If Zondervan lets me write a second book, I'll probably title it "How to grow a huge church in 1 easy step." And inside the book, which I will insist on having my picture on, will be a single piece of paper. (Talk about being green!) And on that piece of paper will be the secret to instant church growth.
Want to know it? Want a sneak peek or really I guess it's not a peek so much as it is the whole book? Here it is:
"If you want to grow your church instantly, do a sermon series about sex."
Many of you have probably already stopped reading this post and are currently hanging billboards around your town advertising the new sermon series your church is going to do. But maybe that book needs a second page. Maybe that one sentence is not enough. Maybe it's not easy to name a sex sermon series. So I did some research and put together a little quiz that will hopefully help you think through what you should title your series. Below are a bunch of names for sex sermon series, including some websites. Some are real and are from actual churches. Some are fake and are from my head. See if you can guess which ones are which:
Sexy sermon series or something Jon made up?
1. “Yourultimatelover.com”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
2. “Great Sex for You”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
3. “Bringing Sexy Back”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
4. “Electric Sex”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
5. “Whatsbetweenthesheets.com”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
6. “Desperatesexlives.com”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
7. “Solomon is the OT's version of the musician Prince. Love notes from a man whose awesomeness with the ladies eventually brought him to ruin.”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.
How'd you do? Want the answer key? OK, they're all real. Each one of those titles was from a church sermon series. Whoa, curve ball. I zigged right when you were expecting a zag, I bobbed when you were expecting a weave, I Marloned Wayans right when you were expecting me to Kenan Ivory Wayans. Or maybe you saw through the whole thing, even the fake one I threw in at the end.
I'm not sure what the approach some churches are taking with the subject of sex says about us. Are we talking about it too much? Are we using it as a subject because it garners lots of attention? Or are we not talking about it enough?
I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, the world has a loud, noisy, colorful campaign about sex. They are constantly bombarding us with messages about it and for us to remain silent or to allow the world to try to claim that topic as their own domain seems foolish. I cheer that the churches on this list are sharing God’s word with our culture with creativity and funk. But at the same time, I think it's really tempting to use that topic as a neon sign that will attract people to a topic but maybe not the Lord. Pastor Craig Groeschel dropped some bombs on this subject at a conference I went to when he talked about the foolishness of doing a sex sermon series just as a way to make your church look cool. And I confess that even as a silly blogger it’s tempting to write about controversial subjects in the hope that controversy will attract more eyeballs.
Where do you stand on that?
Does the church talk about sex too much?
Or not enough?
i think sex is good, in the right context. i think a sex series is good, in the right context. people deal with it, God's got something to say about it. look forward to hearing some dissent to maybe open my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI've never ever heard a sermon on sex! Not unless I count youth retreats...
ReplyDeleteBy the time we are old enough to hear or at least sit still through a sermon from the pulpit, we are already in need of healing from the opinions and perspectives on sex we have already formed from the media.
ReplyDeleteMaybe these sermons on sex should be aired on "sesame street".
I don't think I've ever really heard a sermon on sex. At least not one that was meant to be about sex.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the church talks about sex enough. It still seems to be one of those topics that ... well ... Christians just don't want to talk about in front of everyone else.
ReplyDeleteI found it refreshing that my church did a series (special event type thing) on sex with the middle school kids. It was a leap of faith, but one that was needed!
One of the many reasons doing a series on sex merely for the attention strikes me as a bad idea is because coming up with a wacky title is easy... but what then?
ReplyDeleteWhile I believe that the church has amazing news for hurting people, I'm not sure that the entry point into people's lives should be through the bed room. If you haven't accepted Christ do you really want to hear, "God thinks sex outside of marriage is wrong?" On the other hand, if a series on sex isn't built on that truth, then does it really belong?
Depends on the church. If there was a series on sex at the little Brethren chapel I attend on Sunday mornings, I think I would possibly die of embarrassment. If there was a series on sex at the medium-sized church on campus I attend on Sunday evenings, I would probably cope. And it would probably be a good thing.
ReplyDeleteNot to deviate from, you know, the actual question you asked, but I'm having a reading comprehension issue. Are all of those titles real, or simply 1-6, with 7 being a fake? I'm assuming the latter, but you never know.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I've never heard a sermon on sex. In all honesty, I would ever have giggling fits or stare at my shoes the entire time. Maybe it's a topic that would be more effectively taught in smaller groups?
I would rather see it as a couples' class or weekend retreat focus. Maybe a singles' class? I don't think the recently divorced man or widowed lady wants to spend a Sun series on "something that ain't happenin'." It's important for the church to talk about it, but incredibly embarrassing for your out of town guests, you know? God doesn't need a gimmick to get people in, and neither should the church....imho
ReplyDeleteI think churches are talking about a lot of topics (sex is just one of them) to make themselves look "cool," as you said.
ReplyDeleteI think if a church is teaching what the BIBLE ACTUALLY SAYS and they happen upon scriptures about sex (or any other topic), it's a good thing, but if it's just one more "Five Tips for a Healthy Marriage" or "Three Easy Steps to Good Parenting" thing that you could find on Dr. Phil (except we're throwing in a couple of Bible verses to prove our points), then we don't need any more of those.
I'm tired of "topics," and saying, "Look, here's a Bible verse that agrees with what I already think!" I want someone to preach scripture as it's written, and teach me how to conform my life to what God has already said.
In addition, when we just preach "topics," there are huge portions of the Bible we never get around to teaching - or even reading - because they don't feel "relevant." (In other words, they require some prayer and study to understand, and that's more work than most Christians want to do.)
