Next to Frisbee, trying to figure out what God wants us to do with our lives might be our favorite sport. I know I’ve personally written about 37 different ideas on Stuff Christians Like about feeling like God wants me to go on a mission. (God constantly just tells me, “I do want you to go on a mission but you think that requires a passport. Your mission is to worship me exactly where you are.”)
Adding his creative voice to this age old debate is Kevin DeYoung. He wrote the book “Just Do Something
.” I got it a few days ago and have not had a chance to finish it yet, so if in the last chapter DeYoung says “satan is awesome,” well then, my bad.Moody Publishers said I could give away 4 copies of Just Do Something
. I thought we could talk about the headline on the back of the book.Here it is:
“Hyper-spiritual approaches to finding God’s will don’t work. It’s time to try something new: give up.”
Best 4 comments with a story about a time you gave up win a free copy of the book.
Submit them until Thursday, May 21th.
So when have you given up?
My wife and I have been praying about going out onto the mission field for over 4 years now. We have prayed for every detail of this, from exactly where, to asking for confirmation on exact dates. We knew the call was to go to Nairobi, Kenya. We thought we had it all figured out, and we began praying for specific dates, times, etc. All very specific. And God began to be silent.
ReplyDeleteWe began to feel as if was all being forced, as if we were making the plans, not God. So we gave up. We simply prayed that God would make it obvious if He wanted us to go.
A missionary friend from Nairobi was visiting us in the states, and we went out for coffee together. While sipping my caramel machiatto, she just dropped a bomb on us... "Why don't you guys just work with us at our church? We need help." It hit us - here was where God was directing us - a completely different work than what we had planned, and it come after we had decided to just wait for God to make it obvious to us.
We are heading out this year, and have much more peace.
We had to give up to go to college.
ReplyDeleteWe had to completely go on faith: we were married and had two kids and were the ripe old age of 24.
While we were there, time after time, we would look at our situation and say, "One of us is going to have to drop out next semester and earn more money." We knew there was nothing we could do to stay in school. But time after time, God would pull us through.
- needed to win the kindergarten "lottery" to have daughter in full-day instead of half-day. Nothing we could do, but God provided.
- needed to get out of a car payment, but no one was buying our cars, and dealers wouldn't give us much. Husband won a free car at work. Apparently they put everyone who signed up for benefits into a drawing for a PT Cruiser. God provided.
- our sitter for the first two years had a new baby and couldn't watch ours anymore. Needed $ for a new one, no way to make more; in fact, I had to quit work to do my student teaching. Mom called out of the blue one day, "I've recently come into some $, and I'm pretty sure God wants me to give it to you. Do you need $ right now for something?" We hadn't told family of our troubles, but again, God provided.
Each time, we had said, "God, if you want this to continue, if you want us to get through college together, we need your help. There's nothing more we can do."
And in 3 years, with full class loads, full-time jobs, 2 kids, student teaching, and no money, we both graduated college. Together.
Thanks to God.
I was driven to give up my life plan by the haunting words of a mildly successful traveling comedian named Tommy Johnigan.
ReplyDeleteHe performed at my college, before about 100 people. Me and a few friends were convinced to go with this couple who absolutely loved Johnigan. So I was sitting next to a girl I liked, in this half-empty room, kinda bored, and I committed the comic audience cardinal sin... I responded when he asked a question.
Eventually he asked me what my major was, and I told him "History". He asked me, "Are you gonna teach?" and I said no. He questioned my logic, then asked if I had minors. I had two, political science and French. He responded with what seemed to be genuine concern, calling my degree:
"The Trifecta of Unemployment"
Tommy then asked if I had any hobbies or passions, and I told him I loved music, that I was a musician. He jumped on that, telling me to go and seek out my dream, to "just do something" because he couldn't see how my degree was helping matters.
Now, I didn't expect to take career advice from a mildly successful traveling comedian who had lost on Last Comic Standing, but five months later those words rang in my ears. I had spent the last five months interviewing at different places for government jobs, office jobs that I just knew I'd be miserable in. My greatest happiness came in leading worship with my band and at my student ministry, but my impending graduation was bringing a lot of that to a stopping point.
I was miserable thinking about the future, even though I had this whole "noble" plan to work full time and lead worship in my spare time for a church that couldn't afford a worship leader or find somewhere to play. The only problem was, there was nothing else I was truly passionate about. My engineering friends could talk about engineering stuff for hours, as could my teaching friends with teaching topics. I only wanted to lead music in a way that caused response in peoples lives.
So, I gave up my noble plan, and decided to start looking for some way to become a full-time "worship leader". I applied all over the country, and ended up living up in Dallas, working at a Starbucks, and planning on seminary, with only one more possibility before academia swallowed me whole once again.
That one last possibility ended up being where God has me today, a full-time worship-leading "resident" at an 8,000 member church in Arizona, in a program designed to prepare ministers for a life of full-time ministry. It hasn't always been easy, but it is so much fun, and I'm learning so much and meeting so many amazing new people.
And it all started with the words of a traveling comedian.
Freshman year of college was one of the worst of my life. Not only was I horribly homesick, but it was the first time I was separated from my boyfriend. Most high school relationships die by Christmas of that first year apart, and David and I also came to a point of crisis. Desperate, he begged me to transfer to his state school. I had no doubt that my college was where God had sent me, so I agonized over the decision to leave. For weeks I prayed, read books on finding God's will, journaled and even fasted. God was silent.
ReplyDeleteFinally, the transfer application deadline arrived and I had to make a decision. For the first time in my life, I realized that God was asking me to make a choice and simply trust Him with the consequences. No matter what school I chose to attend, He was capable of blessing me, using me, leading me. This one decision was not going to "screw up" the rest of my life. I was not going to miss His will in this and thus live His "plan B" for my life.
In the end, I did transfer and two years later married my high school sweetheart. We've got two kids.
On a side note, I would love to win the book because DeYoung is married to one of my best friends from high school. We've lost touch over the years and I would love to reconnect with Trisha by saying "Oh, I just read Kevin's latest book!" :)
When I gave up trying to meet the "right girl". And instead just recognised that where I am right now I could so much in terms of serving people and the youth ministry I was pastoring that would be more difficult to do if I was married. If God wanted me to be married - he would organise and let me know of that I was sure.
ReplyDeleteSo I threw myself into people and ministry and had a blast being used by God and serving others.
Within about six months after giving up I met the most incredible girl. We married within a year and that was six years ago.
When I gave up the idol of being married and instead found my satisfaction in God and my directed my energy into loving people. Then God let me know I was ready to meet my wife...
I lost my job last March and have been angsting my way through the "what does God want me to do" question for much of the time since then. I had two epiphany moments in the past two months that have really helped.
ReplyDeleteOne was when Kevin DeYoung was preaching at my church (which isn't as big of a Christian name drop as Christianne Page's, but still) and told about some advice he received early in his career as a pastor: What your congregation needs most from you is your personal holiness. Which was an epiphany moment because I had been feeling directionless and that was such a clear reminder that I had a direction already. Figuring out God's future will for my life? Not my problem. Seeking God with my whole heart? Something I can put my energy into this very moment. (Another DeYoung bit I've found helpful: "God gave us brains." That if God is renewing our minds, we don't need to look so hard for signs and wonders before we make decisions because our brains are being conformed to the will of God and so we're free to make godly choices.)
The second big epiphany moment happened in a movie theater, watching one of the trivia bits that came on before the movie trailers started. I remarked to my dad that I didn't even remember the movie being referenced, and all of a sudden I thought, "Wait. You think movies are so big and important, but you already don't remember this one, and in about 100 years odds are only a handful of film buffs will, at best. So how is that work more important than your 'lowly' administrative work? Are you trying to find your identity outside of God? Isn't God all about what you've been thinking of as 'little' things, like, oh, how you interact with the people around you and how you love and represent Him? Those are the things that stand forever, not how much money you made or how many strangers recognized your name when they read your obituary."
So I've given up on my job being either the thing that fulfills me or the thing I hate talking about because of paranoia that people might be judging me for not having a cooler job. Instead I'm going to grow in doing what God puts in front of me--today, and then tomorrow, and then the next day, as they come up.
Over fifty years of trying to reach that spiritual level finally led me to give up. Give (myself) up to God, that is. "Let go and let God."
ReplyDeleteSubtext: obedience and submission.
In college I studied for a semester in Ireland. When I got back, a chapel speaker was talking about where God wanted to send us, and maybe it was Northern Ireland (where the speaker was from). I'd never felt God tug on my heart like He did at that moment. But I had no idea what I'd do in Northern Ireland. And, it couldn't be Northern Ireland...after all, I'd studied in the Republic of Ireland right? I looked into teaching (my major) and then gave up because I couldn't figure out what God wanted me to do.
ReplyDeleteGod brought it back up several months later in my devos...but I still had no idea what I was going to do there. So I asked Him to show me because I was clueless. Then I walked into my dorm and saw a poster for a year out position at a youth centre in Northern Ireland. Go figure. And here I am, serving, and absolutely loving it. In fact, I'm staying another year. This time it was a still small voice though, rather than a burning bush.
I gave up trying to make God fit into my idea of "fair." After way too many rounds of argument with him, trying such point-getters as, "YOU are the one who gave me this sense of justice, you know! So how can you not bother to live up to it?" I finally was shown all the answer I need, I guess--or at least probably all I'm going to get. My attention was directed pointedly to Proverbs 28:5, "Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand all things." In other words: The problem is not with God, but with me. (Duh.) So I gave up my accusations and arguments and accepted that God is just, no matter how it may look to me. (The next day, I gave them up again, and then again the next week, and two monts later ditto, and once more a couple of days ago. I have plans to give them up five more times in the coming year.)
