbands and wives have a joint account. I'm all like, YOU HAVE A SEPARATE IDENTITY, PEOPLE. EMBRACE IT.
*smile*
Anonymous @ 5:13 - I also use G K Chesterton! Lewis is a little played out, and anyway I find I like Chesterton better. Partly because Lewis had a very faint hint of misogyny through much of his life (not surprising, when you remember that he knew very few women and most of those weren't very intelligent) and Chesterton was happily married and so feels much more supportive.
ReplyDeleteGeorge MacDonald probably also has some excellent quotes, come to think of it.
Oh, and I'm married. I don't really make a big deal of it. We don't even share an email address.
My husband (whom I love dearly) and I like your blog! Keep up the good words!
ReplyDeleteHahaha...this one is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteAs a single person, I did not throw up, however, as I am okay with my singleness and enjoy encouraging other people's healthy marriages. But it doesn't make what they do any less awkward or funny.
My parents have the ultimate couples email address. It literally is my dad's name "Alan" and my mom's name "Lynn" smooshed into "allynn". I just got my mom on facebook so I'll have to send this to her so she can score a bazillion points. She's so excited about my dad's new Rob Bell-ish glasses, it's hysterical. "He looks like a rock star!" I'm sure pictures will be posted soon.
I notice women tend to use it as a power play. "My husband and I don't have time for things like whatever you are doing because we are married and have so much more important things to be doing."
ReplyDeleteA word on the shared emails as well, be respectful of each other and realize women overshare with each other. I know husbands and wives shouldn't have secrets from each other, but do you need to know that I want her to go shopping is because I want a swimsuit that doesn't ride up? And further if you do know this, I'd appreciate if you don't reference this in public.
jon, you should create a post on the christian deck of cards, and appropriate times to throw out each card. you've come up with a lot of good ones.
ReplyDeleteNow you need to do one about Making sure no one online knows that you are married. All points are negative.
ReplyDeleteHopefully I score a 0 on this test, just like I did on #615.
Julie beat me to it, but I'm totally going for #10 (Your profile photo on facebook is a picture of you and your husband hugging while he cleans a shotgun. = +4 points) the next time my husband's got his shotgun out. He'll love it because I'm not a fan of the gun.
ReplyDeleteReferring to your hott husband/wife can go a little too far in some cases. I don't want to think about your hott spouse when I should be purely thinking about my own. You know, stumbling block, and all that.
I score a big fat zero! Yikes! But I did comment on this post to say "I am married" so can I get a point for that?
ReplyDeleteTime to go update my fb profile. which was written by my husband when he created my facebook page so that his profile would say who he was married to and have a pic of me instead of just saying married. So I guess he does better than I do.
I'm single but I really enjoy when people I know work 'the husband' or 'the wife' into conversation. It really does affirm their relationship. What I take issue with however is when men slap the wife sticker on conversations that have NOTHING to do with their wives. Think about it from the perspective of the woman who is just trying to get her job done. If in response to an email I sent asking about the delivery time of an order I get some shoehorned mention of the wife, I suddently have to question the way I dress or act around this guy for the rest of our work interactions. I ask you what you're doing over the weekend? bring on the wife talk. I ask you something simple? Don't make me second guess my perfectly profesisonal behavior!
ReplyDeletewow, I'm far angrier about this than I thought.
I scored 0 points but we've been happily married for almost 18 years. And just yesterday my husband and I were discussing how odd we both think it is for married couples to have joint Facebook and/or email accounts!
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of married friends on facebook, so here are a few I've noticed.
ReplyDelete22. You change your facebook status from "engaged" to "married" while still on your honeymoon. = +2 points
23. You display honeymoon photos, while still on your honeymoon. = -2 points
24. You only link to your wedding web site. = +2 points
25. It's still your only link after 2 years (or it's changed to your husband-wife blog). = +4 points
26. For favorite book you list The Love Dare, explaining that it gave you some great ideas. = +2 points
27. Instead of sending private messages, you comment on each other's statuses. = +2 points
28. In the About Me section, you narrate a dramatic rendition of The Proposal. = +2 points
29. You tweet how much you love being a housewife. = -2 points
30. You profile picture is the two of you wearing "I'm with him" and "I'm with her" shirts. +2 points
I don't do this on the internet very much but I *do* do (hehe) this all the time in public. As a college student, a lot of the boys I meet at school are too young to look for the ring on my hand, so I will name-drop like crazy even if it's completely irrelevant. If the guy says he wrote a paper on 19th century feminist theory I respond "oh my gosh, my husband loves feminist theory!" For reals.
