When I started college, I never officially said to God, "Adios, I'll see you again when I'm in my mid 20s," but I should have, because that's what I did. I essentially took a Jon vacation from God during my college years.
I put Him in a tiny box, labeled that box "Open when you’re married or after you have kids," and put the box under the bed. Then I proceeded to live for me with an embarrassing amount of gusto.
You didn't. Hopefully, upon reading those first few sentences your thought was, "What a loser. College was the period of my life when I grew close to God and learned about what it meant to be in a relationship with Christ." That happens a lot and I honestly think that is awesome.
I didn't have that experience though. My college years were a mess and although I can't change them, I can tell you and my little sister Molly, who heads to the University of North Carolina this fall, why I wish I had not taken the college years off from God.
Here are the four things I'd tell every graduate:
1. God is not trying to ruin your college experience.
Man oh man did I throw God under the fun bus. I thought that if I pursued a relationship with God during college I would miss out on all the "fun college experiences" you're supposed to have. Like drunken spring breaks, casual relationships, coming home with the sunrise parties etc. Wow, was I wrong. I realize now that God placed the deepest, most “light me on fire with fun and hope and life desires” within me and would have loved the opportunity to awaken those during college. He wants college, and every day after that for that matter, to be lived fully alive and is by no means trying to rain on your college parade. Like Missy Elliot, God can't stand the rain, but unlike Missy Elliot He's the one that created the sunrise and I promise that only He can show you the brightest ones in college.
2. Your parents' faith won't sustain you.
Neither will your high school youth minister's or your friend's or your pastor's back home. If you inherited some beliefs from people around you while you were growing up, expect to go through a period of redefining them and personalizing them. For instance, if the only reason you went to church every Sunday was because that's just what your family did, don't expect that habit to carry you through college. You've got an amazing opportunity to understand your faith and your one on one relationship with God during these years, don't miss it.
3. College is not forever.
I didn't realize it at the time, but by completely disregarding my faith and my God during college, I was building a really horrible foundation for my mid 20s. Even now, 11 years after graduating from Samford University, there are things that my wife experienced in college with God that she can lean on. I don't have those same things. And the damage I did to my heart and my mind during college made the first four years of marriage unnecessarily difficult. Sometimes during college you don't like to think about consequences or you get sucked into this idea that college is all there is. But it’s not. Be kind to the 25 year old you and don't gather the baggage I did.
4. Don't have sex.
In addition to all the health risks, the pregnancy risks, the Biblical pleading against premarital sex, let me throw one more reason not to have sex that all the "wisdom for graduates" books seem to be leaving out: College sex is strictly amateur hour. Seriously, the ROI (Return on Investment) is bogus. You'll give a part of you that is special and irreplaceable and beautiful and in return get something that is fumbling and awkward and shallow and selfish. Marriage sex, that has the benefit of a covenant relationship that allows people to be real and honest and adventurous, is better than college sex. I promise. Don't believe me? Ask your parents. And then go throw up. But it's still true.
There is very little chance I will ever be invited to give a high school graduation commencement speech at a Christian school, especially after point 4, but if I did, I would plead with the graduates not to take the college years off from God.
How about you?
What would you tell graduates this year?
I actually came to Christ in my final year at university, and can really relate to your points 3 (I'm actually 25 now) and 4, although not so much the other two because I never had a faith to walk away from in the first place or a parent's faith to rely on.
ReplyDeleteI'd want to (and do) say two things to 18-year-old Christians about to start university, both related to friendship:
- It's important to find and make friends with other Christians. University, particularly halls of residence, can be quite a claustrophobic environment and it's difficult not to get sucked into the prevailing atmosphere if you don't have people around you who can provide some perspective. And, of course, you get to do the same for them.
- Don't do drugs. In addition to the health risks and the Biblical prohibition on drunkenness I'd add the following: in my experience, if you make a habit of doing drugs, you'll end up spending a huge amount of your time in the company of people whom you call your friends but who, in the end, aren't. Then you may one day realise that you're really lonely.
Ditto, ditto, ditto and DITTO....
ReplyDeleteGreat post. You just read my mail.
I would tell graduates (I am a fairly new one although now I am a grad student) pretty much the same thing. For me, I didn't exactly rebel at uni, but despite that, I have definitely realised my weaknesses. Possibly the thing I've learnt of most value has been that I needed to stop thinking "sweet, I've got a strong faith which I'll never give up on" and start realising that a lot of people think the same thing (and make me think the same thing about them) and then everything changes for really silly reasons. I graduated with the understanding that I am a completely weak person and it's lucky that I have such a strong God.
ReplyDeleteFinishing up my first year of college in a few weeks, I can definitely agree with Matt- make some Christian friends! God provided me with four awesome people that I consider to be some of my best friends now and I wouldn't ask for anyone else!
