(Turns out the interweb is jam packed with funny, insightful people. Sometimes I have the opportunity to introduce you to them. Today, Bryan Allain, a Jesus/Sports expert is joining the annals of Stuff Christians Like. Enjoy.)
Hello my fellow side-hugging, skittle-eating, prayer ninjas. Last month Jon asked me if I'd be interested in blogging a guest post here at SCL and I said "yes" so fast, my tongue tore it's ACL and is out 10-12 months. Thankfully I don't type with my tongue (anymore), and I was still able to put this post together for you.
One disclaimer before we jump in: If you hate sports like the devil hates you, I apologize in advance. I write about sports because they are a huge part of my life, and I feel there's tons of lessons we can learn from them about how God wants us to live (so much so that I'm writing a book about it). So, if you're idea of hell is a neverending junior high gym class where people play dodge ball, flag football, and floor hockey for the rest of eternity, just grit your teeth, roll your eyes, and try to get through this.
With that out of the way, here's 7 Sports Myths that Christians Like:
1. Saying you love Jesus after a big win is always a good thing.
If you're neighbor came over one day and asked you "Hey, your lawn looks great! What's your secret?" and you replied, "Well, first I'd like to give praise to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Without Him grass wouldn't even exist!" What would happen? Even if you followed up with, "I use a weed and feed every March and August and spray for grubs in July", would your neighbor even be listening anymore? Chances are he'd be so caught off-guard by your impromptu confession of faith that he'd be backpedaling faster than an all-pro cornerback in man-to-man coverage.
Like it or not, context IS important. Yes truth is always truth, but context matters. Plus, there's also something to be said for respecting the reporter who is trying to do their job and actually answering the question you were asked. I'm not saying athletes should never bring faith into the conversation, I'm just saying there's more to sharing your faith than saying Jesus' name whenever a microphone is shoved in your face. Too often it comes across as nothing more than a cheesy soundbite, and for every Christian who hears it and pumps their fist in approval, there's probably 50 other folks who roll their eyes and change the channel.
2. The New Orleans Saints are The Most Christian Sports Franchise
Sure they were named, in part, because of the large Catholic population in New Orleans in the 1960s, but when it comes to Christian team names, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim stand head and shoulders above the rest. Remember, this is the franchise that once had a Disney movie made about their team that involved real angels (including Christopher Lloyd) helping the team win the A.L. Pennant. No other team, including the Saints, can lay claim to that.
But what seals the deal is their name. I only took one year of Spanish in junior high, but I'm pretty sure the English translation of "Los Angeles" is "The Angels". This means their team name is literally "The Angels Angels of Anaheim". With that ridiculous double-reference to heavenly harpists, they take the cake as the Most Christian Sports Franchise. (They would also lay claim to the title of Most Absurd Sports Team Name if it wasn't for the existence of The Utah Jazz).
3. The referee is always right
The customer is always right. Google is always right. Your wife is always right.
The referee...not so much.
But even though the men and women in stripes screw up occasionally, we still need to handle ourselves on the field as ambassadors of Christ. In fact, the last time I looked through the Gospels, Jesus was telling his disciples to shake the dust off of their feet, not to kick it onto other people's shoes when they blow a call. And those times when we feel compelled to holler at the referee for his poor eyesight? We should follow the example of Jesus, who had compassion for those who couldn't see. It's fine to disagree with the umpire, and usually there is a way to state your case with respect and class. Just don't forget who you're representing when you're told to go sit back down on the bench and shut up.
4. Christians aren't allowed to root for teams with devil mascots.
Contrary to popular belief, The New Jersey Devils of the NHL were not given their name because New Jersey is often referred to as "hell on earth". They were actually named after a legendary creature called "The Jersey Devil" who is said to haunt the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey. In fact, most devilish mascots have a similar story behind their name. So take comfort fans of Arizona St., Duke, and Depaul; cheering for the Sun Devils, Blue Devils, or the Blue Demons is not aligning your soul with Sheol.
That being said, kudos to my mom for lobbying to get my brother's grade school soccer team renamed from The Black Knights (clearly evil) to The Black Attackers (much less evil...and much cooler). True story.
5. You can be a Christian and attend Wake Forest University
The lone exception to myth #4 is Wake Forest University. Prior to 1923, Wake Forest's sports teams competed as the Fighting Baptists. But leave it to a newspaper reporter to suggest that the team "fought like demons" in a win over Duke in 1923, which eventually led to the university adopting the Demon Deacon as their mascot. The scary part? Wake Forest never won a National Championship while competing as the Fighting Baptists, but since moving to the dark side the Demon Deacons have won 8 national championships in four different sports. Draw your own conclusions.
