I don't love snakes. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to spoon them in bed or take them on long moonlit walks and find out they like the movie "Love Actually" too.
I blame my brother Will. He struggled with "Herpetology" when we were growing up. It started small. He'd catch lizards when we went to the beach on vacation. He'd carry a frog around in his pocket like Tom Sawyer. Just the kind of stuff the average boy does. But then he started getting really involved with snakes. He bought a boa constrictor and a milk snake and then an iguana. Now in addition to the toaster strudels in the freezer (which are far superior to pop tarts) you were liable to find dead, frozen mice that he would eventually feed his growing army of serpents. I think he was trying to become "The Beastmaster." (He also got a ferret that he named "Che" after Che Guevara. In his defense, that was one revolutionary ferret.)
I was fine with that, I think snakes in closed quarters are awesome. It's the snakes that escape, the ones that "go on holiday" that I don't like. When a kitten gets away in your house you usually find it asleep in a ball of fluffy pink yarn, all tuckered out from playing. La, la, la.
When a snake gets out, you usually find it when you're going to get a drink of water in the middle of the night and realize that what you thought was a belt in front of the dryer in the dark laundry room is not actually a belt. I don't love snakes.
You know who else doesn't? Indiana Jones.
I've been thinking of him lately because a lot of the suggestions I've been receiving sound a lot like things Indiana Jones fights against. Backsliding, slippery slopes, hedges of protection, those all seem like things from his movies. I mean, in the first one, didn't he "backslide" to get his hat out from that wall that was closing on top of him? And in the second one, wasn't that a "slippery slope" he was on when his rope bridge broke over all those crocodiles?
With the new movie out, costarring Shia Labeouf who I feel has already found a way to host Saturday Night Live 14 times, I thought it might be fun to play a game of "Indiana Jones or the Bible?"
Just for fun of course, but it does kind of prove if you're a good Christian or not.
1. When the ark was opened up, everyone's face melted.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
2. When the ark slipped and someone tried to steady it, that person died instantly.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
3. In a plot twist, the hero is thrown into a pit full of lions.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
4. In a plot twist, the hero falls into a pit full of snakes.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
5. Someone is rescued by an eagle.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
C. The Lord of the Rings (ohhh trick question)
6. Poisonous snakes come out of no where and a brass snake must be made to help ward them off.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
7. The natives are restless and in a fit of worship pull the still beating heart out of a human sacrifice.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
8. The natives are restless and tell their king they've turned into cannibals.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
9. The ark is mistreated, forgotten and lost somewhere no one will find it.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
10. As if by a miracle, a character is able to walk across a terrifying expanse as if on an invisible sidewalk.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
11. As if by a miracle, a character is able to walk across a terrifying, watery expanse as if on an invisible sidewalk.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
12. Through selfish greed, the villain falls to an unexpected death, essentially killing herself in a canyon.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
13. Through selfish greed, the villain falls to an unexpected death, essentially killing himself in a field.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
14. One of the main characters receives a painful scar on his hand when he gets burned.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
15. One of the main characters receives a painful scar on his hand so we won't get burned.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
16. A tag team of bears kills more than 40 people when they make fun of a bald guy.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
17. An angry man disarms a bad guy with a whip.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
18. An angry man clears out some bad salesmen with a whip.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
19. A huge boulder chases the main character down a hill.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
20. A giant whale swallows someone and pukes them up a few days later.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
21. A hooker with a heart of gold helps the good guys escape out of a window.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
22. At dinner, someone brings in a monkey head on a platter.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
23. At dinner, someone brings in a human head on a platter.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
I could do this all day and I hope that in addition to playing along, you'll suggest your own questions. This is just the type of ridiculousness you can expect in my book.
Friday, May 23, 2008
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44 comments:
My comment is just about how much I loved Shia when he was in "Even Stevens" - seriously, did anyone else see this show?
Yes, Rachel, I saw the show. The kid's been doing stand-up since he was like 8. He's hilarious.
Anyway, I LOVE this post because my husband just bought the three-pack of Indy movies, so we just watched "Raiders" and "Temple of Doom" so they're fresh in my mind.
Number 9 is both. Just 5 hours to go before I see the new Indy! yay
If people are using the Da Vinci code to prove that Christianity is rubbish then surely we can use Raiders and Last Crusade as historical fact too.