ReplyDeleteTruly, praying for godly friendships is an important aspect that should be prayed about, particularly over the summer and as you begin school...God will provide in all ways.
And totally agreeing with Jon on number one, God isn't out to ruin your fun. I have some of the craziest adventures with my Christian friends and I have never regretted not being out partying and drinking instead.
Amen!
ReplyDeleteAmen!
Amen!
and He@L yes, amen!!!!
I would add - there is nothing you can do to make those cool people like you. They will be friends with you,or not. If you change who you are so they will like you, then everyone ends up faking it, and it will all collapse in the end. Just work hard at being yourself and take what comes, heartache and all.
ReplyDeletetwo things for me :
ReplyDelete1. God never gives up, you can be 'smokin da bong' 'drinkin da bong' and God will never stop trying to speak to you, We give up on him not the other way around
2. FELLOWSHIP (the good F word), i can't underline this so i put it in caps...yer it's what i do! But seriously, As Solomon so brilliantly put it when someone asked his advise on University walks with God "Iron sharpens iron,and one man sharpens another"
its one of the keys in staying afloat. Solidarity is a word i unfortunately i learn t near the end of University, thank the living God i already new the application.
This really strikes a chord.
ReplyDeleteI became a Christian at the start of this my 3rd year at university, and the past few months have been an amazing journey, filled with highs and lows more intense than most I'd ever been through before. I've found the incredible blessing of being accepted as a member of the family of believers at my church, and discovered fellow Christians on my degree programme in whom I find so much support, to mention only a couple of uplifting changes.
But the nihilism of my first 2 years, when loneliness and awkwardness drove me to drink excessively just to become socially acceptable (as I saw it, oblivious to how very far removed from the truth this was), and the terrible damage it did to how I valued life, has been very hard to move on from. In fact, I have often slid back into it, and the state of mind I held then, which in its absence of love for self had no capacity to love others. Very, very often, for days and weeks at a time, I've bemoaned the fact that I am a very bruised reed indeed.
But how great is that realisation that, though I've hurt myself spiritually and physically, it is never so great that Jesus can't heal me, fully. How obscenely proud of me to wallow in despair, as though this wasn't true! These wonderful revelations in the midst of troubles have been so much a part of my walk with Christ, and I hope I only continue to be instructed by such as I progress as a student.
wv: matchu - scale model of Peruvian Incan settlement
The Lord found me during my last year, which happened to be my sixth year in college. As every believer would attest, I wish it had been sooner, but His plan is not my plan. I had already been married to my high school sweetheart for almost three years and we were soon expecting our first when I graduated. And I tell you, I never truly knew what sex was until after becoming a Christian. I would argue [believer's] marriage sex, that has the benefit of a covenant relationship that allows people to be real and honest and adventurous, is better than college sex [and married unbeliever sex]. You may go throw up now. Oh, and Paul you're right, I wasn't cool until I got to college because that is when I stopped caring what everybody else thought and actually started being myself.
ReplyDelete"There is very little chance I will ever be invited to give a high school graduation commencement speech at a Christian school, especially after point 4..."
ReplyDeleteI hope this isn't true. You should absolutely be invited - ESPECIALLY after point 4.
From a parent of post-college kids, all I can say is AMEN. I would have loved to give this post to my kids before they went to college, but they "knew all the answers," and it wouldn't have done much good. In many ways I feel like I failed them, but only because I didn't want them to have to learn lessons painfully. I was weak in my own parenting and faith when I didn't deal with them more sternly (i.e., "cut them off" sooner financially) but enabled their college behavior. Their consequences are their lessons, and as they live with the consequences and have their own children, they will eventually understand. A little late, but they will/have arrive(d) at the foot of the cross regardless.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jon. I continue to pray for their faith go grow deeper.
Great outline. Is there any way that your church would let you share this with the older high schooler/younger college student group? They need to hear it!
ReplyDeleteHey, I was just thinking about college yesterday. Mainly because one of the interns in my area was playing reggae music...and, yeah, I guess that tells you a thing or two about my experiences.
ReplyDeleteSince I can't give concrete advice about seeking out other Christians (who I did my best to avoid, quite frankly), I can agree with Jon and say this is definitely the time to start claiming your faith as your own, not something your parents have bestowed upon you. Don't be afraid to ask questions and be honest with God. Both your faith and God can handle it. Promise.
Hey I'd invite you to come give the commencement speech, or even better talk at the public baccalaureate, especially because of point 4. Of course I'm not responsible for the baccalaureate. I think that we should be but the ministers alliance has never contacted me at all much less to ask my opinions on HS graduation. They have Senior Pastors with no substantial connection to students to handle that.
ReplyDeleteI agree totally. I did a Christian Ministry degree at Uni, and somehow still managed to wander through it on my own.