I think that we need to talk about sex. It is such a secret kind of topic and really needs to be opened up in a positive light.
ReplyDeleteI have started talking about it with my youth. It is weird though, every time I talk sex we have more visitors that usual, but I don't advertise what I'm talking about to my Youth. Honestly I don't want them to try and get a bunch of their friends there for this talk. It is hard for me to talk to them about this so a bunch of strangers makes it much harder, and yet it happened anyways. Weird.
I don't know about more sex sermons (I thought the usual practice was to reframe the topic as "purity"?), but something that must be discussed more, although maybe not in a church-wide sermon, is pornography.
ReplyDeleteMy church does a sex series every few years. They do a good job with the sermons; they preach what the Bible has to say and try to make it interesting, but they also try to throw in a couple of "fun" things like skits or videos, and I always dread those. I'm always afraid they're going to go too far just to be funny (and occasionally they do.) Even if I haven't invited a friend along I still feel embarrassed! But I think the topic does need to be addressed. Why let the media have the last say on it?
ReplyDeleteSexuality is a gift from God that was created by god. Therefore the church is a proper forum for a discussion about sex.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do NOT want to hear your personal stories if you are the pastor. Your wife 9 times out of 10 is not attractive enough for me to picture that! AND in the rare case that she is, that is inappropriate in church. PLEASE make it a "Friend".
I always prefer sermon series that go through the Bible systematically, rather that focusing on a topic and pulling various Bible passages about that topic. So my pastor will preach about sex when we went through Ephesians, for example, but he won't just do a sex series for Sunday services. That's more for a marriage retreat or youth series (the latter would focus more on our sexuality in the context of being unmarried)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI would love it if our church did a sex sermon series. Sheesh, enough about the Holy Spirit already! :)
ReplyDeleteAs a single woman in my late 20's (still a virgin) seeking to stay pure, the more you talk about sex, the harder my life is. Think about it: most sermons about sex basically come down to: God created sex to be awesome...in marriage. So, you are basically telling me that I have no chance at awesome sex any time soon. The rest of the church though, they're having awesome sex tonight. And if they aren't tonight, don't worry cause the sermon is going to tell all of us how they can.
ReplyDeleteI, however, must wait and listen to how other people can have awesome sex.
I feel encouraged and uplifted.
wv: cringe- what I do every time married people talk about sex
I can remember a few. One was where the preacher talked to our young adults group, and included a significant portion on masturbation. the why's, the spiritual implications, the relational implications...it was pretty full on but so authentic. What happens when you've been in a sexual relationship and now you're not, and the biological stuff related to that...all kinds of stuff.
ReplyDeleteWe also had a couple on pornography - one was testimony-based, a guy who had come out of a serious addiction and same-sex attraction. The other was the guy from XXX church and The Strip Church in Las Vegas. Those two sundays, fairly close to each other, have been so healthy for our church, and particularly allowing youth to feel more able to talk to the youth pastor about it.
Of course we should be talking about sex at church. Our pastors help guide us through how to deal with all sorts of stuff from a godly worldview, cause it's not just about the big 'do's' or 'don'ts' when it comes to sex, and it's not an issue isolated from the rest of our lives - it's all the other psychological, sociological, relational, biological...etc. etc. stuff as well, and that spills over into our self-image, our priorities, our fashion, our boundaries...etc.
I totally agree with what Anonymous at 5:09 said--too often churches make something a "Bible study" that is actually a secular self-help idea with a few Bible verses thrown in. Real Bible study should be deeper and should look at what the Bible has to say to us, not what we have to say to the Bible. (I know there's a really smart seminary word for this, but someone else will have to name it.)
ReplyDeleteI think Sarah's church has the right idea--confront it open, honestly, and aggressively. And in a small group.
My gut is that we don't talk about it enough. We live in a world that is very frank and open, and if pastors and church leadership aren't equipping people to deal with it Biblically, churches are going to deal with dire consequences.
ReplyDeleteI mean, c'mon, there is an entire book of the Bible that focuses on sexulaity (Song of Solomon). I'm sick of pastors and others pretending that book doesn't exist.
I teach high school girls, and we've talked about it. It's a little amusing though to say we're going to talk about sex and have the entire room melt into giggles - course, it could be a teenage girl thing...
Also, Gretchen--HAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteOh, by the way, anonymous @5:09 did have a great point, when she said that it made her life more difficult to hear too much about this topic. I'm 24, single, and definitely a virgin. And whether people realize it or not, they do kindof rub single folks' faces in it that we're not getting anything.
ReplyDeleteBut we've already talked about that in many of the singles' posts. :)
What Anon 5:09 said, x100. So sick of the gimmicks.
ReplyDeleteBut also, I'm torn on this one - on one hand, it's almost impossible not to be affected by the world's disturbed and unbiblical notions of sex, which leaves the church with a huge and very real responsibility. Imparting Biblical worldview is a massive challenge.
On the other hand, all examples of "the sex sermon" I've ever heard about have boiled down to, "How to have an awesome sex life and get it on with your hott wife five times a week."
Problems with that:
1. Isn't a Sunday morning sermon a little public for that sort of thing? As important as it is to talk about the issue, I wonder whether such cavalier immodesty has a place in Biblical sexuality. (And I suspect many of the elderly members of our congregations would raise the same question.)
2. Kind of awkward for people who *can't* rightly express themselves sexually at the moment, on grounds of not being married. The never-married adult going on 20 years of chastity, yes, but more especially those with past experience - the formerly married, or those returning to a life of purity.
