#31. Occasionally swearing.

I'm not saying this is right. I am not justifying cursing or having a sailor tongue. I am not a huge fan of sassmouth in any form. But I do have loads of Christian friends that will occasionally swear. They don't do it a lot. I'm not talking about 30-second tirades laced with profanity. I just mean that every few days they'll say a swear in the middle of the conversation. Why do we do it? I think we want you to know, that we know those words exist. We want you to be aware that we are aware they are out there and we know what they mean.


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#30. The end of the Harry Potter series.

I haven't read the last Harry Potter book so if he forsakes magic and becomes a Christian at the very end and this shouldn't be on the list at all please don't tell me. But until I do read the book, "the end of the Harry Potter series" needs to be item #30. It's the magic. We don't like that. The witchcraft. The sorcery. It's having your little kid come home and say, "I learned a new spell on the playground" that freaks us out. But to tell you the truth, Harry Potter is such small potatoes compared to the research that shows that the average age that a kid is first exposed to hardcore porn is 6. How come we don't get all that riled up about that? Not that people are cool with that, but there were protests against the Potter series, but rarely do you hear anyone marching against Microsoft because their filter for Internet Explorer is not strong enough.

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#29. Not dancing

Know what song my wife and I had our first dance to at our wedding? It was a little ditty I call, "I was unable to dance at my wedding because we had the reception at a church and the church was opposed to dancing." The title's a little long, but I promise it has a really solid beat. Why is "not dancing" one of the things we like? I'm not sure because everyone knows that David was all about dancing and even did so in his underwear. I really hope I can remove this one from my list in the future because I think dancing can be a beautiful act of worship and it's silly to automatically be opposed to it. (Now if you're dancing to the song, "Da Dip" from back in the day, that's a different story.)


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#28. Rob Bell

If you've ever read Rob Bell,

then you know,

that this is how he writes.

His sentences are like shotgun blasts,

because whole paragraphs

are for old people.

But regardless of that,

we love his books,

and find them interesting

and challenging.

Read Velvet Elvis.

Why Create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#27. Famous Christians

Although the jury is still out on Stephen Baldwin, one of our favorite things is Famous Christians. I have to admit, Scientology has kind of been kicking our butt for a few years. I mean they got Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and Giovanni Ribisi. They even got Beck, dear sweet sounding Beck. But we're not that concerned, want to know why? Because we have Bono. He's worth like 18 other normal celebrities. Seriously, he is most of the most active, productive people on the planet. I almost wouldn't be surprised if at some point he admitted that he had been cloned in the late 90s. How else can you explain his work in Africa, his concert tours and his ability to regularly put out good albums? Thank God for Bono.


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#26. Songs that sound Christian but aren't.

I'm really guilty of this one. Whenever I get tired of Christian music, I just listen to secular radio and imagine that the artist singing is not talking about his girlfriend in a song, he's talking about God. Try it sometime, for the most part it works. And any "I need to find myself" kind of song is perfect too. Colin Hay's, "Waiting for my real life to begin" is a beautiful picture of a conversation with God. Only it's probably about something he said to his wife or just the inner dialogue of his head. Sometimes though, doing this can create some awkward situations. One Sunday, my wife and I were at church waiting for it to begin when they played a song over the speakers by the band, Our Lady Peace. They're not a Christian band, but their song, "Somewhere Out There" kind of sounds like a God song. I mean this part does:

Down here in the atmosphere, Garbage and city lights, You gotta save your tired soul, You gotta save our lives.

But then, in the middle of church, with thousands of other people, I hear the singer say this:

Hope you remember me, When youre homesick and need a change. I miss your purple hair,

OK, I think to myself, that's a little weird. I'm not sure Jesus had purple hair but you know, when the sun is setting just right over the Dead Sea maybe it was kind of purple. And then the next line comes in:

I miss the way you taste.

I had a hard time tying that directly to Jesus or God.

#25. Jonah, Noah and David.

These guys are to the Old Testament what Run DMC was to rap. Seriously, 87% of all OT stories involve either Jonah, Noah or David. Granted, that's an estimation, but based off the number of projects my kids bring home from preschool that's not far off. The funny thing is that when we embrace these three guys we tend to overlook some of their issues. For instance, after the ark landed, Noah planted a vineyard and ended up getting so drunk he passed out naked in his tent. Rarely though is that scene drawn on a color by the numbers piece of paper in Sunday School. Which I appreciate, because I don't want to hang that one on my fridge.

