I don't have a fancy ring tone. To tell you the truth, I am always a little confused when I see a commercial that says "text 78987 to get your free ring tone." I know that's possible, I mean from a technological point of view I get that, but it also kind of feels like voodoo to me. I type in a number and then a few seconds later when my phone rings it plays the first verse of Run DMC's song "It's Tricky?" That makes me feel old.
But I do like when people add a spiritual element to their ring tone. I like when you're hanging out with someone and all the sudden their phone rings and starts blaring out "Amazing Grace."
And it seems like a lot of people are starting to sell those ring tones. I think Lil' Wayne has made a million off the ring tone for his song "Lollipop." Since I do not subscribe to the theory that mo' money equals mo' problems, and would in fact like mo' money, I thought maybe I should create my own ring tones. Some that are holy, some that are based on this site. Just for fun. And massive profit, but also fun.
Some new ring tones:
1. (Sung to Handel's "Hallelujah") "I … am God's favorite. I … am God's favorite. God's favorite. God's favorite. Faaavvvorite."
2. "I'm about to answer this phone, but I would rather be reading the Bible. I am about to answer this phone, but I would rather be reading the Bible."
3. "Leg drops, side hugs, worship eagles too. I read Stuff Christians Like, how bout' you?"
4. (Sung to Coldplay's "Viva la Vida.") "For some reason I can't explain, I got dumped after a retreat again. She said she did it because of God, but that was the last I believed that girl."
5. "What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do? He'd answer the phone. Answer the phone. Answer the phone."
6. "Freeeedddoommmmm!!!!"
7. "I can only imagine, if I missed this call. Would they call again? Or maybe not all? I can only imagine how it would be, if another worship leader was more metro than me."
8. (In tribute to the guy that yells at every Christian concert.) "Jessssuuussss!!!
Those are a few of my ringtone ideas but if the billboard post was any indication, you probably have a few of your own. And chances are, they're even funnier.
Other stuff I wrote this morning:
1. The cycle - 97secondswithgod.com
That is Classic! i especially like "i'm god's favorite"
ReplyDeleteI'd personally go with "the power of christ compells you! (to pick up the phone)"
a la Jesus Kombat - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K07kfv2KFGk
i reckon someone should make ringtones out of Anita Renfroes The Mom song- http://youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
ReplyDelete"Jesus loves me this I know. Answer the phone before I go......"
ReplyDeleteOh Jon, #7... you were right a few weeks ago. You are so going to be thrown in a dumpster someday by a mob of worship leaders.
ReplyDeleteJust remembered my friend's story...
ReplyDeleteAs the prayer group were holding hands and about to start praying, the phone rings. She was in a dilemma whether to answer the phone or go on praying...So while everybody's heads were bowed down and eyes closed... She said, "Hello?"
That happened in High School when cell phones are not popular yet. Thinking of all these ring tones and being in her position is just too funny to imagine...
Definitely needs more of "The Jam of Solomon."
ReplyDeleteToo funny. How about a ringtone that simply says "Amen!"? That way we never have to turn off our cell phones in church and we give the esteemed Reverend Hucklebuck a moral boost. (win-win)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the "rather be reading the Bible" one. I've got an acquaintance that would seriously have that one. I want "I'm God's Favorite" or the "I can only imagine".
ReplyDelete"Jesus on a dinosaur" I'm gonna just keep saying that.
My dad's cell phone ringer is "I can Only Imagine"... Everytime I hear it I think "I can only Imagine, who is calling, and why they want to talk to him."
ReplyDeleteMy ringtone is "Stairway to Heaven". Everyone at church knows that because it went off during the silent confession of sin during worship. Hey- I think it is somewhat appropriate.
ReplyDelete"Kent...it's God."
ReplyDelete#7: Capitol! Capitol! Standing O!
i love this. i just got a shirt that says "Jesus Loves You, but I'm His Favorite."
ReplyDeleteMy ringtone was Mary Mary doing 'Shackles'.
