If I had a dollar for every time a pastor told me from the pulpit how hott his wife is I would finally be able to finance that Christian version of Lady Gaga's hit song "Just dance" I've been planning. It's called "Just pray" and the chorus is:
“Just pray. Gonna be okay.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just pray. Spin that Bible babe.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just pray. Gonna be okay.
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Pray. Pray. Pray. Just pray.”
Thing practically writes itself but TobyMac is refusing to attach himself to the project. I digress.
I'm not sure where this whole “let's talk about how hott my wife is” thing started. I looked in the Bible and unless the Message version contains it, I don’t think “hott” is in there. I also looked for the other phrases that I've heard pastors say about their wives:
1. I married up.
2. I out kicked my coverage.
3. I married way over my head.
4. I tricked someone smarter and more attractive than me into marrying me by using the pheromones they sell in the back of Men's Health magazine. They really work!
OK, technically I haven’t heard that last one but it's only a slight exaggeration. Why are we doing this? I say “we” because I do it all the time too and I don't think it's a bad thing at all. In several posts on Stuff Christians Like I've mentioned the awesomeness of my wife. In a Serious Wednesday post I took a sharp right turn from a melodramatic moment about getting rejected from UNC by mentioning that I met my gorgeous wife at Samford University as a result. And I'm currently trying to convince my wife to let me write this as the dedication to the Stuff Christians Like book, "For Jenny, my hott with two t's wife."
I don't think it's going to happen. My wife is too humble for that. She's too selfless and kind to want to shine like that. Wow I married up.
See how easy it happens? I wish we were all getting dollars for that. Safe for the family radio stations would be bumping "Just pray" and we'd all be able to buy enough Cadbury crème eggs to make it through the entire year. What, that's not your personal definition of "rich?" Enough Cadbury crème eggs to make it from Easter to Easter? You and I are different, my friend. You and I are very different.
Has a pastor ever told you how hott his wife is?
yes. All. The. Time. I think it's because they're trying the self deprocating (sp?) humor that only a select few of us can actually pull off...
ReplyDeleteWv: oretroun-the one precious metal found in all fishing lures.
1st comment! Yay!
Oh, & p.s. I'm dating WAY over my head with the most amazing, selfless, solid woman of God. Ever.
ReplyDelete:-D
That's for you Rachel!
I think maybe at its best it's:
ReplyDelete1) To counteract culture's tendency to complain about your spouse;
AND
2) To remind people that they are HAPPILY married-so-don't-get-any-ideas.
Yea... Judah Smith says it all the time...
ReplyDeleteI heard him explain once... He said that marriage is often seen to the world as bondage and something that holds you back or stops you from having fun.. and he is trying to show young ppl that marriage can fun and is a gift from God...
In saying that.. I hope I marry up :P
Haven't heard the "hott" thing from our pastor, although he compliments his wife frequently and talks about how great their marriage is. But last Sunday was "sex" Sunday, and he did totally talk about masterbation, which *could* be construed as talking about how "hott" HE is to himself. Does that count?
ReplyDeletei could think of worse ways you could talk about your wife...my wife is pretty amazing,,,and yes, she is hot.
ReplyDeleteGiven there is already a christian parody of Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl" i am quite surprised there isn't one of Just Dance recorded yet.
ReplyDeleteOh, I loooooooove Cadbury Creme eggs. One summer, I worked near a convenience store that had hoarded a couple of boxes and sold them from the counter. Good times.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I don't hear the "hott" thing so much as I hear the "it's really my wife who's in charge, I'm just a silly old pastor" thing. Which is fine by me.
Given that my minister/pastor/vicar is female, I think our congregation would probably make the tabloids if she started telling us about her hott wife.
ReplyDeleteYes, I've even heard them go so far as to say stuff like, "Yep...I'm going home to have hot wife sex." Anything taboo, anything controversial, anything scandalous that can in some way be biblically condoned---that's what sells in much of so-called evangelicalism these days. I'm not sure where the line is to be drawn exactly, but there's definitely a huge difference between doing something that's biblically "okay" and telling everyone about it.
ReplyDeleteyes, the youth/student pastor at my church talks about his hott fiance ALL THE TIME. Her name has officially changed from Val to "The Beautiful Val".
ReplyDeleteThere are things in these comments that may scar me for life (oh where is my happy place??)
ReplyDeletewv: stile= when you try hard but just miss the 'style' mark. Kind of like the bronze medal in the olympics. Everyone knows they don't belong on that stand with the gold and silver.
In fact, it's a bit like the UKs finish in Eurovision this year. 5th. What is that? Yet you'd think we'd won it! Ah well.
