You don't do this. I know, I know, you are a prayer warrior, a veritable beacon of holiness and Christian fortitude. But me? I’ve got a lot left to learn.
The other night when our small group leader asked if anyone had a prayer request, one of the first thoughts that went through my head was "Quick, come up with something."
I didn't want to make up a prayer request. I wasn't going to fabricate something out of thin air, but if everyone else had something they wanted prayer for I felt like maybe I should too. So I googled my head and heart to try to come up with an appropriate topic.
And maybe I'm not the only one that does this. Maybe you're in a small group where people do this too. If you are, and you want to spot it and eliminate people giving into "prayer pressure," here are the warning signs you need to look for:
1. The Long Pause
If you ask for prayer requests and your friends pause, scratch their heads and appear lost deep in thought, chances are they've taken a trip to the part of their head called "Oh jeez, am I really not praying for anything right now?" They're flipping through a mental flickr photo album saying, "Family is doing OK. Check. My job is doing OK. Check. My car is running OK. Check." If after 30 seconds of thought time their face still looks kind of like a loading bar on a graphics intense website, move on.
2. The Greatest Hits
Sometimes if someone can't come up with a fresh prayer request, they'll dust off an oldie but a goody and give you a "greatest hits request." These are usually requests that have no discernible end date or conclusion. "I'm still praying for patience and work. I'm also praying that I would be kind to the people in my life." Notice how lo fidelity that prayer is? "People in my life?" Which people? All people? You can pray about that for the next 60 years.
3. The Ferris Bueller
One of the best scenes in the movie Ferris Bueller was when one of Ferris' classmates describes a multilayered story of how she heard Ferris was sick. She tells the teacher, “Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.” The same thing happens to prayer requests. Like searching for a car on AutoTrader.com when you get zero results in a 10 mile radius, you expand your search out a little further. If you can't muster up a prayer request about yourself or your family, you'll expand the prayer request to include people on your street or maybe your neighborhood or maybe your city or maybe your state. If someone ever says, "I want to lift up our solar system in prayer," tell them, "that's adorable" and move on.
I promise if we're ever in a small group I'll try not to ask you to pray for something I'm not praying for. I'm not doing that much anymore, but it's still a work in progress. Would you please pray that I will be honest with the words I say to people in my life and perhaps the universe
Could you just lift that up?
Have you ever wanted to make up a prayer request because everyone else had one?
Yup! Or, sometimes, you actually are concerned about something and want prayer for it - but everyone else has such brilliant, awe-inspiring, tragic prayer requests that your request for prayer for your Auntie Doris whose cat has died sounds really trivial in comparison.
ReplyDeleteWas in a group once where the leader wouldn't move onto the next person until you had come up with a request. Then you can 'hear' the others thinking "Come on fishboy, just make something up. We want to go home now."
ReplyDeleteNo pressure.
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My problem is not so much prayer requests, as the "we're going to go round the circle and everyone is going to thank God for one thing" situation. Its not that i'm not thankful for stuff, its just that i go blank. I often end up thanking God for pizza or something absurd.
ReplyDeleteOr the typical, "2 unspokens!"
ReplyDeleteI think our bible study has forced people to come up with anything because if someone doesn't have something we jokingly retort back with, "Oh so life's going perfect?!"
whats really good is when prayer request become "one ups"...who xan be the most dramatic in the delivery about the distant cousin who has the dreaded very rare disease...b/c we would never actually pray about ourselves and be transparent, would we?
ReplyDeleteI literally don't understand not having a prayer request?
ReplyDeleteDefinitely guilty. There's always the blanket, "I just think we need to lift up our church..." request. Or the "We always need to lift up our troops" request. That one's usually more popular with the older folks.
ReplyDeleteNot only have I been guilty of searching frantically for a prayer request, but there's also been times where I calculate my prayer's introduction. I know, I know. It's silly.
right now, for me, there's really no point in making one up since i'm with the same six people (my teammates) all the time.