ReplyDeleteSho is hot out here. I dont mind tho.Just glad to be free. Know what Im saying? UG!
Now I have a stoopid iphone which is a brilliant peice of Macness except I can not have a cool ring tone anymore and it does not actually work well as a phone. Damn you Macintosh!!!
I was at the hospital one day being preped for a very minor outpatient procedure. Still, I was nervous. The nurse was very matter of fact and I kept thinking, "Loosen up." Then, blaring from the pocket of her scrubs I hear screaming, "ANSWER YOUR FREAKIN'PHONE! I SAID ANSWER YOUR FREAKIN' PHONE!" She fumbled to silence her phone while I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes.
ReplyDeletewhere do I text to magically recieve #3 on my phone?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking "So I'll let my words be few..." could be appropriate especially if you don't have rollover minutes.
ReplyDeleteIt's wrong and morbid of me, but I want to figure out how I can get Marguerite Perrin (the infamous "God Warrior" from Trading Spouses) shrieking, "I AM A CHRISTIAN!!!!! I AM A GOD WARRIOR!!!!" on my cell phone. This has been a lifelong dream of mine (well, at least for the past few years).
ReplyDeletekatdish that was the best...
ReplyDeletehaha! my uncle had some friends who went to a funeral, and they forgot to turn off their cell phone. it rang in the middle of the service. the ringtone? queen's 'another one bites the dust'. not exactly on topic, but funny nonetheless.
ReplyDeletemy father-in-law's ringtone was "Jesus, Take the Wheel" for quite some time...
ReplyDeleteCan I Christianize my "Who Are You?[The Who?] ringtone? It has also gone off in church....right smack when it got queit after worship. That's me in a nutshell.
ReplyDeleteAT&T already has some great ringtones. If you go to their website, they are called "Ringtones for Jesus". There are two different categories: Traditional and Hip-hop. I think the traditional are the best. The narrator reads one of the ten commandments to organ music, followed by thunder.
ReplyDeletehttp://mediamall.wireless.att.com/sf/storefront/endUserHTMLDir.jsp?dc=0&refcode=&c1=CFWEB700&c2=CFWEB712&c3=CFWEB11957&trail=all%20CFWEB10224%20CFWEB11955%20CFWEB11957
I used to work at Bath and Body Works, and one day, when the store was packed with Christmas shoppers, from behind the counter, we all heard Angelina Jolie asking, "Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?" It just kept getting louder and more obscene. Customers were growing uncomfortable. Finally, another employee started digging around on the counter to figure out where it was coming from. It turned out, an employee had forgotten her cell phone in her apron and laid it behind the registers when she went on her break. Apparently you can get obscene celebrity ringtones. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteTying in with Christmas-themed ringtones, what about this holy one: "Merry Christmas. Santa Claus is a big, fat scam, but Jesus will love you, even if you choose to propigate such lies to your children."
Heh...how about
ReplyDelete"SHOUT to the Lord, all the earth, let us ring...pick up the phone and sing praise to the King"
or...
"Ring me with many Rings...I will pick up the phone"
or...
"We stand and pick up our phones...for the joy of the Lord is our Strength"
or...
"He keeps, keeps bleeding Love, keeps bleeding Love (for us), he keeps Bleeding..keeps keeps bleeding love (for us)..."
Actually, I have Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" as my ringtone... lol :)
Aww and all I have is Stellar kart "Life is good Eternal life is better~!"
ReplyDeleteAlthough - I am changing mine to Jesus Freak ~ Love DC Talk.
I totally checked out the link that Coach posted.
ReplyDeleteOne word: WOW. Someone actually took the time to create those craptastic ring tones.
Bless their heart.
My phone plays "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything." :D
ReplyDeleteAnything with Call in it.
ReplyDeleteThird Day's Call My Name or Ricardo Sanchez's I Call Your Name.
How about,
ReplyDelete"If you are getting this message, you have been LEFT BEHIND. There's no need to leave a message because I do not return calls from HEAVEN. Sucker!"