Let's face it, most pastors are not socially elite, but they end up paired with these great women that handle all the relationships and social planning. To us that is a huge upgrade to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, even if we are frigintastic with the social calendar and our wife is the hard core geek we still stand in awe of them as they balance the checkbook while tending to 2.5 kids. For that matter, it really doesn't matter what she excels at we just can't get past the ease of how she juggles that passion with our kids.
This means that we must give her credit.
Of course I like to talk about my wife's hottness in front of the youth to gross them out. By now I'm almost parental to a great many of them so I say something about that time she was wearing that outfit and I was like "holy wow how did I end up with someone so freakin hott?" Yeah its great.
At least the term "phat" is gone completely. If I ever again have to hear a youth pastor tell people how "phat" his wife is, I'd have to pull a Joaquin Phoenix and change my hair and face and get ridiculous glasses. Oh, and start a rap career. Definitely that.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling for the singles. Two posts in a row alluding to the wonders of married sex... You definitely need to follow this up with a single-friendly post or there could be trouble!
ReplyDeleteSally (married)
There's something about a man bragging on his wife that gives me the warm fuzzies. I think it's great and I really love it when minister-types do it.
ReplyDeleteOh and Pam D - Ewwww.
My word verification is gyndiva. I'm not making that up. And no, I'm not going there.
A pastor came to talk to my 8th grade health class about abstinience until after marriage and his whole monologue was like this:
ReplyDelete"Yeah, so when I got married, my hott wife and I were both virgins. It was AWESOME!! Then, when we finally got to do it, it was like, WHOA! I got to have hott sex with my hott wife and it was hott. Hott. My wife is hott. Here's a picture of my wife. She's hott. Don't you guys think she's hott? Whoa, tiger...don't go getting any ideas about my hott wife. She's my hott wife.
Then he did some sort of STD presentation involving Starburst, then he showed us a picture of his hott wife.
She's hott.
I must admit it, I've done it many times, as often as possible.
ReplyDeleteIt's not about the shock factor or anythink like that. It's not about the audience at all. It's all for my wife.
Well truthfully, it's about the points system. You know, that system of points women have for their men.
You gain points for saying how hott she is, for vacuuming the house without being asked three times, for making the bed, for cleaning the bathroom, for hugging your mother-in-law (even if it's not mother's day).
Then you lose points for things like smiling at the cute waitress, wearing black socks with shorts, whistling, watching old westerns.
You're never sure how many points you have or how many you have lost, but it never hurts to add some by saying how hott your wife is in a public forum.
My pastor (aka Father-in-Law) isn't cool enough to use the term "hott". He says "beauttiful" (two t's). How lame is that?
ReplyDeleteWV: codwease - a fish cough
When one pastor paraded all his wife's attributes to his congregation I had distinctly felt that he was doing foreplay. With some pastors I have felt that they had to make that announcement to keep themselves accountable. With others that he trying to elevate himself, "Please all you beautiful women in the church stop hitting on me. I know I'm great but I'm a happily married man and I have an amazing wife." When someone tries to convince me all the time that he has a beautiful, amazing, hott wife and tries to influence my opinion of his wife, I think he is trying too hard. I'd also like to know how the pastor's wife feels about this!! As a retired pastor's wife, I would not feel comfortable when I'm praised in public, but in private life is a different story.
ReplyDeleteI much prefer a pastor who demonstrates his appreciation of his wife in quiet rather than proud and boastful ways.
A pastor who is the opposite, "Not only is she the president of _________, but she is also the president of our family," is just embarrassing to himself and his wife. His self-effacing attitude is not humility.
We knew a pastor who used to refer to his wife as "my smokin' hott wife, Kate" every time he talked about her or introduced her. I think he wanted everyone to know to whom she was yoked because she was really youthful and attractive.
ReplyDeleteI prefer the Cadbury mini-eggs. Me thinks I prefer them a little too much. :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow! My husband totally labels me "the oddest person in the world" for my yearly stashing of cadbury eggs. I get what I can and divide evenly throughout the year! (yes, I'm an engineer. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat is fun also is hearing Sunday school teachers use this self depreciating technique as we study Song of Songs. The mind goes to places we don't normally visit during church!
Maybe they say it so much because they're trying to convince themselves it's true. Unless, of course, they are married to me. In which case it would just be restating the obvious.
ReplyDelete(I jest, I jest.)
Sally -
ReplyDeleteGreat point, but fear not, I just wrote a massive post about being single in the church. I realized I hadn't really written much about that topic and I actually researched this one. Talked with single friends, read loads of single ideas and put together something big. That's coming in a few weeks.
