For instance, the other day I wrote about a funny news video clip online I saw about a tiny dog that had barked for six years straight. I thought it was great the way the commentator said in all seriousness, "The dog broke the town's previous record for continuous barking, which was eight minutes." But the clip was on a comedy site that has a lot of crass stories on it too. So I did one of those Christian disclaimers where you say something like, "Yeah it's not a Christian site, but some of the stuff isn't filthy. But still, please make sure you stay away from the rest of it. I mean I don't support the whole thing, just the part I mentioned."
That's a weird phenomenon, the Christian disclaimer, and I should probably spend some time thinking about what it means about my faith. But right now, I'm curious why we say something like that about people that aren't Christians. I have three guesses:
1. Non Christians are loose cannons.
Sometimes people disclaim the arrival of a non Christian just in case they do something wild, like swear. But by disclaiming them it automatically creates a weird tension of us vs. them in the context of a dinner party. And honestly, have you ever not disclaimed someone and then had to go back later and say, "I'm so sorry about my friend Hucklebuck. Honestly, I had no idea he was just going to start punching people in the face. And I didn't even know he carried a gun. I'll help you pick out a new cat tomorrow. I should have warned you he's a non-Christian."
2. Our Christian friends might say something crazy.
Maybe we're afraid that our Christian friends are going to say something really crazy in front of the girl from work that's a non-Christian. You'll all be eating dinner and then one of your friends will say, "Can you please pass the salt and did I tell you about the angel that spoke to me last night and helped me find a parking space at the mall today? My savior has a first name, it's J-E-S-U-S!!" But chances are, if they're real friends that you trust and care about, they won't do something like this.
3. It's witness time.
It could be that we think when our friends find out there's a non-Christian in the room they'll go into "witness mode." Suddenly instead of acting normal and how they would every other moment of the day, they'll start using all their fancy seminary words. They'll start asking awkwardly intimate questions like "are you happy on the inside?" They'll spend the whole night stuffing tracts into your non-Christian friend's purse like squirrels before winter. Extreme examples? Perhaps, but I promise you it happens.
I don't know how to fix this. It seems like there are a few overlapping issues in this post. I think the first thing is doing what we talked about in the dear seeker post and that's changing the way we look at non-Christians. Retiring the label and seeing people as, well people. I would love to be the faith that doesn't label or stereotype. Not in a lose your values, anything goes kind of way, but in an honest, "we're people trying to love other people" kind of way.
Other new stuff from around the way:
1. Respect or ignore those that came before you? Yes – everything is replaceable.com
2. Run – 97secondswithGod.com
3. The lady in the corner – prodigaljon.com
Special thanks to Bill C. for today's SCL idea.
This is funny. My boyfriend and I used to play beach volleyball weekly with a group from a local church. I had the suspicion that a lot of new people in the group were warned beforehand of our "non-christian-ness".
ReplyDeleteBut it was always funnier when they failed to warn someone, because there were some really awkward conversations.
But I must say I was very impressed by their politeness. I never once felt pressured to join their church or felt that they were trying to convert me. They just played volleyball with us and we had a good time. I think that was a better witness to their character than any witness about Jesus would have been.
Nothing like awkward questions such as "what is your deepest shame?" or "what makes you feel alive?" to make a newbie feel welcome.
ReplyDeleteConversation Killers - or CK's -- as i call them. :) i'm qutie good at them.
"Can you please pass the salt and did I tell you about the angel that spoke to me last night and helped me find a parking space at the mall today?"
ReplyDeleteActually I used to know some people like this and had to put the CD on them occasionally.
My first instinct was to disagree with you, Jon, but more in the warning the non-Christian and encouraging them to not worry they won't eat your young kind of thing. I thought about the warning the Christians, so they will be on their best behavior; we're all capable of some less than glamorous moments when we are among friends.
ReplyDeleteBut, the more I thought about it, the more I agree with you. Too often we Christians try to program God or to hedge things to ensure we have a good spiritual moment. There is something to be said about being organic - just letting things happen naturally or rather as the Spirit leads.
Don't get me wrong, we need to be actively encouraging our non-Christians to discover Jesus. But, avoiding plastic conversations and situations is probably more likely to lead to a spiritual conversation.
Personally i think sometimes the waring is good it takes a little of the shock off when they say things like "you should have seen the two girls I "slept with" last week one was a fire breathing mermaid the other a tatoo artist, or my boss is a @#%#^&* #@#%^(beetle bailey swear words). especially if it's the minister his homeschooled wife who went to a super conservative bible college and and the 69 year old elder and his wife
ReplyDeletei warn my non-christian friends about my christian ones - witness mode and awkward questions such as "what church do you attend... oh, you don't? son, do you know jaysus?" - i think it's only fair when i'm leading my NC friends into a brood of vipers.