ReplyDelete"Then go throw up, but it's still true" - priceless
Wow, all true. I saw a lot of friends go on vacation, which turned into 'sabbatical,' and is now an 'early retirement.' They all fell into one of those traps. I eventually got bored living in the Florida retirement condo of spirituality, and had to clean up my act.
ReplyDeleteAs many times as church signs are cheesy I saw one that said, "Sin hides the price tag."
ReplyDeleteI'd add that to #4.
I'd say to stay away from alcohol. I know, I know, I know the bible doesn't say drinking is wrong only getting drunk. But there many verses about being self controlled. Usually those atmospheres where it's present are really weird. And seriously, when do we hear stories of alcohol strengthening relationships?
And finally, make sure to set aside time with God alone. We spend time on making the natural man look like we have it together, but we need to take time to attend to the needs of the spiritual man.
This is a great post, I think I'm going to send it on to graduates I know!
ReplyDeleteI would tell graduates to fine both a church family and a campus ministry to be involved in. Often these go hand-in-hand; a good campus ministry will often feed into a local church. Most college towns have churches that are just itching for students to come join. Here you will find a surrogate family that will nurture you, love on you, pray for you, and feed you, both spiritually and physically. :) Relationships can be built with older Christians that can strengthen your relationship with God and enrich your life beyond what just your peers can do. And a good campus ministry will give you solid friendships, good activities that are fun but won't leave you hungover in the morning, and the accountability you need to keep your faith strong. Not to mention both the church and the campus group will feed you with teaching and Bible study and further growth in your spiritual walk.
Perhaps I should start with a CSCD? Oh well. Took the vacation and enjoyed it, or so I thought. It wasn't until we started having children that I considered going back to church. Even then I was mostly content to know about God rather than actually know God. I was allowing concerns about theology, denominations and congregations to distract my heart from faith. Finally, I got focused on a relationship and how best to nurture that relationship.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Jon. I try to teach my kids that there are a bunch of things that can start so small but have long term effects. Sex, debt, drinking, etc...all start out as small things that (as you can attest)can stay with you a long time.
ReplyDeleteFabulous post!!!
ReplyDeleteI became a Christian my senior year of high school, so I still had plenty of "baby Christian" momentum going into college and didn't have to struggle with the whole "making my faith my own" thing because it already was my own. But I am also so grateful to have had incredible Christian friends in college through Campus Crusade and a Christian a cappella group I sang in. College freshmen should really make that their priority!
Probably the best thing I did for my spiritual life in college though was finding a "discipler" - an older Christian girl who was mature in her faith who mentored me. (Sort of like an accountability partner, but a bit older and wiser than me, rather than just a peer.) Having this kind of close friendship to talk about the difficult issues and hold me accountable really helped me grow, especially the first two years of college.
That's my two cents...
@clarkitect: Can I come live in that beautiful, snow-covered house????
ReplyDeleteToday I'm going to observe an abstinence education curriculum with the hopes of teaching for the organization. What you have written fires the passion in me for that career. Whether it's high school, college, or mid 30s, 40s, etc. we rarely make choices with the future in mind; we're "NOW!!" people, not invest in the future people. Thank you for your candor married with love for young people. You hit the nail on the head. Despite what anyone has done in their past the good news is that God can redeem it. Isn't it funny that you threw God under the fun bus in college and look at your life now. Is SCL not the most God fun ever?!
ReplyDeleteTo all the young people who read this let me give you a woman's perspective if I can. Sex in marriage is...how do I say this?...the best hobby ever! In the world people talk about losing their virginity as if virginity is poop on your shoe - you can't get rid of it fast enough. Hard truth is that once it's gone, it's gone and that causes pain God never intended because He loves you. In marriage, however, you don't lose your virginity on your wedding night; you give it to each other in a sacred way; it's safe, you're safe. That security is worth the wait. Even if you've had sex outside of marriage it's possible to renew your commitment to wait. It won't be easy no matter who you are but listen to a happily married who isn't afraid to say it out loud: Dan and I were virgins on our wedding night. 10 years later sex in marriage is fantastic!! So. Worth. The. Wait.
(Being a sex ed teacher makes talking about this stuff with candor easy for me. Girls, if you want someone to listen contact me stacyasmall@att.net)
Sound advice. Especially after attending "Graduate Sunday" at my mother's strictly southern baptist church this past Sunday. The graduates there were told that alcohol would lead them straight to hell. I'm sure they'll have fun getting there! I am betting that nearly all of them will atleast try alcohol at some point in college.
ReplyDeleteI want to add to #2. Dont expect your parent's faith to sustain you, and don't feel bad when it doesn't! If you start to question what you were taught as a child and in that quest it differs slightly from what your parents believe, don't feel bad about it! Don't hide it either. I turn 25 next week, and I'm finally tired of hiding the fact that I don't agree with everything I was taught growing up.