ReplyDeleteI scored 8 points...We share an email address, but we both have separate ones for work too. I still counted that in my points though! Love that you are very up front about being married and that you set healthy and respectable boundaries!
ReplyDeleteOh, my. I'm so thankful you are not in your right mind. I love your response to the question about how your found your literary agent. And "Framela" is amazing. 100 points.
ReplyDeleteHappily married,
Jeanne
Uh-oh...I'm married and on facebook and twitter...but I scored zero points...yikes!
ReplyDeleteI have got to start letting the online world how much I love my hot/sexy/amazing/awesome/wonderful/handsome husband.
(I really do by the way!) ;-)
31. (Continuing from Christina's great additions above) You and your spouse share a Facebook account: +5
ReplyDeleteI suck.
ReplyDeleteI'm a newlywed. Not only that, I'm nearly 32 and feel like I had to wait for-freaking-ever to get married. I still get zero points. And my facebook profile image is me doing the Charlie's Angels pose with two of my friends.
wv: inmambl. The failure to speak clearly, especially about being married.
Ugh. This is one of my least favorite phenomenons. Ever. Ever! I think it alienates same-gendered friends. Why would I want to talk about my dating life or my menstrual cramps with, say, my college roommate's husband? I wouldn't. I respect transparency in marital relationships, but I also think its not unreasonable to value other, outside relationships.
ReplyDeleteAnd for some reason, most of the time I talk to someone online or off who wants me to know he's married, who really really wants me to know he's married is someone I'd be unwilling to date even if he were unmarried. I always feel faintly as if I've just been accused of a crime it hadn't occurred to me to commit. Or tempted to shout "not with that nose hair, buddy."
I have a friend who's married. Instead of the status wars on Facebook, they have vomitous-sexy-comments-war on myspace. I mean vomitous. As in, I really didn't need to know how amazing last night was vomitous. I think they should lose half a trillion points for that.
ReplyDelete"fortunately, I am not in my right mind". So very, truly fortunate! For all of us!
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, when I first saw your email address, I though "who is Thea?" so there you have it... A little more incognito than "twoinbliss@email" like we (yes I just used the WE!) used to use. Ugh, so embarrassing. Not that I love my husband of 11 years any less but come on. Too in your face.
Now let's see, that reply had 4 married refrences... Yeah that should do.
I've found slipping in the "I'm married" reference more when I meet someone new. There are just so many people out there who try to connect with someone romantically on the net that I make sure they understand where the lines are drawn. If I know the person already then I rarely make a point of mentioning my husband unless it naturally comes up in conversation. But we don't share email addresses or any of that. That seems more like a trust issue between spouses than a hint to the world of your martial status.
ReplyDeleteI feel a little weird about all the Christian couples I know who share email, facebook, etc. Can't we be like "regular" people and allow ourselves to be individuals within a couple?
ReplyDeleteI also don't like to interact with couple email and facebook accounts -- who AM I talking to?
Before I finished reading, I was already planning on commenting "this post would be more aptly titled 'things that make single people throw up in their mouths'..." but then you threw in that last sentence. At least you know the reaction you're inducing :)
ReplyDelete(But no, wait. That begs the question, then, that if you know the degree to which you are doing something is found to be obnoxious by a large swath of the population, why persist in doing it? I'm not saying that marrieds should hide their epic love, but, you know... balance. Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything though-- just trying to keep you honest, Johnny-boy ;))
Churchrat, ITA
ReplyDeleteI work with almost exclusively guys. We went to a baseball game and a couple wives/fiancees went. I made sure I introduced myself to them. It was a little odd because I don't want to be in the middle of the guys while their wives look on, but they were the ones I knew. I'm going to be traveling with the guys so I wanted to make sure the wives knew I was completely on the up and up. OTOH, there are times when I'm thinking if I had wanted a chance with you I would have done it 10 years ago, but I didn't because you are still the same boy who dumped sand in my hair during play group.
This doesn't really have to do with online specifically, but the one that drives me NUTS is this: Anytime anyone, ANYONE comes up with a bright thought, idea, way of doing things, mention that your spouse came up with it first, because their spouse is so wicked smart.
ReplyDelete"I love the internet."
"OMGosh! So does my husband. He loved it even before there was an internet. I mean he is THAT smart!"
I'm a single girl. This definitely left me possessed of a strong desire to throw up a little in my shoe.