ReplyDeletebut what i have done in the past is just ask them to pray and have God lead them in what to pray. 'cause i'm at a point in my life where i don't just need prayer, i want it. i enjoy praying for others and being prayed for by others.
i mean, if we believe that the Holy Spirit resides in each of us and that God speaks through Him, then why not actually listen to Him?
Here's a decent trick. If you can't think of anything for yourself, just repeat the prayers of the people who have come before you. It's like, you're so awesomely spiritual that you simply can't bear to pray for yourself. No, all you want to do is make sure that God heard that previous prayer about Aunt Doris and her cat. (See what I did there?)
ReplyDeleteI just want to lift up...uh...you know,...just...ummmm.....well, God is doing soooo much right now and....uh...I think we need to pray silently and then Jon Acuff will close.
ReplyDelete"So I googled my head."
ReplyDelete*jealous*
peace|dewde
i actually have the opposite problem.
ReplyDeletei don't like asking for prayer, so i feel like one of the people who make something up just to fill the air when i actually do have one. and they sound made up. once for my husband's job. once for my grandmother's salvation. and once for, yes, my atheist neighbor's salvation.
it's embarrassing taking the chance on looking like the spiritual chump. i like handling my own prayer life, unless it's something super important...like someone's soul.
Totally true. Love it. Very funny. Prayer request time cracks me up when people go into long explanations about the person etc. and then, when we actually pray, we go through the same story. sigh. Is that double praying? :-)
ReplyDeletegood one Jon- i like the google metaphor, i couldn't think of a better way to describe that! I'm not a talkative person by nature and i wonder if God minds that i don't really have much to say, if anything?
ReplyDeleteI think he can understand personality types :)
Everybody knows somebody who is trying to quit smoking. That one's good for many, many requests. "Please pray for my aunt who is trying to stop smoking." Sympathetic nods and murmurs will follow.
ReplyDeleteguilty. my brother offers me an excellent source of prayer requests. he is catholic and i am protestant. there's a running joke between the two of us that we pray for one another's salvation. when the prayer jar is dry, i simply say:
ReplyDelete"Please continue to keep my brother in your prayers. he is stil.....searching."
(clearly, we are both comfortable with our faiths and that's why we joke about it.)
The best part of Ferris Bueller is when he's racing home before his parents get there, or maybe when he talks directly into the camera. Hard to say. I big red monkey butt heart that movie...
ReplyDeleteWhat were we talking about? Oh yeah - prayer. I just say, "No, I'm good".
I feel more guilty when we're taking praises, especially praises about weekend services in staff meetings. My mind is blank at that time of day, and then my intern dances all over my head with how much he loves the kids and how well it went in children's ministry. I feel like a real bum, and I assume at some point they'll fire me and hire him.
ReplyDeleteOn the prayer request note, I guess I don't like doing it. I'll e-mail if you if I want you to pray for something. I want to sit in prayer meetings the way I get through worship: head down, arms in tight, feeling uncomfortable with the displays of emotions.
When I am asked, I just say, "Nah, I'm good, thanks." I am really ok with that.
ReplyDeleteI too am guilty!! But in my group, if you don't have anything to say within the next two minutes, the leader shuts it down right there and starts to pray. So when I do have that problem, the people in my group don't really seem to notice...so it's all good!!
ReplyDeleteGuilty. Totally guilty.
ReplyDeleteAnd did you just put Ferris Bueller and AutoTrader.com in the same paragraph? I like the way your mind works, young man....
Actually, 2 weeks ago I started a women's Bible study. The leader said, "What should we do about prayer requests?" I shot my hand up and said, "Let's be honest. We're women and we talk too much as it is. I'm not saying prayer is bad but I came to discuss the Bible study, not to pray about the neighbors' best friends' cousin who has a guinea pig with a claw infection." Yes, I did say that.
ReplyDeleteStace -
ReplyDeleteWhat'd that guinea pig ever do to you? You are so selfish sometimes!
404: Prayer not found
ReplyDeleteYeah so my new go to prayer request is "I'd like to pray for the universe and everything that may or may not exist within it." I just want to be thorough.