And while we're here, what is a Demon Deacon anyway? Is it a deacon at your church who gets possessed by a demon? Or is it a demon from hell who takes the form of a human and joins your church, eventually earning enough respect from members of the congregation with his work on the usher team to be voted in as a deacon? Either way, you might not want to be wearing a Wake Forest hoodie when you stand before the pearly gates one day. Just a suggestion.
6. Our kids should play to have fun, not to win.
Garbage. Taking winning and losing out of sports is like taking the rainbow out of skittles. We need to let kids win and lose because they're going to deal with the emotions that come from succeeding and failing all through their lives, and sports are a great place for them to become familiar with them.
Why sports? Because it's only a game, but the lessons we learn in athletics are universal. Kids need to win because they need to learn how to succeed with grace and humility. So 10 years down the road when they get that coveted promotion over an equally qualified coworker, they handle themselves with class. Similarly, they need to learn how to fail with respect and dignity. They need to be able to put disappoint and rejection in proper perspective for the times later in life when they lose something more than just a game.
Besides, if we didn't keep score at our kids' games, what would we have to yell about from the sidelines?
7. God loves Penn State and the Cowboys
Living in Pennsylvania, I've been told numerous times that God HAS to be a Penn State fan because the sky is blue and white. I usually walk away from these conversations convinced that the use of hallucinogens is on the rise among college football fans. Do these folks realize that "Sky Blue" and "Nittany Lion Blue" are as far as you can possibly get away from each other on the Blue Scale? Do they think God is colorblind?
Penn State fans aren't the only ones who claim divine fandom. Fans of the Dallas Cowboys have long argued that the Cowboys are God's team, citing the fact that there's a hole in the roof over Texas Stadium so God can keep an eye on the action. What Cowboys fans fail to realize is that they are, in essence, saying God is not capable of seeing through man-made materials like steel and elastomer coatings. Feel free to remind them of this the next time one of them plays the "hole in the roof" card. Really? You worship a God that doesn't have X-Ray vision? Does he need binoculars too? What happens if it's cloudy, does He just watch the game on TV?
Besides, we all know that God's favorite team couldn't possibly be the Cowboys. It has to be The Angels Angels of Anaheim, right?
So, can you think of any sports myths that I missed?
Who are your favorite and least favorite teams?
Have any good stories about arguing with an umpire or a referee you can share?
P.S. You can find more of Bryan at his sports/faith blog, Prayers For Blowouts, and at his personal blog, Ramblings and Such(bryanallain.com/blog).
Friday, December 5, 2008
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92 comments:
First off Gd barely tolerates the existence of the cowboys. I just had to get that off my chest.
Second, your take on "the ref is always right" is much kinder than my sentiment about a few blown calls. I'm still a little bitter about the bad calls a few years back by some Pac 10 refs that ended up giving the game to Oregon over Oklahoma. Stoops called for play reviews and even though the video evidence was surprisingly clear, including the deciding play in which Oregon made and onside kick that did not travel far enough before being touched by their team and which OU actually recovered according to the camera, the refs consistently stood by their bad calls.
The point is that some refs make bad calls because there is a ton going on and they are human while other refs make bad calls because they have money riding on the game or something.
Finally, in the past year I think we have had two different demon deacons but that is another story for another day. It is also a bit of a joke because both of them mean well but are heavily deluded by a single individual with great desire for power. Also, I can understand why Wake Forest went over to the dark side, I hear they have cookies.
Word Verification: sques
What the ladies in the church do to my poor kids.
"I could just sques you and eat you all up."
I was watching the new Mickey Mouse Club House with my one year old son a while back. Pluto and another dog were competing in a couple different events. Long story short, through a set of rediculous circumstances, they ended up tying, and everyone was thrilled. I felt like my son, who for the lack of bright colors wouldn't have been looking at the tv, had just seen something awful.
I guess that was my long way of agreeing that winning and losing is important.
Great post Brian. There are probably a lot more myths to be said, but you did a great job with the ones you came up with. I think we all have a problem with refs once in a while and something definitely needs to be grilled into us about the negative affect it has on our testimony.
Oh, one more myth to add: what happens on the field, stays on the field. So Christians can play just as dirty, trash talk, cuss, or whatever and it not affect their testimony. A lot to be said about that one.
As a resident of Winston Salem, NC, and a fan of Demon Deacon athletics I find #5 simply hilarious.
What are your thoughts on cheering for professional athletes named "Jesus", like Jesus Sanchez of the Philadelphia Phillies, while booing professional athletes names "Satan", like Miroslav Satan of the Pittsburgh Penguins? By reading Revelation we all know what the end result would be if "Jesus" and "Satan" squared off in an ice-box.