3. There are probably teenagers in the room. Their parents are probably in the same room. Isn't it hard enough to make kids want to come to church? (And in response to the argument that they need to hear it most - in my experience, 75% of youth group sermons are about sex. Always annoyed me, because I thought that maybe we needed talk about all the *other* things the Bible says, too.)
Maybe the answer is, yes, the church should probably be talking more *about* sex and finding a Biblical, worthwhile way to do so. But many specimen of the current sex-series trend are missing that mark, since it's just so easy to get the ratings.
How to shrink the suddenly-huge church right back down to its original size in 1 easy step:
ReplyDeleteAfter drawing in the crowds with salacious advertising, preach on what the Bible actually says about sex, without "sexing" it up.
What would a sex sermon entail other than:
ReplyDeleteDon't have it before marriage.
Men don't lust physically after another woman.
Women don't lust emotionally after another man.
Enjoy with your spouse only.
Take breaks if need be to focus on anything that may be a more important priority family wise.
What else could there be to talk about? If there is, I think that should be talked about between spouses.
P.S. In my opinion, most of these churches are interested more in growing their church quantitatively than in growing their church in depth of biblical knowledge. The nature of their sermon advertising is exhibit #1.
ReplyDeleteNot to blindly agree with something just because Craig Groeschel says so, but that's essentially what I'm doing, because that guy cuts to the chase better than just about anyone I've ever heard.
ReplyDeleteI saved a full sized mailer from a church plant from Easter Sunday: "SEX ROCKS!" From. Easter. Sunday.
I was so pissed that I wanted to write a blog post about it, but dh said no. Then I realized that the guy planting the church came from the "Fellowship of Excitement". So that explains so much.
A few people have already hit on this already, but it seems that most sex talks/sermons deal with those on the extremes. We don't want our kids having it, and we want to make sure that married people are enjoying it. But I'm 26, I'm not married, and I'm not having sex. I couldn't imagine sitting through a sermon series about sex. Especially since my pastor has a tendency to do 12 weeks of a series.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what the solution would be, however. Just my thoughts.
As a single adult (trying to stay pure) sex series are sometimes hard. But I think it's necessary for churches to tackle this topic regardless of my marital status. However, churches can cross the line in advertising when they are selling sex rather than teaching it from a Biblical perspective. It's a fine line, but I think if churches let the Holy Spirit guide them and not the clever marketing guy/girl then they'll be fine :)
ReplyDeleteYikes. I don't think there is a place for a sermon series on sex really. I am not saying the pastor should not address sex in a sermon. I am not even saying that the pastor ought not point out relevant passages to enrich the lives of married people. But sex should not be our focus at Church.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing...do we really need to talk about sex in much detail? Did Jesus? Nicodemus at Nite covers most of the Biblical points.
ReplyDeleteI think the danger of any sermon series on sex is that it could buy into the culture's word that sex is one of the most important parts of your life, where in the Bible it's not super-emphasized.
Many sermons on sex I've heard come from the "men are so lustful and should stop that" perspective, which may or may not be true of ALL men (although I doubt every man on earth struggles with the sin to the same degree), but always leaves me thinking, "Great, so you've just told me all men are lecherous jerks. Tough luck, Holy Spirit, you're up against the male libido." Such an approach also assumes that women don't have any struggles in this area except for struggling not to wear slutty clothes that cause men to sin (I call this the burka perspective).
Maybe what we really need are more sermons trying to get it through our thick skulls that God is Lord of every part of our lives, and that there is no part where we are allowed to harbor selfishness, or pride, or idolatry; no part where we are allowed to put ourselves first; no part where we aren't supposed to be pointing towards the Kingdom instead of seeking out our own way.
Maybe if we believed God was who He says He is, that would change us all through.
Sex is talked about too much before marriage, not enough after. Youth group is guaranteed a sex series at least once a year, but after that, nothing.
ReplyDeletemy pastor has spoke on the topic of sex many times over the last 8 or 9 years... his theory is that we all think about issues with sex & money all the time, so why shouldn't we talk about it @ church?
ReplyDeleteI agree.
so the Prince one was you? Because it has to be. Remember I printed out the Sex/Prince post you did on saving it till marriage to read to my girls.
ReplyDeleteI keep it in my bible. Guess what book!!
Funny you wrote this just as my church is in a series called Counter Culture. So far they have done divorce, sex & homosexuality and yesterday alcohol (and how Christians should NOT drink ever). I think it all needs to be talked about. Even when I did not agree with all that was said, it encouraged me to pray and ask God about it.
The #1 reason I do not have a famous blog; I would totally use shock value to gain popularity. Problem I have that God & I are working on along with a paid therapist. OOPS! There I go again! Grace & Peace, daphne
FAR OUT - I gasped when I read they're all real!
ReplyDeleteWe once had an interim pastor whose wife was a sex therapist. One Wednesday he preached on the ACTS prayer. He made me VERY uncomfortable talking about the adoration he has for his wife. It was an awkward moment for sure. So I agree with whoever said don't share your personal experiences!
ReplyDeleteI don't have an answer to this. Our church talks about it essentially not at all.
ReplyDeleteBut, i imagine that a sermon on sex to a mixed congregation would do the same for single folks that one on parenting or mothering does for me. I'm not a mama, tho i want to be. God has not "blessed" us with that blessing & it looks like he's not going to. So i don't appreciate sermons like that. I can't imagine that a single person would appreciate one on sex, either.
Our former church did marriage series in a smaller group setting & sex was discussed, some. I can't imagine it appropriate in any other setting.