ReplyDeleteYou googled your head? That's pretty funny! I'll have to use that one.
ReplyDeleteI love the "praises" that people mention when we're taking prayer requests too. Things like, "My husband was out of town all week and I survived at home with the kids. Praise God!" Don't know why, but that always gives me a laugh.
First of all, "googling your brain" is just hilarious! GOOD STUFF!
ReplyDeleteWhile some folks can't come up with a prayer request others think it's "Open Mic Night" and that's where I'm tempted to get a tad more nut-job-ish!
I guess I am a bit of a simpleton. I just mention one or two things I am praying about myself, whether it is my husband still have a job in this tough economy (which prompts a quick shout out prayer for those who don't have jobs), or my neighbor's guniea pig's claw infe....nevermind...
ReplyDeleteMy life is generally going pretty well ... but our Bible study is perfectly fine with not having a request.
ReplyDeleteBut in all honesty, it's a good skill to "google the brain" for something you should be praying for. I need to pray more ... I'll be sitting in Bible study and think, "Oh yeah, my brother is in Iraq right now... perhaps we could pray for him." I sound heartless to have forgotten that, I'm just scattered ... pregnant with my fifth and forgetting every last thing.
michele
I like university student ones.
ReplyDelete"Pray for a successful exam result."
I learnt that it's better to read the assigned materials than hope on God to wing you through it ;)
It depends on the group. I don't like to share deep, emotionally charged prayer requests willy nilly, especially if it is a large group or an infrequent meeting.
ReplyDeleteIt just seems frivolous in some instances, like someone is taking minutes and we MUST have a record of group prayer or the meeting cannot be certified by Archangel Michael.
When I am with a core group of trusted kindred, I will share openly of prayer and praise, but otherwise, I keep it to my own personal God time.
My husband and I attended a prayer meeting at a friend's church. It started at 7:30. Early on, the leader said he felt the Spirit was telling him that someone in the room needed prayer and we weren't leaving until that person came forward. The meeting ended at midnight with no one stepping forward. I tried to come up with something just to get out of there.
ReplyDeletegood plug for autotrader.com...it's like you work for them or something :) joel
ReplyDeletewow..... i went to bible school... we started every class with prayer.... and when several prayer requests were mentioned i always found myself trying to think of one.... SOOOO funny!
ReplyDeleteWhat about prayer requests you've read about on the blogs you read? "So there's this family, who I've never met, seen or talked to, but they are having a really rough time...." You feel like you know those people but it doesn't translate into prayer request time.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKatdish-
ReplyDeleteI'm a rodent hater. There. So what of it? You're gonna get schooled.
I'm so mad I had to delete the frist comment due to all the swearing.
Katdish -
ReplyDeleteI might just have to google you Chuck Norris style.
hahaha. This is hilarious. I admit I have given into "prayer pressure" often, and when I haven't, I have felt guilty afterward. Crazy, right?
ReplyDeleteI once had a pastor ask me if I had any prayer concerns. When I said, "No. Not that I'd like to share", (Because sometimes, that just has to be ok) he said, "So there's nothing in your life that you would like us to pray for? Everything is good?" He said it in such a way to make me think that he knew things in my life that he thought I needed prayer for, but seriously dude, let it lie.
ReplyDeleteI've decided if I'm not in a vulnerable place at the moment, that's alright. I'll get there and I don't want to just make something up. I think my poor grandmother has "had pneumonia" like, 12 times already.
I liked what Jess said. I get together with a few deep Christian friends who are committed to their life in Christ to pray together on a weekly basis. I am very comfortable sharing all my prayer requests with them, and have no problem being open. I do like getting together as a small group; a large group not so much. Few people know me VERY WELL. I don't just tell everyone everything about my life.
ReplyDeleteI don't really like huge prayer groups because it seems to be judging time. People are judging us by what we are choosing to pray for. What God lays on OUR hearts may seem trivial to others, but we are to pray about all things, and who is man to judge?
you feel like such a bad Christian if you have nothing to pray for. i find that saying you have an "unspoken" is a legitimate alternative.