#24. Church names that sound like clothing stores.

My cousin goes to church at a place called "Warehouse 242." There's another church in his area that recently started called, "Elevation." Across town from my dad's church is a place simply called "The Summit." I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point we started naming our churches after stores that sell designer jeans. And I'm cool with that. I don't think you have to name something the "Back to the Bible Holiness Church" which is outside of Atlanta in case you want to attend. And more than that, it opens up some good conversations with people. Imagine you're at work on Monday and someone says, "What'd you do this weekend?" You can reply "I hung out at Elevation." Your friend will then say, "Is that the new salsa/techno/hip hop/Southern Cambodian traditional dance club? I've heard the girls in that place are ridiculous." At which point you can then say, "No, it's a church" and then proceed to share the entire gospel with him. OK, maybe you shouldn't do that, but at the bare minimum, saying you went to "Elevation" is going to at least keep the conversation rolling where if you said, "I went to 'God is Awesome, Praise Sweet Baby Jesus Cathedral' over the weekend," your friend is going to throw an imaginary smoke bomb and climb out of a window to get out of the conversation. So maybe interesting names are a good thing.

#23. Tattoos for God.

Remember that story in the Bible where Jesus and all the disciples were in Galilee and decided to get tattoos? Some of them were squeamish but Jesus talked them into it and before you knew it, they all had "FOM" on their arms which of course stood for "Fishers of Men." That was dope. Remember that story? Me either, but you would think it had happened based on how many Christians get tattoos for God. The easiest is to get a cross or a little God fish. You can also get a Hebrew word, which is kind of like the Christian equivalent of when girls get Chinese symbol tattoos that mean "dangerous," "beautiful" and "she will make out with you." But for my money, my friend Carlos has elevated the God tattoo to an art form. He has a full sleeve of the conversion of Paul/Saul. And he used the experience as a chance to witness by going on the show "LA Ink." It's easily one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I would honestly get a similar tattoo of the prodigal son story but then I'd have to raise two kids on my own since the only way I could get a tattoo is if my wife were no longer on the planet.


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#22. Mixing sign language and music.

When I was in college, we had a competition called "Step Sing." It was basically a musical event where different student groups would dance and sing to a medley of songs which were judged for points. (File this entry under "this guy is a dork.") Every year, the frats and sororities would change their themes, but there was one thing you could count on: the Baptist Student Union was going to do a little sign language in their performance. Year after year, they found a way to make the symbol for Jesus or king or majesty in their routine using their hands and arms. And it's not that we had a large deaf population. For some reason, churches and Christians really like throwing a little sign language into their music. I have to imagine that when deaf people see this they feel like George on Seinfeld felt when Kramer told him he was going to wear an eye patch just for the fun of it, "that would be like me riding around in a wheelchair just for kicks."

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#21. Saying "I thought marriage would change things."

This one might be universal but what can I say, I'm focusing on Christians here. This is probably the second most common sentence I hear when a Christian guy gives me his testimony. It's usually a pretty easy thing to figure out: There's some unspoken issue between a man and a woman, instead of working it out before they get married they silently and secretly hope it will magically be fixed by marriage. But here's the thing, marriage doesn't tend to fix things, if anything it tends to amplify them. And before you know it, something that was relatively small and could have been hammered out in pre-marital counseling grows bigger and steals the first few years of a happy marriage. Lesson, don't go into marriage with baggage.


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#20. Psalty

If you don't know who Psalty is then you didn't go to vacation bible school in the 80s. Psalty was like the Michael Jordan of vacation bible school characters. It's hard to tell in that photo of him trying to maul that poor girl, but he was basically a big, blue Bible that through some freak chemical truck spill on the highway had come alive. OK, I made up that last part. The songs were pretty tame, the design was not that creepy and overall, Psalty was an alright dude. The funniest thing for me though was that one year our VBS leader decided to put on a live Psalty play. She had her teenage son in blue face paint in a costume. He hated God and watching him sing, "have patience, have patience don't be in such a hurry," was a thing of beauty.

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#19. Dressing up church with cool words.

Good luck finding a church these days that calls its Sunday morning service, a Sunday morning service. I think people feel that's old fashioned or boring or vanilla or something else meaning, "not cool." So instead of service they invite you to a "worship experience." Which is fine in some situations but sometimes maybe you want to hear a sermon instead of a "message." Maybe you want to shop in the bookstore instead of the "resource center." Some churches actually balance the old and the new pretty well, like mine, but some force you to use their words all the time. I recently saw a message online from a church that was in a snowstorm. It said, "All worship experiences will be held at their regular times." That's just so awkward, but they refused to simply say, "Church will be held at regular times in the morning."