Kudos!
ReplyDeleteMy youth pastor was super-great because by the time I got to college I didn't need him anymore.
Or maybe that was Jesus... hmm.
Don't fail classes and waste you or your parent's money. I would first of all agree with all you said Jon, especially about learning and changing your beliefs, and/or making them your own. Spend time talking/discussing/debating with other people from other backgrounds, reading books, listening to lectures, doing research, etc... to learn what you believe and honestly pray to God to seek the truth, not just what is comfortable with you and your own preconceptions.
ReplyDeleteBut then don't waste all your time and neglect your studies and waste all that money being spent on your education. I never understood students who just failed class after class due to not trying.
Great post. My daughter is a JR in high school about to be a SR. I sent this to all of her friends (who are my "friends" on FB) plus some moms whose kids are about to go away to college.
ReplyDeleteMy son graduated from Samford in 04. I think I read that your wife graduated from there.
Was I the only one who went partying w/ my 'christian' friends, discussed birth control and had baby showers in the Westley Foundation?
ReplyDeleteIn many ways I was lost before I ever went to college and I really felt the pull of God during that time. Wish I would have had an older mentor and not just FUN peers.
I finally fell to my knees when a cult knocked on my door when I was a mid 20s newly wed. After a 10 day roller coaster I wanted to learn the Bible so I would know the truth the next time the serpent twisted the truth.
I would love to talk to young girls about how wanting to be liked can eat you from the inside out. How sex steals a part of you. Even though I am now a 'nice boring church lady' I still have memories that will surface and revel who I was and it knocks the breath from me, every time. Only thanks to God's forgiveness and can hold my head up at all.
I went to a Christian college and couldn't even remember God. Tell me if that's not sad.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with all your points. Escpecially number four. My first year of marriage has not been spent in pure bliss, but with repairing wounds from past mistakes.
This is 100% right on great post!
ReplyDeleteOh! and best sermon series on sex ever?
ReplyDeletehttp://hv.thevillagechurch.net/sermons?kw=sex&type=sermons&match=any
I was one of those people whose relationship with God actually became something real and solid in college. I briefly toyed around with the idea of the "party scene" my freshman year, but quickly became bored with that. I found a wonderful ministry that I became involved with and created relationships that were uplifting and challenging. I still did some stupid things too, but mostly, God and I did okay in those years.
ReplyDeleteMy advice to college students is this:
1. Expect to make mistakes. Even as a Christian and one who is trying hard, we're going to slip up. The trick is to learn from it, not to let it become a habit. I remember Sunday mornings, being hungover and soldiering into church, thinking everyone must know. Well, the truth is that no one else there is perfect either. Being a Christian doesn't give you a pop-proof bubble of security and a shield against making bad choices. Be honest with people about where you are, and you'll find a lot more people than you think are there too. Lean on each other and move forward together.
2. Find somewhere that you can call home. Look for what fits you -- if you just go to church just because your mother keeps calling and asking you if you went to church, you won't like any church you're at. So find something -- a church, a small group, a ragtag group of ragamuffins that meet in a dorm room and sort out their broken pieces together, whatever.
Now is when making a conscious effort to pursue God is entirely up to you. He is always there, always next to you. He's waiting for you. Don't waste any more time.
Great advice! I would add to make sure that you enjoy this college time in your life. There's nothing like it and there's not going back. I'm a pretty recent grad and I often think about how super fast it went by.
ReplyDeleteYou may not know who I am... and to be quite frank, I have no idea who you are, but I came across your site from Marty Holman's blog and I am sure glad I did!
ReplyDeleteThis post was right on. I just graduated 2 weeks ago from college and everything you said in this post "hit the spot." The last semester of my college years was the most challenging and difficult semester in my college career. The bottom-line reason: My personal relationship with my Savior. Throughout my college years, I put Him in that "you will always be there, so I don't need you RIGHT now" box and definitely stuck Him on a shelf. It wasn't until my last semester, and all the "decisions about the future" that come along with it did I realize that I had been resting on my parent's upbringing to carry me through my personal relationship. I had been attending church throughout the 4 years, yes, but I was doing it all for them and just "going through the motions." Sad right? It actually kind of scared me a little too!
"College is not forever" - but boy does it seem that way your freshman and sophomore years! But it comes to a close much faster than expected, and that is definitely NOT the time to start building the personal relationship. Because I had not kept my personal relationship with Jesus Christ throughout the years, it made the last semester extremely difficult... now, 2 weeks later I am doing my personal best to wipe off the dust and pick myself back up.
Bottom line: Thank you for this post. Everything was right on and so profoundly true. I sure hope HS graduates are reading this!! And graduates: Please take this to heart. Heed these things!
I work at a college. Every year a couple hundred freshmen show up wide-eyed and excited. They want the "college experience."
