Camp month at Stuff Christians Like is about to wrap up. As we come to the end, I thought it might be fun to reflect on an event that is often at the end of the Christian camp experience – testimony night.
Sometimes, as a way to discuss and enjoy the work God has done during the week or months at camp, there will be a testimony night. This is essentially an open microphone session where anyone can step up and talk about their experience. It can be a cool situation, with people sharing their hearts about what happened at camp and their hopes about what will happen when they return home. It can be beautiful and honest and unify the group of kids in a way that few things can.
It can also be crazy.
I am of course talking about what I call the "testi-whoa-ny." This is when someone gets up, grabs the mic and then proceeds to confess something that soars miles passed the boundaries of normal camp testimonies. Out of nowhere, they unleash a monologue of words and emotions that are so wildly inappropriate that the entire room freezes in a strange potpourri of sweat and awkwardness.
But it would be easy to read this and think, "Jon wants us to lie in our testimonies. He is ignoring James 5:16. He probably has an ironic t-shirt that says 'I hate honesty.' I should leg drop him." So I thought I would clarify my thought by sharing the two most common forms of "test-whoa-nies."
1. The Lost in Lust Approach
I am all about confessing lust and working on it honestly and openly. I have been upfront on my own issues with that on this site. But, in the words of Depeche Mode, it's no good when a camper stands up on testimony night and says, "I want to confess that I have really been lusting after Jennifer, especially during the swim test when she had that bikini on and during the talent show when they changed Jesse McCartney's song 'leavin' to 'cleaving' and made it about getting married." Poor Jennifer sits there dying inside, while some dude clears himself of any guilt. Say you're struggling with lust, don't give a shout out to the girl or guy you've lusted after. And confess it in detail to a counselor, not the whole crowd.
2. The Carjack Confession
It took me, many, many years of marriage to learn this one. Sometimes, there is more than one person involved in a situation you feel is part of your testimony. So you'll be faced with the temptation to confess somebody else's story as well as your own. It looks like this, "I just wanted to say that God really moved in my heart once Mark and I stopped stealing things from other cabins. God really convicted me about doing that with Mark. So I put an end to it." In one fell swoop, you've not only taken the power of confession away from Mark, but you threw him under the bus by indicating you were the one that broke it off. The crowd is left thinking "Whoa, look at what Mark was doing and he didn't even want to stop!" I used to do this all the time by confessing marital stuff my wife was not comfortable with random strangers at the gas station knowing. She's all about confession but wants the freedom to discuss that as a couple versus have me carjack the whole confession and essentially say, "I've been really selfish my whole life and have now found a way to extend that selfishness by sharing our junk without talking with you about it. Yay me!"
I love camp. I love testimonies. I am going to miss this month when it is over. But I could go my whole life without hearing or delivering another testi-whoa-ny.
The Christian camp I used to work at has a specific plan for what should be discussed at campfire every night--Monday is God's creation, Tuesday is His love, Wednesday is how sin separates us from that love, and Thursday is salvation night. (The kitchen staff that I was a part of declared every Thursday "fiesta night!" and consistently served mexican, because surely salvation is something deserving of nachos, right?) Salvation Night's campfire would involve the crucifixion story and then counselor testimonies. We were all told at the beginning of the summer what is and is not appropriate to share in a testimony to 6 year olds, and to practice keeping your testimony to a time limit sleepy 6 year olds can focus during when all they really want is smores. And then, a month and a half into the summer, I found myself at a Salvation Night campfire with a new staff member who had not been reminded that 6 year olds don't want to hear a 45-minute double sermon graphically detailing your former drug addiction and gang involvement. Longest and whoa-est testi-whoa-ny I've ever been subjected to, for sure.
ReplyDeletethanks, jon. i get what you mean about the testi-whoa-ny, and i also learned a great application of boundaries in sharing stories that involve other people. much appreciated, friend.