ReplyDeleteGuilty as charged. Most of my college friends are Christian, most of the ones I've made in the years since college aren't. When anyone from the two groups get together, I feel a compulsion to do it because you never know when a Christian might bust out with a "one time when I was speaking in tongues" or use the word "flock."
ReplyDeleteI am still introduced as a "seeker" by a couple of my friends. I am not exactly sure what the difference between a "seeker" and a "Christian" is, and I have never bothered to ask. (The couple that introduces me this way is unaware that I know they do this.) It actually has begun some of the best conversations about religion that I have ever had, so I do not mind the disclaimer. I am “seeking” to know Christ better every day, I thought that was what Christianity was about. Guess I was wrong.
ReplyDeleteThere was one unfortunate incident on my birthday 2 years ago, when a mutual acquaintance gave me a book inscribed "I hope this book makes clear to you the wonderful God we serve, so that one day you may find your way to a relationship with Christ." That is when disclaimers turn bad.
I understand what you are trying to say, but this isn't always bad. Often when my friends are together we talk openly about random theological debates, which would probably be rude to said guest. It really depends on the person if that would be weird or not, but when I've ever heard that disclaimer, it's never been awkward or a "missionary mode" experience. Sure, we should always want them to come into the knowledge of Christ, that's great, but it's also good to just love people and not treat them like aliens, so we don't.
ReplyDeleteIt's also kind of a big thing to mention as some of my non-christian friends I had in HS were gay/lesbian and cussed up a storm and it's good to warn friends so they will know not to freak out like there is an alien in the room. I guess I've just never had the experience where that made everybody act different. My friends are pretty understanding, easy going, and loving people.
yeah, the "us vs. them" mentality is a powerful, destructive one. it's one i have found ingrained in myself and is hard to unlearn. i think this keeps us from true relationship and intimacy with others, whether it shows us between christians and non-christians or just between people. we seem scared of anything different than us, even within the faith.
ReplyDeleteLabels are so dangerous. I feel comfortable using them, especially in situations within the church (active vs. non-active members). Once we stick a label on a person we limit them, in our minds, to our definition of it.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be better if we just saw everyone as loved by God?
Actually, maybe some of us need to be caught off guard by the fire-breathing mermaid story. It teaches us to respond with grace without judging. We can't expect non-Christians to act like Christians or to adhere to a doctrine they don't believe in. But, we can allow Christ to train us to love them, regardless of what comes out of their mouth.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it is always a little scary when you're inviting non-Christian friends, seekers or not, over when everyone else is a church-goer. You never know what anyone's going to say, but that can lead to some pretty awesome conversation!
http://angelajo1208.wordpress.com/
i love it when i invite a "non-christian" friend to hang out with my other friends, who happen to be bible college students. its the best when i don't warn them, and they spend the entire night having theological discussions while glancing nervously at my nc friend who's answers are all "oh..." "well.." "uh-huh..". even better is when they catch wind that my nc friend isn't probably a christian, and they start back-pedaling and look like deer caught in the headlights. usually i warn my nc friend, so they're having fun making the christians squirm. its good for keeping my friends on their toes. time to put that course in apologetics into practice. i wonder if that's mean of me...
ReplyDeleteI think in an ideal world, such disclaimers wouldn't be necessary because Christians would act the same towards everyone, whether they were C or NC. That said, there are some legitimate Christian discussions that can potentially be off-putting for a new or non-believer (read: Baptism, predestination, end times, etc... anything that has caused division or controversy in the church). For one, things like end times, heaven/hell are things that NC prefer not to think or talk about because most of them are just unsure about it or they think they have an opinion, but when it is submitted to the realm of public discussion, it doesn't really hold up. ("I don't know, I just believe it...") (Side comment: I think the reason a lot of people become Christians in jail is that all the distractions are gone and they are forced to just sit and think about their life. Once you remove everything you been filling your life with to avoid THE question, a lot of people come to the same conclusion. We need Christ.)
ReplyDeleteMaybe everyone should just have tattoos or nametags that list all of their hot button issues, political affiliations, religious views, sexual preference, choice of mattress, etc, so we could avoid conversational blunders altogether
That was damn funny Jon! (Pardon my French, church boy) Of course I carry a gun...I'm from Texas. And how many times do I have to apologize for punching your little sister in the face?