Jon
WV: enots
What people who met online tie when they get married.
"I love him. I met him on eharmony and I think I'm ready to tie the enot."
As flattering as such comments may be to the wife, and as sweet and charming as they may (or may not) seem to the audience, I always wonder if this kind of stuff reinforces the idea that looks are the most important thing about a woman.
ReplyDeleteLike, does it ever make the wife worry that her husband is only with her because she's hott? That he might love her less if she were less attractive?
And does it tell the women in the church that, while godliness and humility are great and all, what you really need in order to be desirable (and a good wife) is to be hott?
Or am I just being unnecessarily paranoid? Any thoughts?
I may have mentioned before, I'm Catholic. My pastor doesn't have a wife, ever, so I NEVER have to hear my pastor say that. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah....
ReplyDeleteWell, having met your wife I will have to agree that you totally married up and that she is definitely hott with two t's.
ReplyDeleteCadbury creme eggs? Vile disgusting mounds of putricity. What IS that crap in the middle? Nevermind - I don't want to know...
This has nothing to do with the "hott wife" thing but I have been trying to figure out what the whole (as in not just some but all of it, apparently) "wv" thing is and it just dawned on me! (thanks to Leslie Young).
ReplyDeletewv: getsega - what we kids in the '90s did as an upgrade from Nintendo. Sonic the Hedgehog baby! (now that's 'hott'). Then came Playstation and it got all out of control from there.
I probably failed miserably at the wv, and I'm deeply ashamed that I did not catch on to this sooner. I'm also too proud to submit this as anything else but anonymous.
I'm not allowed to call my wife hot from the stage. I already got a talking to about mentioning it in my blog post about her the other day, in which I called her beautiful and mentioned that I married way up. And both are true.
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest, I do not like when a pastor tells you how hot his wife is from stage, especially when you've met her and your immediate reaction is, "No she's not!" I've never said it out loud, but I've thought it a lot. Unless you can verify your wife has got the goods with an unbiased outside source, it's probably really unfair to call her that from stage, because most of the audience will be thinking the same thing as me. You think you're complimenting your wife, but all your doing is setting her up for insults. Husbands/boyfriends telling their ladies that she's nowhere near as pretty as her, and mean girls talking amongst themselves about how bad her makeup and how big her hips are.
hey - your round rock texas friends from orange here. at our church the phrase is actually "smokin' hot wife" and it's a contest between the pastors and the elders to see who can say it the most and at the most inappropriate times - you know like introducing communion and stuff :)
ReplyDeletemaybe I can shed some light. Us hott girls marry down so we can hear for the rest of our lives how hott we are by our husbands. The pre-nup does not require him to mention it because, face it, all ya gotta do is take a look at us, but it is nice to hear over and OVER again. Had I married equal hottness, I would have to work hard to keep up my game. 15 extra pounds and lots of stretch marks would have done me in under a more equal marriage. Now I just look like I am sweet enough to move closer to his level. You are welcome.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time I heard a pastor call his wife hott. It was April 2003. I was ending my freshman year of college and this campus minister was just beginning his message. The meeting was such that there were a lot of different ministries present, so a lot of us (myself included) had no idea who this guy speaking was. So he was introducing himself and then pointed out his wife, making the observation that she was "really hott."
ReplyDeleteI thought the whole thing was kind of awkward at the time, mostly because I'd not heard that sort of thing in Christian circles before. But since then I've heard all sorts of different pastors use a variation of that line. The shock value is gone, and now you just hear the polite chuckle and the close friends who hoot to further embarrass the wife in question.
I agree, it's not at all a bad thing. I'm glad to hear that you, Mr Preacher Man, are attracted to your wife. And though she might be embarrassed by the attention, I'm sure Wife is glad to hear it too.
I was at the Catalyst One Day conference in Dallas on Monday, and both Andy Stanley and Craig Groeschel talked about their hott wives! And pretty sure they used all three of your "descriptives" to say it!
ReplyDeleteI think it's sweet actually. And this is coming from a woman who recently asked my husband what my best feature was and he replied, "your personality."
ReplyDeleteI was wanting to hear, "You're hott, with 2 t's!"
I say they should keep it up.
And I've seen a pic of your wife and you should be bragging! She's all that and a Cadbury egg!
Simple answer...
ReplyDeleteMark Driscoll. He was/is very much in the habit of commenting on his wife from teh pulpit. At one point he used the line from Talladega Nights "Dear Lord baby Jesus, thank you for my red-hot smokin' wife..." and it took off from there.