What are your thoughts on professional baseball players coming out to outwardly obvious Christian tunes, like Julio Franco always walking out to the plate to Twila Paris' "God Is In Control"? Do you believe this song had any to-do in extending his professional baseball career to 24 seasons in the US, Mexico, and Korea?
Just curious on your take.
GREAT POST!
We all know God is a fan of the Alabama Crimson Tide...I mean, come on...we all hear references about Jesus' CRIMSON blood! ROLL TIDE!
Kudos on this post. I agree about the winning and losing. We make kids too soft when "everyone must win" and when they grow up, they expect that to be the same in the world, when it's not. Because of that, I think it makes the kids lazy and not willing to work hard for their accomplishments.
As far as athletes disclaiming their faith on TV, I'm always skeptical...do the REALLY mean it or is it just a facade they're portraying? This stinks, because I know there are athletes out there who are strong Christians, but you're right...context is key!
YES, great post.
1. great bit about pulling an ACL in your tongue - out 10-12 weeks.
2. have to argue about #4. I think Duke is the exception to the rule. Can't pull for Duke and be Christian. Go Heels.
I am not much of a sports fan, but I still enjoyed your post. What is your take on Cub vs. Sox? Do I even want to know? Try saying "I like them both" here in Chicago, and you might as well say I worship God Sunday morning and, well, you know who, Sunday evening. You will get yelled at that you can't do both. In our house we must, because I am a Sox fan, and my husband is a Cubs fan. We didn't think to discuss this before we got married (we dated for 5 months before getting engaged) and didn't find out until after the honeymoon. By then it was too late. (Just kiddding, I love my husband, and we avoid acrimony over the issue by wishing well to each other's team, but better to our own).
Dallas Cowboys once was a great team due to a great Christian leader Coach Tom Landry.
However after he left, so did the Christian standards. When our sons were in Jr. High & didn't support the Cowboys, I asked them why. They responded with the Dallas Cowboys are drunks & druggies, do you really want that for a role model for us?
At that time the news was full of the Cowboys arrests & fines. Sadly I realized they were right & had higher standards for role models.
Word Verification: phoma
My momma usta phoma at the mouth when she watched the Dallas Cowboys!
"...The lessons we learn in athletics are universal." Indeed. This is one of the top reasons why my husband and I spend so much time (and money on cable) watching sports. In addition to learning to be a good winner/loser, there are the important lessons of loyalty, teamwork, and submission to authority that we want our kids to be exposed to from birth...hence why my husband, from my son's first day out of the womb, has serenaded him with the IU fight song, which has now become my son's lullaby.
Great post with some great points! Jesus had compassion for those who couldn't see...HA! My favorite ref joke of all time: If you had another eye, ref, you'd be a cyclops.
Another myth...
All Christian women are stupid about sports and prefer to discuss quilting and scrapbooking.
While I would not classify myself as a sports fanatic, and I deeply admire those who have talents in quilting and scrapbooking...I would much rather catch a basketball or football game on TV any day. I come from a long line of Christian sports-watching women. My 95 year old great-grandmother still watches every IU basketball game.
And, yes, I do know the rules. I might even know the rankings of the teams and be familiar with the strengths and weaknesses of the players. Please don't spell everything out for me. When you talk that much I can't hear the dumb things the announcers are saying.
Go Colts!
The sky may be blue and white, but Heaven is Green and Gold.
Sic 'em Baylor Bears!
@David - yeah, that's a good one. Some guys get drunk on competitive juices and adrenaline and forget the standards they live the rest of their lives with. Makes you wonder if people with that problem should treat sports with moderation and care as if it were alcohol.
@Mobile - good question on the Jesus vs. Satan debate. And does Julio Franco really come out to Twila? I saw her in concert in 1996. Avalon opened. Please don't tell anyone.
@Helen - As a lifelong Red Sox fan, I know the pain of cheering for a perpetually frustrating franchise. And now that we've had a few years of success, I cheer for other tortured fan bases to get theirs. Philly took care of that this year. Maybe next year it will be the Cubbies? I'll root for them as long as they're not playing the Red Sawx.
First Deadspin and now Stuff Christians Like. This Bryan Allain kid is going places!
Jason Boyett
Treasurer
Bryan Allain Fan Club
I went to a Christian high school and played basketball. Every time we won, the coach made us sing "Victory in Jesus" together while holding hands. When we lost, he would preach at us, saying, "There's sin in the camp!"
Ever notice that players (usually wide receivers & hockey players) always kiss 2 fingers, look up to the heavens, then point their greasy fingers to the skies? I always wonder if they're actually praising God for the achievement or if maybe they have a very tall wife they wish were their with them to share in their goal/touchdown.
Love PFB- so good to read you here too! not that I don't love Jon. Um, awkward.