ReplyDeleteBy Christmas most of them have gotten just that, and that's when they start showing up wondering where it all went wrong.
It's easy to sit on your faith in high school. Not easy in college. So if I could give one piece of advice, it would be this: the quality of your life isn't dependent upon how much education you get, but by how few regrets you have.
I know it seems kind of silly after all of your serious points but my biggest piece of advice would be to keep eating right. When I went off to college I took it as my opportunity to drink all the soda I wanted, not drink milk, eat tons of fried foods, etc. I should've remembered all the good food habits my parents taught me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you didn't go to a megachurch at home, you're probably not gonna like the megachurch college services. And that's okay, go find a church that's like your own. My husband and I found a church like ours from home while we were in college and we miss it so much!
@OhioBJAE
ReplyDelete"Even though I am now a 'nice boring church lady' I still have memories that will surface and revel who I was and it knocks the breath from me, every time. Only thanks to God's forgiveness and can hold my head up at all."
Wow, I think you just got into my brain and pulled out my thoughts.
And Jon, this post was right on. I'm gonna print it out and give it to my high school Sunday School girls. I took on this class in hopes of trying to help them see that that's not a good way to live. I would know. I lived it. And I had a very difficult time in college (emotionally). I don't want them to think that God and fun can't mix.
Sadly, I too took the college years off - and I went to Bible College. A very conservative Bible college. The farthest I've been from God was during those years. And you're right - college sex doesn't compared to married sex. Not even close.
ReplyDeleteI totally disagree with everything you wrote.
ReplyDeleteOkay, not really. I just wanted to be different than everyone else.
The one thing I wish I'd done in college was to seek out an older Christian woman that I could talk to- and REALLY talk to, not like "what can I pray for you about?" and "Oh, you know, just that I would take a break from feeding and clothing orphans to stop and pray". When I was in college, I pretty much just sought advice from people my own age who were in the exact same place in life as me. Not so smart :)
From a personal perspective, I have to add to the reasons not to have sex in college (unless you get married, which is probably also a bad idea, but outside the scope of this comment): Inertia. It's almost impossible to think that you'll gogogo the four years you're in college then slam on the brakes when you get out. You define sex one way for four years, you'll carry that out into the world after college. And the longer you do so, the more difficult it is to change how your brain is wired.
ReplyDeleteExperience. I has it.
First, I want to echo a lot of what Stacy said. We waited until we were married. Yeah, we had some stuff to learn, but we had fun and felt safe while learning it. I wouldn't change a thing there.
ReplyDeleteMy college experience was a little different. I got involved with a cult. Yes folks, there are Christian Cults. Google University Bible Fellowship. Go ahead. There you go.
I would recommend that if you are going explore Churches other than the one you grew up in, explore more than one other Church. And don't be choosing based on how nice and friendly everyone seems. I should probably just end it here and write a post on it already...
I have been a Christian for most of my life and just graduated from college a few weeks ago. For me college was a place of both unexpected backsliding and remarkable growth--in that order.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you said and would add the following to someone who is not necessarily planning to go on vacation:
- Don't trust yourself to be good. Even if you've always been the good girl or the choirboy. Find somone (pastor, friend, mentor) who loves and cares for you enough to tell you when you're wrong.
-Don't try to light the world all by yourself. It is so easy to justify being involved in all sorts of non-christian activities with non-christian people by saying you are going to be a witness/example to them. Don't be fooled about who is going to rub off on whom. This is not to say, of course, that you can't hang out with non-christians, but don't expect to spend long periods of time as the only Christian in your circle of aquaintances and come out unchanged.
Great post. I'll add one thing.
ReplyDeleteRead "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey and become disciplined in living on a budget. Oh, and avoid credit cards like the plague. Took me years (and lots of wasted $$$) to figure that out!
You know, it's just as true in later academia as well. I went to undergrad at a Christian school and lived in a God-bubble, in which everything around me (classes, professors, classmates, my awesome roommate) made it easier to stay focused on God, and not only because I was a theology minor. Not that there weren't rough spots, but overall I guess you could say I had the period of my life growing closer to God you mentioned early on in the post.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm at grad school, I think I understand better what students experience at a state school or any other non-religious undergrad. The hardest part is not having an automatically "safe" group of Christian students to make friends with. Instead, we meet all sorts of people who may or may not influence us in ways our parents would approve of (intentionally or not). This is the point at which we realize that we can't assume that everyone we meet who seems to be a good person is a Christian. The God-bubble breaks and we have to start thinking for ourselves, which is both a wonderful and a terrifying thing.
I guess the point I'd like to make is that this post not only applies to young folks just heading out to college, but to anyone growing up and emerging from the protective God-bubble of youth. The bubble breaks, but God doesn't. He just gets bigger.
great post. simply wonderful.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!!! And so true.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Jon.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the part about sex. So true yet so ignored by most people!
wonderful post. Any senior in high school reading this post please take it to heart.