ReplyDeleteOh, I also hate how prayer time turns into storytime...like "we have to pray for my neighbor, who might get saved, but back in 1957..."
ReplyDelete20 minutes later, we wonder what the prayer request actually is.
So I googled my head and heart to try to come up with an appropriate topic.
ReplyDelete"Googled my head and heart" -- I am so going to start using this phrase in everyday conversation.
Simple two- or three-step solution:
ReplyDelete1. Dramatic pause
2. "I have an (gulp) unspoken request."
3. (Optional, for effect) Tear in the corner of the eye.
The drama!!! The mystery!!! (The overuse of exclamation points!!!)
Caution: Loses effectiveness if overused.
Absolutely. Usually, a neighbor or distant relative is sick, so I bring that up.
ReplyDeletewhy are we treating prayer requests as if they only involve the people around us? Don't we think God notices a made-up prayer request? And I'm sure he finds them humorous, as I struggle to suppress laughter when my son suddenly decides he's the world's expert in hummingbirds and starts making up "facts" out of whole cloth. But this is the maker of the universe we're talking to, who has told us he'll pay special attention when more than one person asks him for something. Is your life, your character, your family, your workplace, your neighborhood so hunky-dory that you want to take a pass on a free offer like that, and just make something up? When the one person who matters in this whole exercise already knows you're fibbing?
ReplyDeleteMy husband used to drive me crazy with his lack of prayer requests! We would be sitting in Sunday School going around for prayer requests and he says, "I'm good."
ReplyDeleteI'm like, "really? You've got one grandmother in the hospital recovering from open heart surgery, another grandmother slipping away into the horror of altimers, your grandfather has an anyerism, your estranged father will be moving back into the neighborhood, your wife is in the 8th month of an incredibly difficult pregnancy while trying to homeschool your other two sons and you've got no prayer requests? I'll give you a prayer request buddy!"
So now when it's time for prayer requests he looks at me and says, "honey, do I have any prayer requests?"
Whenever I feel pressured to add a prayer request, I like to think back on some of the ones my students (I work in the children's dept at my church--I teach two classes on Sundays for K-5 grade students) have given me (autistic cat, donkeys not getting along with the horses *probably out of envy*, my great grandmother that died before i was born is still dead, etc).
ReplyDeleteWhen we started small groups at our church many years back, our priest did a group leader training, where he actually taught group leaders how to lead the prayer time. At the time, it seemed unnecessary, and a little like micromanagement. Then after my husbands' having led several small groups, I see it as pure genius. (or, really, the HS at work.)
ReplyDeleteHe said, "Just tell people they can only share prayer requests for specific personal things, for themselves or someone in their family.
We ALL care about the troops, about world peace, about the salvation of the world, about the latest tragedy in the news, and those things are excellent things to pray for, but our small groups are for building a fellowship with one another in Christ so we learn what's really important in one anothers' lives. So let's stick with praying about immediate and specific things in our lives."
This really cut down on the number of extraneous dredging-up-random-prayer requests. It was also perfectly legitimate to just say "pass."
And really, you can't say "I'm good..." because as the Bible tells us....we aren't.
I think I'd break people giving prayer requests down into four categories:
ReplyDelete1. Those who never say anything (couldn't find anything upon googling)
2. Those who always have at least as many requests as there are fingers on one hand (and they do not involve illness, death, natural disaster, etc.)
3. Those who always have a mysterious Unspoken request
4. Those who have one of two genuine requests about every other week or so.
I suppose there are also those who only have praises, those whose requests are never for themselves (but for their neighbor's hamster), and those who's lives are constant drama and on the verge of disaster ... every week. But bless all their hearts.
My problem is the opposite. I usually have a prayer request but I don't want to be too talkative or monopolize the conversation. Also sometimes we're running out of time or the devotion is getting too long. So I find myself not sharing prayer requests when I have them, or only sharing when it's someting "really big."