ReplyDeletegiving up:
ReplyDeleteneed to? every day
plan to? every morning
actually do? when i'm at the end of my rope.......
Back in college I was dealing with heartbreak over an old boyfriend. I kept getting reminders of him on a daily basis, a year and a half after we had broken up. I had already attempted to date someone else and it was a disaster. So finally, in the wee hours of the morning, I begged God through my tears, "Change his heart or change mine. I can't keep trying to make my love life turn out the way I want it to." Within a matter of days I got a call from him. It's now more than eight years later and we've been married for a little over seven. God's plan worked much better than mine!
ReplyDeleteDon't know if this qualifies as giving up, but thought it might bring a smile...in college, i was part of a creative worship team. We did this one interp to Ray Boltz "Thank You." And I was supposed to sing it. I have a decent voice and at the time gave serious thought about pursuing a career in music and was looking for a break. The church we were leading worship was fairly large and taped services. So, I immaturely thought this might be a chance for a break. I gave the sound trac to the sound guys, already preset. Unfortunately, when we began the interp, the sound guys had rewound the tape and were playing it on the demo side. I sang the first note and lip synched the rest of the song, so that we wouldn't ruin the worship. At the end of the service, I got a few "you sounded just like Ray Boltz" compliments. I didn't want to embarrass the sound guys, so i just smiled.
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note, if anyone is looking for a short mission....my area was terribly damaged by flooding last week. We need help cleaning up. If interested please contact Kentucky Baptist Disaster Relief for details.
My wife and I struggled to start our family.
ReplyDeleteWe had prepared ourselves for our family, we had bought our house, even painted our nursery and bought baby things for it when we started trying.
We stocked up on diapers even before we were pregnant.
We were as prepared as we could be to have our family.
And then it didn't happen for nearly a year. We were let down, thinking that it would not take that long, but it did.
And then, finally, we got pregnant!
We were on top of the world for two months. We were happy, everyone was excited for us. It was spring, and we felt in our bones everything growing and coming to life.
And then at our first ultrasound, the doctor could not find the heartbeat. No-one could. We had miscarried.
We were devastated. Why would God let this happen to us, and not everyone around us? I come from a large family, and all my siblings and cousins were popping out kids left and right.
But we kept trying.
Six months after the first miscarriage, we suffered a second one.
We stopped going to family functions. We stopped seeing our friends. Our grief separated us from everyone around us.
When we started trying again, we couldn't get pregnant still, and every month was difficult. We would prepare ourselves to actually try, and then be okay with it, and then be absolutely devastated when the test came back negative.
We worked with our doctor to get our timing down, and took care of ourselves with vitamins and supplements. We did everything short of in vitro to make it happen for us.
It was killing us. We stopped enjoying the process, and our marriage suffered.
We had been on this medication that was supposed to ensure that an egg would be released every months, and our perscription was for three months.
At the end of the three months, we gave up. We weren't financially or emotionally ready for adoption, and we weren't sure how we felt about in vitro fertilization and other fertility treatments.
It was the month that we gave up that we got pregnant with our son, Elijah.
There was no timing, no medication, nothing. Even our doctor didn't think it would happen, and couldn't explain it.
He just smiled and said, "That sound's like a God thing to me."
wingnut
I give up on trying to win a book with the best comment.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm not exactly known for my unwavering tenacity. I've given up on precal twice, in high school and college, and instead of writing notes, I would draw, and hand my drawings to my teacher at the end of class. I'm pretty much game for giving up on any class or activity that I don't enjoy. (For example my 8 am bio class or my 8 am sociology class, which I pulled out with a C out of nowhere.)
ReplyDeleteMy lack of propensity for going to class on a regular basis isn't the point here though (I don't think.) Since I was about 15 years old, I could have layed out my entire life plan: college, grad school, work, extracurricular activities, all in a perfect timeline. But, after my first year of college, I had to give up on some of those plans, because honestly, I'm way too poor to go to private school. I transferred to another school, which was pretty much the bane of my existence. Ultimately, I came to a point wherein I could either continue to be miserable while pursuing my original dreams, or realize that maybe God had something bigger for me than what I could see for myself. So, I gave up.
Since then, I have cried out to God about what I am supposed to do, and where I am supposed to be. But, over and over again, he has implored me to wait. So I have, and I will continue to. God has something for me, and slowly, I have come to trust that. So, I have a summer job, working at a camp, and once I'm done, I literally have no further plans. I'm just waiting for the opportunity God has for me, whatever that is. (Although, I'm kind of hoping he tells me to move to Iceland, just because I have a recently acquired admiration of it.) (Also I'm kind of hoping he pulls a Joseph-esque angel-sending scenario if I'm not supposed to go back to college, because I'm thinking my parents will probably poop a brick if I tell them God wants me to drop out of school.)
For me, I always want to fix people - make things better. Trouble is, I end up trying to do that on my own strength. Right now I'm working through some (self-inflicted) issues (long story, I'd rather not talk about it) - and following my usual pattern, trying to fix things on my own, and (as usual) not doing so well. A couple nights ago though, God hit me with something: "Right now, you've got a pretty low opinion of the person you are. Its still too high though - you're trusting in your own weakness, rather than my strength". Its something I keep cycling back to - I've got to give up trying to "fix things", and just follow God, and make myself available for what he wants to do - because he is capable of making things better.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of my junior year of college, I didn't want to go home. I couldn't tell at the time whether it was me not wanting to go back to work at the grocery store salad bar or a real God prompting, but I thought I should stay in the city instead. Finals week came around and I had told my old job I wasn't coming back, and was moving into my grandma's house to save on rent but I still didn't have a job in town. I was tired of stressing about it, and I just gave up. Suddenly I got a call from the parks and rec department asking if I could fill a sudden vacancy at one of the larger parks in town, which was also only five blocks from my grandma's house. It turned out to be the best job I've ever had. More importantly, I got to spend three months living with my grandmother as she battled cancer for the last time. She died just a few weeks into the next school year, and I was blessed to spend so much wonderful time with her that summer.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm in grad school several thousand miles from home. I could have returned to that same job this summer, but it felt like God was asking me to stay put again. Since he had provided before, I trusted that he would provide again, but of course it hasn't worked out according to my plan. It's much better. Instead of getting a prestigious paid internship in my field that would have looked amazing on future job apps, I'm going to be a tour guide at the historic church I attend in town and have the opportunity to be a witness to thousands of tourists. It terrifies me, since I'm terribly shy and would rather impact people through writing. And if that wasn't enough, my school suddenly decided to give me a grant much larger than the stipend the internship would have paid. But because this job won't start until mid-June, I also am free to go home to celebrate my other grandmother's 90th birthday with my extended family, which is far more important than any internship. God's provision keeps me grounded in my family, which is the greatest blessing I could ask for.
Oh, man. I thought last summer that I was supposed to go to Honduras on a missions trip. I had prayed about it, and I started raising support.
ReplyDeleteEnter my missions contact, who told me that the trip was closed, but that I could go to Mexico if I wanted. Now, I don't have anything against Mexico, but I really didn't want to go there. I wanted to go someplace more exotic. Like Honduras. So I told her no.
That night I woke up in the middle of the night and could not go back to sleep. I knew God was telling me to go to Mexico. So I tried to ignore God in the most ironic way possible: reading the Bible. I sat in my room reading my Bible for an hour, trying to drown out God. Finally I gave up and listened. When I woke up the next morning, I called my missions contact and told her I would go to Mexico. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.
What did I give up? Running from God. No, there were no whales involved, either. I had spent 10 years working in full-time ministry, and began to be discontent with where God had me. I didn't want to stay there anymore. So, when a convenient excuse reared it's ugly head, I bailed faster than...well, can't seem to come up with a humorous analogy at this point. But what I conveniently forgot, er, ignored, was that if God is not in what you are doing, not only will you not be successful, but you will be as miserable as all get out.
ReplyDeleteI was very qualified, had a college degree, etc, but no matter how many job applications I filled out, went on interviews, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Finally, a friend of mine who had his own trucking company told me he needed some help and would love to have me drive for him until I found something. In my mind, I thought, "Wow, God must be blessing me. I've got work, and I'm making so much more than I used to." Kind of like Jonah, finding a ship going the opposite way of where God wanted him to go.
But, as God would have it, I was miserable, for a long 9 months (looking back, it was kind of like I was being rebirthed...get it? 9 months?). Finally, one morning, I turned on the WMBI in Chicago while I was driving and "just happened" to catch the beginning of Dr. Erwin Lutzer's show "Running to Win." And what sermon series was he starting that day? Yep, Jonah. That first sermon was like God parting the Heavens and putting a mirror in my face. It was scary, in that Dr. Lutzer, in talking about Jonah, used some exact phrases and statements I had used to justify in my own mind what I was doing. I arrived at my first stop, and fortunately the store was not open yet. I was able to just sit for a few minutes and say, "Ok God, I'm done running. You've got my attention, and you've got me." After a few weeks of soul searching and crying out to God for His forgiveness and cleansing, He opened the doors for me to go back to the ministry I had worked in previously. After a few months, I was moved back into the very ministry I left.