As a small-church pastor with five generations under one roof, I reserved focused sex discussions for counseling and small-group settings. I would hit the topic in sermons only if the morning scripture hit it head-on, and then only to the extent necessary for treating the whole scripture. Like so many other topics, sex should be neither unduly avoided nor unduly emphasized from the pulpit. IMO.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm a total liar. I have heard a sermon about sex. But it was in a small church which was composed almost totally of people in their mid-twenties. I guess the fact that it was, by and large, such a homogenous group didn't make the event terribly awkward (or memorable). Anyway, I still stand by my original maybe-better-in-a-small-group opinion.
ReplyDeleteThe church must talk about sex. We're finally getting away from an attitude that says, "Woman: sex is nasty so tell your husband you have a headache, unless you want a baby," and "Men, sex is nasty and you're nasty for wanting it." (okay, so maybe it was never that bad ... maybe.)
ReplyDeleteUnhealthy attitudes towards sex are destroying marriages and churches. Sex has the power to destroy a pastor more than any other type of scandal. There are countless men and women who live under a veil of hidden shame because of sexual issues in their past, in their marriages, and in the time they spend alone with their computers.
The truth is, sex is very important to a healthy marriage. Why would Paul tell married couples to not abstain except for a brief period, why would an entire chapter of the Old Testament be devoted to it, and why would God talk about "becoming one flesh" when he invented marriage if it wasn't important?
For the single folks, as someone who didn't get married until 3 days after his 29th birthday, I sat through countless sex sermons before marriage ... and I am thankful for them! I feel they helped prepare me for sex and a healthier marriage. After all, between 90 and 95% percent of people end up getting married, so a sermon on sex is very relevant to almost the entire congregation.
... and the reason these sermons focus on "sex is great and you should have a lot", much to the chagrin of the single folks, is because there are many married couples in the congregation who DON'T have a great sex life. Hurts, hangups, difficulties, and differing expectations get in the way. The result can lead to much marital hardship. I know when you're single, you think sex will be easy, and you'll get as much as you want (twice a day for men, once a week for women after your husband has listened to you talk about your feelings for three hours while feeding you strawberries). You'll soon find that like everything in marriage, sex is not like the movies or books, and you'll have to figure it out.
Anywho ... all that to say, we NEED to talk about sex in church!
Church needs to talk about sex more. Or, rather, church needs to present an alternative view to a healthy sexual lifestyle, one that people won't get in the media. In my experience, sexy sermon series tend to not really be about sex - it's just a gimmick and nothing more. Such sermons don't have to be embarrasing or Xrated. Right now the message a lot of young people are getting about sexuality is that it's something to be ashamed of, and that is not conductive to a healthy relationship later on. All they hear is "don't do it, sex is bad, lust is impure, you're impure for having lustful thoughts" - so in short, sex is dirty, which they have to reconcile with the "save sex for the one person you love more than anyone else". No wonder so many kids are messed up.
ReplyDeleteAnd @Nicodemus at nite: I hate the distinction you make between men and women. Women are less visual than men, but we think about sex too! The message I get from so many christian sources is that since I'm female, I shouldn't be thinking about sex - that's male territory. I am very much at ease with my sexuality and glad God created it, and I hate it when that part of me is denied. It was hard enough overcoming the whole "good girls don't like sex" attitude.
Sex is a barometer of relationship. I'm all for a series about sex but rarely have I seen a series with applicable relationship cornerstone within a marriage: honesty, loyalty, respect, common goals/shared values, trust, humor, etc. At first glance these issues seem elementary but they are not. If even one of these is out of line, even ever so slightly, the relationship suffers and the other characteristics start to crumble. Sex is only as good as the connectedness of the couple to each other and Jesus Christ. Let's hear a series on the whole package. You can't have good sex if the marriage is in trouble.
ReplyDeletesex? Christians can have that???
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that a number of people I hear think something like that.(although my comment was a bit of a hyperbole)
I've never heard a sermon series on it, but as a youth pastor and High School boys small group leader, it comes up nearly every week.
@ Saskia - I didn't want to make it sound like women don't ever think about it. My point was that men and women view sex differently.
ReplyDeleteJust did a youth Sunday school lesson on Song of Songs.
ReplyDeleteThe summary: Solomon probably didn't write it since 1)He's in it in the 3rd person and 2) most of the song is from the perspective of the woman. The song is about equal, mutual love between a man and woman, and it is good.
Rob Bell's "Sex God" is a great model for how to talk about sexuality in an inclusive way.
A lot of folks here have talked about feeling left out as singles - I think the church would be better served talking about sexuality instead of "sex."
I also think any pastor, youth or otherwise, has to talk about abuse in talking about sexuality. The number of people whose first "sexual" experience was forced on them is shocking.
In other words - yes, the church should absolutely talk about sex. God invented it, and invented it to be good. But we need to cover all the bases.
I get exhausted when anyone tries to convince me that sex is the end-all, be-all of human experience - whether that someone is a TV commercial selling beer or a church doing a sermon series.
ReplyDeleteThe church needs to emphasize that sex is not everything. It is not all there is. It's fun, it's uplifting, it burns some calories, but it is not the pinnacle of human existence. So many times (especially in "purity talks") we give sex that status, and we need to stop.
We need to focus less on sex and more on relationships. When we help couples respect each other, serve each other, submit to each other, and delight in one another, we are helping them have good sex. When we teach those not in sexual relationships how to respect each other, honor one another, serve one another, and see each other as unique and wonderful creations of God, we are teaching them that they are much more than sex objects, and that their value is NOT in their sexuality - which is ultimately what will help them make good choices about sex, NOT a bunch of talk about how "Sex is GREAT but outside of marriage it's BAD."
