Have you ever thought what it would be like if Kirk Cameron and Bono got into a street fight to see who is the best famous Christian? Just a no holds barred, anything goes donnybrook? No? It's just me then, huh? Well here is what I think it would look like:Kirk Cameron:
"Look Bono, even before I became really well known for my Christianity I was providing nice, appropriate laughter to millions of people on the hit show, 'Growing Pains.'"
Bono:
"Was that the one with Tony Danza? I get those all confused. Well, while you were making sitcoms that paved the way for 'Two and a Half Men,' I was touring the world singing songs with hidden Christian meaning to millions of people."
Kirk Cameron:
"Fair enough, but I have a powerful ministry called 'the way of the master.' Not only do we have an official crest and a series called "Hell's best kept secret," but my partner has a mustache and everyone knows there is something inherently spiritual about mustachioed men."
Bono:
"Ha, that is hilarious. I touched more hearts than you'll ever reach with my Super Bowl performance after 9/11 and I've allowed Christian musicians to cover my music for years. I didn't even gripe when my songs were covered and suddenly deemed acceptable for Christian radio just because a Christian band was doing them. And don't forget my work in Africa."
Kirk Cameron:
"Oh please, you have a guy named "edge' in your band. Who changes their name to 'edge?' And didn't you swear at the grammy's one year?"
Bono:
"Whoa, low blow, Mike Seaver, low blow. Don't you have a photo shoot you need to be doing with the Jonas Brothers for the magazine Tiger Beat?"
Stephen Baldwin:
"Guys, there's no need to fight. I'm the best famous Christian."
Bono:
"Bio-Dome's Stephen Baldwin, what are you doing here?"
Stephen Baldwin:
"I have a skate ministry and since Stuff Christians Like refuses to give me my own entry I had to crash your entry."
Kirk Cameron:
"None of this matters. I've just been toying with the both of you?"
Stephen Baldwin:
"Why do you say that?"
Kirk Cameron:
"Simple, I was in the movie version of 'Left Behind.'"
Bono:
"You win."
Stephen Baldwin:
"Thanks for having me. Good game. Jon give me a call. I'll give you a free Rob Roskopp old school skateboard."
You've never honestly had that scenario in your head while you're pumping gas or mowing the lawn? Not even a little bit?
I am weird.
p.s. Bono's confession of faith with Bill Hybels was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. That's how I took it, but I think some other people can make some interesting arguments in the opposite direction.
Update: Tomorrow I'm writing a post about Bono's faith. And yes that is an autographed photo. And no it is not mine. Unfortunately.
46 comments:
Brilliant, but wasn't it "Bio-Dome's Stephen Baldwin"?
not "Bio-Sphere's Stephen Baldwin"?
Sounds like someone needs to catch-up on their Pauly Shore.
Brody -
Well played, well played indeed. I edited it. Thanks for the heads up. I am behind on my Shore movies, well films really. The man makes films.
Jon
Speaking of Bill Hybels, how about a post on big churches (aka, Willow Creek) mass producing in-house materials and selling them to other churches? We did "Walk Across the Room" at church and besides Bill being a little orange, the perfect settings and soft soap-opera-style lighting didn't really do much for me.
I am a child of the Growing Pains generation and I LOVED this post! Mike and Carol Seaver walked me through many a moral teenage decision. Where would I have been without such a duo?
Thanks for the laugh Jon!
By the way, Stephen forgot to mention the spiritual stand he took while appearing on Celebrity Apprentice...I can't remember...did he mention he is a christian?
Ok, maybe, well, kinda, not really but still/Sharktales. I can not see Bono using that many words before he punched Kirk in the face and Kirk cries like a girl or a guy named Kirk, either one. Then Stephen would leg drop Kirk not realizing who he was because his pretty boy face would be slightly distorted. Once the confussion was cleared up they would all go out to eat THEN have your conversation and leave a tract AND a tip and possible interview the server for an episode of Way of the Master. Have another cup of coffee Jon. ; )
Actually, in my mind, those 3 have this extended throw-down that ends in a draw, and then as they're lying on the ground catching their breath Alice Cooper shows up and kicks all their butts.
When it comes to famous Christian throwdowns, i'd pay money to see Gary Busey and Dog the Bounty Hunter in a no-hold-barred cage match.