My mama always taught me that:
You can't get to heaven in a red canoe because God's favorite color is Carolina Blue. :)
And I hate games where this is no winner- it makes me SO mad- glad to hear that other people find it ridiculous as well!!
I love sports- have raised 3 boys, the youngest excelling in Basketball, FOOTBALL (my favorite) and baseball.
Here's a few questions I have:
1. Why doesn't the pitcher say "I'm Sorry" when he hits someone with his fastball?
*In football, when the linebacker knocks someone on his keister, he at least offers a hand to help the poor guy up! Pitchers just stare down the man writhing in pain with the now broken wrist, concusion, it's very rude I think!
2. Why are there no cheerleaders in Baseball? Would they interfere with the pitcher's focus or are they afraid they'll get hit with a wild pich and then just be stared down?
3. Do you think God has cursed the scrubs, I mean CUBS?
I"m surprised to not see a comment on here from my husband. He would be especially appreciative of #4 as he is a die-hard Duke fan. I must admit I put my foot down on decorating the house with little devils. I do enjoy watching with him, though, sometimes.
I especially appreciated #1 and #6. With #1 - not just sports, but all celebrities. #6 - I guess it is good to learn the basics first, but who doesn't like a little bit of competition to motivate? My husband being the basketball fan/coach that he is will certainly want to start teaching our children very early. In fact, our daughter was born in March - during championships, not Madness - but that's all that was watched in the hospital.
A lot of people out here say God proves he is a Denver Broncos fan because he made the sunsets blue and orange.
Apparently God needs to make up his mind.
Tarheels claim the "God Loves the Heels because the sky is carolina blue!"
BULL
@jason - can i quote you on that in my book proposal? perhaps then I'll get some interest from Pub Houses and get a book published like you have, oh respected author of the Pocket Guides!
(speaking of which - go grab Jason's book on the cheap before he realizes he's giving them away too cheap! $6.99???)
@gary - please tell me you're joking.
@Cami - Thanks for the Prayers For Blowouts love!
@sherri - i think a better question is...why are there any cheerleaders at all? (*dodging evil glances*)
WV = imunc
Obviously a well-timed message from God.
Dude, that was an AMAZING post! I love it and laughed most of the way through. Great stuff. Even better, it's so true that is should probably sting a little for all the Christian sports fans out there.
I don't know if this was karma, divine providence, or what, but at precisely the same time you posted this, I posted "7 Christian Clichés...Re-appropriated."
Wierd. Probably has something to do with the divine 7.
Hmmm...that might be another thing Christians like...lists of 7!
Well, since I'm already blatantly self-promoting, if you guys like this post, you might also like my piece, "The BCS and the Institutional Church: Kindred Spirits."
Grace and Peace,
Raffi
Myth - Christians can't like hockey because players sometimes punch each other in the face.
wv - ducke - "If he ducke at de right time, he no get punche in de face."
@Sherri
The pitcher doesn't apologize because it's the batter's fault for not moving out of the way, or, if the pitcher is someone like Daniel Cabrera of the Orioles or Bob Gibson in his Cardinals days, they just meant to hit the guy.
Oh, and the only reason the Cowboys still exist is because of some sort of deal that Devil has worked with God to allow him slightly more time on earth, this also explains the existence of the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and Philadelphia Flyers.
Yep.
God watches the Cowboys through the hole in the roof...that's what I was raised believing, and I'm not going to stop now. :-)
He CHOOSES to limit himself, to bring himself down to our level...much like Jesus did in coming to earth. Is he CAPABLE of watching some other team through their completely covered dome? Of course he COULD, but he's NOT doing that. Because he's choosing to watch the Cowboys.
@ Gary- Wow. That's...ummm...wow.
In trying to make a return to competitive football after having spiritually matured somewhat (not saying I'm Ravi Zacharias...just that I have a little better understanding of what Jesus is about than I did in, say..college), I realized I just don't have it in me to play linebacker anymore. I couldn't bring myself to crash into another man's midsection at full steam (which led to some comically pansy, yet polite, attempts at sacking the quarterback). I think you have to be a little bit evil or harboring deep rooted hurt and anger to play linebacker well :-)
Verfication word:
bawnsish
...it probably means something in Gaelic.
So, my college mascot ended up being The Demons and the school where I ended up teaching at had the Red Devils as their mascot. So... Where does that leave me on the Christian scale?
We all know God COULD see through the roof of a dome, but we're not supposed to test God. Because we love him, we made it easier for him to watch his team.
If the Cowboys aren't God's team, how do you explain the preachin' duel-threat that is Deion Sanders?
... Oh, I know. Deion was a Seminole of Florida State, coached by the original class act of sports, Bobby Bowden.