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#18. Cross Stitch Bible Verses

I'm not sure if someone famous in the Bible was a big fan of cross stitch. I mean maybe Moses or someone like that was always taking little breaks to get out his thread and needle and stitch up a desert scene. Someone must have done it in the Bible though based on how much we like cross stitching Bible verses. If your parents were Christians in the 70s chances are you had some verse stitched and hung in a prominent place in your home. I think there was a law that said they had to. Don't quote me on that though.

P.S. When I was a senior in college my roommate used to cross stitch his girlfriend pictures. She would in turn cross stitch him belts that had things like the flags of the world on them or tennis rackets. I am not making this up.


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#17. Unspoken Prayer Requests

I just wrote about this one on one of my other blogs, 97secondswithgod.com but it was too tempting to pass up. If you've never heard an "unspoken prayer request" then let me enlighten you. This is when someone has done something they don't want to share and instead of just swallowing it until they are able to share the specific incident they say they have an "unspoken prayer request." If you're being honest and intimate with a group of people it seems silly, but if you're in mixed company and feel shy about telling girls your junk I can see why you might use this method. Then again, maybe the bigger issue is why you're telling girls your junk in the first place. Girls, get some girls you can be real with. Guys, get some guys you can be real with.

P.S. Whenever I hear someone ask for an unspoken prayer request I think in my head, "that dude is having an affair, he laundered money, he is making meth in his basement or he is doing all of the above." That's why it's usually better to just be upfront.

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#16. Greeting the people around you.

Have you ever gone to a sporting event, concert, debate, or any other area where you are clumped together with a bunch of people you don't know and thought to yourself, "I wish I could shake a few of these strangers hands and have an awkward 6 second relationship with them?" Probably not, but if you come to church, get ready to briefly meet a few people. We do it because we hope it will plant the seeds of community but I think there are a few things you need to know:

1. Don't shake anyone's hand if they look like they have a cold or the flu. Give them at the maximum a fist bump.
2. Don't remember a stranger's name and then the following week say, "Hey Shirley" because chances are Shirley didn't remember your name and is going to do that uncomfortable thing where she says, "Hey buddy, hey pal, oh, hey you."
3. Don't give your husband a neck rub during the entire sermon. This is off topic, but seriously, it's a little gross. You know who I'm talking about lady in Atlanta.

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#15. Calling Satan, "the enemy."

This is one of my personal favorites. At some point in 1996, everyone decided to call satan, "the enemy." I don't know how it happened but I have a guess at why it happened. I think it happened because we're afraid to look weird if we talk about the devil. And it's a weird thing to do, I agree. In a world governed by logic and science and reason, to associate your life with a pure evil entity that is hellbent on destroying you at any given opportunity is a little freaky. That's why you rarely hear someone say, "Wow, satan was really attacking me last night." Instead, we say the enemy because it's a much safer word. Everyone understands what enemy means, it's just someone or something that is against you. So instead of feeling weird, we feel OK when we say, "Wow, the enemy was really attacking me last night." How far will we take the softening of the words we use to describe satan? We'll see, but I wouldn't be surprised if given his immense Public Relations magic we eventually call the devil, "the opponent" or maybe even "Mr. red hot pants."

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#14. Dating God instead of me.

One of the things that Christians at my college liked to say if they didn't want to date you was, "I'm not dating anyone right now, I'm dating God." So the guy, who really just wanted to play mini golf or have a bowl of pasta at the Olive Garden, has to find a way to get you to break up with God. That's a tough assignment but I think it reflects something we like even more, which is bringing God into situations he might not be that concerned with. Granted, he should be infused in every part of your life, but before that guy asked you out, did the Alpha and Omega really say to you, "By all means, do not eat a bottomless salad with Mark Robinson. I have spoken."

Sometimes we like to use God to get out of stuff, like bad dates, just like I use my kids to get out of going to boring parties, e.g. "I'd love to go to your baby shower, but I couldn't get a babysitter. It's a shame, a dang shame."

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#13. Adding gyms to your church.