THAT is the message the church needs to be teaching.
Anonymous @ 5:09 AM, I completely agree with you. The topic of sex comes up in the Bible and in those contexts, it should be addressed. But doing a series (I hate all series actually, it's much easier to fall into eisegesis that way) on sex just isolates a lot of people in the church.
ReplyDeleteI hate it when the pastor does a "I'm telling this ridiculous sex joke, doesn't it embarrass you and your husband?" when a lot of us are just like "We're single...you're gross. Please stop."
Sometimes it would be nice if the pastor would recognize that not the whole church is made up of middle-aged married couples.
Well... both - some local churches need to talk about sex less - don't use it for "shock value" or something, or market appeal - but others need to talk about it MORE - the pastor doing my pre-marital counseling didn't talk about it AT ALL except to ask "Are you struggling in this area?" While we were fine with that - it was more comfortable - pre-marital counseling probably is a place where you should talk about sex.
ReplyDeleteFor all the singles out there (which included me up 'til a few months ago) - sermons aren't meant to leave you "comfortable" - usually the opposite - and cut out the consumer mentality that says "If I don't feel 'fed' or 'encouraged' from the sermon, it was a bad sermon/topic/whatever." It's not about you - and you can grow a lot by listening to sermons that don't meet your felt needs.
The Church should talk about sex as much as the Bible does - not much more, and not much less.
Sorry if that was too harsh -
My pastor recently did a five week sermon series entitled God, Love, Sex which I thought was very good. In this series he looked at the ideal. Last week, as part of a series on the Social Gospel, he did a sermon called "Free Sex" where he talked about how Christians can cope in a sex obsessed world. A world that has a distorted view of sex, and its purpose. The sign out front of the church may have been done simply to create some contreversy though, as it said "Pornography and Jesus."
ReplyDeletePersonally, i think the church needs to talk about sex more often. And I think it needs to be discussed with the emerging generations in ways other than DON'T DO IT. We need to tell them why as well.
Why should we shy away from the topic of sex?
ha! "bringing sexy back" was a sermon series at the church i attend.
ReplyDeletei think sex SHOULD be talked about in church. that's where people should be learning about sex. not tv or magazines.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy church doesn't talk about very much, but I think they do enough. They don't really talk about controversial issues or like you said, use it to draw people it.
ReplyDeleteHilarious as always..Prince...that part is my favorite, might have to tweet it.
Sean:
ReplyDelete"...sermons aren't meant to leave you "comfortable" - usually the opposite - and cut out the consumer mentality that says "If I don't feel 'fed' or 'encouraged' from the sermon, it was a bad sermon/topic/whatever." It's not about you - and you can grow a lot by listening to sermons that don't meet your felt needs."
You're completely missing the point of what I think all of the single people are talking about. It's not all about us? Seriously? Because what sermon is? Most pastors are middle-aged and married. So all of the sermons, most of the examples are focused on middle-aged married people. We get that it's hardly ever about us. That's fine. I can apply those topics to my life on my own.
As a Church, we should stop acting like sex is essential to happiness. Let's not jump on the world's sex bandwagon in our very own special relevant way. Let's look at sex from a biblical perspective. And guess what? The biblical perspective is harder to listen to (in a more appropriate way) than the ways most of today's churches address the topic of sex.
And no, I don't think sermons should be "comfortable" to listen to, but I think the discomfort should be because of conviction, not because of classless sex jokes.
i'm sure my comment isn't very different from what many have already said, but sex needs to be talked about openly. such discussions shouldn't generalize or euphemize nor be unnecessarily explicit. for me, the bottom line is that sex is God's idea and it got messed up; sex in and of itself is not perverted, it's that sin perverted it.
ReplyDeleteif preaching/exposition of the word means exposing truth, then things we've been tricked by the devil into thinking are taboo conversation topics - like sex and money and politics - need to be exposed for what they are. we need to shed light and dispel the darkness we - the media, our culture, et al. - cast on it.
as been mentioned, there are plenty of people in church who struggle with lust and are afraid to admit it. too often we stay stuck, struggle in vain on our own and hide the same because our silence shrouds the sin. Jesus said the truth sets us free; so, i say that in order for people to be set free, we need to speak the truth.
and i don't think you can ever have too much of the truth.
Since nearly everyone I've ever met has figured out the how-to part of sex, I think preaching on it singularly is unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteIf pastors were to teach, from Scripture, about men's and women's roles in a marriage, that would be a great thing.
If the pastor has to make up some stupid title to get ppl in the doors, then he prolly needs some time off to refocus.
As a 52-year-old male in a very low-sex marriage, I really do not want to hear a sermon series on sex, especially one that urges couples to do it every day for a week or something like that, as some mega-church pastor in Texas did a while back. I've pretty much given up. such a series would not be helpful.
ReplyDeleteBut if one must have a sermon series on this, why not go through the Song of Solomon? How many of us have ever heard a sermon series on that? Would most people have a hard time with its hard-core sexual imagery?
If the church doesn't teach the truth about sex, the world will fill our young people with lies. I'm a perfect example. Now I teach middle school/high school girls what God says about sex. I think it's important for them to know the truth. When I was growing up all I knew was "if I find out you are having sex I will kill you!" So I made sure my parents didn't find out. But there is so much more to it than that.
ReplyDeleteWe're almost finished with a study in the book "Every Young Woman's Battle" and last night was the "best" discussion we've had yet. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I should be very discerning who I let into my "holy of holies"...
wv: pednesom - chaos. Next Sunday when we sing "Holy Holy Holy" there will be pednesom in the youth pews.
