The first time my brother prayed for "traveling mercies" I thought he was praying for a band. Honestly, it sounds like a side project Dave Matthews and that insanely muscular violin player are involved in. "Tonight, opening up for Widespread Panic, it's the Traveling Mercies!"
Apparently though, traveling mercies are not a hemp-loving band but rather a prayer request to have a good trip. A safe trip, a happy trip, a fun trip etc. But what exactly are traveling mercies? Have you ever stopped to think about what we're asking God for? I did and came up with a short list of what I think traveling mercies are when you're on a road trip:
1. That you will hear Tom Cochrane's song, "Life is a Highway" at least once.
2. That you and your father-in law will not get kicked off the New Jersey turnpike because your moving van weighs too much.
3. That you will not bust capillaries in your eyeballs from drinking too many Diet Rockstars or other energy drinks.
4. That you will employ ninja-like focus in not having to use the bathroom at a gas station.
5. That if your ninja-like focus breaks down you will employ a hover move so that you don't touch any surface (the floor, the door handle, the toilet etc) within the gas station bathroom.
6. That your friend Carsten will not throw up in the car when you drive passed a paper mill.
7. That you will not throw your flat tire with rim still attached over the siderail in the mountains of North Carolina because you are dumb and in college and named Jon Acuff.
8. That none of your friends will tell you stories that start off with, "let me tell you about this weird dream I had last night..."
9. That you will honor the "eat at least one piece of beef jerky while on a road trip" rule. Unless your vegan.
10. That you will not be wooed by siren gas stations that appear close to the highway but upon getting off to get gas turn out to be 19 miles away.
Those are a few of my traveling mercies. What are yours? I think the comments you leave are usually funnier than the posts I write. So let's play "Traveling Mercies Thursday" and see what you do on the road.
(Thanks to the many folks that suggested this one.)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
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77 comments:
Don't forget Traveling Mercies: Some thoughts on faith, by Anne Lamott, who comes to Jesus with the f-word and so much more!
11. That your wife will not say,
Honey, I've got to stop --really bad. Just as you pass the exit ramp at 70 m.p.h.
I burst into guffaws at #7.
(Do get some sleep.)
1. Listening to Steve Earle's "Guitar Town" cd
2. Seeing a mountain range at sunrise
3. Not passing through Knoxville on a Saturday during football season
4. Not spilling coffee on myself
Okay, how about that you won't hear the guy in the next room at the hotel? I always seem to hear the drunks. :oD
And that you won't gain five pounds from all of the fast food burgers you're going to eat.
And that whoever you're sharing the hotel room with doesn't snore. (pack earplugs!)
That my child would not projectile vomit onto the back of my head while I'm driving. Because it's rather distracting.
Traveling mercies,huh? Well how's this one: That my friend's cup of "dip spit" will not spill anywhere near me. Seriously, God help me!
I really don't think traveling mercies exist for people traveling with young children. So in that way I am a "Preschooler Traveling Mercies Athiest." Because no matter what you do, the Veggie Tales CD ends up scratched, the car games are insanely boring, juice gets spilled everywhere, and somebody always has to 1) go potty, 2) eat, 3) or ask "how much farther". So whether it's a trip to Disney World or Wally World it's better to beat yourself in the head with a rubber mallett than travel with kids. Someone should invent sound-proof acrylic shield to protect parents from their kids while traveling. Because without it, *sigh*, somebody shoot me now.
Stacy
Hailey & Sawyer's mom (6 & 4)
WOW....Widespread Panic. I was shocked to see that. I used to go see them play all the time. I still have my backstage pass from one of the shows I went to.
That you don't get so engrossed in the audio book that you're listening to that you fail to slow down from 70 mph through the 45 mph work zone with workers present and get a $400 speeding ticket.
That, when you are a car sick child, your dad will actually believe you and STOP!!!!!!! before you throw up in the back seat..........
1. That the children's 20 minute radar would be broken, or at least slept through. (Anywhere we go...an hour, 2 hour, 5 hours...my children will start crying 20 minutes from our destination. Every time.)
2. That you would resist the allure of gas station snacks, especially when you have a cooler full of perfectly fine snacks in the car. (Why is it that gas station chips look so much more appealing than the ones you brought?)
3. That the God of creation that commands the seas calm and the winds to blow will exercise His divine control over the road construction situation...or at least keep your AC from going out while you sit and wait.
4. That you will not forget the batteries to the MP3 player or send you into an area where the only radio station in range is opera.
5. Sleeping children. Sleeping children on road trips is like manna from heaven - a gift from the Lord that is key to survival.
That when you do stop at a gas station bathroom, one of the kid's shoes (from the only pair he brought) doesn't fall out in the parking lot and, sadly, is left behind. Forever.
Oh yeah!
- that when a miracle happens and you are upgraded to first class, that the woman in the seat next to you will not be extremely drunk, try on her honeymoon lingerie in the aisle and sing country songs about riding cowboys for two hours.