And before you say anything about the "Criminoles" or "Free Shoes University", tell us about how many Rhodes Scholars your team produced this year.
jon, thanks for introducing us to bryan. we red sox fans need to stick together.
bryan, great post. you showed restraint, including several different sports in your list. it would have been so easy to use the Evil Empire as your example, and yet you showed compassion for cashman.
word verification is paingle;
my descriptor of scott boras, always a pain and always working the angle.
@Brain Allain- just when I thought I was starting to like you AND was thinking about sending a personal email to JON commending your debut,
you go a throw in a nasty cheerleader comment!
I'm sure you didn't realize that I WAS A CHEERLEADER IN HIGH SCHOOL and felt personally responsible for the success of our football and basketball team's HUGE success!
Guess who didn't fair so well?
The BASEBALL and TRACK TEAM?
Guess what they both had in common?
NO CHEERLEADERS!!!!
I'll be waiting for a retraction.
not sure who Jesus roots for?
Well let jesus tell you himself
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2023/2179351575_e94da70040.jpg?v=0
if the link works
I'm a Penn State fan born and raised but I have to agree with Meaghan's comment--heaven is green and gold. SIC 'EM BEARS!!
Nick the Geek, I have a real bone to pick with you. Do you live north of Texas or something? (Because our neighbors to the east and west are nice to us) One time you insulted DFW airport and now you've publically slammed my Cowboys. What gives brother? ;)
WV:ditiot. Draw your own conclusions.
@ Aaron,
The linebackers meant to hit the guy too, but they still help him up!
Pitchers are just rude and cocky!
(my son was a pitcher- normally a very kind, mild mannered guy, put him on a mound and I didn't recognize him!)
He always had the "blank face" on. Winning, losing, pitching well or suckin', hitting some one in the side of the head or listening to me scream, "SAY YOUR SORRY! THAT WAS RUDE!"
Same blank stare.
@anotherlisa - yes, it was tough not to skewer the yankees with every other sentence. but i almost feel bad for them...they havent won anything in 8 years...it's like kicking someone when they're down.
as for Cashman, i actually kinda like him. I sat in on a roundtable with him and Theo Epstein and Riccardi from Toronto last winter and Cashman came off better than anyone else. We should hire him in Boston so he can help keep the trophies shined up.
@sherri - I fully retract my last statement about cheerleaders. in fact, i'm not even sure that was me who typed it. cheerleaders are the glue that hold our sports teams together. Their inspiration and enthusiasm propel our fans to cheer and our teams to victory!
(now, go ahead and send that email to Jon! Hip Hip Hooray!)
God's a Tarheels fan. That's why He made the sky Carolina blue. I thought everyone knew that...
"God is a Broncos Fan. If He isn't then why are sunsets blue and orange?"
Bumper sticker from the great state of Colorado. So FYI.
Great debut! Loved what you had to say. Especially about taking the winning and losing out of games. Drives me crazy! You can learn tons of stuff about life in success and loss. (Of course when I was younger those lessons usually came on the loss side...)
"God is a Broncos Fan. If He isn't then why are sunsets blue and orange?"
Bumper sticker from the great state of Colorado. So FYI.
Great debut! Loved what you had to say. Especially about taking the winning and losing out of games. Drives me crazy! You can learn tons of stuff about life in success and loss. (Of course when I was younger those lessons usually came on the loss side...)
wv: obikep
Obi Won Kanobi's child.
bryan,
Thanks for the HEARTFELT apology about the nasty cheerleader remark.
And I totally believe you when you saythat someone else may have typed that statement using your name. hat happens to me ALL the time!
I'm sending my "letter of recommendation" now to Jon, recommending that you participate more often on SCl and also to report that an anonymous cyber stalker has made a rude comment on HIS site using his guest blog hosts name! I'm sure JON would NOT approve of the cheerleader comment either.
He knows our value!
veri word: "bring"
as in "BRING IT ON!" ( I actually think that was the title of a cheerleader movie a few years back...POWERFUL epic film, you need to rent it.
When St. Louis one the Super Bowl a few years ago and Curt Warner thrust the Super Bowl (or MVP) trophy upward by screaming "thank you Jesus" I'm pretty sure he did more harm than good. How many Christians on the other team were now doubting their faith? We always prayed or had a moment of silence before games ... starting in JR. High football at the public school I attended and continuing on through public high school and then into playing basketball and running track at two private Christian Colleges. We or I always tried to pray for safety for the players on both teams, that we would play to the best of our abilities, that we would use the talents God gave us to glorify Him, for the fans, and for the referees. It always made me cringe when someone would pray for a victory ... especially when we lost. I just don't think God cares as much about sports as we think He does. He cares about the players, but I'm not convinced that the outcomes of the games matter all that much to Him. It's not like He has money riding on the games. Plus we have to look at what sports of become today, and are way beyond the recreation they are intended to be. Just some thoughts.
