About 6 weeks ago I wrote a post called “The 11 people every youth group needs.” My dad is starting a church and I hoped it would be kind of a “how to” kit of clichés that every youth group should have. I ended the post by saying, “What youth group stereotype did I forget?”
The comments you left were great. As I have long suspected and proclaimed, the readers of this site are hilarious. So today I thought I would just get out of the way and post what I thought were the funniest youth group kids I forgot to mention.
In what may be the largest guest post ever on Stuff Christians Like, I give you:
8 other people every youth group needs:
1. The Drummer
He's definitely in the marching band, and he's definitely ADD. everything around him becomes a drum, and when the youth praise team recruits him, suddenly all the songs are double-time. worship has never been so efficient. By Rachel
2. The Athletic Brothers
The two boys who have to be separated whenever there are sporting activities so that they cannot dominate the rest of the group (bonus points if they're twins).
By Regular Joes
3. The Clutz
He/she will get injured at every event usually due to their own actions; he is the reason there are waiver forms and why you can't go back to certain amusement parks. By Regular Joes
4. The dwarves
STINKY- true stench, but says "I don't care" you finally respond "I do care & next time I'm taking you home & can come back when you don’t stink. It is a dirty job but someone has to do it.
BUMPY- just don’t understand when you make them cover up their breast, butt, or underwear. Indignant when they tell you, my momma bought this for me. You do not discuss momma but let them know your standards are different and provide a t-shirt or belt. They will fight for the right to expose themselves in public, you must win and teach them modesty.
DOPEY- you know he uses drugs & probably sells them. You find a way to discretely firmly tell him “you do anything here you will be arrested”. Then treat him like everyone else. Be careful and see if this may be a SLEEZY.
SLEEZY- this teen is the predator, important to discover him and beat him off his prey before it is too late. To protect others you have to close the door to him. He is charming, a magnet, talented but deadly. Many others have closed that door also. The last door will be a cell door or coffin door. You pray there is someone that can save them before it is too late. When they truly repent (not lie about it) they will turn the world upside down.
NEEDY- this teen is so needy that they are prey to SLEEZY. They will do anything to be noticed or loved, they will lie, steal, do anything perverted to appease their predator. They are annoying, clingy or aloof but it is volatile, and almost futile.
HURTY- this person cannot handle the pain they are in so they cut themselves or wrecklessly try to hurt themselves (more than the usual bumps or bruises.) This teen is on a path of destruction and uses anything to mask that pain with cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sex. You pray, try to direct them and cry for them.
GRUMPY- this teen takes a lot of patience; they want everyone to know how miserable they are. You hug, love them and listen b/c their pain and their life is more horrendous than you ever could believe. You pray they change before they slip into Hurty.
THINKY- they want everyone know how smart they are by correcting and disagreeing, and letting you know they are smarter than you. You resist the temptation to beat them repeatedly about the head and shoulders and try to teach them humility.
WINNY: they will meet any challenge they are over competitive will win at all costs. They are the 1st to raise their hand and volunteer for anything. You want to be on their team.
HAPPY- the kid that has horrible parents, horrible sibling but decides to put a smile on their face & do their very best.
WHIMPY: has no confidence, has been babied, not made to do anything. Lots of encouragement and ignore their whines and don’t let them whimp out. They are so unsure of themselves but there is a breakthrough when they meet a challenge. If allowed will gripe about everything and say i'm bored, must be challenged.
WHINNY- produce tears, scream, whine anything to get the other person in trouble, they are the victim. Some have learned this is the way to get their way, (must let them know it won’t work with you)
SQUEEZY- this teen wants to hug all over everyone, but it’s not that nice innocent hug. You respond with get off them! They respond as the victim that :wasn’t doin nuthin wrong”, don’t believe them. Refrain from calling them “you little pervert”.
DIPPY- this teen can always make you laugh; can use anything as a prop, just naturally funny. Surround yourself with them you need them.
You love all of them.
By Moe
5. The Project Kid
Everyone assumes that this kids is not a Christian because he wears Metallica t-shirts, has long hair, and doesn't talk much. The rest of the group prays over him frequently, and everybody wants to be the one that leads him to Jesus. He never tells anyone that he loves GOD because he finds the attention amusing. By Nic
6. The Mother Hen
What about the mother hen? The girl who may or may not be olderthan her peers, but somehow is always taking care of everyone else? She is there with a plate of freshly-baked cookies, always has a listening ear, sets up and takes down for every event, but rarely participates because she is too busy in the prayer room or waiting to help someone out? At weddings, she is the girl helping the bride pee by holding the train of the gown.
She can usually be found hanging with the adult leaders or the youth pastor. This is your go-to girl, spiritual cheerleader of sorts. This is the girl you ask to pray for you and dump on, but refuse to acknowledge outside of yg sponsored events. By Anon
7. The Gigglers
I distinctly remember the gigglers. Normally a group of 2 to 3 girls who are very pretty (but unlike Kim, they know they are pretty and work hard at it) and spend much of their time huddled together whispering, pointing at the acoustic guy, and giggling. They are also the go to group when you want someone to suggest a car wash as a fundraiser. By Snowberrylife
8. The kid with an endless supply of prayer requests
Always has an aunt, sister, neighbor, cousin, friend, in the hospital, dying, out-of-work, pregnant, going on a mission trip... Enjoys playing "My Prayer Request is Much More Serious & Urgent Than Yours." You can tell he's running out of requests and feeling desperate when he offers up people from the local and national news as prayer requests. "I really think we need to pray for Matsuzaka. He just got taken out of the lineup and they think there might be something wrong with him physically and well, I don't think he's a Christian, so...." If this kid is in your small group prayer time after large group, pick a comfortable chair. You'll be there for awhile. By Snoodlings
I should've spent more time in youth group.