I like that you put the accent on the e in CREME. Nice work :) Yes, I caught that. lol
ReplyDeleteCarmin
www.littleladybigapple.com
My campus pastor has said this before about his wife, with a variation.
ReplyDeleteApparently, some pastors at a conference met him before they met his wife. After meeting her, one of them pulled him aside and reminded him, in "brotherly love," how much out of his league he had married.
Campus pastor and wife are pretty cool people though and he doesn't brag often enough for it to get annoying.
Do you think it's more annoying when compliments appear to be untrue?
Also, I think that generally, I'm far more comfortable listening to pastors brag about their spouses selflessness or willingness to wash dishes, stay up late for meetings, give up weekends, etc. etc.. Do you think it ever feels like pastors are giving other people permission to look at their wives?
Hm. I hadn't thought about it that way until I started typing.
I am in seminary. Pastors and ministers brag all the time about how hott their wives are while us singles keep quiet.
ReplyDeleteI always hear pastors say that they their spouse is the most Godly person they know. Then I started to wonder: what if two pastors that have said this met each others wives, could they still say they are married to the most Godly woman they know?
ReplyDeleteIt makes my heart smile to hear a man say something nice about his wife. It would be great if more men would follow the example.
ReplyDeleteI sleep with my pastor.
ReplyDeleteya know, 'cause he's my husband.
And I enjoy saying that because it's funny. And reminds people that we are a normal married couple.
And he says I'm hot (just one t because I hate hyperbole) and pretty and smart in front of other people for a lot of reasons. But I think, though we've never talked about it, that he says it sometimes to let other women know that he's happy...that he only has eyes for me. And to let other men know that it's good to be happy with your own wife. That she is supposed to be your definition of beautiful.
I'm his definition of pretty and he compares everything else to me. I'm the standard. I love that about him.
Is the "hott wife" trend:
ReplyDeleteA.) Overcompensation for lack of masculinity in the church?
B.) Veiled attempts to receive reciprocity from said wives?
C.) Perpetuating the societal trend of the half-witted, bumbling male?
D.) Reinforcing the number one quality in a wife is outer beauty?
or am I reading too much into this quality piece of humorous sarcasm? There's always a little truth in sarcasm though, right?
I've been a pastor for a few months now, and I don't think I've ever said how hot my wife is from the pulpit. But as many have said before about their own wives, mine really is hot. I don't think I would ever say it from the pulpit, but I would say that I really do love her and that marriage is a blessing - while difficult at times.
ReplyDeleteMy pastor (who's a woman) doesn't talk about how her husband is hot(t)... but she does talk about all the ways he's supported her and selflessly sacrificed for her over the years. I think I like that better than "Oh, he's soooo handssome."
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in seminary, my professor told me to talk about how attractive and awesome my wife is often, for the very reason many think... to say "I am happily married, just keep on walking. Everything is good here."
ReplyDeleteI also recently heard a minister call his wife a donut: "HOT and HOLY, Krispy Kreme around my house all the time, Hello the light is ON!"
Hear it all the time. I think it's wonderful. Lot's of people above have said things I've agreed with. And I think it probably goes a loooong way to make up for the fact a lot of the wives are basically single moms every weekend!
ReplyDeleteNever been to your blog before, but have to say, if this is a taste of things past and future, rock on. You made me smile. As you would say, I'm a teen & college pastor with three tractor-trailer fulls of Cadbury Eggs. ch:
ReplyDeleteYes, too many times to count, and it is kind of weird even though I totally approve of saying nice things about your wife (I am a wife myself). For some reason it can come off as a little... I don't know... obsessive? But it's still better than the pastor I once had who only made fun of his wife from the pulpit.
ReplyDeleteI don't go to that church anymore.
My dad is a pastor. He and my mom came to speak in chapel for a couple days at my Christian college my senior year...they were speaking about life in pastoral ministry and overcoming challenges...my dad introduced my mom as "one of the last of the red hott mama's." I thought it was cute, but most people just thought it was funny. I imagine if it weren't my parents, I would've wondered about it more.
ReplyDeleteBoth Kirk Cameron and Charles Billingsly did this at the Women of Joy Conference! It was sweet, really, and Kirk's wife is very beautiful (I don't know about Charles').
ReplyDeleteMy pastor has never said his wife was hot(t) (cause she's not, bless her heart) but has said nice things about supporting him and being his rock during tough times, etcetera etcetera. Which is sweet, in a I-just-ate-the-same-Hershey-bar-twice kinda way.