So that's how I gave up. I gave up running from God, and along the way found where He wanted me in the first place. Recently God gave me the responsibility of running my church's Prison Ministry. When we willingly humble ourselves, God will raise us up.
No one in the church wanted to teach high school sunday school. Nobody. I was in college driving home every week to teach because I thought no one else would. However, I was leaving for a semester to study abroad, and I was worried. I prayed and prayed for someone to step up and help out. A few weeks after I was gone I heard about a new couple who had joined our church who were eager to do youth ministry. My sister was still in HS, and she gave me the down-low: they were cool, and they knew their stuff. Awesome! I felt so relieved to have given up that position. It wasn't what I was passionate about, but I was filling a need.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm teaching 2-5 year olds in Sunday school. I'm thinking about giving up again. They always have trouble finding Sunday school teachers, but I'd much rather be using my gifts in other ways in the church where I'm more passionate. I think back about what happened with the High School class, and I think maybe it's time.
I was addicted to pornography.
ReplyDeleteI presumed for the longest time that because I had accepted Jesus into my heart, I was forgiven and I could keep looking at it without feeling too bad.
Eventually, I started to realize that we are saved by Christ through faith (not "acceptance") and that real faith is repenting faith.
Unfortunately, I did not know what it means to repent. At the time, I was being taught by a preacher, who was very legalistic (a mbe ember of a holiness denomination), who slowly taught that if you are truely repentant, you would stop committing the sin. Since I didn't really know my BIble, I believed him.
The obvious logical problem with this belief is that if true repentance means you stop doing that sin, in order to be truely repentant (and therefore saved) you have to stop sinning entirely. This is savlation by works ( which is a myth).
So I feel like in order to be saved, I have to make myself stop looking at porn... and I can't.
I tried everything. XXXchurch.com, accountability software, prayer, but nothing helped.
Providentially I stumbled onto Psalm 51. The great song of David's repentance from his own sexual sins. I finally thought I had hope, because if David can be forgiven of that, I can be forgiven of this too.
So every mourning I started praying Psalm 51, and every night, I was back on the internet looking at porn. I got to the point where every day I was saying, "If I could just MEAN this! I want so badly to MEAN this!" But I was convinced that I didn't, and couldn't be saved, because if I actually did mean it... I would not look at porn the next night.
After several of the worst and most depressing weeks of my life, I finally got to the point where I said, "God, I give up. If I'm going to be saved, it's going to have to be entirely up to you. I've tried everything. I can't repent."
So God saved me. I finally saw what it means to be saved by grace. I was saved as a porn addict. I eventually learned that repentance means, "a change of mind" and finally came to realize that to be saved by grace is the only was to be saved. I had to come to Jesus empty-handed. He filled me up.
I learned how to preach the gospel to myself, any time when I would be tempted to look to myself to overpower my temptations. It is all about what Jesus did on the cross, not about what I can do.
Oh. And I was freed from my porn addiction overnight.
Anyone with porn problems reading this, feel free to email me about it and we can talk.
My email is benfmordecai (AT) gmail.com
April 30th, 2009 @ about 7:35 PM (how's that for being nearly exact?). I had prayed about something for 509. PRAYED, I tell ya. I anguished, cried and sometimes just prayed because I knew I was supposed. No lie, God was silent. Not a, "My answer to your prayer is not now" kinda silence, we're talking silent silent.
ReplyDeleteAnd so sometimes I prayed even though I didn't think God was listening. And I was beginning to have more and more of those days.
A couple weeks prior to that I asked some friends of mine, "What do you pray and pray and PRAY for something, and God just doesn't seem to be listening." Well their initial response was, "Huh, I dunno."
Thanks.
Then after awhile my one friend asked me if I as talking to God daily. Then he said that maybe that was what this was all about. God will answer, in His time. But maybe, just maybe, right now He’s enjoying this time with you. He’s enjoying this relationship you’re building with Him.
At that moment, I gave up.
I still wanted the answer, but getting it kinda took a back seat to enjoying my time with Him.
I was raised in church and almost never missed a Sunday. All throughout high school I would lay in bed on Sunday nights and get this feeling of dying on the inside. It didn't matter what I did it would always seem to be there like an internal alarm clock each Sunday night. I knew I was saved and reassured myself of this hundreds of times, yet the feeling never subsided.
ReplyDeleteI began to wonder if maybe the Lord wanted me to preach. I always made sure to throw those thoughts right out, "No way" I thought to myself. I imagined I put those thoughts into my head and it wasn't God hinting at it. And I let these feeling slowly eat away at me for almost 4 years.
The spring of my Senior year of high school (very close to graduation) I accepted the call the preach on a Sunday night. It was May 7th, 2006 and I had this overwhelming urge not to go to church that night. I'll never forget me and my Dad literally screaming at each other fighting about me going to church (he never pushed me to go before, I always wanted to freely. This night was apparently different). Our was preaching on when he first accepted the calling and I knew this was God's way of saying, "Now or Never. You decide". So I finally just crumbled and quit fighting him. I rushed to the alter and cried and prayed, asking God to forgive me for running from his call and accepting his will that I preach.
Our pastor told me he wanted me to preach the next Sunday. It turns out that day was Mother's Day. That particular Mother's Day fell the day after my birthday. So I had to preach on Mother's Day morning for my first sermon in front of close to 50-75 people (a very good crowd for the church I attended at the time) at the age of 18.
I've been evangelizing (I'm still in college at the moment) for three wonderful years now, and all it took was for me to finally quit fighting and let God take over.
Just a plug for the book...I haven't read it, but I've met Kevin (he fills in at my church sometimes, and has spoken at conferences on this very topic). He's amazing, his knowledge on this topic is amazing...read the book! I plan to as soon as I can get a copy of it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 38 I just KNEW God was telling me to go on a mission trip to Africa. I went before the church and proffessed this, took a couple of required classes and was working on the paperwork. One thing we had to do was write our Salvation Testimony. I really tried. I wrote and tore up multiple copies when it dawned on me.... I couldn't write what I didn't have. So I had to give up on the testimony, the trip to Africa, my self. BUT GOD DIDN"T GIVE UP ON ME! Nope, through this failed exercise, and a couple of other events that happened simutaniously, I found what I didn't have; a relationship with Jesus my Savior and Lord of my life. I've yet to go to Africa on a mission trip, but I do have a ministry right here in Kansas where I live. Praise God for getting me where I needed to be to find Him and a new life.
ReplyDeleteMy senior year of high school I started dating my best friend. He was a Christian, but I wasn't. I didn't see a problem with this since I was a good kid who made good grades and didn't get into trouble. He mentioned something one time about his youth pastor saying that it was bad to be unequally yoked, but that meant nothing to me. We left for college at different schools and God drew me to people who ended up bringing me to a wonderful church where my eyes were opened to my need for a Savior. Becoming a Christian was great! I loved going to church and talking about God was way more exciting and felt a lot holier than talking about the frivolity that had previously occupied my time. But something still wasn't right. I felt as though I was constantly failing everyone around me, my parents, my friends, and worst of all, my boyfriend. I knew that my parents and friends would always love me, but I couldn't lose my boyfriend. My life became centered around not making him mad, as I spiraled deeper and deeper into a miserable existence of constant self pity and self hatred. I had to don mask of happiness more often than not, but wouldn't let anyone catch a glimpse of the reality I knew. Being a new Christian, I didn't want anyone to know that God wasn't fulfilling my needs, that I was unhappy despite the fact that I had eternal life. Obviously I was doing something wrong to be so miserable. I cried out to God to fix our relationship, because I was certain God wouldn't have let me go through such misery if He didn't intend me to persevere and ultimately prevail.
ReplyDeleteBut God is so good to us! His infinite love and grace poured out upon my life and after giving me the strength to give up the relationship, I am now transformed. I no longer make others my gods, but live for the one true God, and pray that each day of my life would be a testimony to the power of Christ to lift us out of the world, yet still love those in it. In the middle of writing this, I did something that God has put on my heart for a long time, but I ignored. I called my ex-boyfriend and asked for forgiveness and offered him my forgiveness, so that I would be reconciled with my brother. Praise God for comforting his afflicted! Though even our mothers would forget us, He has inscribed us on the palm of His hand!
Three weeks ago the worst thing in the world happened. My relationship ended. We were engaged. We had been dating a year and we had been friends much longer. I lost a lover and a best friend all in a week. I guess I was too much trouble...too emotional...too...much. It’s been hard, I’ve spent nights crying on the floor asking why. I’ve bottled it up and then cried more. I’m still crying as I write this. I totally feel that Psalmist who said that darkness was his only friend...it feels that way sometimes. I miss belonging with someone. the hugs, the kisses, the smiles, and whispered promises on the phone at midnight. This is the thing that I never thought I would have the strength to get through but as I’m walking through it I realize...I don’t have to. I don’t have to be strong or brave, because I have a friend who sticks closer then a brother. I swear there are times when I’m falling asleep missing him ad it’s like...it’s like God sits down on the end of the bed and strokes my face until I fall asleep. I can feel his presence closer then ever before. And the more I surrender my hurt, my pain, my confusion the more he is unfolding this adventure for my life. I never imagined that one girl in this huge world could be loved so much by God. I gave up my dreams and future with Ross but God is showing me a picture bigger then I ever would have thought for me.
ReplyDeleteI give up.
ReplyDeleteI've tried hard.
I've mouthed the words.
I've whispered them to myself, over & over & over again until even my own kin shuffled uncomfortably away with that "look" in their eyes. You know, that "she's fallen up the stairs one too many times" look.