ReplyDeletewv- mongom: the pukey moaning sound I was making by the end of this post.
When my college roomate got married, she and her husband created a joint email account with the name: thehappiestcouple. *gag*
ReplyDeleteSome of the things on this list are cute, but I unfriend facebook contacts who set a picture of them kissing their significant other as their profile shot. Most of my married or engaged friends have ben unfriended at one point or another. And I'll usually check in later and refriend if the picture has changed, but in the dippy-in-love, 42-days-until-the-big-day stage (or 42-days-since-the-big-day), all their updates are nauseating anyway.
It's just my own special boundary that I didn't have to go to couples counseling in order to set.
I'm single--
ReplyDeletebut I have a bunch of married friends--and they have you beat-- by a lot.
You should add---listed as employment on Facebook: wife employer: my wonderful husband.+5
wish I was kidding.
"My smokin' hot wife and I" do marriage ministry at my church and one of the new trends in extra-marital affairs is hooking up with old significant others/crushes through FB.
ReplyDeleteI scored a 5 and my wife is upwards of 12-15 ... regularly updated hugging, marriage pictures... man, my wife's hot.
You could be quoted in a Foxnews article about how you and your wife share an account. :)
ReplyDeleteSomeone with whom I am facebook friends is engaged and updates her status almost daily with the countdown days until the wedding. I know I'm cynical and mean, but I can't help thinking, "We get it. You're getting married. That's awesome. Now shut up already."
ReplyDelete"My wife and I" of over 40 years still have seperate bank accounts, e-mail addresses, Facebook accounts, computers and even offices (within our home)!!! We even go to different home groups at church! And yes I did score zero! But we are still married, and a couple of months ago I did enjoy telling anybody who would listen that we were celebrating our Ruby Wedding!!! Oh, and I do have a number of online female friends - and they definitely all know I am married, and much older than them!!!
ReplyDeleteOh I totally know about the singleton post ... I shared it with my Singleton friends on a well-known Christian web site.
ReplyDeleteWhen I address a letter to a married opposite sex friend, I make a point to address it to him and his wife. He may share the contents with her, he may not, but the point of that little exercise is to make sure he knows there is nothing in the letter that he can't share with his beloved. Also I make a point of asking, "How is your lovely wife?" A former boss of mine "jokingly" said "How do you know she's lovely" and I told him that was my little way of supporting his marriage. He left her for some chick he met on the internet 6 months later.
Your blog rocks! Make sure your lovely wife knows I said so!
I am single and this post didn't make me want to throw up because I GET this website!!!! It is a fun site!
ReplyDeleteNow I do have to admit that I am dating and I did post a picture of my honey and I on my Facebook page, mainly to show off my being in a couple (hey, at least I am honest), let other people know that I am dating so that they can stop gossiping and clucking their tongues about my love life (another thing Christians seem to like - gossip), and to VERY kindly let other women on Facebook know that I am not available for them.
Would I have tossed my tacos if I was truly "single" (i.e., sans significant other)? Perhaps. But hey, this site is fun. If people want to go and start a fight everytime the word Marriage is uttered, there is another well-known Christian site out there that is chocked full of acrimony and hurt feelings about other people being married...
WV: histur - WAAAAAAYYYY to easy
Oh, I get it now! This explains a strange conversation I had the other day with a co-worker.
ReplyDeleteMe: "Before I forget, 'so & so' called for you while you were out."
Mike: "Oh, I had to take my hot wife to the dentist this morning."
Me: "Okay..."
BTW, I am also married. And happily too.
Oh, I get it now! This explains a strange conversation I had the other day with a co-worker.
ReplyDeleteMe: "Before I forget, 'so & so' called for you while you were out."
Mike: "Oh, I had to take my hot wife to the dentist this morning."
Me: "Okay..."
BTW, I am also married. And happily too.
Hey Jon, my imaginary wife and I love your post.
ReplyDeleteDespite the uber wittiness, being currently single made reading this post about as sickening as eating all the frosting off a wedding cake (the kind where even the bride & groom are sculpted sugar).
Perhaps you could make a "Single and Advertising" scorecard for us unattached men in the future. Here's a couple ideas to get it going...
1. Hopeful e-mail address such as:
JasonandToBeNamedAtALaterDate@yahoo.com = +2 points
2a. Facebook profile picture is of you sitting alone and reading the Bible on a park bench built for two with a sunset and the beach in the background. = +2 points (why do I feel like Rick Warren has a copyright on this type of picture?)