Pop culture conundrum...is there a distinction between "hott" and "hawt?" Thanks to this post, it's now bugging me. :)
ReplyDeleteI love you you can add "bless her heart" to anything and it makes it okay... it must be a Southern thing, right? Recently I wanted to tell a friend she was being foolish and blah blah blah and the southern pastor said "oh just says... you're being an idiot, bless your heart" hahah (he was joking). anyways, comment above me made me think of that.
ReplyDeletealso, you should send your lyrics of just pray to the guy who did "baby got book"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4&feature=related
Maybe the "hott" trend is just the pastors' attempt at shop talk. As pastors they're not allowed to really talk about how hott Danica Kirkpatrick is...think of the rumors that would swell, and how quick Mr. Pastor would be in the unemployment line. So in an attempt to be a normal Joe (not Joe the plummer...don't know if he's normal), they throw in the "hott wife" comments. Because you know there's a "hott" quota that needs to be met...so they use the only subject matter that they have...their wives.
ReplyDeleteThis leads me to my WV: quhotta [kwah-tah]. The share or proportional part of a total that is required of men to describe hottness in terms of women.
Side effects of meeting your quhotta: objectification of women, sounding like an idiot, loneliness
So I am married to a pastor who used to do this all the time. I asked him to stop bc I felt like it WAS telling everyone else that the main reason he married me was bc he thought I was hot (which, btw, I DID like, but have progressed, over the mounting years, to the point personally that I realize whether or not it was true at one point IT AIN'T ALWAYS gonna be true, so hotness is not as greatly appreciated.) And if hotness is all I got to him we will soon enough be in trouble.
ReplyDeleteAnd i just started reading other comments. Totally agree with the Driscoll thing, he always talks about his smokin hot grace. but he also talks about how she is his standard of beauty, and I love that. I totally agree, my husband is now my standard of beauty and he's Hott. And he always tells me how hott I am! haha
ReplyDeleteAnd our pastor is older and more conservative, so he doesn't say that his wife is hot. oh well.
once our pastor said my wife's singing was "hot"
ReplyDeleteI had to explain to him what that could also mean. He just wanted to say good!
i haven't heard him say she is "hott", but my pastor definitely likes to talk about the fact that his wife was/is a strong Christian and a pk growing up while he was a hell-raiser. i guess that falls under the category "married up".
ReplyDeletePs- i would love to buy enough Cadbury eggs for a year. i went after Easter to buy out the leftovers but all that was left was the orange creme ones. Who likes those anyway?
I am on staff at a church and my wife is hott as well. The thing is, which pastor is going to actually say, "My wife is a mule." I mean come on. On the Pastor's scale every wife is hott...even if they're not. Fun topic. Thanks.
ReplyDeletePS: You forgot "over my skis."
I am a pastor and I have indeed called the congregation to marvel at the hotness of my wife.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair I have also talked about how hot I am, although this was self deprecating humor, so I am not sure how they took me hitting on my wife from the stage.
Like Bob, I'm Catholic, and NEVER have to hear my pastor say that...nyah nyah...
ReplyDeleteI have never heard my rabbi talk about his wife. Which is weird. She's actually a very lovely woman, and she's way cooler than he is. (Okay, mostly that means she's cool with most forms of secular dancing and he's not. I'm a dancer, so I get annoyed about it.)
ReplyDeleteWe like it. Just keep doing it. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think they do it because stereotypical pastors wives are, well, 'cold' and boring. Let's dispel that myth, right?
ReplyDeleteSpin the Bible babe?!
ReplyDeleteJon, I wish I could quit you.
How awkward is it when a pastor talks about hott his wife is when she really isn't.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather is a pastor. What he usually does (when he is surrounded by his wife, daughters, and granddaughters) will always say, "Look at this. I'm surrounded by a bevy of beauties. I am such a lucky man." Then he'll start to sing, "A pretty girllll is like a melodyyy..." He's such a sweet man.
ReplyDeleteThe Cadbury creme eggs - indeed, my idea of richness! :)
ReplyDeleteI think that complimenting your spouse publicly is so great. It's beautiful when it's sincere.
ReplyDeleteBut comments thrown in about looks (especially using hip-hop jargon) seem to subliminally reinforce that good looks are super awesome, good character is not so worth bragging about.
WV: sesse (read it fast and whispery! heh heh): my sesse husband is WAY over my head
Pastors are to speak truth...and the truth is that my wife is hott!
ReplyDeleteAnd remember the status updates on facebook...
ReplyDelete:)
Hehe, one time one of the pastors said he had a life long crush on the leader of one of the kids ministries (this leader happened to be his wife).