ReplyDeleteCount me in for the "God got put in a box for four years." I arrived on campus with every intention to foster my relationship with God, and tried four different campus ministries in the first month. I didn't really "fit in" with any of them (or with anyone else on campus for that matter), but kept going to one's Wed night gathering. Until I found a niche with Hall Government, which also met on Wednesday nights. That was the end of me & God at college, even through graduate school (when I didn't even live on campus). AND this is despite that my second major was religion.
ReplyDeleteAdditional advice to add: praying before a final exam doesn't make up for a semester of silence.
I have 2 sons-one in college-one a recent graduate--I think they are amazing,awesome young men--I think YOU are an awesome,amazing young man,too:)
ReplyDeleteI'm a newlywed wife and have been for nearly nine months. In those nine months, my husband and I have fought almost uncontrollably at times and have even spouted the dreaded D-word. Divorce. Why, do you ask?
ReplyDeleteOur pasts.
My college experience was one of much partying, much sex, and probably two hundred intense hangovers.
If you think that those things don't affect you during or after college in your marriage, your friendships, your families, your heart - every single aspect of your life, then please, be my guest and go right ahead.
All I can say is thank goodness for a loving God who forgives, and is working in my heart and my marriage.
Shoot me an email if the secular college lifestyle and valuable experiences work out for you. You can try to prove this wrong.
Ladies, if you need someone to talk to, I'm starting a bible study through a new church plant in the next couple of months, but I'd be glad to carry over the teachings into an email correspondence or possibly a blog.
kamaoliver@gmail.com
Great post!
ReplyDeleteI would also tell them that by keeping their 'ears and eyes open' to God as they learn, studying can become a fascinating and layered experience.
When you're learning a subject that is interesting on it's own, God showing you an additional perspective about it can be powerful for the individual, can lead you into a profound time of worship, and may even provide great insights to bring forward to your professors.
Oh I miss school.
Very good and although it might be a little embarassing to hear some of this, it's extermely important.
ReplyDeleteAnd I had great college sex, but then, I got married my sophomore year and it was only with my wife so there you go! I don't have anything to compare it to, but marriage sex is definitely the best.
If I ran I Christian High School I'd have you on the next plane out to give this exact message.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student myself who is constantly fighting this divide (and who sees my friends all around me losing this battle) I can't express enough how good this post was.
Nicodemus at Nite "And seriously, when do we hear stories of alcohol strengthening relationships?"
ReplyDeleteDo Lewis and Tolkien count?
A quote from C.S. Lewis taken from a letter in which he discusses his get togethers with Tolkien:
“It has also become the custom for Tolkien to drop in on me of a Monday morning for a glass. This is one of the pleasantest spots in the week. Sometimes we talk English school politics: sometimes we criticise one another's poems: other days we drift into theology or the state of the nation; rarely we fly no higher than bawdy and puns.”
They also regularly smoked pipes at such gatherings.
If only I could find such a gathering place apart from all the bars in my college town.
@ Vicki in NC
ReplyDeleteYou would be more than welcome if I still lived there. I sold it a little over a year ago now. No snow like that in NC?
Don't be afraid to use collegiate academic intellectual pursuits to strengthen the faith of the body.
ReplyDelete"Ask your parents. Then go throw up."
ReplyDeleteI almost lost my 'I'm a substitute teacher and I have no emotion' veneer when I read that.
My advice to graduates would be, "Hey, I have a great post I want you to read on SCL..."
ReplyDeleteI think I'll pass this along to our youth pastor.
@clark
ReplyDeleteThat house is adorable, it looks so peaceful covered in snow and alas, no snow like that here in the NC piedmont.
But thanks for the good intentions!
Vicki
My number 1 piece of advice would be: Find what you're really passionate about and put every drop of your energy into it. Don't compromise or settle for what everybody else wants you to do. If your passion is vocal music, but your parents complain that "you can't make money doing that" don't let them talk you out of it unless you really DO want to be a forensic zoologist. God gives us our passions for a reason. Follow your God-given passions and not somebody else's interpretation of success.
ReplyDeleteI graduated last year and finished my first year of college yesterday. My advice would be:
ReplyDelete1. Stick with the girls (or guys, depending on who you are.) I came to college a mess. I cried under a maple tree during my second week there, in broad daylight, between classes. I texted a girl I'd known for three weeks at midnight. I was eventually persuaded to admit where I was hurting. And I have more friends now than I ever have in my life. Find the people who are willing to love you and let them. Then turn around and do the same.
2. You won't come across time to spend with God. Plan it. Or else it won't happen, and you'll wake up 2 weeks later and realize you haven't prayed at all and hate where you are.