2b. Facebook profile picture is of the engagement ring selection at the local jewelry store = +3 points
2c. Caption under previously mentioned Facebook profile picture says, "Pick one." = +5 points
3a. In the "favorite books" section of your profile you list something by Jane Austen. = +10 points
3b. You also list "Focus On the Family" books to let women know you're prepared for the long haul. = +5 points
3c. You also list books on cooking and home repair to boost your market value. = +5 points
4a. In your blog or Facebook list of "favorite links" you have a bridal boutique on the list. = +5 points
4b. If links to Kay Arthur's or Elisabeth Elliot's post make the list... = +3 points
4c. A recurring Twitter post you have is, "still praying for 'something good' to come my way." + 1 point.
5a. Under "favorite activities" you say, "Cooking dinner for my pastor and his wife on Saturday evenings and then listening to them talk about what makes their marriage work late into the evening." = +10 points
5b. You also mention Broadway musicals or opera. = +3 points
5c. You also mention that you like to take long drives through wine valley vineyards on Sunday. = +6 points
6a. You open e-mails to single women with, "To my most beloved sister in Christ," = +2 points
6b. You close your e-mails to single women with, "Remember to pray for the orphan child in Africa that I'm sponsoring," = +4 points
6c. You attach html grphics to your e-mail from the World Wildlife Foundation that shows panda bears or baby tigers cuddling. = +6 points
JasonSix...
ReplyDeleteThat was hilarious!!!
Love,
Frankenbeth
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm not hitting on Jon by commenting here, which I as a single female would like to emphasize by directing this comment to Jenny and not to her husband.
ReplyDeleteBefore really launching into the comment, let's share an eyeroll and a friendly "oh, what won't he do" look that establishes that I like your husband and the fact that he's yours. Then we move on to....
Hey, Jenny, I just wanted to tell you that I am single, and I loved this post.
First, "a seed of 'emotional over share'" totally resonated with me. Ah, the number of imaginary relationships I've been in because I thought that EOS convo "meant something" to the other person, too.
Second, I figure if I ever get married I'd like my husband to be the name-dropping kind, because what woman doesn't want her husband to be proud of her or like to see a husband proud of his wife? Okay, there probably ARE some, but I may be safely able to speak for both you and I, Jenny, when I say that those women aren't us.
You forgot to mention that this phenomena happens at church as well. If a single person approaches a married person of the opposite sex, you sometimes see the "my wife/husband (and I)..." GAZE cast upon the single approacher by the spouse.
ReplyDeleteIt's some combination of forced, churchy politeness and the face a lion make right before it pounces on the zebra on the Discovery Channel.
Sometimes I just want to say "Look! Wait! Don't kill me...I realize we are all attractive and I am single so that makes this awkward, but your husband/wife dropped their cell phone behind the pew and I didn't want your husband/wife (and you) to head home without it!"
I'm married and it made me want to throw up a little bit.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I got a solid 0. Happily married for almost 10 years but still a big fat 0.
I only got married in July but I never really thought about throwing my status around. And I haven't noticed anyone else bandying around the fact that they are married, either. It felt good to update my Facebook status from Engaged to Married, though...
ReplyDeleteI score five points. My Facebook picture is from our wedding day and I am hugging my wife (it's a hug...). It's not from the ceremony, per se, but it is from around the time of the reception, so it still counts. Right?
What a loser I am. No points and been married for 28 years. Maybe I should get extra points because my picture is on facebook. You know, fat, ugly bald man. Now that has to be worth something!!
ReplyDeleteI don't need to let people know I'm married; I just tell them how many children I've got - that's enough. LOL
ReplyDeleteWhat about TWITTER - scope twitter.com/BrisaBond (or brisabond.com).
ReplyDeleteBrisa = Brody + Lisa
Ha ha... just goofy fun. But effective in sharing wedding news.
I am single and this didn't make me throw up (or want to, even). In fact, I find it quite encouraging that married people also see the weirdness in some of these online phenomena and I don't have to scold myself for being such a pathetic, desperate and cynical single for thinking that these things get a little obnoxious...
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, most of my friends don't do that. Actually, I don't have any Facebook friends with shared accounts. I do have a few with wedding pictures on their profile and 'my wonderful hubby' status updates, etc., however.
But I am really grateful that most of my married friends don't share e-mail addresses with their husbands. Even though I like their husbands, I don't feel like letting them in on all my deepest secrets...