ReplyDeleteI kind of like it when pastors say nice things about thier wives from the pulpit. Maybe when I'm a pastor, I'll drop a hint about how awesome my husband is, lol.
Yeah he's said it before.
ReplyDeleteYeah, my pastor mentions that all the time.
ReplyDeletei have no problem with it really. it's good that there is the desire to give a public compliment for one's wife right? of course, my perspective is of one who is going to bible college to be a worship pastor and has an incredible girlfriend. you're right, it happens.
ReplyDeleteHi! Long time reader first time commenter here.
ReplyDeleteI just heard a sermon recently where the pastor talked about how he married way out of his league. You'd probably enjoy the messages, if you like to listen to other pastors. He's true to the bible and he's hilarious.
www.thevillagechurch.net
Why do Christians care so much about appearances, especially the appearance of women?
ReplyDeleteI used to go to a mainly college-age church for a while, and ALL the pastor's wives were SUPER, super hott. Almost to a degree of creepy. How did these guys get SUCH hott wives? They didn't even have to say their wives were hott, because we all knew it. All us girls could only dream to look that good. Especially after 3 small kids...
ReplyDeleteI have a pastor friend (past life) who said that kind of stuff from the pulpit all the time. I think he did it to win brownie points with his wife and b/c his wife was a bit insecure.
ReplyDeleteMy hubs was on staff at a church for 10 years, and all that time he never mentioned my name from the mic, let alone called me "hott." And AMEN AND THANK YOU JESUS for that, because a) I would have quickly recognized it as insincere, b) I cannot stand that kind of attention and c) he knew he would have met with My Wrath had he done so.
Now where's my Honorary Man Card.
Oh, my. Color me convicted and embarrassed. My pastor husband one month ago linked to my facebook picture and captioned it "my hot wife."
ReplyDeleteAt least he didn't spell it hott.
And our teenagers were appropriately teenage girl offended that he would do such a thing.
I'm not a pastor's wife (or a wife at all) but I would get pretty nervous if someone kept mentioning how hot I was in public. I would much rather be someone's rock, the one they depend on, the one who sees them through hard times. Being "hot" means you always have to live up to something (and frankly, with me, it's just a lie. Pretty? Sure. Hot? Not by anyone's definition.)
ReplyDeleteHow can you tell how many "t's" the Pastor is using?
ReplyDeleteI mean maybe he is just refering to his wife as being post-menopausal...
Holy over-analysis, Batman! Over-compensating? Insecure? Warning everyone else to stay away? I doubt any of them have put that much thought into it. LOL
ReplyDeleteIn my family, I'm a pastor, and my husband isn't.
I did have a drunk (?) guy visiting at church a few weeks ago, who expressed to me his opinions on my looks.
(sigh)
So I backed away, and sent my husband over to make friends instead.
@ manofconstantsorrow - ssssppppppeeeewwwww thanks a lot for the new laptop!
ReplyDeleteYou totally have to write a "safe for the family radio station" post (if you haven't already).
ReplyDeleteWhen pastors say their wife is hot I automatically think how hot their wife actually is not, and that they are probably trying to convince themselves. It seems like an overcompensation thing, which probably comes from a good place, but an unquestioned place, and is thusly creepy.
ReplyDeletei have heard it countless times, often from youth pastors, and i HATE it. truthfully, i think it is a sign of insecurity on the pastor. they feel that having a hot(t) wife gives them some kind of credibility-both in the eyes of god and of their congregations.
ReplyDeleteAs a feminist, I find it exceptionally demeaning. Especially as these are often the same pastors who will put their wife in a role beneath them. and really, if they can't be equal to them, maybe the only other option is hot.
grrr. it really does upset me, on many levels.
two things:
ReplyDeletea - cadbury eggs.. gross... really? with this?
b - anyone that calls their spouse hott in public is looking for something later. clearly. this is obvious to all of us. so... please, stop, and just text her that you think she is hott and you cant wait to see her later.
c - how hard is it to get a "hott" wife when you are in the minority as a "godly man" esp one focused on ministry... look at say, samford university, where jon went to school (and so did i) the ratio of girls to guys does not make it a miraculous feat that you happened to end up with someone beautiful... i'm just saying. it's a small sub-culture... the attractive christian male... so it's not that shocking that you were able to have your pick.
wow. does that sound sassy? isn't meant to, at all, really just stating the facts of the state of being. assuming our college was a fair representative of other colleges with inordinate amounts of ministry minded men...