I give up.
Pray tell, & thus end my misery...
How DOES one pronounce May "21th"?
Out of all the muttered conglomerations that spilled forth from my wondering lips, only one really survived, & that was the one that made me sound like I had suddenly, tragically, permanently misplaced my two front teeth.
Kinda lisp-y. May Twenty-firtht.
This is important to me, as I shall celebrate my twenty-firtht year of life on that very day & I'm like 99.99658% positive that my family will come back inside the house again if this issue is cleared up.
Ever since I was a child, I had dreamed of becoming a teacher. High School rolls around and my plans are already in place: go to a good, 4-year college; get a degree; start teaching. Then one day towards the end of my Junior year I found Christ. I started thinking about Bible College, but this would mean putting off my pre-set plans to become a teacher for at least a few years. I applied to a lot of different schools that Fall, and got accepted to every one.
ReplyDeleteBut then one Sunday my Pastor read Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." That's all the confirmation I needed to send in my Bible College Graduation. I wanted to learn His Word as thoroughly as possible to prepare me for the rest of my life. So I temporarily 'gave up' my dreams to become a teacher, and decided to go to Bible College instead.
A few months later, after being accepted, I went to visit the Bible College and come to find out that they have a Christian Education degree. I was so amazed by God, that He would allow me to fulfill my dreams while growing closer to Him and His Word. I've since learned that my desires and His desires are often in synch as long as I continue to seek Him. After all, He's the One Who plants those desires in my heart in the first place.
I'm now a Bible College graduate, and pursuing my Teaching Certificate. Just by 'giving up' my will and allowing God to direct my life with His will, I've been so blessed and I am so much closer to God.
3 years ago my wife and I just completed YWAM schooling and thought we would be working in missions at home or inner city in the states. Then Kenya "starting coming to me" (based on your theology I will let you imagine what that means)but I was thinking NO WAY,,Kenya is not youth center, inner city,etc..then a week later my wife said God has placed a place on my heart but I want you to pray about it. I immediately said it wouldnt be Kenya would it? She let out a nervous laugh and said ah that doesnt count you have to pray about it first, she then added yes and why is He calling us there. SO we made some phone calls only to find out while in YWAM they asked us did we want to "house sit" (and get a break from community living) and here the owner of the house was in Kenya for full time missions. So we thought thats nice but still are You sure God? Preparing for a youth 30 hour famine we are watching the video and in big letters the screen reads "WE ARE GOING TO KENYA ARE YOU?" We lost it in laughter. Later that week Im at this college I work at and a student is talking really loud on the phone in the hallway and I asked him could he keep it down. He apologized and said he was talking to his girlfriend in Kenya. Now those are just a few things happen over a couple of months. But to make this long story short (finally) we made contacts with a organization called ICY and had no idea what we were getting into, clueless and a bit scared truthfully but we GAVE UP and went for 5 weeks. We worked in Kibera slums and the orphanages and schools in Nairobi. The Organization and our host were awesome and now we are returning taking our pastor and my wife is 2 months pregnant so I guess that makes 4 of us. And we continue to give up in taking God up on His offer, His lead and considering going full time which I believe just depends how much we give up.
ReplyDeleteWow, most of these comments are super long. I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it could get rather arduous to read.
ReplyDeleteMy freshman year of college I was a pre-med major. I thought with every fiber of my being that God was calling me to help people around the world by being a doctor. I thought I was called to save people's lives (which is still true). I had all 9 semesters planned out, the dates i would take my MCATs, and a list of Med schools to apply to.
In February of 2008, in the middle of my semester, God started tugging (and He doesn't seem to stop when He starts) me to ministry. I had already been confronted by Him with this opportunity but it took me until 11pm with an endless amount of homework still ahead to ask this question, :Is all this work worth it?" I started to figure that if I was going to work my butt off, I might as well dedicate my entire life to His ministry.
Two weeks later I enrolled in a bible college in Las Vegas based out of Illinois and now I really will be saving lives; just not in the same way.
ahhh goodtimes.
I desperately wanted to go to a Christian college to be a pastor/youth minister. But somehow along the way LA college lost my papers and something happened where I couldn't go. Disappointed, I gave up trying to fit in the "perfect christian" mold and ended up going to University of MD. I met the most awesome people there and it was and is neat to see God use me to reach them through the poetry and writing classes we all had together. Just when I think I have the perfect plan, God always surprises me.
ReplyDeleteI'm in seminary right now.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I moved from Miami, FL to Wake Forest, NC for the specific purpose of going to seminary and finding out what in the world God wants us to do for the rest of our lives.
Should we go be international missionaries? Should we plant a church in the US? If so, where? We speak Spanish, should we go back to Miami? Should we move to another city with a big hispanic community? Shouls we just move to any city? If we don't plant a church, which church should we join? In what capacity do we want to serve? What to do?!?!?
Well, we're done wondering. We're just focusing on the here and now. Soaking up everything God has for us in North Carolina. We attend a great church (the Summit), we're learning more than we ever thought at school (Southeastern Seminary), and we're growing. We still don't have any answers, but we're okay with that. We know that God already knows and we don't have to worry about it. God has been faithful to us and we know He will continue to be.
I'm on the verge of giving up right now. In high school and college the one prayer I said more than any other was, "God, please show me where you want me to go, what you want me to do." He never answered except to open a couple of short-term doors. The first was to spend one year being a campus missionary aide at my university, so I did that. The next was to spend a year doing missions in Central Asia, so I did that. Then I figured I should get a job for a while just to pay off my student loans, so I've been doing that. But I keep praying, "God, show me where to go next." I've just been accepted into the school of my dreams - a Christian film school - but I don't have the money to pay for it. I could go back into the mission field, but I don't know if I'm supposed to. I could just keep doing my current job, but I really don't want to. So I'm still praying, "God, show me where to go." He finally gave me an answer this morning during worship at church: "Stop. Just stop, and wait." It was the most unwelcome answer he could have given me. Stop and wait? But I can't do that - I have to do something, anything! I have to move in the right direction! So right now, starting this morning during church, I am in the process of giving up, stopping, and waiting.
ReplyDeleteI just spent a week in Virginia realizing that I don't control my life. I thought if I considered it long enough and made enough pros and cons lists, surely God's call would come to me. It didn't. It hasn't. I'm not sufficient to find it. Your post described everything I've been feeling lately. Thanks for another gem.
ReplyDeleteI just gave up a leading a non-denominational youth group that I founded. I loved working as a youth pastor. I loved ministering to kids - I loved helping tem through life. I loved working with them. I poured my heart, soul and everything into them. Then God started shaking me...flashing neon lights telling me it was time to stop, be still and wait. Then wonderful you posted on facebook your quote about working to please others and God...then you hit the nail on the head, you said he wants your rest more than your running.
ReplyDeleteLast week was my last meeting with my youth group was last week. Yes, I was emotional, but at peace for the first time in a long time. I don't know where God will send me next, but I know He knows.
In the meantime my husband and I are worshipping together and listening to hear God say what's next.
I'm not a quitter so quitting was hard...but I did... I gave up something I loved because God told me too and I obliged because He has a plan for me. Until it's revealed, I will renew myself with His Word and His truth.
I was praying about being a missionary to Africa. I told the Lord I would go anywhere to serve him...even Africa! (I just didn't want to live in the boring place I lived). I went into my bedroom and there was the world's largest bee buzzing around. I screamed, closed the door and said forget Africa...I'll just bloom where I am planted.
ReplyDeleteAfter graduating from college, I felt like I had hit a wall. I'd tried serious inquiries into seminary, lasted a week at law school, and a semester at teaching, but nothing seemed to stick. In order to make ends meet, I took a part time job at the local library with no intention of making it my career. Though still young, like 23, I felt like my best days were behind me and nostalgia would overtake my life. In addition, since moving back home from college, my dating life had dropped down to nil, and even that's being generous. Furthermore, I had taken the GRE and applied to various graduate schools, but no one seemed to be responding.
ReplyDeleteAfter about a year of slumming it, I had an incredibly bad day which culminated in an horrendously stupid car accident that was entirely my fault, I had reached my whit's end. God didn't appear to be listening to any of my prayers. He seemed to be content to let me rot in a bland existence. In addition, I had a multi-thousand dollar car repair I needed with absolutely no way to pay it. Seeing no other option aside from going into debt, I prepared to contact my work about my intention to go full time. Though I had once had aspirations and dreams of doing something, well exciting for lack of a better word, I was prepared to give up on life and just focus on the moment.
The next day at work, while preparing to send my supervisor an email telling her of my resignation to the writing on the wall, when I noticed an letter that had just arrived in my inbox. It was from the local university, informing me of my acceptance into the grad school. Furthermore, classes started in less than a week. Within that very moment, all my fears and doubts of leading an inane life were erased. The damage on my car and lack of a dating life no longer mattered. My life was irrevokably changed for the better. Though it hasn't been an easy road, I know this journey is what God intended for me from the beginning.
I have little doubt that had I not "given up," I would have probably never received that letter. Furthermore, had I not bounced around in the pit of mediocrity for so long, the sheer joy I felt from being delivered from it would have been lessened. Even though it was miserable at the time, I thank God for getting me to the point where I had to give up.
One moment in time comes immediately to mind. The night I gave up, preceding the day my life changed beautifully, forever.