Nope, never crossed my mind. :) For a long time I never thought of either one of them as Christians. Now that I've heard Kirk Cameron speak, I see him as a godly man, but not really famous any more. I'm listening to the Bono interview on YouTube right now. So far I hear good intentions, but not necessarily a repentant heart. Maybe I just haven't gotten to that part yet. So that leaves me with a used-to-be-famous Christian, and a famous good person.
To quote Buce Almighty -
"B-E-A-utiful"
This was an awesome post to start my Monday - thanks!
dude, u hav a lot of free time, seriously, lol
EVERYONE in foster's in chapel hill with me right now is look at me because i was just laughing so hard. you're brilliant, acuff.
once again, I am laughing out loud!!!! ha ha. well done, especially throwing Stephen Baldwin in the ring!!! yes, well done indeed.
I love Kirk Cameron and Bono. On another subject, though, have you written about "Back-seat Baptists"? Last night our pastor asked what few people showed up for the p.m. service to move up to the front rows in the middle section. You should've heard the moans and groans like he was asking them to pull out their nose hairs or something! What's up with sitting in the back anyway?
So true - there is no arguing with Left Behind. Except maybe, MAYBE Chronicles of Narnia. Who is our budding Christian of that crew?
Alice Cooper kicking all their butts would be TOTALLY AWESOME! As for them all going out to eat and leaving a tip AND a tract? Famous actors are notoriously bad tippers, a Christian actor? I don't even want to think about that!
Ahh... my second celebrity crush (don't tell, my first was Chuck Norris).
Also, kudos to jimbo for the Alice Cooper mention.
Can we take this to the next level and get Jeff Conway (post-Grease, pre-Celebrity Rehab) and Joey McIntyre from NKOTB?
I'd like to see something along the lines of the Anchorman street fight.
totally Laughing Out Loud - not just LOL, but spelled out all the way... oh yeah.
excellent.
Yeah, totally, Chuck Norris would totally kick all their butts. Talk about famous Christians. But then there's also Oliver North. Ollie and Chuck...
Still, very funny.
It's funny to me that there could even be a debate (real or imagined, between the individuals names, or among conservative Christians) regarding which of those people is the most famous Christian.
Maybe it's up for debate who of that group is more famous among conservative Christians (or lovers of Left Behind), but in terms of overall society, comparing Bono's celebrity to any of the others, is like comparing Tiger Woods' celebrity to some journeyman PGA player who once won a sorta big tournament a couple decades ago.
Did I miss Bono becoming a Christian?
I mean, I knew he was spiritual, or whatever, but I didn't know he ever actually came out to say he was a Christian.
I guess I thought he was still in the closet...
Ack. You hit a nerve. I was long upset with the local Christian radio station for being more concerned with being "safe for the whole family" than with playing good theology (which, really, when you look at it should be the measure of safe--for if you're playing music with bad theology, and they do, isn't that unsafe? but I digress...) When I heard them playing a U2 song by a band that's distinctly not U2, I turned the station off for good. It's all about the name.
Well, seems Cameron is more convinced about his faith than Bono.
I heard that the U2 guys were "into" Watchman Nee and then became disillusioned with Christianity - thus, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." It seems they never resolved that.
I'm like, "you were into Watchman Nee, hello! He's not the best representation of the truth!"
We should pray for Bono, that he would still find what he was looking for.
you are right. Stephen Baldwin is not worthy of Stuff Christians Like yet. Maybe when he stars in the Passion of the Christ 2: Peter's journey he might get up there.
I'm also surprised that you haven't mentioned the "worship concert" (like the Passion shows) as stuff christians like. Maybe you have but I haven't seen it.
Heather, you must live in the Dallas area because I know JUST the station you're talking about :) They played a snippet of "Beautiful Day" by U2 and a friend of mine called and asked if they'd play the whole song and they said "no, it's not family friendly enough" wth?? (that's wtf, without the f) ;)
OK, but I will say this though for Stephen Baldwin: when he got saved (don't know how soon after but) he went and took pictures of men entering a strip club and then published the photos in the New York times or something like that. The strip club went out of business because men stopped going there! Pretty cool i say.
Mickey, I'm with you. I've never heard or read anything about Bono coming out as a Christian.
And, um ... Jon? Is that a personally signed photograph of Kirk?