3. Eat with people one-on-one. This may sound obvious/not that important, but it's been one of the most helpful things to me. Amazing people that the rest of the world has discovered so they never have free time have to eat too. I've had some of my best conversations over dinners that I completely ignored.
As a recent HS graduate headed off for college, thank you dearly for this post.
ReplyDeleteJon- Awesome. Thanks for telling it like it is.
ReplyDeleteEveryone else- Awesome. I am encouraged today.
Me? Well, I had to go live on a different continent away from the college mess I had made (also known as study abroad)...then I finally let God out of the box and there was a lot of painful growing to do. But my last year of college was pretty....awesome.
Also:
Married sex rules! (Imagine the cheerleaders from SNL.)
That no matter how far you fall away from Christ during college, he's waiting for your return with open arms. However, don't assume that you will have the opportunity to return.
ReplyDeleteYou may not be giving a commencement speach but you are invited to speak to my youth group about this post any time you will. Really keep going with the list, hit drugs hit drinking hit poor choices all you want i know how much we all wish we could do it over again and i wish that more people were bold to talk about the real issues. I do with our group but another voice would be sweet. I really mean it would you share something like this to a youth group, over skype or phone or video message would be sweet. I feel like my kids would really connect to you and your writing, because i have used your posts many times in my sermons and they love the stuff. Let me know if you would ever do something like this.
ReplyDeleteSuch a good post. I just finished a 4-year degree & I totally agree. While I was at a Christian college (pursuing a religion degree, amusingly enough) I still found times when God was in the box under the bed because I just didn't trust Him to get me through. But you really do realize just how bad an idea that is in the long run. And I officially think that the "Dont do college sex" suggestion is REALLY overlooked & therefore a much needed reminder.
ReplyDeleteThanks for what you do man. I'm pretty sure your blog is going to be a big part of my optimism plan for the post-grad-no-job summer ahead lol. So yea, thanks much.
Great post today!!! I just forwarded this to all of the seniors I know who are graduating this week...
ReplyDeleteI can't agree with you more. College was the time when I made huge strides in my relationship with God, learning about Him, myself, and my relationship with Him. I don't know how I would have made it through with my sanity intact without God.
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it, you can either go though college with God and learn all about Him and yourself, or can go though college without Him and learn about hangovers and the loneliness of one-night-stands.
Amen to Point 4!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I love the variety of viewpoints in these comments! People who have had the "fun" and are now living with the scars, people who fought to do it the right way and are now reaping the benefits, people in college, people with kids in college, hilarious! I can see times in my life when I've completely agreed with each of them.
ReplyDeleteThat relationship with God is vital, though, especially when you realize that there is no clear next step after college and how in the world do people find jobs with no work experience and WHY did I never do an internship... *cough* Well, I guess there are dark places in every stage of your life, and facing any of those without God seems pretty terrifying.
I would come at it from the opposite angle. I gave Him my college years, and I had the most amazing six years (yes, six) of my life. I met more friends, had more parties with better bar-be-cue, more late night fast food runs, more random jam sessions, more sunrise parties, more fun, more purpose, more impact, and more spiritual growth than I could have imagined coming out of High School as a marginally saved student.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have a friend couple who went to beeson divinity school and samford a couple of years before then I think, named Matt and Emily... they are stinkin awesome.
Awesome post & amen to all.
ReplyDeleteBut it doesn't require going away to college to put God in that box. I did it, too. I did 2 years of college locally, bought a house at age 20, & was considered very "responsible" because of it, but God was still shoved pretty far under the bed, & I only got His box out to peek in it every once in a while.
It took a divorce, broken relationships with friends & family, & more to break me enought to permanently get that box out of the bed and let God have control of my life.
thanks Jon! we totally threw our college years away, and even though we didnt do the "really bad" stuff, my husband and I both just lived for ourselves and each other only. wasted years they were...
ReplyDeleteit funny how God has put us in college ministry now...we get to experience it all, almost the way He wanted us to back then, but we get to lead students and encourage them NOT to make our mistakes!
We would add:
~Either stay connected to the church you've been at, OR find another church and get involved there. Its so important to be connected to a church body while in college! it gives the opportunities to serve, be mentored, have fellowship...
~use your resources, time and money, wisely. you'll NEVER EVER have as much time on your hands as in college! use it to grow closer to God, develop relationshipos, go on missions trips...things that really matter.
thanks Jon...great post.
Hey if more people spoke up and shared what you shared we could really spare alot of heartache and hurt. You can come talk to my youth group anytime! Awesome post! Can I copy this to give to my grads? Thanks Rhonda
ReplyDeleteI just graduated from Arizona State last week (yes, the Arizona State that didn't give President Obama an honorary degree). After 5 years, I would tell believers to get involved in a serious campus ministry. Here's the scenario that happens too often: Christian kid comes to college, starts going to a church with the same denomination, realizes that the church is vastly different, stops going to church, gets involved in other groups that college has to offer (which far more often than not is not a God-honoring group), looks just like the non-Christians. It's a sad but true reality. Look up statistics.