ReplyDeleteHuck
I love the Onion. I am guessing that is the site you're talking about. Once we put the "feedbag" story from the Onion on our blog -- then found out it had the scrolling news at the bottom and that it said the REAL F word --- and we are under pressure to be uber holy so we had to take it down. I laugh my head off at the Onion.
ReplyDeleteto drredhead -- oh my gosh - introduced as a seeker -- that is totally rude and ridiculous - techinically speaking we are all seekers -- no??? I am ticked off that any of that stuff ever happens - it makes me want to go out and get a book and inscribe it with "here is hoping some day you are not a pompous a*%"
I cannot believe anyone feels the need to let Christian friends be "warned" about any non-christian person -- there is no language out there that we don't hear all over TV and Movies and music ... why would it be our job to warn others of something that is pervasive in our culture?
I dislike the labels too ... have used them in the past but not wanting to see myself as such a big deal or do that again. It is icky.
In Jesus’ day, the context would have been if your friends were Jewish or not. Jesus hung out with plenty of non believers, so much so that it made the religious crowd nervous about him. Christ himself was executed for heresy and blasphemy. We all need to have non-Christian friends over; It’s what Jesus would do.
ReplyDeleteAs a non-Christian, I can see a very good reason why Christians should warn each other about their non-Christian friends. Namely, sacrifices. We non-Christians regularly abduct Christians for sacrificial use in foul sorcererous rites whose depravity beggars the imagination. If you don't want your friends to disappear, and be sacrificed in the casting of a Dungeons & Dragons spell, like 'mind bondage', then, by all means, warn them.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh heh--at a former church the pastor devised a secret code for when we brought non-Christians to church with us. We were supposed to find him before the service and say this is my "friend," so-and-so. Then he would make a special effort to make the gospel more overt in the day's message.
ReplyDeleteIt got confusing when we brought Christian friends to church 'cuz then we had to give a disclaimer that they already knew Jesus so he didn't need to do any extemporaneous altar calls.
Seems even stranger now that I write it in words.
Interesting. I hadn't thought about this before. I think I only disclaim in certain situations like when I'm bringing them to a Christian event or something. Hmm, like I said, very interesting thought.
ReplyDeleteYou know why this topic is so sad? This topic is sad because we are so used to just being around Christians that we have to tell people that someone isn't a Christian. When someone says this it presumes that their Christian friends don't really know what hanging out with nonbelievers is like, which is unfortunate but true in a lot of situations.
ReplyDeletedrredhead:
ReplyDeleteMaybe your friends keep trying to communicate that being a Christian means that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior. You still seek Him, but with the definitive "Lord/Savior" relationship.
I'm betting they think you're seeking, but not in that relationship.
wow...how many SCL posts were just unintentionally referenced to?! :oP
But I am serious. I would bet that's probably what they are thinking.
I actually do the opposite, I warn about the "super christians". Like...okay guys, my friend Lisa is coming over, and she's a super Christian. No swearing, no profanity, no rap music, I want her to be comfortable. But now I've instantly made everyone else uncomfortable. I just can't help it. I hate the look she gets when she hears something extremely profane, and I just try and prevent it.
ReplyDeleteI don't normally seek it out, but I came across some other Christian satire in cyberspace today:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wittenburgdoor.com/writers-guidelines
The article that I first read totally reminded me of Jon Acuff's wit:
http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/american-fundamentalists
Hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you done a post about going out to eat with friends and dealing with the awkwardness of whether or not to pray out loud before eating, and the wait period that goes on (waiting to see if someone is going to pray, while everyone is awkwardly reaching for their fork, reaching back, looking around...)? Too, going out to eat with friends you've never eaten with and not knowing if they say the blessing at all? Just wondering. :)
Jewish dude here (don't ask how I got here ;-)
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, when done right...the warning about "be respectful of the feelings of the non-christian in the room" is very much appreciated by most Jews.
On the other side of the fence...we do make jokes about the missionary types. References to the movie "night of the living dead" have crossed my lips on occasion.