ReplyDeleteOh also, it's starts getting to me when almost all the prayer requests week after week are only about health - the person's health, immediate family health, friends' and neighbors' health. Legitimate yes, but that's the only type of request . . . I guess people don't want to share anything more personal. If this is you making up a prayer request - please stop.
ReplyDeleteMan, one thing is for sure. I am never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER going to be in a prayer circle with you. You are the ultimate prayer NAZI. If we run into each other at some random Christian event and someone says "lets pray." I'm running for the door and not stopping till I hit the ocean, and then I'm swimming.
ReplyDeleteNomanery: What John's going to have after everyone runs from his next prayer circle.
Me and circle prayers do not get along. Actually, I really hate them. My mind goes blank and I'm thinking more about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it than agreeing with the prayers of the others. I would rather pray with one or two people than a roomful. And then only if there is no pressure.
ReplyDeletei've been following your blog for awhile now, and i gave you an award today! see my blog for info. :]
ReplyDeleteSomebody has probably already hit on this, but I'm too lazy to read through all 50-some odd comments.
ReplyDeleteI usually do prayer requests that are generic, but sound personal enough that people won't press the issue.
"Ya know. Just things with the family."
Don't push it though. There is a fine line between "frustrated and needs prayer" and "distressed and needs counseling".
hi Jon...this is my first time here...great site...really looking forward to the book release...relating to this post, I remember a family prayer meeting a few months ago...seemingly no one had any prayer requests so my dad came up with gossip disguised as prayers..."Dear Lord, I pray for Jim, help him overcome his laziness and may he pass his Bar Exams this time...you know Lord he failed in the past two attempts..all he's friends have passed it(yeah cos they studied harder)..You said Lord, we will be the head and not the tail...even this time Lord, Jim seems to lack confidence (dumb kid's probably gonna flunk again)...yet I pray Lord, by your stripes we are healed...thank you Lord for the excellent results you have already blessed Jim with...AMEN....by the time that prayer was over, I was rolling over..:)
ReplyDeleteIn a similar vein: Come on all you Catholic SCL readers (I know you exist because you've commented here before. Surely you must have made up a couple of confessions in your time, when under pressure to come up with all the dark deeds you've committed? Do tell!
ReplyDeleteI don't mind prayer requests when there is genuine prayer. I do mind when prayer requests is nothing more than gossip in disguise.
ReplyDeleteI love it when it's a prayer circle so you know it's your turn and you frantically search for a prayer request (especially when it's a group you don't know very well and do not feel the need to bare your soul to), and then when you've found it, you use the last seconds before your name is called to try and phrase it in a really holy way.
ReplyDeleteThese kinds of things is why I don't like group prayer anymore.
I feel more led to share when NO ONE else is sharing. I guess because I've been the leader, and I hate just leaving them hanging.
ReplyDeleteI find it hard to talk about the things that are really difficult like... "You know that son we lost three years ago? Well, I find that on days like this I still really struggle with that and the effect it has had on my faith. I know most of you think I should be over it by now..." So instead of talking about something like that, I don't say anything.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be surprised if there are others who are afraid to talk about what they really need prayer for because they fear being lectured about not having enough faith. On the other hand, some prayer requests really DO just sound too silly and trivial to say out loud...
We actually left a Sunday School class due to the prayer request time turning into group therapy sessions or a sort of brag-fest (look how great I am at teaching the inner city kids - wow, I just can't get over myself!). It was very uncomfortable and embarrassing. I just tend to be very quiet.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I've had very meaningful prayers with close friends and family during crises or times of joy.
it's more pressuring for me when NO one has a prayer request. because then it's like, oh great, no one's going to say anything, we're all going to sit here with our heads bowed and it's going to be so awkward for everyone, especially the person who just asked for prayer requests. and then we collectively all feel like awful christians with nothing to say to our lord and savior but none of us can talk about it because we're all ashamed. so, if it's been silent for longer than nine or ten seconds, i'll get really anxious and try to come up with something, anything, to break the ice.
ReplyDelete