Wish I'd made this comment 2 years ago when it might still have been relevant
My hubby and I just bought the Indiana Jones trilogy and had a marathon movie session. I also just finished a refresher OT Bible study, so I hope to rock this quiz!!
It shows that God is a God of adventure. Most of the things that happened in the Bible were way cooler than those that happened in the IJ movies!
I really have to stop reading this blog in the mornings over coffee and cereal. My keyboard is a mess.
I was disappointed in Indiana Jones. I saw it last night and it just didn't fit the trilogy at all. My favorite review of it said it was like "Indiana had found a light saber and decided to call himself Han Solo instead" (paraphrased).
Awesome quiz, Jon! I really had to THINK on the answers.
so, I could have really used this quiz 3 years ago...I direct jr. high camp, and my theme was Raiders of the Lost Ark! It was amazing...and so much fun!
My sr. pastor at the church I work for didn't quite understand why I was so tired yesterday, after attending the midnight showing of IJ-KOTCS! I was exhausted, but it was so worth it!
Ah...the things I do for Indiana Jones....
Just an editting note-
#17- did Indy really fight band members?
And in other news- loved this post!
(from Luke)
Great post - I love the Indy movies (and Harrison Ford + Shia?? The new one's gonna be great!!!!!) and I love the Bible. Ya can't go wrong with a Bible vs. Indy quiz!
I'm pretty sure our brothers might be the same person. My brother Max LOVED reptiles...we had an entire wall of our garage dedicated to making frogs, lizards, and turtles feel in their natural habitat...which of course meant placing them in fish tanks filled with dirt, leaves, sticks, and a little jar lid full of water. As he got older he added to his menagerie two ferrets (Smokey and Bandit), a seven foot long albino python, a five foot long Brazilian Rainbow boa, an iguana that lived simply on a tree in the basement with no cage enclosing him, a bearded dragon, and various other things over the years. Needless to say, my mother was a saint. The only rule she had is that the cages had to have locks on them and if a snake ever escaped, he had to find a new home (assuming we ever found the snake, you know how tricky they are...) Anyways, snakes don't scare me but I'm not sad that they no longer sleep in the room next to mine...
okay, the only reason i knew the answers to this quiz is because i'm pretty familiar with the bible -- NOT because i know the indy movies. i've only seen one of them (the 3rd one), and i fell asleep trying to watch the first or second one.
oh, well. i'm still going to see #4 today . . . even though i will have no idea the context for most of what will happen, i'm sure.
ps: jon, you rock the house, as usual, with this post. amazing stuff, man.
Brilliant. I can see this being one of those things that could start circulating uncredited and wind up getting emailed back to you with a note saying "Hey, check this out!"
"Now in addition to the toaster strudels in the freezer (which are far superior to pop tarts)"
Hold up! Wait a minute!
This was a constant debate with my wife. My vote is for pop tarts because of their mobility. You can eat Pop Tarts anywhere. You have to worry about the frosting and the flakes all over the place with toaster strudels.
Red -
Thanks for the heads up on the show. I will watch it tonight, on tivo, and let you know what I think
Jon
Micecicles. Yum.
Anon -
Thanks for the pop tarts vs. toaster strudels. I hear your point, the pop tarts are more mobile, but is mobility the key factor for a food's awesomeness? What if we judged food by availability? Steak (or soysage if that's your thing) would lose to dirt, which is readily available in my back yard but will hopefully not be in my mouth anytime soon.
I vote with your wife. Long live the toaster strudel
Jon
A question from the new movie:
In a quest for unearthly knowledge, a woman risks everything to the detriment of herself and those closest to her.
a) Bible
b) Indiana Jones
c) All of the above
Dude, how about "Breakfast Club" vs. "The Disciples":
Tapes someone's butt cheeks together:
1) Breakfast Club
2) Disciples
Eats fish for lunch:
1) Breakfast Club
2) Disciples
3) Both (ooooh, tricky)
Is part of the group because he/she has nothing else better to do:
1) Breakfast Club
2) The Disciples
3) Both (considering Judas)
One of the members goes on to co-star with a guy named "Duckie", then completely fall off the face of the earth:
1) Breakfast Club
2) Disciples
Crying, angst, parinoia and pixie sticks:
1) Breakfast Club
2) The Disciples
3) Youth Group
If you think you have all the answers correct please contact Jon for your prize, a Scripture Sipper and a nice side hug.