(Zombie Baptists scouring the town with NT's in hand...banging on doors...saving souls)
It's funny, scary...and part of real life. Just be good Christians...and we'll all get along fine.
frowxThe only time I can remember "warning" people that a NC was coming with me somewhere was shortly after I got saved when I took a NC friend from high school to our Saturday night college service. I guess the reason why I felt compelled to say something was because of her physical appearance: She was home on Thanksgiving break, and the only clothes she had with her were very revealing, clubbing-type outfits. I knew she was very self-conscious about how she looked (she kept telling me over and over in the car that she was sorry she didn't look more "holy" or "presentable"), so I would introduce her to everyone by saying, "This is my friend so-and-so. She doesn't normally come to church, but she thought she'd check it out this evening." At the time, I thought I was doing it so that people would be on their best behavior and not say anything offensive to her. But deep down, I didn't want them to be offended by her clothes/cigarette smell/foul mouth. If I'm honest now, looking back on it from six years later, I realize that I didn't want people to think less of me for bringing such a person into our midst. Which is ridiculous because that congregation is one of the most accepting and diverse groups of people you will ever meet. We have a person on staff who has done time in federal prison: It's not like he's going to judge a low-cut top. I didn't need to make excuses for her because no one expected her to act Christian when she wasn't. When I had shown up at that church a year earlier looking exactly the same, both the associate and youth pastor welcomed me warmly, joked around with me about the person who had invited me, and never once pointed out that my skirt was too short or my eye makeup made me look like a whore. More people talked to me in that youth group than typically did in the cafeteria at school. They were great examples of what God's Word tells us: not to judge others by outward appearance. Why I had forgotten that in just a year and managed to be such an inadvertant jerk to one of my best friends, I don't know. I guess it all boils down to pride: I wanted to be seen as a culturally relevant person who doesn't judge by outward appearance, who can befriend the "slutty" girls of the world and bring them to Jesus, who isn't afraid to "get her hands dirty" by daring to talk to someone with cleavage. Except here's the thing: By trying to prove that I didn't judge by outward appearance, I was categorizing my friend and making excuses for her based on outward appearance. That was so wrong of me, and I never would have realized it if you hadn't written this post. Thanks for being the voice of conviction, Jon. It's good to see our mistakes so that we can repent and try not to make them again.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I only throw out the CD to my Christian friends when the non-Christian friend (or usually more often a family member) is of the confrontational sort, particularly when it comes to faith. Hey I do this with politics, too. Whenever the person coming into the group is a loose cannon of any sort, it's sometimes good to give the others in the group a "heads up." If I have a friend or family member that is likely to open up the dinner conversation with the statement, "Don't you think George Bush is the anti-Christ?" at a table of conservative Republicans, I'm definitely going to throw out a warning. In the same vein, if I'm bringing a radical atheist to dinner with Christian friends, I just may warn them that a conversation about the existence of God is highly likely to occur. If for no other reason than I don't want them to be caught off guard, I will let them know.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't throw out the CD for just the average nonbelieving friend or family member.
drredhead:
ReplyDeleteThe next time you are introduced as a seeker just say "but I haven't played Quidditch since I left Hogwarts." On second thought, they probably won't get that.
I'm all about disclaimers. We need to know who we're talking to. Like I have biracial friends who don't like biracial and unfortunately I need to let my family and my friends know that such and such is biracial, so that they don't make some inappropriate comment. Not clearly racist, but those subliminal prejudices that we all have that are so hidden that we don't recognize it.
ReplyDeleteWe all need to know who we're dealing with as much as possible.
Haha. I love the "please pass the salt and did I tell you about the angel..." Good stuff! (I've had to bite my tongue to keep from warning my Christian friends about a non-Christian, for fear of that exact thing happening.)
ReplyDeletei do that, but here's my reason: i actually DO have crazy friends who really WILL say something asinine or insane. they're all calvinists, i mean, what else can you expect?
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone like playing devils advocate when your Christian friend introduces you to their Christian friends and they assume you are a non-Christian?
ReplyDeleteI always try to spice up the the convo with some hot-button topics and watch them squirm whilst said friend is either unaware, or in on the game.
I just know Jesus is shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me most days.
I love this post - so true... I have really diverse friends and sometimes I find it weird that Christians expect you to only associate with other Christians. You almost feel like you have to apologise when they drop a swear word or something... when I think it's great that they are hanging out with Christians and who cares what their language is.
ReplyDeleteI think the only time I've warned people is so they dont' start going on in "Christianese" about stuff that would just scare someone who isn't in church culture.
true!
ReplyDeleteI was just struggling with this myself. I really wanted to tell a Christian friend who has previously lacked tact that a new friend was coming who is a NC so that she wouldn't scare her off with Christianese.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I realized it's out of my control and even if something does come up--- it would be a great way to start a conversation about things of eternal importance and (or how Christians can be goof balls) I'll just deal with it head on! Silly of me to think I should orchestrate life. That's God's job!