Haha! So, interesting story. I started going to my current church when the pastor was going through Song of Solomon. So did a whole bunch of people. He even joked that the church grew exponentially when he was preaching about sex (especially in a college town) and so the next sermon series was going to be about beer.
ReplyDeleteAs for the subject of sex, I don't think it's being talked about enough in churches. I think we're getting more talk about sex from the world than from the church, and they're in stark contrast to each other.
However, I think one reason is because churches have the wrong attitude about sex on the other side of the spectrum. They kinda think that it's evil and taboo, and don't want to talk about it. I think this hurts the Church greatly.
So, I'm Catholic, and my perception/experience is most likely different. Our church is not talking about it enough. Pretty much not talking about it at all.
ReplyDeleteLet's see... attract people to the church because of sex... or attract people to the church because of the gospel message...
ReplyDeleteHmmm... tough one.
Sarah - the seminary word you are looking for is "expository" preaching/teaching (teaching from a passage of scripture and pulling implication for the readers, rather than figuring out what WE want to say and finding scripture to "match"). Expository preaching is the only way taught to the students at the seminary my husband goes to in Fort Worth.
ReplyDeleteI think sex/purity is best taught in adult and youth small groups, rather than during a sermon that a 6 year old will hear.
What are the signs of Doomsday, the end of days ?
ReplyDeleteThe 2 tower, earthquakes, nature striking back, brother against brother ?
Or like in this horrible story , a mother and sisters against a sick sister struggeling for help, but they have already in secrecy decided to "sacrifice" her ! for money ! !
read the horrible story here
www.medicalforgery.com
If anyone SHOULD be talking about sex, it's the church!! We have everyone everywhere screaming at us about sex and all of it is distorted and by the world's standards. We need to know the Biblical standards for sex. Our pastor was going through 1 and 2 Thessalonians for a few months and the three weeks he went through the section about purity, the series was titled "The Birds and the Bees". It was awesome. I learned a ton and left feeling even more inspired and motivated toward purity. In the three-part series he had an entire sermon on homosexuality. It was really great. Our church is Houston's First Baptist and on our website we have all of our sermons, including The Birds and the Bees. www.HoustonsFirst.org.
ReplyDeleteOh, he also made sure the church provided extra childcare and announced that the sermon was inappropriate for children below Fifth Grade. Nice detail.
A couple weeks ago I was having lunch with some friends, and we were talking about how the church needs to start talking more about sex, and purity, and ways to deal with how the media portrays sex.
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard an actual sermon on sex, but one Sunday night we had this thing were people submitted questions about sex, and then the senior pastor and the guest speaker picked out questions and discussed them. It was kind of weird, but at the same time i really liked that there was an open and honest dicussion about sex going on within the context of a church.
both, actually - I think sermons on sex should probably be kept minimal, but that discussing sex in a small group setting (premarital counseling, postmarital counseling, women's breakfasts, small groups, etc) needs to happen WAAAYYYYYY more than it does
ReplyDeleteI agree that there are a lot of hurt people destroyed by sexual sins. I think it's best to follow Paul's advice about letting older women teach younger women and vice versa in mentoring programs or small groups. In my opinion Sunday morning sermons should be painted in broad strokes, so as to be help the most people possible. Maybe i'm naive, but i think if you are encouraging people to fall in love with Jesus, they will obey His commands, including purity, fidelity and mutual submission.
ReplyDeleteI agree with those who suggested a sermon on how sex isn't everything in life. All I've heard in media, popular culture and basically EVERYWHERE including the church for a long time is sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,sex. There is MORE TO LIFE.
ReplyDeleteAnd what message does this send to people who never get married (by choice or not?) Sure, it's helpful to young singles who eventually get married. But there are other categories of people to consider in the church besides the Married People and the People Who Will Be Married.
Conclusion: YES, sex needs to be talked about. But small groups, please. Preferably separated into the appropriate catagories (high schoolers, singles, married couples, etc.) And keep it low-key. There needs to be a balance between pretending it doesn't exist and making a big deal about it on billboards. It's not the only thing to life.
Hahahaha Patrick- "cover all the bases"...
ReplyDeleteAs much as we make fun of "relevance," it's still important. People think about sex; it's an issue; and the church has come up with some really skewed attitudes towards it that need to be cleared up. It's there. It needs to be talked about.
A sex sermon series still seems like a little much, though. Why would you separate talking about sex from talking about relationships... and the other ways people "give themselves away," especially emotionally?
You are such a prodigal, John.
ReplyDeleteI think we don't necessarily need to talk more OR less about sex...we need to talk about it *differently*. Most of the time, we're so busy fending off the "you think sex is bad" image that the media applies to Christians that we never stop to examine our assumptions. We take the world's ideas about sex, slap a marriage sticker on it, and assume that that covers it. It doesn't, not by a long shot! (incidentally, I think this is why singles' ministries tend to be so messed up, and why the rate of divorce among evangelicals is comparable to the population at large.)
ReplyDeleteTime to start thinking differently.
I have a lot of thoughts about this, but I don't know if I can make it understandable or not. Here's hoping.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone that said that sex talks belong more in small groups rather than as a sermon series, but I do think that if we are going to heal this hurting culture, we do need to be open about talking about the true meaning of sex in church. I think we need to do more than talk about the do's and don'ts, though that needs to be in there at times as well.
I think we need to better understand what it is to be created in the image and likeness of God as male and female, and how that points us to God. Then I think that we can grow to a better understanding of how sex can point us to God and-dare I say- prepare us for heaven. By the way, I'm 29 and single, and working to maintain my virginity until I'm married.