ReplyDeleteBeing a foolish, young hippie-type Canadian girl at the incorrigible and invincible age of 18, I had half hitch-hiked, half greyhounded my way down from the Vancouver area to Hollywood with $14 in my pocket. I had a job waiting that involved driving a car provided for me, and reasoned (if it could be called such) that I would live in the car (parked in good neighborhoods, responsibly, for safety - ha) for the first 2 weeks until I got a paycheck from which to procure more permanent living quarters. Well, a week and a half into my adventure I was in a car wreck which totalled the vehicle and rendered me jobless and homeless, without family or friend and penniless even to return to Canada. I remember sitting on a curb with tears streaming down my face under the two or three California stars that shine and looking up toward Heaven, as was my fashion, to pray: and while my world seemed to have crumbled I held fast to one conviction, that the God Who created the Universe loved me. I concluded therefore that while all seemed lost, God had a plan for me in the midst of this because He is Almighty and Loving. So my prayer was one of surrender. "Whatever you have for me, Lord."
At the same time, a couple hundred miles east at a military training camp, a young Marine officer had received crushing news. After "beating his body to make it his slave" in preparation for what he trusted was God's will for his life - through the rigors of West Point USMA in preparation for infantry leadership in the Middle East, where in the deep dark trenches he believed God had called him to lead by example others to Himself, he had now received news of orders to Japan to work in air defense (rather opposite of what he had prepared for). "God, I thought I had heard and was following Your will. I don't understand this. Whatever You have for me, I will follow."
He had resigned himself to a life of singleness as the calling he believed he had received was not much for family, though it was not without sadness that he gave it up. So when the next day, these two young fools met on a day-long missions trip in Mexico (invited on at last minute through diverse acquaintances), both were ready, though certainly not expecting, to embrace this gift of God's will for their lives.
My husband and I met on Memorial Day weekend 12 years ago.
While I never planned to be a stay-at-home mother, I was in anguish of heart from the first day I began leaving my precious baby home to return to work. I believed my work as a therapist with at-risk and abused youth to be valuable and want to model to my child a life of service, yet my heart screamed against me whenever I left my child. I did this for two months before giving in to my heart and resigning (for now at least!).
ReplyDeleteA couple of weeks later my husband, who is a Special Agent with the FBI, was called to Mumbai, India to investigate the terrorist attacks of late November 2008. They told him it would be a week or two; in actuality it was 8 weeks (extended week by week while in country). Had I yet been working, I would not have risked taking my young baby to a third world country to join him, but since I was newly free (and love to travel), with much deliberation decided to join him in India along with our baby.
Had I not given in to my heart to leave my job at that time, I would have missed out on two months with my husband in my baby's first year of life, as well as a life-changing experience were God daily broke my heart as I had opportunity to interact with and give to the dear Indian people living on the sidewalks around our hotel. When we got back and shared our experiences, 12 people committed to sponsoring needy children through Compassion International! We continue to tune our ears toward what God may hold for us in the future in India.
I've given up.
ReplyDeleteAnd not in that "let go and let God" sense, but more in that "fine, God, have it your way (and your way sucks)" sense.
I gave up the idea of ever finding the right girl. And my story doesn't end with "...and then one day I ran into her!"
Giving up wasn't easy. I tried time and again in my 20's to really, truly, this-time-its-for-real give up on the idea of ever finding her. I think maybe in the end I was only doing it because I kept hearing all those stories about how I'd find her when I quit looking. I knew I had made the idea of another person bringing completion to my life an idol, and I didn't care. I kept worshiping it.
And then, a couple years ago, I got to the point where I was done. Done looking, done waiting, done praying, done hoping. They say depression is merely anger without the energy - and that's exactly where I was. If I had any more emotional worth to spend on anger, I would have, but I was empty. It may have been "dictating my life to God," as a friend put it, but the decision was made. I was finished.
I hear people talk about times where God is silent, but he's been silent my whole life - that's the only way I know him. And that's fine. It makes prayer a difficult thing for me, but it doesn't mean I don't have a relationship with him. As an introvert, I think perhaps he's that way with me because its the best way we can relate. What I do know - however - even if I don't hear it, is that God is still there. Even when I'm empty and angry.
Even at the same time that I was giving up, God was still working. He opened up door after door and next thing I knew I found myself moving to Africa to work with World Vision - doing relief and development work with some of the worlds' poorest people. Ministering to real, immediate needs, in some of the furthest-flung corners of the world. How many of us ever get to do that? I don't say that to pat myself on the back or set myself apart - I'm simply amazed that I got the opportunity to be a part of this thing. Why me?
Words fail to describe how full my life is now. I may not have given up in the right way, but my God is bigger than even that. I've walked through dark places, and even though I've often felt alone, when I look back, I can only ever say that goodness and mercy have been hard on my heels the whole time.
Giving up is hell. But God is still good.
I have been in a constant mode of "be important" in my church.
ReplyDeleteAt the heart of the issue I just want to be important to God.
But somehow in my thinking, to be important to God, means to be recognized by the staff and leaders of my church.
I hold my breath at every event I sign up to help out with... hoping to get the "nod" from God, by being assigned an "important" position.
One year, the powers that be, gave me the all important task of "face painting".
I was disappointed. I felt like God didn't consider me.
That night I had a dream (I am totally not joking) that God had granted me a supernatural gift that who ever I touched would be saved. Upon the receiving my gift, I started looking frantically for people to deliver. I ran up and down the halls of buildings and I could find anyone.
I got to the end of the huge hall and yelled to the heavens... "Where is everyone? I just want to help you?" I heard God's voice tell me to turn around. When I did, there were rows and rows of children, sleeping.
I had passed them all by.
Then I woke up.
I asked forgiveness for my blindness.
And when the day of the event came around, I nearly cried at every face I touched.
In December of 2007 I'd recently been promoted twice in six weeks and received a 25% base pay increase with the opportunity to earn much more in bonuses. My reputation in my company was very strong and I'd achieved all of the short-term goals I had set coming out of college. I was 26 and looking forward to a life full of cool toys, big houses, and powerful friends.
ReplyDeleteOne night in late November of that year I couldn't sleep so I was messing around on the internet and discovered the band Flyleaf. Without going into great detail, the CD came in from amazon a few days later God used their lyrics and the lead singer's testimony that I found on youtube to reveal some things about my life to me. Basically that I'd become extremely proud of all the things "I" had accomplished, that I'd grown very distant from Him even though I was still a "good Christian" on the surface, and most importantly that I really didn't know if what I was doing was God's will for my life.
That night I laid face down on the floor and weeping asked God to destroy my pride and to show me what I needed to be doing with my life. I remember actually using the words "God, I give up."
Three months later I began to feel that I was being called into full-time ministry. Within six weeks I quit my job and moved home to begin pursuing that call. I thought the first step would be seminary in New Orleans but things didn't fall into place to start this past January as planned. Then in late January, through a totally "random" series of events I learned of a year-long trip into a country closed to the gospel teaching English as a cover. Everything has worked out the way I needed it to and I should be there three months from today.
I'm happier now and more at peace than I've ever been.
I read this book recently, and it really smacked me around. (In a good way. It doesn't animate itself and become spontaneously violent. That would be all kinds of freaky.)
ReplyDeleteI would really, really recommend reading this book, especially if you, like me, are part of the 20 and 30 somethings generation that appears to have only one answer to the question of "What do I do with my life now that college has ended?". (This answer appears to be "grad school." No joke. Someone I know lost their job and actually decided, on a whim and in lieu of finding another job, to "just go to grad school" in order to take out student loans and obtain an income. Yeah. We all need some smacking around.)
For those lucky four, enjoy! And to Jon -- for the record, it does not say "Satan is awesome" in the last chapter. However, he does make some weird and slightly snarky comments about getting married, which being single, I took a little personally. Since you're already married, you probably won't. But anyway...you're safe to recommend this book.
I gave up my feeling of safety and comfort.
ReplyDeleteI'm a people-person and so, after college, moved back with my parents (working in child care makes it hard to pay the bills and rent). After 3 years, it was time to move on from the job, but as I searched, the only thing that came to me was through a God-intervention while at a conference in another city. Long story short, it led me to move out of my parents' comfortable, safe neighborhood and home to a city 5 hours away (I've never lived in a city) which is one the more dangerous ones in the US.
I gave up feeling completely safe and secure in my home and on the street. I gave up having people to talk with when at home (I'm single and live by myself). I gave up being in a place where I knew people (I had no connections in the new city except my new boss). Two years later, I can say it was one of the best things that happened. I still don't always feel safe and I still get lonely, but I know God led me here and was teaching me to trust Him and give up my own plans.
You would not have wanted to know me 15 years ago. When I think about it, I don’t want to know myself back then. I lost my parents by the time I was 18, and had been living on my own ever since then. Never started college because I had to work full time. And when that didn’t work very well, I got a second job, and I stayed that way for a very long time. What began to happen was that I felt hope begin to seep out of me–slowly at first, and then faster and faster as it became evident how my life was going to be.
ReplyDeleteIt started pretty early. My parents had me when they were probably thinking they were long done with children, and after I came along, our house was not exactly like the Cleavers–I was sexually abused by a relative three or four times when I was around kindergarten age, which is something I’m only just beginning to process, 35 years after the fact.
My parents were not much in the caregiving department. They tried, but from as early as I can remember, my mom had a pretty serious drinking problem–not to mention depression. And then she got sick (cancer). She had to kick the alcohol before the cancer could be treated, and was never the same after she’d gotten sober and had surgery–which happened when I was 10–she lived another 8 years.