I was told there aren't many Jewish professional athletes because they can't thank their Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in the post-game interview.
Bryan, my husband coaches Parks and Rec basketball (can we have a group hug) and can't stand it because at the 8th grade level it's still about equal playing time, everyone loving on each other and he's ultra-competitive. Do you see the problem here?
I on the other hand, am an ultra-competitive high school volleyball coach and it IS about the win (and losing with dignity, of course). There is not a lot of group hugging going on when we are down in the scoring, if you know what I'm saying.
(And I do agree with your points on what the kids learn from sports.)
And my favorite after game comment by a coach when I was working at a conservative Baptist school after beating a rival team: "we know God gave us the victory tonight because we've just really had open hearts to let God work during our school revival."
Ummm, so God looked down from the skies (which are neither Carolina or Penn State blue and definitely not Detroit Lions Honolulu blue) and said "Well, those conservative Baptist girls have hearts that are more open to me this week so I'm going to let them win. Maybe that will teach those girls from the conservative Reformed college to have more open hearts to me next week!"
I think not.
GOD IS A PACKERS FAN.
That's all.
I so agree with the competition part of it. I had a kind-hearted Christian mom tell me once that in Awanas (a kid youthgroup thing) we should have games where no one wins. I gave her a leg drop for Jesus and then informed her that these kids will get dumped by people they're dating, get passed over for job, and God will tell them "No" to their prayers - and that they needed to handle disappointment well.
Great post, Bryan! I wasn't really a sports fan until I moved to N.C., but now, like many other SCL'ers (to judge from today's comments), I'm an avid Tar Heels fan, and I appreciate the real-life lessons sports offers. When the Heels lost the basketball semifinals last spring, I mourned for 4 days. I remember thinking at the time that it was nice to care about something that ultimately doesn't matter! There was (and is) so much to be really concerned about--the war, gas prices and the economy, salvation for my friends, the elections, what role God is calling me to in my church, my work, and so on. And those are long-term things. It was such a relief to be able to say, This hurts, but it's only a game, and there's always next year!
WV: warpte--My pastor is a Dookie with a warpte sense of humor.
I'm pretty sure that the Duke Blue Devils are straight from hell. I really do believe that.
Go Tar Heels!
word verification: blogin (long O, short I)
Definition: a request from a backwoods southern highway patrol to get a more accurate blood alcohol level
"That one wassunt clear 'nuff. Blogin one mo' time."
If God is a Texas A&M fan He's teaching us about perseverance.
Oh and a hearty 'amen' to calling the 'everyone is a winner' thing for what it is. What a load.
Thanks and Gig 'em.
Marni, I do not live north of Texas, but graduated HS there so I am a die hard OU fan. I am in deep mourning at losing the Red River Shoot Out so please forgive me.
I will say that in HS about 80% of the people following NFL football were Cowboys fans, but this was back in the mid 90s when they were doing great and so everyone jumped on the bandwagon. I have decided to dislike them since.
I still stand by my DFW airport comments whatever they were. I hate connecting at that airport. I always have to get from one side to the other in less than an hour. Also it freaks me out crossing an interstate in a 747. I have never had to leave the airport so I'm not sure what that is like but it couldn't be worse than Dulles. When trying to leave Dulles my GPS just says "good luck."
Word Verification: actat
A tattoo parlor specializing in Christian tattoos, "All Christian Tattoos" or "actat" for short.
So my yelling, "In your face!" to my annoying coworker when I got promoted over him was because I never learned how to properly deal with winning at sports as a kid?!
It kind of makes sense.
word verification: talater (short first A, long second A)
definition: as in later tomorrow. Used to let girls know that you will call them back - just not the next day.
"Well, I had a great time. I'll call - not talater - but ... um ... later."
I like what JamCam said earlier
"Ever notice that players (usually wide receivers & hockey players) always kiss 2 fingers, look up to the heavens, then point their greasy fingers to the skies?"
I have decided to adopt this in my everyday life. Anytime I do anything good i'm kissing 2 fingers and pointing to JC.
I put the toilet seat down? 2 finger God point.
I watched a Meg Ryan movie with my wife? 2 finger God point.
I ate 4 pounds of buffalo wings on super bowl sunday? 2 finger God point.
If God's favor is based on sports scores, the entire state of Washington is SCREWED this season.
Poor, poor us.... We love Jesus too....it's just that our sports teams suck right now...
God also loves the University of Alabama --- Ezekiel 20:29, "Then I said to them: What is this high place you go to?' It is called Bamah to this day." --- it's in the Bible so it must be true!