ReplyDeleteRe. #1, I would add that, while that clearly isn't the proper mode or venue, it probably is good for "Jennifer" and her friends also to receive some of that information somehow. All the better if it can be that specific and credible, though figuring out the appropriate way is tricky.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, we had this happen a few years ago at our Women's retreat...we were all incredibly uncomfortable and someone actually had to step in and take the mic. Now we know what to call it! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a fan of the 'confess to your neighbor the problem you used to have with him, but don't have anymore due to the love of Christ'. Example: Jon, you used to think you we're an annoying person, I hated you with a passion. But through this week at camp I've discovered that through Christ, I'm bigger than that. I'm sorry. This leaves Jon in a fun spot =)
ReplyDeleteI recently, unintentionally and not publically, committed a carjack confession, and felt soooo bad about it. Not. cool. Now I know what to call it.
ReplyDelete(Yes, I apologized to the carjackees)
this is possibly the funniest post you've ever written. write on the mark!
ReplyDeleteI just about peed myself with laughter at this one. Thing is, Jon, your posts talk about the awkward, elephant in the room moments that we'e all been dying to vet for years! Bravo, my friend!
ReplyDeleteOnce at camp where my husband and I were the youth pastors, we had a grown up adult leader give her "testiwhoany"...apparently she enjoyed smoking some occassional weed. At camp. Yep. At least she smoked it alone....
I had to laugh when I read this post - It reminded me of when I brought my son and three of his friends to an open skate day at a local Christian Camp (that has a skate park and skate camp)....There was a Christian skateboard team that did all sorts of gnarlies, treyflips, ollies, gollies, and whatever other weird names they call tricks...then one of them stepped up to offer his testimony, which turned into a "Testi-WHOA-ny" of lust, sorrow, and God's will...
ReplyDeleteOf course, the mean age of the boys there was probably 10. The last thing they need to hear is how he and Peggy Sue lusted after each other, and that they couldn't control their lust for each other so they broke up because God told them to and it broke his heart, and he's still suffering for it today, but oh my how he loves Jesus......talk about a testiWHOAny! geeze...
The mom of one of the boys I came with leaned over and whispered to me (it was her first time at that camp) "Do they ALWAYS talk about stuff like this??!!"
oh so true. i loved these while at FCA camp as well as hanging rock christian assembly (http://www.hangingrock.org/).
ReplyDeletepersonally, i also use to long to have a good testimony. mine was way too mundane for last day testi-whoa-nies. i thought if only i had done some black tar heroin a couple of years ago, i'd be able to save so many more souls.
loves it.
ReplyDeletethere is also the outing of family issues when the whole family goes to the same church. "ive been really struggling with my parents' relationship problems, or my brother's example of drug use" when the parents are deacons or sunday school teachers or what-have-you.
then the kid gets home and gets to hear the story about noah's son "covering his father's shame"...aka don't air the dirt laundry.
At Bible college our *teacher* encouraged us to go and confess any negative feeling we had towards anyone. Right there. Now. As a GROUP.
ReplyDeleteSo 75 people spent ages roaming the room confessing and asking forgiveness. It was pretty much a swarm of shakey, scared and nervous people walking all through the suddenly terrified crowd!!
"Do YOU hate me? Oh GOOD!!"
We searched and found a few chosen classmates and testified to our newfound Power of Forgiveness. It went something like "hey ugly loser, you're a MAMMOTH LOSER and I want you to know that up until Reverend Dorkwad said we had to, I still thought you were a raging loser. And you totally sucked, until we were encouraged to forgive your sucktacular loserishness!!! So, ugly. Ya wanna pray with me? Freak."
The thoughtful IDIOT in charge then had 75 people all wailing our testi-WHOA-nies. I remember the LONG line-ups for Janet, and a few other forgive-ees. We all had to explain WHY we were forgiving someone. What a incredibly STUPID idea!! Group loser bashing!!!!
I believe Russell Crowe described in best in Gladiator... "at my signal, unleash HELL!!!"