My father, while there, was not a nurturing sort. As far as I could remember, he had little time to do more than yell at the television news, and have a beer or two with dinner. And later on, sail. So what happened was that my upbringing seemed to chiefly fall to my sisters, who also did the best they could, which considering they didn’t live at the house was quite a lot.
So I stayed out of the house as much as I could, and I hung out with friends, longing for the traditional sort of families they all seemed to have. My house wasn’t hell, and it could have been a lot worse, but the truth was that I did not feel loved, or protected, or safe. And as I grew, that stayed with me, and I began to develop a victim mentality, which by the time I was in high school, was very serious indeed.
Another thing I became a fan of was dark metal music, the more agressive and explicit, the better. I loved hearing the sometimes ridiculously explicit depictions of grisly murders, and decapitations, and goodness knows how many other horrible things. And I loved horror movies for the same reason, and the earlier novels of Stephen King, and others like him (I still read King, but my literary palate has matured a little, much as King’s writing has, and I don’t enjoy the graphic stuff so much anymore). I never really got into the occult, but I knew people that did–several peripheral friends got together once and had a seance to try and talk to the ghost of Randy Rhoads, Ozzy Osbourne’s guitarist, who’d died in a plane crash. As far as I know, Randy was busy when they tried to call.
I was close with my sisters for a while after high school, but then began to slowly withdraw from them, as well as the friends that had meant so much to me growing up. I made some new, casual friends, but never really let them get to know me, and I really didn’t get to know them, either.
I would pretty much just hole up in my apartment and comfort myself any way I could. Right after high school, I discovered cable TV in all its splendor, with all the dangers therein. Especially the type of entertainment you’d find late at night. Not exactly pornography, but almost. Close enough for government work, you could say. And it’s probably true that I avoided the hard stuff only because I was too embarrassed to go buy it.
I also began to consume mass quantities of whatever type of food I could get my hands on. I had very little money, so junk food was the way to go, and since my part time, evening job was at a pizza place, I ate a lot of that, too. I knew my family had serious addictive tendencies, so I never got started with alcohol, at least not until I was much older.
I would just eat, and eat, and watch cable. I told myself that I was OK, and when I did interact with my family, I did my best to convey the same thing to them. When I was 19, I discovered that there were a couple people out there that didn’t mind dating me, and that situation had it’s benefits, too. I could get what I wanted from them, and they could get what they wanted from me, and no one got hurt, right?
I had one relationship that lasted longer than the others (there were actually only three of them), and that pulled me out of the cellar for a little bit, but when she decided to pursue college over me, it was back into the spiral, and I became worse than ever. I “blossomed” to nearly 300 pounds, and stayed that way. I could not run more than a very short distance (not that I really needed to), and climbing stairs was something I did as little as possible, lest I succumb to a heart attack, as my father had. I would sit there in my apartment, and I would read horror books, and watch movies, and listen to hardcore metal. It began to feel like a chore to interact with people any more than I absolutely had to. It was much easier to just sit there and think about how much my life sucked.
I just tried to fill the empty places with anything I could jam into them, to keep the darkness from rushing in. Some things worked better than others, but all would eventually give way, because nothing really fit. Nothing. And it went on and on and on….
I never really thought of myself as depressed, yet thinking about it now, it’s very obvious I was. I never entertained thoughts of suicide, because I’d had a friend take his own life shortly after my father died, and it was horrible for all concerned. I just didn’t care about my life. If nothing good was going to happen to me, what was the point of trying to do anything? I just sat back, and let things happen. And you know what? They did.
And then one day, something just told me to up and quit my part time job at the pizza place, and try something else, even though I couldn’t really afford to. So I applied at a movie theater in El Cajon, and got hired immediately. I started cleaning the theaters, then moved onto concessions, and the box office. After about a year, I became a projectionist/asst manager. It was shortly after that, my life began to change for the better. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but now I can see God working in my life through the people he brought into it.
I began to spend time with people that were healthier for me, and gradually felt comfortable enough with them to begin to share a little about my life. One of these people was a young woman I worked with at the theater who was a Christian, and probably the first one I ever met who did not seem to be a hypocrite. She was awesome, and made no secret of her faith. We never got involved romantically, but instead became very close friends (this caused me no small problem for a while, but I was thankfully able to move past it eventually). She never really proselytized, but she prayed for me, and her family did, too. And most importantly to me, she accepted me as I was, with all my messiness and issues. She did not give up on me as a friend or in any other way. She was always there for me, and she still is.
I eventually began to develop a curiosity about God, and we had several very deep conversations about what he’d done in her life, and what I felt he hadn’t done in mine. She did not speak platitudes to me, and did not spout the comforting rhetoric I’d become accustomed to hearing from “Christians.” She just talked about her relationship with God, and what it had done in her life. I attended her church for a while out of curiosity, and heard the Gospel on a regular basis, but it still didn’t really sink in. I began to hear various people’s testimonies and most of them were so heavily dramatic that it was hard for me to relate to them. I had never done hard drugs, or been in a serious car accident, or been in a war, or gone to jail, or overcome a dependency of any sort. I felt a little relieved–it was like I didn’t have much to worry about compared to these people. I had to be scoring a lot of points with God, didn’t I? I knew I was a pretty nice guy, and I never deliberately did anything to harm people. I should be golden.
But make no mistake, I still had my moments. There were times when I was incredibly down (the holidays, of course), and when I was in one of those moods, I was insufferable. It was those times I’d still seek my comfort from places that were dangerous–I had another empty relationship while my friend was off dating someone, and I finally discovered the wonders of alcohol. Beer tasted good, and it was even better than food at numbing me. I didn’t drink all that frequently, but when I did I really did. It didn’t so much take anything away as dull my wits, and that was OK. Better than OK.
Shortly after that, my brief relationship ended, and I began spending time with my friend again as well. I started going to Grossmont College, and it was there I met the person that would finally be able to reach me–a guy almost the exact same age as me who had been through many of the same things I had, more even–he’d been a drug addict, and the drugs had nearly cost him his marriage. We became close friends. He started attending his wife’s church to try and save his marriage, and it worked. And not only did he save his marriage, but he reached out to Jesus and was saved himself.
And then I started going to his church, still curious, but now seeking in earnest. And I met the pastor, and ex-Navy Chaplain named Tim Wakefield. He was sincere, kind, and funny, and he always took the time to talk to me after services. I found myself drawn to him, and we began to develop a friendship as well. As this was happening, I found myself binging less, and trying my best to clear my head–it seemed like I’d been in a daze for a hundred years.
Then, on motorcycle ride to Arizona, Tim was killed. And once again, the wheels came off for me. In the short time after it happened, I reconnected with my drinking buddies, and looked forward to being able to feel numb again. I tried to tell myself it shouldn’t bother me that much. I hadn’t known Tim for very long at all–yet he had touched my life. And I had begun to have hope. Then, it got yanked out from under me just…like…that.
Still, I remember trying to just put it behind me–my buddies and I had our annual trip to Peoria, AZ planned, to check out a couple of Padres games, and more importantly, get really plastered over a three day weekend. So we stocked up on beer, and bad food, and climbed into my SUV for the drive. Traditionally, on the Friday before our first game, we would stop at my friend’s father’s place on the end of the Colorado river, in a little cluster of cabins and houses called Walter’s Camp.
The cabin had a dock going down to the river, plenty of beds to crash on, and a large fire ring out front for bonfires. So that first night we showed up, and my friend fished the key out of its hiding place. We stowed our sleeping gear inside, and then took the beer coolers onto the back porch to relax for a bit, enjoy the sunset, and have a few drinks and some Oreos (trust me, beer and Oreos is a lot better than it sounds–it doesn’t make sense at all, but it works). After a couple hours of talking trash and drinking, the guys went out front to make a fire.
I sat in my chair for a few minutes and enjoyed the evening. It had gotten dark, and lights were coming on in the cabins near my friends. Two cabins down, a good-sized party was beginning, loud music coming on, and people spilling out onto the patio area, and onto the dock. Thankfully, the cabins were far enough apart that you couldn’t really make out any faces, or see far enough that it felt like you were invading anyone’s privacy, or they were invading yours.
I heard a call from out front to bring the coolers, and I stood up, picking up one in each hand. And it occurred to me I hadn’t thought of Tim at all since we’d been there. I had a pretty good buzz going, and that was enough. And then a very strong urge came on me to walk down the ramp to the dock. There was a small fishing boat (or more accurately, “frogging boat”) tied to the dock, and I sat the coolers down next to it, and then looked up at the stars. And I thought about Tim. I thought about how he’d been riding his motorcycle to see his father, and had gotten killed instead. I thought about my college buddy, and how he’d changed so much, and had no regrets, and about the work done in his life. And I thought about all the events of my life that had brought me to that place in time, on that dock, looking across the river to Arizona–all the prayers, too, over the years. It was like I had a sense of them leaving hearts and entering God’s ear I thought about how alone I felt, even there with my friends. I thought about how I’d never really felt comfortable anywhere, never really felt like I belonged, or mattered. The one thing I’d always felt somewhere inside was that the world was a place I was never really supposed to be, and while I wasn’t going to do anything deliberately to leave it, what I’d been doing in not caring for myself was a sort of latent and apathetic way to end things. I guess in a way, I was waiting for something to happen, the same as I’d always done.