I thought for sure this guy might be from North Carolina with his Duke and Wake Forest reference. But then I read the thing about Penn St. Our pastor refuses to publically state who he prefers, Duke or Carolina b/c of the divide it could cause.
If you or John hasn't already done this topic, I'm sure there's a lot you could write about church sports teams--softball, basketball, bowling leagues, adult kickball, etc.
@jesse - i've got a chapter in the book I'm working on about church softball. actually 2 chapters potentially. 1 about playing, and 1 about being the president for the last 3 years. you havent lived until you've received an email complaining about secular music being played in the parking lot of a public park. good times.
May God sprain your tongue again for blasheming PSU.
just wanted to say thanks to everyone for taking the time to say you liked the post, and thanks for sharing about your favorite sports teams.
it was an honor to be asked to contribute to this community, and if I ever get the chance to do it again, I'd be all over it. You guys are amazing...jon is blessed! (and he knows it)
also, i sheepishly invite you to come check out my blog if you havent already. i've got a post up now with some of my funnier moments (i think), so maybe you'll enjoy it.
Thanks again!
I don't like sports all that much (professional that is), but I thought this was a great post. Very funny writer.
You misspelled dook. And you capitalized it. Shame on you.
I graduated from UNC in 02.
I try to explain the rivalry between the Heels and the dookies by saying that I would cheer for a team fielded by the Nazis and the North Koreans before I would cheer for dook. If the legions of hell fielded a team, I'd have to pray about cheering for dook over them.
But the point is moot. The legions of hell have fielded a team, coached by Coach Weasel, I mean Kryswerdsdfrewsdski.
Just my thoughts. Hope I wasn't unclear.
Word Verification: cotas.
As in Ed Cota's a better point guard than has ever played at dook. And he's barely in the top 3 at UNC.
"I've been told numerous times that God HAS to be a Penn State fan because the sky is blue and white."
I live in a part of Florida where UF, FSU, and UGA all equidistant, let me just say there is a lot of college football smack talk. One day at school I overheard some kids arguing over what team was best, one girl said, "God obviously loves the University of Florida best because the sky is blue, the sun is orange, and the grass is green." Oh. my.
I would LOVE a "Fighting Baptist" t-shirt. Not necessarily from the original era, but a throwback jersey would be just as good.
I'd LOVE to have a t-shirt from any school that boasts the team name "the Fighting Amish". Or perhaps "the Menacing Mennonites". Who really cares what they play right? The thrill is in the looks people give when the wearer walks by.
It's fairly common knowledge that it is God's will that everyone support the professional sports teams based out of Houston. Why? Because, in His infinite wisdom, He understands that we could all use a big dose of humility. And He's probably a Cubs fan, too.
Good post! Way to go! (insert masculine butt slap here)
This was hilarious, and I hate sports.
Very well done.
Haha wv: holys
1) from my experience, "demon deacon" is redundant.
b) regarding blind refs/umps... to follow Jesus' example, i guess it would be the right thing for a coach/manager to spit on the ground, make a mudpie and rub it in the ref's eyes??
iii) i'd think if God likes the cowboys because they have a mere hole in their roof, he must LOVE all those teams that play in open stadiums.
word verification: "catonnet" - what (hopefully) happens when i throw my cat at the basketball goal in the driveway.
I'd like to address Jodi T's comment and Brian's #7 by asking two things.
1) Hasn't anyone noticed that the sky is blue and the sun is orange? God must be a Gator.
2) Jodi, I hope ya'll are ready to be Gator Bait tomorrow.
:)
This post absolutely cracked me up. One of my favorites.
I am sorry. i HAVE to firmly disagree with everything that was said. Did jesus ever play any games??? he sure didn't participate when the guards were trying to play "Guess who hit you in the head"
We never see him run. we never see him score (even though he must have had all those chances with them prostitutes). and clearly he condemned all competition when he rebuked James and John for trying to get ahead of the others and sit beside him.
Worship Eagle...Philadelphia Eagles...obviously God's favorite
My college team is the Hawkeyes which is about as close to being worship eagles as, well, those birds in Philly.
wv: jounpugm
It's getting more difficult to use these in sentences.
The "LA Angels of Anaheim" are even more ridiculously (and religiously) named when you consider LA's original name, "El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula." The town of Our Lady the Queen of Angels of the Porciúncula River (Angels of Anaheim).
Interesting that when the Tampa Bay Devilrays dropped the "Devil" from their name...it seemed that God approved. How else could such a young inexperienced team get all the way to the World Series?
Good post Bryan.
Bryan, I'm commenting only to put the number of comments 1 over the number yesterday (76) so you can tell Jon you beat him by at least ONE comment. (I know how competitive you are!)
"Go Bryan Go! Go Bryan Go!"
(I'm yelling this at the top of my lungs, then I did a back flip! In memory of the old chearleading days---I'll never walk again.