My live-in boyfriend and I prefer to preface our e-mails, comments, and status updates with the phrase "My live in boyfriend/girlfriend and I..." We scored no points, but we did throw a housewarming party using the amalgamation of our names. Do we get points for that? Cuz it's the invite was pretty cool:
ReplyDeleteWarm the House! *Chranammy Owili-Egerickson* Style!
*the hyphen is a natural part of the amalgamation, not added for effect.*
I wouldn't mind some points, but I understand if this quiz only pertains to "Holy Unions." :)
hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThis didn't make me want to throw up a little. It made me want to throw up a lot. Not really, but the only thing more annoying than the constant spouse shout outs online are the constant kid shout outs. Surely there is something else going on in your life other than kids!
ReplyDeleteWhy don't I have any problems as a single with people coming on to me, even though I'm not warding them off with "I have a husband?"
ReplyDeleteNow you made me really feel like a loser!
See, right now I want to say something obnoxious to lead you to believe I'm hitting on you.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm totally married. And my husband is hot.
Not hitting on you...
Sandy
doubt you'll ever see this comment, but....I found this blog a couple of weeks ago during a specific search for something and bookmarked it. Then, the other day I noticed a post from my friend, Jason Boyett, referencing your blog and was like "oh cool, they know each other!" So now, I'm just reading randomly....this post was freakin funny!!!
ReplyDeleteNot trying to plug my blog, so don't look them up. Spam stinks.
ReplyDeleteHow about if you have blogs about each other? "MyPoorHusband," and "LifeWithRachael"
That's got to be worth 10 points there! :)
i just insert a {married to Sharon} every few words {married to Sharon}and that way there {married to Sharon} is no question about whether {married to Sharon} i'm {married to Sharon} or not...i think {married to Sharon} it works just fine {married to Sharon}
ReplyDeleteI am so proud to be married to my husband that regardless I like to reference not just that I am married, but boastfully embracing some of his endearing qualities....enjoying the evening while my husband does the dishes.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed this. Scored a 13. Ten years, 3 months happily married. May we all guard marriage!
ReplyDeleteYou could include:
You are following your spouse. Or you are 'friends' with your spouse.
With the idea of 'access and accountability': You have your spouse's passwords.
I'm single, but I won't throw up. (As long as people stop calling C. S. Lewis -- got him all over my quotes page, and proud of it! -- misogynistic or played out, that is. There's a big, BIG difference between not always understanding women, and being misogynistic. And if someone is as widely quoted as Lewis, there's usually an excellent reason for it.)
ReplyDeleteWhere was I . . .?
Oh, yes, the married thing. I think loving married couples are cute. Okay, some of them are nauseating and/or flaunting and/or just plain condescending, and that gets very old, but most of them are cute.
ahahahaha funny... but I think I'll stick to the C.S.Lewis quotes, thanks!! :-)
ReplyDelete==
signing off, happily married
Matt + Helen = Melon!
ReplyDeleteI was THRILLED when my husband's younger siblings figured that one out.
THEY TALKED ABOUT THIS ON THE VIEW THIS MORNING! I laughed out loud when the started talking about it, you should really see if you can get a cliip.
ReplyDeleteI love this :) HEHE! I've seen first hand what happens when men DONT tell ppl online that they are married - so I am a first advocate of sharing that truth.
ReplyDeletei don't become "friends" on facebook with women my wife does not know
ReplyDeleteI'm single, which is probably why I cannot fathom giving up separate email for one joint account. I'm all for accountability and of course you'd want to let the world you just married the most fabulous member of the opposite sex ever. I just do not get wanting to be known as Brisa (Bill and Risa) or Garon (Greg and Sharon). I guess I'll figure it out when I get there. *shrugs* Right now, I find couples who make it impossible for you to miss the fact they are together and it's Twu Wuv and sooooo fabulous annoying and nauseating. All things in moderation, guys.
ReplyDeleteName dropping the spouse a lot when there's no reason to be mentioning them is something I find really annoying. Yes, we know you're married. We heard you the first three hundred times. Yes, we know you're happily married and that you think your spouse is a stone cold fox. We're glad you're so nuts about them. We just do not want or need to always hear about it.
I regularly tell newlyweds that they should be banned from facebook and am thankful that facebook wasn't around when I was a newlywed lest I would have royally embarrassed myself. We don't need to hear that your new spouse is hot stuff or that they are your Freckle Princess (I wish I were joking but this is what my newlywedded bro calls his bride).
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I scored pretty high myself too because of joint accounts!