Bono is definitely more famous than Kirk Cameron is these days, but then, like other commenters have said, I've never actually heard him profess Jesus as his Savior. Doesn't mean he hasn't, but it does seem a bit odd. I went to a Michael W. Smith (there's someone Christians like...) concert years ago and he said he had met and talked with Bono and swears that Bono is saved. And who would argue with Michael W. Smith, really? ;o)
Oh yes, and this entry made me laugh out loud. Awesome.
when i was a little kid i watched growing pains and had a big crush on kirk cameron. he's pretty nice. i got to meet him one time when our cousins church hosted the left behind tour him and others put on. i was awe struck and sat there and smiled. my husband just talked to him about all sorts of stuff and kirk ended up giving him his book for free.
Jon, I think you need a post about how Christians like to question the Christian credentials of people who claim to be Christians but who aren't conservative American evangelicals.
Karl -
Fear not, that one is coming this week.
Thanks for the comment. check back this week and let me know if the post I write hits your point.
Thanks
Jon
Thanks Karl and I'm looking forward to it Jon.
I feel like I've recently re-discovered Matthew 7:21-23 - thanks to a hardcore evangelical friend of mine. I feel like he subconsciously (maybe) constantly reminds me that lots (i.e. most) "Christians" aren't going to heaven.
Wow. The Ironic Catholic linked to your blog as a good humor blog, and I was not disappointed. This blog really brings back memories of my Baptist days. :-)
I think Ollie and Chuck could take over the world......w/ one hand tied behind their backs......
You are a real character and a breath of fresh air. I'm really enjoying your blog entries. Thanks for the laughs and yet thanks for the intense points you make in the process too!
you are very funny.
i enjoy this blog a lot- mostly because it is true.
When it comes to famous Christians i don't think you can go past rick warren. Oh sure he's sold millions of books but really its all about his shirts. A while back when the church i was at did the 40 days of purpose campaign we'd often joke about the brightly colored Hawaiian shirts he was wearing in all the videos. When i moved to a new church i sometimes heard "oh thats very rick warren of you" said when someone was wearing a bright shirt. A friend from a different city was today telling me how they celebrated the end of the 40 days of purpose campaign by having a rick warren dress up day at church where everyone wore Hawaiian shirts.....
Kirk Cameron looks perpetually 16 so he won't minister to that many folks, where as if you bust out "Golden Girls" you're widening your spectrum. Also, Punky Brewster. Then there's Sanford and Son and ABC after school special. And anything Chuck Norris. Then get any of the characters on any one of those shows to throw down with Jim Neighboors (Goomer Pile) and, dude, get out the chips and dip, cause this is gonna be a NASCAR kinda showdown. For Sweet Baby Jesus.
watchman nee is not a good representation of a christian?? how is that so? the man was imprisoned in communist china for his christian faith and died there. i've only read one of his books, but it had even the feeling of holiness to it. every time i read that book, i couldn't help thinking, 'this man actually walks with God.'
Ahhhh... Kirk Cameron. He was so hot when I was 8.
This is really funny! So glad I stopped by!! Btw, Kirk wins hands down. But Bono is sneakier with the way he gets his message across. He definitely wins the cooler Christian contest.
How is this even a debate?
People not steeped in Christian Culture would be surprised to find out that Cameron is still alive, or at least not slingin' Manager's Specials at Denny's.
Whereas Bono does a better Jesus act than Jesus does.
No contest.
A-men. I really don't get why people are so concerned about whether or not Bono has a "repentant heart" or has publicly professed Jesus Christ and his Lord and Savior. Look at what the guy is doing, for goodness' sake.
I heard it said once (and unfortunately, I don't remember who said it) that Christians tend to get priorities confused: we worry about our neighbors' souls and our own bodily needs, when we need to concentrate on exactly the opposite. A person's state of repentance or "salvation" is between them and God, whereas if they are suffering in this physical world, we are driven to help them, as a sign of our understanding of God's grace and the power of his love. Bono has his priorities exactly right. Would that the rest of us did.
woahhhh am i the only one who finds kurt and his ugly website really really creepy? it's a little too "turn or burn" for my taste.
Isn't Kirk Cameron Bibleman?
Have you done an entry on Bibleman yet? Because really a faith-based superhero is exactly the method we should use to evangelize.
Dan, actually Willie Ames is Bibleman. You know, that guy from "Eight is Enough" and "Charles in Charge."
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