ReplyDeleteAs a people watcher, I would've found all of these kids hysterical.
When the Mother Hen grows up she takes over the children's ministry at church, starts a babysitting co-op in the neighborhood and hosts Bible study in her basement. With cookies.
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
ReplyDeleteSlightly off-topic (but the cast of the youth groups post reminded me), did anyone else do youth group lock-ins at the church? Talk about a Makin' Purple disaster. I look back and wonder what the heck my youth leader was thinking, and how on earth our pastor agreed to let thirty high-hormoned youth lock themselves in a boredom-inducing, dark church for 12 hours? I am surprised we all didn't end up pregnant.
Aw, man. I work with our youth and can definitely name names on some of these. Except our athletic brothers are actually cousins. And Grumpy is my Sunday School class as well as Needy. This is funny and sad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteHey, that first one (the drummer) is MY kid!
ReplyDeleteI worked with our high school group for the last 5 years, and as I read through this I am naming the kids out loud.
ReplyDeleteOur church has 3 Athletic Brothers. You can try to split tem up... but you may not succeed...
ReplyDeletepraying for matsuzaka!! love it.
ReplyDeletesnoodlings are a sox fan too?
we need prayer, after acquiring gonzo today.
Le Sigh. Yes, these personalities exist in -all- groups, youth or otherwise. YEs, they can sometimes be humorous and sometimes be frustrating. Maybe I just don't have the same kind of "funny bone" as others but the labeling and mocking rub me the wrong way...especially when we are talking about children. Don't you think they get enough of that from their own peers that they need to get that from adults too? Where is the line drawn for those of us who say we are His followers but them mock our youth who are under our spiritual care? Like I said, I guess I just don't share the same definition of what is "funny". Normally, I enjoy the posts here when they are applied to us all...when we can laugh at ourselves. This isn't that type of post. This post points out one specific group...children no less...and mocks them. Sorry...tht is not registering on my funny bone at all.
ReplyDeleteResponding to the comment from Rachel: I can see where you're coming from, but I can also sense a strong foundation of understanding and love in those descriptions. They ring true, but not in a mean way. I thank God all the time, even 20 something years post-youth group, for a leader who loved us this much. Melissa in Raleigh
ReplyDeleteOh, Reign of Ellen, you are SO right.
ReplyDeleteMy first experience with The Color Purple was at a Baptist church lock-in.
Behind the BAPTISTRY.
I missed the original post the first time around but, as a former youth pastor-turned-teacher, love it!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget...
...Home School Kid (think Kenneth on "30 Rock:" polite, never swears, doesn't know current pop-culture trends, way more Bible knowledge than most adult leaders)
...Crazy Drama Girls (usually 4-5, travel in a pack, very sweet girls one-on-one but near intolerable in a bunch. Often supervised by Mother Hen.)
..."Jackass" Lad (you've sort of added elements of his character into others (actively seeking out bigger and better ways to hurt himself, or come as close as possible via his insatiable thirst for thrills)
...Borderline Handicapped Kid (I tiptoe lightly towards this one) (not the sharpest tack in the box, and doesn't really have much social interaction at school, but has found acceptance in the one place where everyone knows they HAVE to be nice to him, and listen to his often-unintelligeble conversations. I love this kid, though he's often a challenge at the time)
(of course, I hope it goes w/o saying how much I did love having each of these kids in my ministries, and what a joy it was getting to know them & their "quirks." No teasing intended; it's just funny to rattle off YG cliches...)
ReplyDeleteIt seems like the ones with the biggest defects tend to go on to walk a great life in Christ later on. We're not much good until we've been broken of ourselves. Having nothing of our flesh to be proud of makes it easy to give it all to God. Just looking at most of the "heroes" of the Bible I imagine an image of God choosing them out of the Least-Likely-to-Succeed section of their school yearbooks.
ReplyDeleteI was the drummer! What a great post.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I <3 you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I am well-known to have a wicked sense of humor, but some of these are coming off as judgmental and mean... Youth groups are made up of individuals, not labels, and especially at the age they are, they don't need the so-called leaders in their life sticking gray dots and gold stars on them.
oh my word. i totally was the 'mother hen'
ReplyDeleteand still am in quite a few ways, what can i say? I love my girls something fierce.
somethings never change.
one day, i'll be the awesome soccer mom, even if i never have kids of my own. i just won't be able to help myself.
One more to add-
ReplyDelete"The Couple"
Everyone in youth group is happy when they are together. When they break up, everyone takes sides. They always end up back together at a retreat or camp. At the beach retreat,they get matching airbrush t-shirts.
You all think they'll get married but there is one final break-up and that's it. They marry other people from youth group or the guy becomes a youth minister.
Oh, man. We definitely had a Stinky in my college ministry. This kid was so gross that his freshman year, the boys on his floor physically THREW him into the shower (no mean feat considering he probably weighs 400, 500 lbs)! AND HE STILL DIDN'T CATCH ON. On a mission trip, he stepped on a rusty nail and then went and let it get infected because he didn't follow doctor's orders to keep it clean. We were a very hug-friendly group, but he was the one nobody hugged cause you wouldn't be able to get the smell of several months of filth out of your nose for the rest of the night. Ah, memories.
ReplyDeleteI used to be the "thinky" before. Haha! Although I became the add-on "the couple". Then of course as it said, the final break-up. Although I haven't quite finished that I.D., because I just graduated. Haha
ReplyDeleteHaha, definitely know a few #8s. And I think my sister and her friends count as #7... haha. fun stuff. :D
ReplyDelete