ReplyDeleteI got into a campus group that really cared about me individually and because they cared about my growth, I grew. Now I'm going to work full-time for the organization. If you want to donate to my cause, leave a message on my blog. J/k, but if you do want to, I would greatly appreciate it.
Skip the drinking, volunteer to be the designated driver with your best friend instead. Stick a box of donuts on the dashboard and a trash can in the backseat, and it'll be a fun night. If someone gets rude/obnoxious/has really awful smelly puke, drop them off at the wrong house, park down the street, and watch what happens. (Not that I ever did that, uh... that would be BAD.)
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, though, DO teach your kids how to help people who have drinking - they need to know the difference between "he needs to sleep it off" and "she needs the ER." They might save some lives.
I graduated from UNC two years ago. I had a wonderful experience and made some amazing christian friends. Though I don't typically believe in having regrets, I would love to offer college students, and HS grads a few things I wish I would have known and acted upon:
ReplyDelete1) Make Christian friends AND non-christian friends. Having only one or the other can be really dangerous.
2) DTR early and often. (DTR= define the relationship) Especially in christ-centered male-female friendships, the danger of gray-area relationships is real, and it's REALLY hard to get past. Just because you aren't "bumping uglies" doesn't mean you are protecting your heart, and you gotta know where both people stand.
3) Hang out with real grown ups. College friends are awesome, but the perspective of the older and wiser (even if just a few years out of college)is so important.
4) Worship the Lord, not your favorite christian organization. Cru, YoungLife, navigators, RUF, intervarsity etc are all wonderful and can be great places to begin and grow faith BUT don't let those orgs and their activities be a substitute for your own time with the Lord, and for your own contemplations about the bible and what it all means. Don't let the
bureaucracy suck your soul away.
5) the morning after: clean the vomit away the rim of your toilet seat, take some advil, drink some water and forget about it. Don't let the guilt from messing up consume you. Guilt is NOT of the Lord. You are human, it happens.
6) Let people change. One of the biggest ways we (unsuccessfully) cock-block the Lord's call on people's lives is by not letting them change. This is especially true in college, when people go through a lot of changes. So if someone is wasted on Saturday night and does the walk of shame straight to church on Sunday morning don't write them off as a hypocrite. Changes happen little by little. Love people where they are.
thanks for your brutally honest words. i think you pretty much summed up my college experience, and what i would tell people. i might add: calling a spade a spade. drinking two to seven nights out of the week to the point of obliteration is called alcoholism, not college.
ReplyDeleteand i'd recommend the book unprotected by miriam grossman, a psychiatrist who works on college campuses and is speaking out against these harmful behaviors that are endorsed and condoned by health professionals...so good! wish i had that at freshman orientation.
I would tell them all you said. Great post! I have dealt with my guilt for years and forgiving myself came years after God had already forgiven me!
ReplyDeleteI pray your sister has a great time at UNC (my alma mater) with God. He is there-alot of people over look Him though!
My friend Jennifer referred me to your blog today...I'm so glad I stopped by. My oldest daughter just graduated from high school this week and is leaving for college in the fall. I definately want her to read your blog. Thank you for having the faith to write your beliefs and share them with us. You have a gift...truly.
ReplyDeleteThankyou so much Jon.. I really needed to hear that
ReplyDeleteAwesome post!
ReplyDeletethis desperate feeling for love and being liked gets so strong when your in college ...it's so easy to get so blind and search for ways to satisfy that need in all the wrong places...
ReplyDeletethank you for all you said jon...and thank you to all who sent in comments ...hav no idea what it feels like to know i'm not the only one that wants to walk a different path ...am praying for a Godly group that would encourage me and help me grow to be more of who i'm meant to be..
One thing though: casual sex is not the same as sex with in a loving, committed relationship. I've had it both ways, and I totally agree that casual sex does not teach you anything you need to know. I'm not very prone to regret, but the few hookups I've had only made me realize how much I missed having a relationship and didn't fill any need I felt. they only emphasized my lonlieness at the time. But sex within a relationship is a very beautiful thing. I don't think that having sex with more than one partner in a lifetime is so very sinful, as long as you treat yourself and the other with love and respect. I respect those people that wait for marriage, I just don't think it's necessary.
ReplyDeleteIt burns me up when all sex outside of marriage is treated like quick fixes, like the only reason people have sex outside of marriage is out of lust. No, people in relationships love each other in quite the same way people do that are married - and sometimes more. I believe that that context (love and commitment and respect) is the context you need for good, holyish sex. Had to get that off my chest.