I agree with @quantum-meruit . It encourages people to think that in order to be desirable or lovable, you have to be physically beautiful or at least reasonably good-looking. It's wrong and demeaning. It undermines the self-esteem of those who are not so "hott". It shouldn't matter what people look like. Why don't you praise your wife's other attributes, like her intelligence. Instead of "hott", how about "smartt"?!
ReplyDeleteSo, Sally @ 4:58's comment and your follow up got me thinking. Have you thought about an SCL matching/dating service? I am not really a fan of online dating services; although I say that never having tried one, but I think I may be more open to one knowing that I could meet one of your other readers. It is obvious that people who read and enjoy SCL are way more fun and interesting than just your average Christian. And while loving Jesus is number one on my "Things I Look for in Husband" list, being fun and interesting and enjoying great blogs is definitely in the top three. And even though I don’t have an iPhone, I think that an SCL Match app would be a good idea to consider.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I vividly remember a youth retreat I went on in jr. high or early high school where the guest youth pastor was incredibly handsome. As in he could have been a model or a leading man in the movies, etc. He was so good looking that I bet it impacted his ability to effectively minister, especially to teen girls.
ReplyDeleteWell anywho, he came out and introduced himself and all the girls were kind of sitting there in shock with their jaws dropped open like, "is this real??" "he's going to be here the whole weekend?" "I wonder what cabin he's staying in" etc. And after the normal introductions he said "and my beautiful, gorgeous wife is here with me and we're expecting our first child in a few months." Well, let's just say she was a pretty lady but she was no angelina to this brad pitt in front of us and on top of that she was about 5-6 months pregnant. Teenagers especially don't understand what a woman goes through in pregnancy. I just wish he hadn't built her up because she was so average next to him and teenage girls are unforgiving. All weekend everyone kept talking about how she wasn't pretty enough for him.
wv: swonfl - a flu originating from swans instead of pigs
My husband is the pastor at our church and had not really done this until a Sunday when I happened to be away. I came home to an inbox full of emails about what an amazing man I married. Many of the wives in our church attend solo and feel in general unappreciated by their husbands, and they were bowled over by what apparently was a sermon long tribute to the patient, smart, ministry driven and gorgeous woman he had somehow convinced to marry him. I was flattered and flustered and I didn't even go online to watch the message.I do have to say that on the day we met, I had just had a full salon experience and he had crawled out of a van after a 24 hour drive to college, so he is justified in thinking that I was out of his league when we met. But once he changed and shaved he was cute, and he has just gotten better looking every year! I have pulled the whole "I'm sleeping with the pastor" (and so has he- that's still good for a little shock value) before too, but I stopped when I realized how few couples in our church were still having sex. Wow, we really are pretty lucky - I guess you can't blame us for bragging a little!
ReplyDeleteI have also attended a church where the pastor tried to be funny and make (mild) jokes at his wife's expense. Even when they weren't too harsh, it didn't sit well with me. I don't think kindness and sincerity are ever out of line.
ReplyDeleteI work with the youth at my church, and yes, I noticed this trend long ago. I think it's in the Youth Camp 101 manual that they give camp pastors.
ReplyDelete"Rule #45: In order to encourage abstinence and waiting until marriage to have sex, you must talk about how amazingly hott your wife is. It will make all the little teenage girls swoon as they think enviously about how they want a boy to say that about them, and it will hopefully make the boys think hard about how they treat girls."
Just had this convo, except with a slight lime twist. Isn't it funny that if you tell a guy that he married way up, he gets that goofy smile on his face because he's finally made it. His dream has come true.
ReplyDeleteBut...
If you said that same thing to the WIFE.."Wow Nancy you really married up. How did you trick Frank into marrying you?" She would run off crying with a box of Hostess cupcakes the moment you walked away.
yes, I agree with they want to make marriage look "awesome" They would be better off being real about relationships, anyway our pastor's wife told us about them having it off on the deck of a boat on holidays, geez even my unsaved friends wouldn't tell me about something so personal.
ReplyDeleteDon't know why some pastors do this
I once went to a service where the pastor was talking about giving our search for a mate to God. His thesis:
ReplyDeleteGod knows you.
God knows what you want.
God loves you.
God will HOOK you UP!
And then he proceeded to talk about how worried he was about giving his "search" to God. But he did it, and believe it or not, he went on to say that his wife is hott.
wv: smulph - A smurf with a stuffy nose.