We love adding stuff to our churches. A lot of mega churches are starting to call their buildings, "campuses" because they are. They're installing gyms, coffeehouses, schools, and dozens of other things that make the church less of a temple and more of a community. Which is good on some level, but the challenge is we're also called to go out and reach people in the world. And that's difficult to do when your kids take karate at the church, you buy your morning latte at the church, you do your financial education classes at the church, you take aerobics at the church, you ... the list goes on.

Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#12. Getting awesome in a certain number of steps.

We really like when getting awesome or fixing ourselves isn't some long, drawn out process. Forget that, we want clear defined steps to reaching our goal. That's why Joel Osteen has a book that promises "7 steps to living at your full potential " and Creflo A Dollar has "8 steps to create the life you want" and Kerry Shook offers you "30 days to a no-regrets life." It's kind of biblical too because remember, when Christ met the disciples he said to them, "Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men in 12 easy steps."


Why create "Stuff Christians Like?"

#11. Thomas Kinkade

Thomas Kinkade is known as "the painter of light" because he dabs little bits of light into his cottage themed artwork. And sometimes he dabs little crosses or messages that speak to us of the timeless beauty of both Christ and thatched roofs. So we love him. That's why there are tons of Kinkade stores in malls across the country and more than 2,000 items for sale on Amazon.com. Do we mind that he doesn't create the paintings himself anymore? Nah. Is it weird that a home developer built a Thomas Kinkade themed neighborhood? Nah. Should I quit writing, grow a wise looking beard and start painting? Probably.

#10. Weird Memorabilia

The other day I got a catalog from a Christian book store chain promoting their new Easter products. One of the items you could buy was a "crown of thorns." For a mere $49.95 you could own a crown for your desk? Your mantle? Where do you properly store/display a crown of thorns? Do you think the Roman soldiers that made it at the time said to each other, "You know, some day this is going to make a really sweet paper weight." But what can I say, when it comes to Easter and Christmas but shut your mouth not Halloween, we love us some weird memorabilia.

#9. Comparing Braveheart to Christianity.

We can't help it. There just aren't that many good Christian movies. So when Braveheart came out we were quick to compare Mel Gibson's character to a Christian man. I counted 576 comparisons in John Eldridge's work alone. OK I didn't count that, but it was only because I was busy trying to explain to my wife why in order to rescue her I needed to own a sword.

Freeedddoommmm!!!!

#8. Singing friends are friends forever at camp.

There used to be an unwritten rule when it came to the last night of any Christian event: you must sing Michael W. Smith's "Friends are friends forever." For me, that meant a guy named Jaime would bust out the electric piano and belt out the song that had all of us a little teary eyed. It was the perfect way to say goodbye to all the new friends you'd made at Christian camp but would probably never see again. Take us out with the chorus Michael. Send us home happy:

Though it's hard to let you go In the fathers hands we know That a lifetimes not too long to live as friends.

#7. Stryper

Sure, the world may have had Led Zeppelin and Ozzy and a whole host of hard rocking, hotel room destroying musicians at their disposal, but we Christians had Stryper. And when everyone else was enjoying their "devil music rock n' roll" we could always find comfort and inspiration in the melodic stylings of "to hell with the devil" or the aptly named album, "yellow and black attack." Admit it, you owned some Stryper.

Answers to the John Mayer Bible Quiz

Here are the answers to the John Mayer Bible Quiz

1. Bible - Psalm 4:7
2. John Mayer
3. John Mayer
4. Bible - Psalm 10:14
5. John Mayer
6. John Mayer
7. Bible - psalm 6:6
8. John Mayer
9. John Mayer
10. John Mayer
11. Bible - Psalm 13:5
12. Bible - Psalm 14:3
13. John Mayer
14. Bible - Song of Solomon 2:16
15. John Mayer

#6. Songs with bottomless lyrics.

Have you ever gone to a church and sung one of those songs that feels like it has 984 lines? I have. We love to sing songs that the worship leader can stretch depending on how the "spirit is moving him." Growing up, our church had one that went, "in our ______ Lord, be glorified." In a heartbeat you could grow the song by saying, "in our home, in our church, in our schools, in our town, in our municipality, in our scooter riding cat owning club Lord, be glorified." Good times.

Read more stuff Christians like.

#5. Bootleg cookies.

If you ever went to Vacation Bible School then you know exactly what I'm talking about. For some reason, Christians love finding ways to save money on cookies. That's why instead of Oreos you always had to eat "chocolate sandwiches" or some other cookie with a generic sounding name. And they aren't the same. I know they told you that "jungle crackers" were the same as "animal crackers" but you knew the difference, you knew.

Read more stuff Christians like.