Ok, you win PJ. Toaster Strudels taste better than Pop Tarts, but if you're rushing and have to catch the bus opt for the tart. If you have time to stay at home and make the swiggly lines with the frosting as good as they do on the commercials, go with the strudel.
this is an awesome post.
Jon, I agree with you that strudles taste better, but your analogy sucks. LOL. Dirt is not food so it can not be compared to steak. But I still love you.
Love you Jon, but your steak and dirt analogy sucks. LOL. Dirt is not food so it's not comparable. But I still agree with you that strudles rule.
anon -
sometimes we laugh, sometimes we learn. There's actually a condition where pregnant women lacking certain minerals crave dirt. Below is a link to a story a little station called "ABC" did on it titled "Eating Dirt, It Might be good for you."
"http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Story?id=1167623&page=1
Anon -
And I suppose by "your steak and dirt analogy sucks" you meant "thank you for dishing out free knowledge even on the eve of Memorial Day weekend." It's hard to tell sometimes though because things get lost in translation in comments.
Teaching people dirt is a food,
Jon
Wow. God please make sure my wife gets her minerals! Don't want to have kiss someone with a DIRTY MOUTH!!!!! LOLOLOL!
I'm sorry.
Anon -
If I broke up with a reader every time they challenged my knowledge of dirt eating, this would be a lonely blog indeed. You're still invited to the Stuff Christians Like Frisbee Golf Tournament.
Jon
*cyberhugs Jon*
Thanks man. I suck at frisbee and I'm lukewarm at golf, but I never turn down an opportunity to take at least 40 ounces of orange drink to the head! See you there!
I thought the quiz was hilarious and laughed out loud while reading to my wife. However for some reason the silliness of this line made me think it was the funniest:
He also got a ferret that he named "Che" after Che Guevara. In his defense, that was one revolutionary ferret.
For some reason this picture in my mind is a ferret in a beret and green and brown clothes shouting and leading revolutions. Kindof like the badger in Prince Caspian, but a ferret with a resemblance to Che.
Keep it up dude, you're rad!
i'm watching the last crusade right now!!
#15 - v clever.
#16 - one of my favourite Bible references
#18 - he used a whip?
anon -
not only did he use a whip, he made the whip.
Jon
A prostitute with a heart of gold drives a tent peg through someones skull
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
Brad
totally awesome post! #21 is by far my favorite, though #5 is pretty good too. gotta make sure my mom reads this one. she'll know them all since a.) she knows her bible and b.) she probably just rewatched all the indy movies with my dad to refresh for the new one. oh and toaster strudels are totally the best. way better than pop tarts. who wants mobility if it tastes like a bucket of yuck?
The hero comes to
the rescue riding a
white horse.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
BOTH ARE RIGHT!
OK, seriously, this is my new favorite blog. Your stuff is awesome. (Hey, maybe you could do a post about people who would respond to that with "Only God is awesome"...)
A man armed only with an umbrella takes down an airplane.
A) The Bible
B) Indiana Jones
A man armed only with a donkey's jawbone takes down an army of 1,000.
A) The Bible
B) Indiana Jones
... You're right, we could do this all night!
'anon -
not only did he use a whip, he made the whip.
Jon'
- Thanks Jon, man I must be a terrible Christian for forgetting that, unfortunately my knowledge of the book of John isnt so good.
This is one of the bloody funniest things I've ever read in my life. Can I put the whole thing on my Facebook quotes? Please!
my husband and i laughed so hard at:
16. A tag team of bears kills more than 40 people when they make fun of a bald guy.
you need to have that mural made!
I don't know how some people at our church would do on this quiz since our pastor once used clips from an Indiana Jones movie as the basis for his sermon (as in, instead of the Bible).
Anon--
Jael was not a prostitute, but she was a feirce lady! Kind of like Marion!
Love the site, love the comments, but I had to stop in the middle of this one. The "s" word appeared one too many times, and now I'm afraid to put my feet on the floor!
I'm pretty sure the answer to #6 is "The Chipmunk Adventure."
...right?
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