So...I'm a downer, but my pastor is unmarried so he doesn't talk about his hot wife, and honestly I hope he doesn't make a practice of it when he is married. My pastor preached on the characteristics of a godly woman (from 1 Tim. 2) and cross referenced to the first few verses of 1 Peter 3. He suggested that men compliment the women in their lives (wives, daughters, sisters, friends) for their inner beauty which is imperishable. That's the type of compliment I value. Hot is low on the priority list for me.
ReplyDeleteI figure words of affirmation aren't just good to hear for the sake of one's ego, but I'm fairly certain that it's biblically mandated to encourage our spouses/significant others. Sometimes that means self deprecation, but so be it.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's just me, but I associate "hot(t)ness" primarily with sex. So when you say your wife is "hott", it seems that you're bragging how sexy your wife is or that she's hot in bed. That's all great and I'm happy for you, but it may cause others to stumble with lust (and/or envy). You might want to substitute "beautiful" for "hott".
ReplyDeleteWe should never underestimate the power of an encouraging word. A husband should always be lifting up and encouraging his wife (and vice versa). Some of these praises should be made in public, while other praises are better left between husband and wife.
Man, and on that album, we could also remake the song Poker Face! It'll go like this: Muh My Savior M-M-M Savior.
ReplyDeleteAnd then as soon as you know it, we'll have a full album of dance tracks and we'll have to have our own Christian version of So You Think You Can Dance! Don't you just see it now?
I have a friend on Facebook who is a pastor and is always posting comments about things he's doing with his "hottie wife". It's like he's trying too hard, to be honest. Why can't she just be his wife?
ReplyDeleteyes mine does... and its worse for me... they are my inlaws... now dont get me wrong. I love my in-laws, but comeon, no one wants to hear about it. LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm a pastor, I married up and my wife is gorgeous, but even better, she's an awesome mother to our 5 kids, is gifted in ministry and leadership and fantastic to work alongside, and would totally leg drop me if I dared refer to her as anything like hott from the pulpit.
ReplyDeleteBut that's not really why I'm here. I feel 'led by the Spirit' (If the G-Card is the right bower in a game of 500 - something else Christians like - then that's like the Joker) to question whether or not you really are saved. Didn't you know that Christians, if they are going to acknowledge the pagan festival of Easter at all, must only eat hollow chocolate eggs, because they represent the empty tomb. Any creme filled egg, Cadbury or otherwise is an abomination unto the Lord. Remember the height from which you have fallen, repent and do the things you did at first or your lampstand is history!!!!!!!!!!!
In Christian love
or should I say, bless your heart.
Commenting on a old post because this one really gets to me. I think it's kinda rude for men to talk about how "hott" their wives/girlfriends to other women. My husband tells me all the time in private, and makes no secret of how much he adores me without having to pretty much brag about how well he's done. Most pastors I've heard say that have had those perfect, pretty blonde wives and if you're already thinking "So maybe I'm not as pretty as her, but looks aren't that important" they shoot down that idea quick-smart.
ReplyDeleteUgh, count me in with the other posters who dislike this (there may not be too many of us, but we're here!).
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I can't stand when a pastor brags about his "hott" wife. However good the intention might be, I've always been disturbed by how shallow and demeaning it comes across.
Back when I used to go to church, one of the most uncomfortable sermons I sat through was when the pastor called up his wife from the audience, sat her down on a stool next to him in front of the whole congregation, and proceeded to preach about how hott she was, how he married up, how great and godly their marriage was, and the whole time just kept on talking about her as if she wasn't even there. You could tell that she was obviously uncomfortable with this, but the pastor didn't even seem to notice because he was too focused on delivering his message. It was...upsetting.
Another thing: at that same church, women aren't allowed to be in positions of higher leadership and men are supposed to be the absolute head of household, which only makes it even more humiliating when men brag about "marrying up". Really? You married someone much more qualified than you but she has to submit to you completely simply because she's female? Oh, you say she went through seminary and knows her Bible better than anyone in the church but her husband teaches the class because he's a man? Okay then...
Really, if you're going to brag about your spouse, how about, "I married someone equal to me so we are both close and yet complete each other", or "This is a person who I can respect and admire". Not, "this woman is physically attractive" or "this woman deserves much better than me".
/hurt ex-fundamentalist feminist rant, sorry.
So, can i just be the one to say that this is objectification of your wife. I mean, sure you probably think your wife is beautiful, you married her. But, not everyone there needs to be thinking about how hot your wife is. You should a) start telling her in private and b) find new adjectives.
ReplyDeleteShe is way more than just hot, she is probably smart, funny, and patient (especially if she's being publicly called hot on a weekly basis). So, dear fellow pastors, I will never talk about how hot my husband is from the pulpit and you shouldn't either. It's about respect.