Wait, wait, wait, please don't leave.
The other day I had to prepare a page of my site traffic in order to prove to some potential publishers that I am wicked super awesome. I am not, but that was the exercise. And when I was looking at my site traffic I noticed that since I started this site a few weeks ago, 194 visits had come from people that had searched for the word "porn."
First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck. Honestly, if I had searched for that (which I have before) and landed on a site that specialized in comparing GI Joe characters to the Bible, I would have left instantly. And you did. The average visit by someone looking for porn is 7 seconds long.
But have you stopped to think about how crazy it is that you landed here?
When you search the phrase "porn" in Google, you get 252,000,000 results. There are a quarter billion web pages you can land on, so how did you get to mine? I guess we could say it's coincidence or that maybe you already looked at the other 251,999,999 other pages and mine was the last available. But you probably already know what I'm going to say - maybe it was God. God is weird and wild like that and I think He loves getting people to end up in different places than they expected. But let's not talk about God right now.
Let's not talk about the church or Christianity. The only thing I want you to know is that you are not alone. (That sentence sounded a little like a hallmark card but you know what you I meant.) Porn tries to isolate you. Our society still fails to really admit it's a problem. When people get caught in it they'll claim alcoholism or drug addiction or a million other issues before admitting something sexual. And a DUI is just something celebrities do on the weekend. The famous have made rehab a common idea that holds far less shame these days. But porn is still a dragon of sorts.
I don't know where you are. You might be in the middle of medicating as fast and as furious as you can. You might be swearing off it for the millionth time, white knuckling away the temptation, trying to be perfect and earn back whatever it is that you've lost. You might be realizing that's impossible and that you deserve a break and need to relax. You might be starting the circle all over again in the middle of medicating as fast and as furious ...
If porn could carry a knife, it would stab you. It's a jerk like that. But if you ever need any resources or just want to bounce some ideas around about what's going on, let me know.
Sorry this visit was so weird. Chances are, it's only going to get weirder if God's trying to let you know how much He loves you.
Jon
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
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24 comments:
Jon... thanks for that. I'm somone whose life was destroyed by a husband "addicted" to porn and the the consequences of his actions. I am grateful that you took the time to write this post.
I'm also grateful that God protected me and brought me to a fresh place to start over...God is good like that
"First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck."
... for Satan. It's great for God! I wonder how I would have responded if this site was available back during my porn-crazed days. I honestly wish it had been.
The number of seconds they stay on this site is not a coincidence.
As a new reader, I always expect to laugh when I come to your site. This post almost made me cry.
You are awesome. :)
I'm a recovering porn/sex addict (58 days) and would like to tell you that this post rocked! I don't know if you have ever personally struggled with it but you have great insight into the addict's world. I loved the line "If porn could carry a knife it would stab you." So true.
@lana - I noticed you put the word addicted in quotations in your comment. It seems to suggest that you question whether this is a true addiction. I can assure you that addiction is an appropriate description although I do understand that spouses hurt by it sometimes find it difficult to accept that the person mired in it cannot "just stop". At any rate, I am glad that God has brought you out of that season and you are in a better place.
maybe a follow up post about how you kicked the habit of porn, so to speak?
I really appreciate this post. My husband recently told me he is struggling with this issue. My husband is now attending an accountability group, but since we are both church workers, there is no one we can really talk to about this without fear of one or both of us losing our jobs. I'm pretty sure he'd be forgiven if he were an alcoholic but probably not for this. I'm glad someone has the courage and faith to talk about it!
It helps me, as a recovering addict to pornography, to make a couple of things clear to folks:
1. the word addiction explains the compulsive hamster wheel cycle of suck that is porn - it doesn't excuse the way it hurt my wife or my churches, even when they didn't know what was going on
2. talking about porn without talking about masturbation is like discussing peace in the Middle East without discussing religion - which makes it INSANELY difficult to talk about in your typical church setting.
I don't claim to be a genius at this stuff, but I've written a good bit about my personal experiences & teaching on my blog, aka pastor guy - you're welcome to follow the link and/or ignore it.
Jon, thanks for keeping this issue smack dab in the middle of this blog - sadly, this is stuff way too many Christians like.
Joh, I can relate. Last September I came out on my blog about my pornography addiction, and I get some weird traffic to that page...
I too would like to throw in my support for those who have these problems. It is truly an addiction. You can cut it cold turkey, but you will be struggling with it the rest of your life. I don't say this to discourage you, I say this to strengthen you, that you may once and for all flip that bit in your brain from "ehh, I am not doing it right now for God" to "I will never do it again, no matter how much it hurts."
If you are struggling with this addiction (or even if you are not) feel free to read my post:
http://katanna.blogspot.com/2007/09/it-is-finished.html
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or comments. I pray that you are blessed and refreshed.
Matthew
A good site to go to if your struggling with porn is http://xxxchurch.com/
and they have free accountability software
http://x3watch.com/
Jon, I think it's phenomenal that you talk about subjects, like porn, that NO ONE else will talk about; especially in a "Christian" setting. You rock!
I found this website because www.xxxchurch.com told me to go here. then I did. and I laughed.
I totally want to go to a "porn and pancakes breakfast" it would be awesome.
I hear some places even have special pans that sears the face of Jesus on your pancake!
http://www.jesuspan.com/
I can't wait for the infomercial.
In response to "anonymous" id say that while xxxchurch is a fantastic resource and x3 watch is a great idea, x3 watch absolutely killed my computer. im running a 2.2GHz Dual Core with 3GB of RAM and it hogged about 70% of my system.
Just finished this great sexual purity class called Valiant Man. Is from some minister in Australia. Google it. Good stuff.
Loved the post. My wife and I are both addicts.. Speed for me and alcohol for her.. We think you nailed addiction dead on!!!
Abundant Blessings!
I was about to google porn and try to find your site too.. Then i realised what a dumbass idea that'd be
Jon, this is an incredible piece writing.
It blows me away how you can be so acerbic and so heartfelt at the same time. You have a tremendous ability to cut right to the heart of the issue and speak the truth with your wry humour.
Well done once again.
you rock the house, jon. way to be bold and courageous.
I've gotta gotta gotta tell you this. I've switched computers temporarily, and evidently "stuffchristianslike.com" is not this site's address. :-0 Anyway, I thought to myself, "what's the easiest thing I could google to find this site?" My solution?
"stuff Christians like porn". That's what I put in the google search engine. :-)
Excellent post. Thanks so much for sharing!
Blessings!
Re: the number of male commentors on this post; are there any men that are not recovering porn addicts? Sorry if I am being insensitive but that's depressing to me.
"First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck."
LOL. Awesome post Jon.
I started blogging a series on Masturbation and started getting some interesting google searches too.
catherine r, yes there are men who are not recovering porn addicts.
It seems like you'd be surprised at how many are though. And yes it can seem depressing, just as it's depressing how broken and sin-marred this world and the Church can be. That's why we alll desperately need the grace and truth of Christ
Thank you.
Found this post through another blog and I must say, wow. I wish more people ended up on websites like this.
What would be even better is if they took the time to read it too.
I don't think there is a man alive in our western society that isn't addicted to porn, even the casual users [I say addiction because if you ask the average guy to try and masturbate without porn, he simply can't do it for even a week.] it's depressing and disheartening, but it's always comforting to see guys who really understand just how evil porn really is and are doing their best to change it, and in doing so, may help others not aware of the danger to do so too.
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