At my camp, the last night testimonies were always done around a bonfire. It was very conducive to the testi-whoa-ny because confessions tend to flow freely under the shroud of darkness.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, this post seems unusually cautious and caveat-ful and let-me-explain-what-I-don't-mean-ish. Which makes me think that either you've recently hired an advisory lawyer or someone's been unusually harsh in the comments recently.
ReplyDeleteEither way, I say (as does John Mayer), "Say what you need to say (repeat as often as necessary to make me want to bash in my radio with a brick)" and let those who willfully misunderstand you at every turn find another website that's more sanctimonious and less hilarious.
talk about a "testi-whoa-ny". The last night of the junior high camp I direct, we opened up campfire to the kids to share. That began at 10:30 p.m. I finally went to bed that night at 4:00 AM after making two reports of alleged abuse to the Dept. of Child and Family Services of Illinois, and three other stories of abuse that had already been reported to authorities. It was long night.
ReplyDeleteI think I may not have campfire next year.
Jon, our camp does a "say-so" on the last night when campers can say what God has taught them this summer. We actually do testimony training with our staff so that we never go "too far" with what we tell our campers, but the say-sos are often a little anxiety-causing for the leaders. Some are pretty simple, "This week, I learned that Jesus was like my belay line on the tower, he always catches me when I fall". And then sometimes, we hear that "I learned this summer that sometimes Jesus gets angry and throws over tables and that he was like...full of rage...and that's awesome because now I know that my anger can totally happen and be totally justified...you know, Jesus wasn't all mellow, he was like, a really angry guy."
ReplyDeleteNot quite a testimony, but it's always fun to see what things kids want to remember.
Isn't it funny how camps are the same everywhere?
We just had Youth Camp Sunday where the recently returned high school kids share about their experiences at camp, and we had the opposite of the testi-whoa-ny. I suppose it would be a "testi-NO-ny" and that is where kids stand up and share, as heartfelt as they possibly can, nothing at all. It goes something like this, "So, um, I just want to thank everyone here because this was just really so important and like so major, and I thought about God, and it was totally something. Yeah. And I just wanted to say that I really wanted to say that. So thank you." We had 5 kids and one leader do this in place of a "message." It actually left me wondering what happened at camp besides games.
ReplyDeleteI was a counselor for this camp in Missouri, and while I don't think it was declared testimony time, it was one of our more emotionally-charged small group times. This guy in my group got up and shared in a co-ed group that he struggled with purity. I can't remember all that was said, or to what depth he went, but I just kept thinking, "This guy's got guts!", to admit something like that in front of girls.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time, these things have helped generate unity within our group as we see that none of us are perfect and we all cling to Jesus.
Kaley, as someone who has done pretty much the equivalent of black tar herion I want you to know 1. despite your clean unblown out veins I found your post super funny and 2. I pray often for my girls to have a testimony like yours.
ReplyDeleteYou may not save as many souls but you give a girl like me hope for the future. I would be your BFF anyday. Grace & Peace, daphne
One summer at camp with my youth group, some 12 year old (repeat, 12 year old) got up for almost 20 minutes at the testimony fire to talk about how when he was a little baby, Satan got a hold on him, and that's why he smoked cigarettes, but now God has a fire on him -- except he was a little redneck kid, and fire sounded like FARR. (Written words cannot do justice to the awkwardness of 20 minutes of this.)
ReplyDeleteFast forward a few years, and I'm on staff at that same camp. After our first campfire testimony of the summer, the full time staff shared with us some of their favorite stories from Testi-whoa-nies over the years. The highlight was the 12 year old smoker who God had put a FARR in. They were ecstatic that I could verify the story first hand.
Depeche Mode lyrics say "I want to confess that I have really been lusting after Jennifer, especially during the swim test when she had that bikini on and during the talent show when they changed Jesse McCartney's song 'leavin' to 'cleaving' and made it about getting married."??????????????????
ReplyDeleteIs this for real?