When I call my husband his phone plays "The More You Ignore Me, the Closer I Get."
ReplyDeleteHow about "I could sing of His lover forever...if I weren't answering the phone"
Brilliant!!
ReplyDeletemy ringtones just happened to burst someone's bubble about my "spirituality"......
ReplyDeleteI guess Lynyrd Skynyrd and Wild Cherry do that to some people.....
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS POST!!! SO funny!
ReplyDeleteWithout a doubt the best "phone-ringing-during-church" was when the pastor was preaching and someone's phone went off and their ringtone was the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious - especially the I am God's Favorite - because I always swear I am. Every parent has a secret favorite, right? Well, for God, it's totally me. Sorry, I know it hurts, but it's true.
ReplyDeleteMy moment of "ringtone shame" came about like this:
ReplyDeleteBFF loves the 'I Kissed A Girl" song - we're both Christians, and know the song is filth, but found the tune catchy. We downloaded the ringtone. I thought I'd have it playing for only "her" calls, then I'd know who was calling... But I'm technologically challenged and instead, it was my general ringtone. (Didn't know this at the time). Had been feeling convicted about the ringtone anyhow, but ignored the Holy Spirit. So, on a Sunday morning, guess what? My phone rings in the middle of church playing "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It..."
Ya, so the next time the Holy Spirit tells you to get rid of something, you should listen. "Be sure your sin will find you out... in the middle of church".
I didn't even bother to come up with a groovy one of my own for my ringtone. I downloaded "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" by the Veggies from my service provider when I got a new phone last year. I wasn't even trying to be cute and spiritual at the same time...it just makes my kids giggle.
ReplyDeleteHopefully me and Kitty won't be in the same place at the same time when our phones ring :)
Open the ears to my phone, Lord
ReplyDeleteOpen the ears to my phone
I want to hear it
I want to hear it
awesome post!!! :D
ReplyDeleteI love tihs post!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI was in the middle of an Old Testament finale my freshman year of college. SO needless to say...it was pretty quiet. I'm sitting there pretending to know what I'm being tested on, when all of a sudden I hear the song," I'm in love with a stripper." Everyone's (over 75 people) head pops up. It was the girl behind me cell phone ring tone. my teacher had a field day with that one. I've never seen a teachers face turn so red.
I'd like #4, please.
ReplyDeletewhat about "Jesus is just alright" not by DC Talk but by the Doobie Brothers. A little spiritual meets a little funk.
ReplyDeleteNot too much spiritual because Jesus is JUST alright, not great but alright. Like we could go shoot pool on Friday night but if not it's no big deal I'll call him the next day.
this isn't about a particular ring tone, but my favorite story about a cell phone ringing during church was in the middle of the sermon, the pastor's phone started ringing! and the best part was that he was like "i have to take this" and thru the backdoor of the stage while we just all sat there waiting for him to come back. apparently, there was some kind of emergency and it was important, but still it was so awkward and funny.
ReplyDeletealso, there was a lady at my church who used to give people dirty looks any time a phone rang in church. maybe you should do a whole post on phones ringing in church. and if you already have, my bad.
Ha! My ringtone is a song by Canton Jones called Ringtone.
ReplyDelete*Takin' ova for the kingdom, put that on ya ringtone!*
And when the cell phones go off during the church service, when they are Christiany then at least you don't feel like it's too much of an intruption. I mean, Amazing Grace is a little better than Sir Mix a lot right?
ReplyDeleteWhich have you seen that parody of Sir Mix-a-lot's infamous song? Total God flavor: "I like Big Bibles" Very awesome, a must see if you haven't already. I'm sure you can google it.
I can't download ringtones because I have a cheap tracfone, but if I could I would chose #7 and Sara's "Open my ears to my phone Lord!" Those are awesome!
ReplyDeleteMy personal favorite is my friends ringtone. It's a tiny voice that squeaks "Let me out! I'm stuck in your pocket!"