That was when, for want of a better expression, God reached down and punk-slapped me. It wasn’t so much a voice–either a shout or a whisper. It was more like I was suddenly conscious of a few things at once, and when they all came together, it literally forced me to my knees on the rough wood of the dock, with an Igloo cooler on either side of me. The first thing was that I became aware of my sin–all at once, and it was shocking, because I’d always thought of myself as a nice guy, a good guy, and it had always seemed like enough. But the truth that it wasn’t enough, and never had been suddenly fell on me, and right behind it was the knowledge that the ultimate price was death, and always had been, and the weight of that knowledge was tremendous, stifling, and so heavy, so profound that all I could do was fall forward and cry out for someone to take it from my shoulders, for Jesus to lift it from my back onto his. I realized at that moment, he was the only one who could carry it. I didn’t want it anymore, I never had wanted it, and for the very first time in my life, I asked God for help. I realized I would probably literally die without it. Maybe not right away, but eventually, and the way I had been living and running my life was no life at all.
Then everything changed–and nothing changed. I could still hear the party going on two cabins down (a live recording of the Rolling Stones’ Midnight Rambler was playing at a very high volume). I could hear my friends calling me from the front of the house. I could hear frogs down at the edge of the river. But over all of them, I could hear Jesus answering in my heart. And it was good.
It wasn’t all good after that, of course. Not even that weekend. But it was a start–and the main difference was the important thing after that–I had hope. I was able to dry most of my tears before I went out front with the coolers, but it was most of the night before I could form much of a sentence. All I could do was think about this new thing in my life. I didn’t really know how to pray, but I did the best I could.
And when I got back, I sought out people who could help me. And it began….
Things are considerably different now. I have found a helper, and he lives in my heart. The spots that were empty and aching are filled. I’m not just talked about suddenly finding out I have a liege-lord, or being slave to some indifferent diety. I’m talking about having a father. I’m talking about just beginning to find out the person God wants me to be, and has always intended. It’s thrilling. That person is not a victim.
That person has friends, and family, and people that love him. That person is safe, and when trouble inevitably comes, he has somewhere to turn for solace.
I have, with much prayer and healing, been able to find forgiveness for the person in my life most directly responsible for many of my woundings, both physical and psychological. I still have to pray about it all the time, but I can say with surety that it’s working. I believe the next step is an attempt at reconciliation. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that with Jesus, I can at least try, and that’s more important than the result.
I have began to walk in what my pastor calls my “spirtual authority,” which is the most amazing thing of all to me. I have never been a leader, nor been in a position to lead much at all, but now I find myself feeling called to that very thing, and though it is in my nature to resist that call, I know I’ll eventually capitulate (how couldn’t I?). And that when the time comes, Jesus will let me know what to do.
I have a choice about how my life will be, and I have hope–how strange and amazing it is to have hope, when I spent the first 30-plus years of my life wallowing in despair and self-pity.
It’s not all peaches and cream by any stretch of the imagination. Everyone who knows God knows this. Things will still happen in your life that are bad. You will be hurt in many different ways. But you have hope–I have hope. I know that I am not alone and never was. I know, as Brennan Manning says, that God loves me “as I am, and not as I should be. Because I’m never going to be as I should be.”
I’m not perfect by anyone’s description, least of all my own. But I have hope for a future, and all I know is I want to tell people about it….
I gave up on believing there are any prerequisites for following Jesus.
ReplyDeleteI gave up on thinking that I could change anything about myself. God made me the way that I am. God loves me this way. God sends me just like this.
I gave up on thinking about my sins, so that I could think more about God's love.
I was 25 and didn't like the prospects of being a receptionist for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteI pursued jobs that had tuition reimbursements, thinking I could go to school at night after work. Nobody would hire me.
So I just gave up.
5 weeks later, an acquaintance emailed me with a subject line of "I have the perfect job for you!"
The job was better than my wildest dreams. I lived and worked at a University as a Resident Director. 2 years later, I just graduated with a FREE college degree and was able to work in women's ministry the entire time!
3 years ago I gave up on control. The need to control everything in my life was controlling me. I'd tried drugs, sex, self-harm, self hate (shall I go on?) Jesus let me walk down that path for a long time until finally he pushed me on my face and showed me who I really could be and who really was in control. Now, 3 years later, I am clean & sober and for the first time in my life I love my family and myself and have an awesome relationship with Christ.
ReplyDeleteWhen we had been married for a little under a year, I decided I was ready to have a baby. So we began trying and counting and calculating and whatever I could find on the internet to research to help us get pregnant. I finally realized God was calling me to stop planning and just give up. When I did, nine months later we were blessed with our first child.
ReplyDeleteI've had to give up my ideals and dreams of what I wanted to do in my life. I wanted to work, I wanted to send my kids to private school. When I stopped planning, God started working. I am now a stay at home mom (not in my plans) and a homeschooling mom (definitely not in my plans). I constantly am reminded that if I take myself out of it...give up...He takes charge and (surprisingly...more like duh) it's much better than where I am and what I had planned.
My friend's son is in jail. I go with her to visit him. She told me the kids where he is held don't have anyone visiting them. I checked with a man at our church that was at the time leading a prison ministry to see if they were going into that facility. He gave me an opportunity to get involved with troubled kids locally in a Bible study. I told him I wouldn't know how to relate to them, I was a goody-two-shoes growing up and was picked on by the tough kids. He said, "it doesn't matter. These kids just need someone to love them." I told God, okay, if this is what you want. I won't say no. We'll see what happens. But this is WAY out of my comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteThe first night there, a girl was struggling with doubt. I was able to lead her to Mark 9:24 and share my own struggles in that area.
I am now involved in a Bible study in a local school for boys who have sexual problems. Teaching is not my spiritual gift. Mercy is. I figure I am there to love on those boys. The first night I was there I noticed that this one little boy's feet didn't even touch the floor when he was sitting in his seat. What, God? How, God? Why, God? I made a vow to God that night to never miss an evening with them as far as that is in my control.
A couple of weeks ago I went to a training session for Bible Study leaders as part of this ministry. I told my husband, "I'm not really sure why I'm going, I don't consider myself a leader. But we'll see what happens." I went and found out that there is a mentoring program for kids coming out of prison and trying to straighten out their lives. They need people to spend time with them and care about them and be a good role model. Just so happens that I am an empty nester this year and missing my kids and the stuff that used to be a part of my life that goes along with having kids at home. I talked to the man in charge of the program and plan on getting involved. And I left that meeting knowing why God brought me there.
Prison ministry. Who knew? Well, okay, God knew.
I know this comment is Anonymous, but I thought I'de give it anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was was a kid. Maybe six or seven, my dad shared the gospel message and at the time it didn't mean anything to me. All I remeber after that was thinking, "I guess that makes me an 'official' Christian." The problem is, I wasn't really praying and I didn't actually except Christ into my life.
There's this song I've never heard up until now. The name of the son is,"The motions" by Matthew West. The hook of the song, I believe is, "Instead og going through the motions," and that's excactly what I was doing. I was going through the motions. It took me a long time to change and be who I was. At that time all I was, was a robot, going through the motions.
In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't real. It ate me apart inside. The truth is, I was in complete doute of whether i was actually saved by Jesus Christ or not. I was constanly fighting the thought.
That all changed when my parents took me into the kitchen to have a, "talk." It hurt me so much it brought me to tears. I was in pure missery. At that piont, I gave up. There was no hope for me. I was crushed. The only way to describe what happened is to say, "I gave up.
I was affected by this for a long time. I was living in the mindset that nothing mattered. I didn't know where to turn. I simply didn't care. You could have seen it on my face.
Then, at a church event, something changed in me. Since that day I've known that, above all else, I am a follower of Jesus Christ.
Today, I don't know if I'm going to Heaven. I don't know if I truelly believe all this is absolute, but above all else, above everything I have ever had confidence in, I know I am a follower of Jesus Crist.
Because on that day I gave my life up to Jesus Christ, and there is no other way to describe what happened. It wasn't the message, or the music, it was something inside of me. I gave up my life to Jesus Christ, and there is no other way to describe it.
This is the story of my Life
After 30 years of drinking and drugs, I gave up trying to do it my way, hit my knees and asked God to help me. I started praying for His will every day. He presented me with an amazing church, I asked Jesus back into my life, and I am now helping to start a 12 step program there.
ReplyDeleteBecause I surrendered to God's will for my life, all those years of suffering will benefit someone who is still suffering. I now know why I survived, and have a strong sense of God's plan for the rest of my life.
"The Story of my life Part two"
ReplyDeleteI had to go. now I'm back to finish the rest. Start here:
If I were to say, "through all that happened, I didn't give on God," I would be lieing. At the same age I prayed with my dad to except Christ, I also decided I wasn't Going to give on God. The truth is, I did. The only reason I am who I am today is because God decided He wasn't going to give up on me.
There are three things I've given up that come to mind. Two of these I have already shared with you. The third is something a little more recent.
Berfore I went to this website I was playing a stupid video game. After a while the game broke down. If I wanted to keep on playing I would've had to start over. So I gave up and decided to write this.
So, Like I gave up on that stupid video game, go and do something worth spending time on. Go!!
So there was this time when you were giving away a free book and I saw that i needed a good story. I don't have a good giving up story, so I was just going to write that I give up on coming up with a good giving up story.
ReplyDeleteThen I saw Nick the Geek's comment. Now I have given up.
I have never been an “eloquent” or “loquacious” writer… so this should be fun.