To me the ultimate "sermon series" on sex (starting with the noun-male and female- rather than the verb we've been talking about) was Theology of the Body (John Paul II's 100+ talks given over the course of about 5 years in the early 80's). That has brought huge healing for so many! Including me, though my story is not dramatic at all.
@ Joi- Amen!
ReplyDeleteBleeeecchhh...
ReplyDeleteBeen in the church world long enough to know of what you speak.
Call me a prude, but I never like hearing the 'sex talk' in a mixed crowd. And by "mixed" I mean men-women as well as singles-married-divorced as well as adults-kids. It's just 40 kinds of awkward and sensational.
It also falls into the category of sermons titled "It's all about meeee...."
I agree the topic needs to be addressed, just more appropriately than as an Upfront Uber-Cool And Flashy Series.
After my divorce & move home our pastor preached on sex for SIX STRAIGHT SUNDAY MORNINGS. It was life changing.
ReplyDeleteI do have to say that his sermons were more about love and the role that sex plays in that context.
It was truly great and really went a long way in healing my heart.
I think the church needs to talk about sex. It's part of our lives, part of how we were designed, and I don't understand why we should draw a talk-about-only-in-small-group line around it. That adds to the perception that it's secret, and probably dirty.
ReplyDeleteIntimate, yes; dirty, no. It's one of the most intimate acts there is, but so is praying, and I don't think anyone here would suggest prayer only be discussed in small groups.
I think Patrick brought up an excellent point about having a pastor also address sexual abuse. I have heard this addressed exactly once ever, at a Song of Solomon conference by a nationally known (and controversial) preacher.
He spoke compassionately about how women who were victims of sexual assault should be treated by their husbands, and no matter what random thing he says next, he will always have my respect for that. We need more people, especially in church, who are compassionate and unashamed to talk about abuse, sexual or otherwise.
FWIW, I'm a woman in my late twenties, I go to the Sexy Back church (which it was mostly about relationships and the part sex plays in them, and appropriate sexuality), and I'm not married. Sermons on sex that I'm not having suck a little, because I'm jealous, not because they make me uncomfortable. Sex happens, whether to you or not :)
I'm a 49 year old widow, and a member of the worship team....if my pastor decides to preach this subject, I think I might take a long break between the worship set and the end of the sermon.
ReplyDeleteI really wouldn't be very comfortable being reminded of something I may never have again, y'know?
And Alec and Sean, I'm aware it's not all about me. Neither is it all about the married folks. Surprise.
Sure the Church needs to talk about sex. But do I have to be included in the conversation?
ReplyDeleteFor married couples, discussing sex is great (I assume). But for a 20-year-old college student, all a sex sermon does is tempt me to think about things that would be a sin to think about. All I need to know at this point is that I can't have it.
The day my church starts a sex series is the day I go looking for another church. I'll come back when
How about a sermon series about courtship and marriage with sex as a sidebar topic without being TOO explicit? Leave the in-depth "Song of Songs (Soloman)" Bible study for the marrieds small group. The big problem is that our culture is already so indundated with sexual messages, between People magazine, racy TV and magazine ads and other sources. I even heard a food reporter on NPR talking about how to make a "sexy" potato salad! I am pretty sure that "sex" and potato salad should never be used in the same sentence. Maybe a better way to "talk" about sex is to have married couples stay married with big grins on their faces ;-).
ReplyDeletePretty much any time a sermon has a gimmicky title, I become very skeptical.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have heard an excellent sermon series on marriage, which included some discussion of sex. Half of the congregation was single, so the second half of the series was about dating (the theory being that dating is about finding the right person to marry, so you need to know where you're going before you know how to get there.) It was an excellent series, and took almost a whole semester.
I should add, there were follow up discussions that were more focused, separating the men and women and singles and marrieds.
Definitely an excellent topic for small groups and not a Sunday morning. There are so many good Christian books out there to read and discuss.
ReplyDeleteI always feel embarrassed for singles and divorced when the topic of sex comes up. And for the parents who have young children sitting in the audience.
I remember being taught growing up that when you have a pastor who submits himself and his teachings from the pulpit to the will of the holy spirit you shouldn't complain about the sermon not applying to you. Instead, when you're tempted to dwell on why his/her message isn't relevant to you or is boring or something you've heard a million times, pray for those sitting in the church with you for whom the message is exactly what they need to hear. Every sermon cannot be completely relevant to your life all the time, unless of course you have a completely homogenous church, which would not at all be representative of the body of Christ.
ReplyDeleteSex can be a dangerous topic. Presented wrongly it is possible to send an unintended and harmful message.
ReplyDeleteExample - a female youth leader was open with her testimony about sex before marriage and how God redeemed her and gave her a great marriage. Youth girls heard the message that God redeems...which is good. However, almost every single girl who was a part of this group while this was going on became pregnant before marriage. Is there some cause and effect going on here?
Sex is a difficult topic and needs to be addressed in a truthful, honest, and relevant way. I am not sure this can be done well in a multi-generational audience. Perhaps a small group is a better setting.
I am also surprised at the number of anonymous comments on this post. Anonymous is not sexy.
James
ReplyDelete"Let's see... attract people to the church because of sex... or attract people to the church because of the gospel message...
Hmmm... tough one."
Or how about attracting people to church so that you can share the gospel message?