...and I'm commenting to put it at #77, because that's a more Christian number than #76. You're welcome.
Sorry I missed this yesterday.
First of all Penn State is one of God's favorite college teams (how could He have just one) because JoePa was there when God created football.
As a referee, I just smile and wave when I hear fans questioning my ability to see from 5 yards away what was obvious to them from 100 yards away. Now when they question the marital status of my parents at my conception, I take offense to that.
Great post and great comments guys and gals. God must love SCL best because.....
Wow, thanks so much for showing Bryan some love on his guest post. I feel honored that I get to introduce guest writers to the SCL crowd. You guys rock.
And so does UNC, where both my parents went. Pretty sure God is going to bless them into the final four this year.
Jon
@sherri - I might have more comments than Jon did the day before, but you gotta factor in that I had a week or two to put my post together. Jon cranks these things out everyday, which is quite remarkable.
not to mention that Jon is so talented, he could sit on his keeyboard and post whatever his butt typed and get more comments than i ever could. but i do appreciate the effort! go team!
@Ed - JoePa was there when God created football because he was there when God created the earth. In fact, many creation scientists have used JoePa as evidence of the young earth theory.
There was a debate at Wheaton College back in '91. The creation scientist had been backed into a corner by the evolutionist and did the only thing he knew to do, he flashed a picture of JoePa on the screen. The evolutionist threw up his hands and walked off the stage. true story.
As a Sun Devil myself (not a Sun Devil fan, mind you, but a Sun Devil), I had to applaud you on defending my right to attend Arizona State University and proclaim my faith in Jesus.
Also, as I Phoenix Suns fan, I have to agree that the referee is not always right (watch a Suns vs. Spurs game and I dare you to tell me that there's no bias). However, as someone who works at a movie theater, I have to disagree with you about your passing statement, "The customer is always right." Anybody who works with people knows that the customer is, in fact, wrong about 78% of the time.
Here in Colorado it's said that the Broncos are God's favorite--that's why sunsets are Orange and Blue.
It should also be noted that the reason the Browns have never won a Super Bowl is because God is not a fan. That's why he decided to make poop brown. Originally it was going to be purple, but in his sovereignty he looked into the future and saw the Cleveland Browns and made a last second switch.
Bryan- your post was absolutely hilarious! Im definitely gonna buy your book (& yours too Jon!!!)
you guys should colaborate more often...
WV: modget
I can't believe you left out the "Great satan" (middle finger of grammar implied) a.k.a. the new york yankees. They are most definately the most evil sports team in all history.
I see no one has yet brought up the fact that without a doubt Virginia Tech is God's favorite college and the Hokie is His favorite sports mascot. Why else would he turn the leaves maroon and orange (our colors) during the fall?
As a youth pastor and DUKE fan, I have never been able to wear the gear with devils on them.
Thank you for the freedom you have given me.
May I never have to hear the corny saying "God is a Tarheel b/c the sky is Carolina Blue" ever again.
GO DEVILS!!!!!
I really dont like it when someone claims that if you are a good christian then you will cheer for ________ team.
I heard that this morning while listening to a "positive alternative" station this morning while getting ready for work. The commentator stated that if you were a good Christian then you would be a Gators fan because Tim Tebow is such an upstanding Christian guy. That kind of junk makes my blood boil.
WV: yaxlven
Doesn't really seem funny. Just wanted to post that.
Thank you, thank you, thank you from an ASU grad and Sun Devils fan! I love the freedom!
I go to Texas A&M University, which statistically is one of the most conservative public universities in the US, if not the most. The evangelical Christian base here on campus is like something you've never seen, with campus-wide Bible studies with approximately 6,000 students in attendance each week.
This has led many on campus here to believe that God, is definitely, without a doubt, an Aggie (our mascot). Also, take this in contrast with our biggest rivals, the Longhorns, who are from Austin (and Austin is a rather liberal town with tattoos and beer and things). I won't point out the flaws in this logic, because I think they are apparent, but I'd have to say when it comes to college ball, if any teams claim to be God's team, it's definitely got to be the Aggies.
And of course, one of the greatest traditions here at A&M is beating the hell out of anything we don't like (serious, Robert Gates, secretary of defense and our former president lead us in the yell "Beat the Hell Outta Terrorism") and it's used so much it's just been abbreviated BTHO.
Real Christian, huh?
Clearly God loves the UNC-Chapel Hill Tarheels. Their official color is ... well, Carolina blue, but technically sky blue.
I'm sure no other college with blue and white colors believes to be loved by God either.
Check me at brandonsneed.wordpress.com. (Shameless plug.)
you can't get to heaven in a red canoe because God's favorite color is carolina blue.
go heels.
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