#4. Books with people on the cover.

I almost didn't read the book, "War & Peace" because a picture of Tolstoy wasn't on the cover. But there's no denying that when it comes to Christian books, we love seeing the author on the cover. Something about someone having really nice teeth and long fingers let's us know the content is going to be solid and biblically sound. I wish I had longer fingers.

#3. Reading "love is patient" at your wedding.

If you're a Christian and you're getting married, this is almost a requirement. Honestly, if you don't read 1 Corinthians 13 at your wedding there are some people that won't come. It's the go to verse for Christian weddings, like playing the song "We will rock you" at football games.

And if you're going to have it read at your wedding try to give it the the "silver medal" friend. This is the friend that you like a lot, but just not enough to actually ask them to be part of the wedding party. So you give them the role of "bible reader" and hope they won't notice they're only making a cameo in your special moment and not actually being an integral part.

If you read this verse at your wedding, post a comment.

#2. Saying "bless her heart."

Admit it, you've used this phrase. I know I have. Whenever you have something kind of mean to say about somebody but you don't want to be spreading gossip, you always punctuate your thought with the phrase, "bless her heart." Here's an example of how it works:

"Well you know her husband left her because she ran up so many credit cards he didn't know about. And she got fired me her job and her roots are awful. But, bless her heart, she's trying as hard as she can."

See how subtly I worked it in there? I was horrible. I was cynical and a jerk but I felt like I could say it and still feel OK because I ended it with "bless her heart."

I heard someone once call that phrase, "vinegar pie." That is, it seems like dessert. It seems nice, but at the end of the day it's made of vinegar.

#1. Putting a God Spin on Popular Secular Ideas

Oh the irony. One of our favorite things is taking popular secular ideas and putting a coat of God flavor on them. Case in point, that Adidas logo that has been creatively titled with "Add Jesus." And yet, here I've done the same exact thing. I took the wildly popular site "stuff white people like" and tweaked it just a little to make it about people that worship God. But "creatively borrowing" ideas from the world is only one of the things we Christians like to do.

And that's what this site is going to be, a tongue in cheek exploration of all the silly things Christians like. From Carmen to books about the rapture to crowns of thorns you can buy for $49.99 at the local Christian bookstore. It will be sarcastic, mildly funny and if some of these things hit too close to home, perhaps a little offensive. But I'd rather be honest about my faith and it's quirks than pretend I'm cool. So email me at theacuffs@yahoo.com if you want to contribute your own "stuff that Christians like."




© 2008 Jon Acuff Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Why create "Stuff Christians Like"

A few years ago I was asked to create a press release for a CEO of a company. My client wanted me to write something extolling how dedicated to being honest about sales results this particular CEO was. The only problem was that she wasn't.

She was known for being a bit blurry when it came to the reality of the sales the company was generating. The press, the stockholders, the employees, everyone that knew this lady was going to see right through my press release and instantly think, "No way am I listening to this lady. I know her past."

What I wanted to do, which was eventually rejected, was come out with the truth. I wanted to disarm the readers by opening up with a statement that said, "In the past, numbers have not been my greatest strength." If I said that, all the readers would have to pause before throwing a rock at us. In essence I would have removed the biggest objective they had to reading the rest of the press release.

The same thing happens with Christianity.

We do some things really well and we do some things less than really well. But when we pretend we're perfect, people see right through it and won't believe anything else we say. And that's the point of this project. I want to be honest and upfront and hopefully a little funny about the issues the church and Christians struggle with sometimes. I want to say, "Whoa, whoa, please don't judge me or God by Christian radio." I want to admit the times we've dropped the ball on issues or ideas that people called to love their neighbor should have knocked out of the park. I want to blow up misconceptions and preconceptions about what it means to be a Christian.

And I need your help. For the first time in my blogging experiment, I want to open up the posts to other people. Got an idea about "Stuff Christians Like?" Email me at theacuffs@yahoo.com or post a comment. If it fits the theme of the site I'll put it up and give you all the credit.

So check out the posts. Laugh a little. Get mad a little and if you finish here, don't forget to stop by ProdigalJon.com and 97secondswithgod.com .

p.s. this is a direct rip off from a really popular secular site and started on March 21. Instead of cramming the first 40 posts on one day that would never have been scrolled through, I went back and loaded all the content day by day starting with January 1st. That way the days are all evenly laid out and when you click on "March" you don't just see one thick day trying to carry 40 posts. See post 1 for more details.