Sex is a controversial issue, sure. But the bible talks about it - so should the church. Many people believe that Christianity and the Bible are no longer relevent but people are very much so surrounded by sexual images displayed by the media. Meaning, sex is considered to be relevant to people who do not know Christ. If talking about sex attracts people (and the message is done right and focused on God rather than the actual act)and they come back the next week when the service is on something like faith, how is that a bad thing?
Satan uses the message of sex for evil. Why do we seem to have a problem with letting God work through the church to use the "hot topic" of sex for good?
P.s. Not that I am saying that other things in the Bible aren't relevant or that the gospel isn't powerful enough on it's own. But instead of waiting for people to come through the doors to hear the gospel, we can create enviroments to help draw them in. "God calls us to be fishers of men, not keepers of the aquarium."
As a single virgin in my 30's... (SIGH) I've been subjected to countless talks on sex... mostly from youth/singles groups taught by married people. I am sick of hearing about how "awesome sex is... but only when you're married... just you wait!" It's almost as callous as telling some starving person in a third-world country that "Food is great! It's natural for you to want food... In fact I just enjoyed a three-course meal this morning. Someday, you'll have a meal and it'll taste "awesome". Until then... hang in there slugger" (Insert sympathetic head-tilt and/or patronizing noogie) :)
ReplyDeleteI think there is a need for GOOD sex discussions in church, but perhaps sermons aren’t the best place for it. Comes across either like a sex ed class (making it sound utterly perfunctory) or the Spice Channel at its worst.
I’d love to see:
Frank, organic discussions between men/women, happily and unhappily married people, younger and older virgins, and those who have had premarital sex and are currently having premarital sex without judgment or shaming. A good dose of reality for those who are rushing toward marriage for the sex is that it’s not always magically good and that sometimes it’s hard to “flip the switch” after years of saying no to every sexual impluse. A HUGE dose of reality for me was that even though my friends who have sex with their boyfriends enjoy it – really enjoy it – they are not any happier than I am their lives are more complicated and often painful because of their choices. This is without them saying “I should have waited” all the time. In fact, most of them pity me.
I wish we’d stop classifying sexual sins as the worst of all sins and revering those who seem to gain mastery over their sexual desires as saints. I think that just as the fruit of the spirit is ONE fruit with many characteristics, Sin is one disease with many symptoms, just some more outwardly apparent than others…
I’d like to see the church acknowledge that in our society where women and men have careers and don’t often get married until their late 20’s and 30’s it’s A LOT… A LOT different than it was in biblical times when people were married in their early to mid teens… A LOT. I’d like them to be more understanding when people feel they can’t wait and when they mess up because there’s no one around to marry when they “burn” as Paul put it.
Also, get over masturbation… it doesn’t cause hairy palms or blindness and it WASN’T Onan’s sin (His sin was failing to give his sister-in-law an child as Hebrew law required)… Even Dr. Dobson says it's one of the most universal practices and isn't in itself a sin. (Shock… awe!!!) :)
wv: Preject: To object to or reject an opinion before hearing it.
Wow. This has many posts. My church does a sex/marriage/dating series every year. And I think it is done very well. As a person who is not married it can sometimes be hard to hear series like this if it isn't done right (especially the older you get). From what I've seen, I see some churches going to the extreme, thus teaching many single people that all there is to marriage is sex. And while that's a part of it (yay). It's not all of it. And I think that's what they miss. I see so many Christian 19 and 20 year olds rushing to the altar because they want to have sex rather than have a good marriage. And I think that the church sometimes unknowingly feeds that. However, just because some churches are doing it poorly doesn't mean it doesn't need to be talked about in a Godly way. It can be done well and when it is, it can bring healing to a lot of people. So I am all for these series in a corporate setting but only if they are done with the relationship being the center and sex being only a part of it, not the only thing there is in marriage.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your "neon sign" point, but I'd say the church may not be talking about sex enough--- or not in the right ways. Which was your point-- they do it to be "cool" instead of it being actually helpful. I'd have to give it more thought to decide what the "right ways" would mean.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, the church hasn't talked about it enough. You're told to abstain, but there is no discussion about HOW to abstain - especially when you're older than 'youth group' age. No one discusses how they cope w the temptations or pressures, nor does anyone ever cop to slipping up. And there is so much gray. Does oral count as 'sexual relations' (with that woman)? How far are you allowed to go, like for real? Etcetera.
ReplyDeleteAs long as my dad isnt' the one giving the sermon....or sitting within fourty feet of me during said sermon.
ReplyDeleteI can also agree with the midtwenties woman who is trying to remain pure and does not like hearing about how married couples sex lives are. I understand that it's awesome. Don't rub it in our faces. :)
hannah
You could go one more step further and you could have a billboard that says:
ReplyDeleteSEX!! (In big lettering)
Now that I've got you're attention: Jesus Loves you. John 3:16 (Smaller lettering)
@Nicodemus at Nite: my point is that the difference isn't really all that much there as the stereotypes have it.
ReplyDeletewv: taboo (that's very fitting!)
I struggled with exactly the same thoughts last month. I legitametly had some thoughts and questions on sexuality and singleness. And I wrote a blog...which turned into a giant controversy and tons of page hits.
ReplyDeleteTurns out, people love to read and fight about sex. People keep asking me to to a follow up, but I can't help but feel like that is "Going for the gonads" in terms of blogging. It's an easy hit.
For now I have stayed away from it. But I do think that NOT talking about it is a good option either.
So...here we are.
I attend a Baptist Church,and they never bring up the subject of sex,unless the subject is about sexual immorality.Then again,being a single Christian,I attend a church with mostly married couples.
ReplyDeleteMy church DID the Bringing Sexy Back series. :)
ReplyDeleteWe used the song too...