ReplyDeleteI just finished my first year in college. But my story doesn’t start on move-in day or on the last day of finals. My story starts back in January (2008). I went on a New Year’s Retreat with my church youth group worshipping, fellowshipping, and playing Capture the Flag at two in the morning. A young man from Kentucky came and spoke to us about living God’s Will for our lives. Looking back on it, I remember fighting every word he said. I thought to myself, “Yeah right… I’m where I am supposed to be. Ready to graduate. Going to A&M in the fall. No one is more in God’s Will than myself at this very second…” That’s exactly what the Lord wants to hear in our thoughts, right?
A week or two later, I went to Hot Hearts. There, the speaker mentioned how we continuously make excuses on why we don’t do what He tells us to. For example, The Lord told Moses, “Hey. I’m God… so tell Pharaoh everything I say…” and Moses replies, “They won’t listen, I stutter a lot.” For others, it may be, “God, I’m not going to do as you say because I am too young,” or in my case, “I’ve got Your plans down pat in my life, so I am going to stop listening right now.”
As a part of all large Christian conferences, the speaker gave an ‘alter call’, or ‘invitation.’ He called for those who had accepted Christ that weekend. I held my breath – I knew what was coming. A few minutes later, he said, “I know some of you are making excuses. Why are you not listening?” He then called for the students that God was calling to the ministry. I clenched onto my chair. Trying my hardest to not get up or make it look like I was struggling. Finally, he ended with prayer, and that was it.
I struggled the next few weeks, mainly with the idea of college. For two Sundays after Hot Hearts, my youth minister brought up what the speaker had said. Again, I clenched to my seat. He asked if any of us had made any decisions. As angry and confused as I was, I prayed. But it was more of a selfish prayer of “Lord, let me go to A&M…” instead of “Lord, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.”
The next week, I went to a teacher at my school who was the sponsor of the Raiders 4 Christ. I told her everything that had been going on the past few weeks, from New Years, to Hot Hearts, and now all I could think about was a certain Christian university in central Texas. I told her that I thought God was calling me into some kind of ministry. She prayed with me and I went home and talked to my mom.
I gave up. I applied for Howard Payne, signed up for a day to visit, and finally surrendered everything to God.
Now, it’s a daily thing. I have to wake up every morning, give up on myself, and give into God.
Compared to these others, my comment isn't that great, but I'm going to post it anyway...
ReplyDeleteI've just recently given up trying to be the "perfect mother". I can't do it. I'm a single mom and I've spent the last two and a half years (since my daughter was born) trying to do everything right.
Just me trying to provide for her and spend enough time with her and teach her what she needs to know and keep a clean house (and this is a really long run on sentence), etc. I can't do it all.
I'm still going to be the best mother I can, but I'm going to stop stressing about the little stuff. I can't do everything, all the time, and I've given up on trying.
In January 2005 my unsaved husband walked out. At the time I'd been saved nearly six years, and my efforts to share the gospel with him had been met with everything from light teasing to verbal cruelty.
ReplyDeleteMoments after he left, while I was sobbing in the bathroom, God told me to give up on my marriage. I saw a picture of my own hand, visibly straining to hold a heavy bag. If I let go, it would drop over the edge a sheer cliff.
Then I heard God whisper, "Let it go," and I realized the bag was my marriage that I'd been working so hard to maintain.
So I let it go, and I watched the bag plummet until I couldn't see it anymore.
In January 2006--one year later--my husband came to me with tears in his eyes and humbly told me he'd given his life to Jesus Christ. I wasn't there when he got saved. It had nothing to do with me or my efforts. It was God's doing entirely.
The year in between my husband's leaving and his return was difficult (and that's putting it lightly). But I'd never, ever trade it.
part one of two
ReplyDeleteMy research project for my degree last year was one of the hardest things I needed to get through in the last couple of years not just because studies are difficult but because this tested all the parts of my life that were just not yet sorted out e.g discipline, motivation etc. and found myself procrastinating, feeling guilty. Even when cancelling all my meetings and closing facebook,etc. when I had to sit in front of the pc to work, nothing left to distract me, my mind would flood with thoughts of “how little time there was left to complete a year long project”, “if I fail this degree I can't pursue my dreams of studying Education this year (2009) and therefore I'm stuck in IT the field I've been in for 10 years(working and studying)” and also the fact that I was disappointing my supervisor too who was a born again Christian but one of the best lecturers at the university. With all these thoughts I'd end up stressing so much that I couldn’t get any work done, and then in the end just thought let me stop wasting everybody’s time and just give up. But, in a moment of prayer I just said Father...I give up, I can’t do this on my own, I give up and then proceeded to type this poem:
*****
I give up
Chandré De Wet
12 Oct 2008
running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how
give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete
looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?
could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up
or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease
I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire
i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be
I give up
and I give you all that I am
take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting
part two of two (sorry it wouldnt post the whole post in the first go)
ReplyDeleteAfter the poem I had a sense of peace but still told my supervisor online during that night that I’m sorry for wasting his time but I wont be finishing the project. He accepted this and the next morning was church and we had a guest pastor preaching about? You guessed it -> Not Giving Up. About not coming so far and just leaving it, about trusting God to get through the last haul. About all the bigger things God is building in your life thru the one thing you just can't seem to finish,etc. I spoke to the pastor afterwards and they encouraged me to finish,to not come to the last 3 months of a 4 year course and give up, and that spiritually me giving up not only affects my own life but even my future, marriage, childrens and that if I did push through and TRUST GOD I will make it through. I went back spoke to my supervisor again, who even ended up praying for me and working with me ,now understanding all the thoughts I battle with. I finished the research article. Not the A I would have gotten if I had worked like everyone else, but for me just finishing it was more than enough, but the grace of God was so much that even though I had caused my supervisor so much "grief " he said he is always available to work with me again.
I now have one last subject to finish and am doing my Education degree currently. The sense of quitting still comes up but I push through because I know that it's only by His grace that I can make it and walking around giving up, being scared, quitting when things get too much and having that terrible sense of condemnation is not something I ever want to get used to. And when I do trust God despite my mistakes and the huge obstacles I have seen God come through in Huge ways I know many Christians would say if you mess up you deserve it, and yes in a sense I deserve it. But through this hectic study life I have learnt to know that my God is for me, and he knows me and my weaknesses and how to intervene so at the end of the day my life does bring glory to Him. I have seen lecturers and bosses, and people wanting to help me succeed despite the fact that I am not their "star" student, employee... And what I see in all of this is even if I give up, is that He has not given up on me, and no matter what people say, and no matter how hard it is, as long as my eyes are still opening everymorning, God has not given up, so neither will I... The only giving up I will do is the one above. Surrendering it all to Him :)
lol@nick the geek
ReplyDeleteThis feels funny to say, but I gave up "daily quiet time with God" my sophomore year of college, and it was quite freeing. My sophomore year of college was when I really went through my first refining time of faith (that you mentioned in today's post about God and the college years) after leaving home. I realized how much my faith was legalistic, and I didn't want to be ruled by that anymore. I realized that if I was just having quiet time to look spiritual, then it was empty. I wanted to genuinely want to spend time with God. So, I gave it up. It led to something deeper and more real in my relationship with Him than I had known before. It actually continues to go through refining. I suppose we hopefully always will, right?
ReplyDeleteWith 4 years of college wrapping up and graduation fast approaching I was applying to jobs everywhere. And by everywhere I mean all across the US... asking God to send me. Nothing. No follow up calls, no interviews, not even any rejection emails.
ReplyDeleteI gave up searching and was finally at peace about the whole situation. Little did I know that after I graduated God would send me overseas on 2 missions trips that summer. Spain and the Dominican Republic. Not only did I have the best summer of my life but God provided the job when I returned and began looking again that fall.
I gave up long before I hit rock bottom and came back to God. I don't have a specific story for your contest (other than the dozens of times as a mother, I give up every month and let God's strength carry me), but I do want to thank you for posting that line. Maybe that is an answer to a prayer in and of itself. Thank you John.
ReplyDeleteKevin lived on my hall in seminary and I think we played PS2 together one time.
ReplyDeleteHow's that?
After the deadline, but I'll share anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhen to give up is something that has always been a struggle for me. Of course, God is sovereign and can do whatever he wants. But we can't just sit on our butts and wait for Him to work. Sure, praying for a good grade might work, but praying will probably not overcome not studying or doing any homework all semester.
I graduated one year ago with a graduate degree. I have been searching for a job ever since. I have been forced to move back in with my parents and take a job at a warehouse. I still send resumes and cover letters, but I have only had two interviews, and they didn't pan out. Every day I debate with myself - is this the day to give up and accept that I won't use my degree? Or maybe I should be fighting harder to get a job? Or maybe I should be looking in a different direction entirely? Needless to say, I am very confused, and wonder every day what it is God wants me to do. What should I be giving up?
i often tell people i only like my own kids. God thought that was funny.
ReplyDeleteSomehow I got roped into designing a logo for a preschool bible curriculum... then the leader quit... and i found myself writing most of the curriculum, and then ultimately leading my own class of 3-4 yr.olds... ha. i gave up. God clearly wanted me to deal and love other kids that weren't mine. then... He had me work for children's ministry at a megachurch. the beat goes on... i still work there writing a sitcom for kids http://www.prestonwood.org/biblefellowship/children/wrights_direction.php
The giving up and giving in paid off because kids hear God's truth every weekend... in spite of me and my "i don't do other people's kids" mentality...
wv: trobeal
tr-ied to do it myself
ob-oh brother
eal-get real with an actual "r"