- that it does not occur to the man next to you to lean on your shoulder and read your book with you, including telling you to read slower and not turn the page until he is ready.
- that there will not be a crying baby sitting behind you, on front of you, in front of him and beside you on a long flight to LA.
- that the child/father across the aisle does not talk about the greatness of Oprah and Eckhard Tolle outloud to nobody for two hours.
- that the guy in the next seat does not spill his entire diet coke in your lap with 2 more hours to go.
- oh please, the middle seat!
- that at 6pm, the gate attendant does not tell you that the flight has been delayed until 8pm, and you can go find dinner....and then the flight departs at 7pm.
- that your very full 2 hour flight for an appointment in Dallas will not involve tornados, two trips to San Antonio to refuel without letting you off the plane, no food, and a 12 hour time span.
3,472. That your friend will actually listen to your warning about buying the 1.5 liter bottle of water and the great wilderness between bathroom opportunities. (I was the friend and my friend was right.)
that your 12 yr old will not have a diarrhea attack in the back seat of your van at midnight on the way home from an all-day trip to the amusement park, only to make it a gas station in just enough time for him to lose it down his legs on the way into the bathroom, while your husband stands in the bathroom washing said jeans out and your 12 yr old comes running across the gas station parking lot in nothing but his underwear dancing like a fairy.
those are fun times.
'bout time someone came up with something like this. do you have a page that just shows a listing of all your post titles rather than scrolling through it all?
That Google won't give me bad directions that take me to the middle of Nowhere, Virginia with people who've never heard of Google.
There's a great book about re-examining our mindless prayers. It's called (re)Understaning Prayer by Kyle Lake. Great book.
1) That your parents can tolerate at least two fights between their 4 children from the departure and the destination. Otherwise, game over.
2) That you always remember at least 5 cheesy road trip games.
3) That religion, members of the opposite sex, and the parent's college days, and poop will all be a topic of discussion eventually. If not rolled into one topic.
4) That there will be at least one Golden Oldies Name-That-Tune/Whistle-Along.
Man....I thought my dad was the only one who said "traveling mercies". Good times.
that your plane flight might be filed with no angry people who violate personal space on arm rests.
that '40 acres' by Caedmon's Call (the best road disc...ever.) be in your CD player at least once.
That blowouts (of tires or diapers) be a distant memory.
That McDonald's or Arby's be far from any exit.
and...
May you get to something illegal, but fun, at least once on the road trip...like drive over the Mackinaw Bridge so early in the morning that you stop, get out of the car, and watch the sunrise.
I think The Traveling Mercies sounds like a gospel group that would be singing at a Bill Gaither Homecoming event.
Our traveling mercies:
1. That my daughter won't throw up the strawberry milk she had for breakfast all over car seat.
2. That we won't get headaches from the consistent bump-debump-debump...on the PA Turnpike.
3. That we won't get stuck in blizzard like conditions in between exits on the PA turnpike.
4. That we arrive sooner than expected, but without getting caught attempting it.
Oh my gosh! A kindred spirit! 40 Acres is indeed the BEST DRIVING MUSIC EVER! (Sorry for all the exuberance. I just haven't ever met someone who feels the same way I do about that CD.)
1. That you will not eat the most greasy breakfast ever and have to visit every gas station bathroom until you reach your destination.
2. If you do need to stop at a gas station bathroom, pray that the toilet stall door will sufficiently hide you so that everyone in line can't see you do your business.
When your little sister has to go to the bathroom on the side of the road at 2 in the morning you don't make fun of her so she doesn't put cheerios up your nose while you sleep.
I love Anne Lamott (and in my opinion, Traveling Mercies was, by far, her best "thoughts on faith" book)!!!!!
My own traveling mercies:
That you will not become personally acquainted with every rest area between Wisconsin and Nebraska (they're all about 20 minutes apart, by the way!) because either you or your spouse needs to get out of the car and puke. Stomach flu + Christmas traveling = certain disaster!!!
From the children's pastor:
That the kids will fall asleep on the way home from camp and NOT spend the entire time either a.) trying to do imitations of whoever the costumed character was that week, b.) trying desperately to get the semi drivers to honk, or c.) engaging in "High School Musical" sing-alongs.
(Admit it - anyone who works with or has pre-teen kids is now humming, "We're all in this together..." HA, HA!!!)
That the hot Florida sun will not shine intensely through the car window on to your already sunburnt arm. Ouch.
-that your brother-in-law won't get sick and puke in the Tupperware with all of the sandwiches you've packed, seal it back up, and stick it back in the cooler.
-that your brother-in-law won't wake up in the middle of the night while driving through the mountains and grab the steering wheel out of your hands, try to steer you off the cliff away from the "rocks" he's seeing, and then fall back asleep as you're there in need of a new pair of drawers.
(Same trip, and he was not drinking or on any type of drugs...just the flu on the way back from our trip to NYC...)
That you will not have to 'wield the rearview mirror' and threaten, "Don't make me stop this car".
That your kids will not look at you like you’re crazy when you suggest they ‘look out the window’ when they complain they are bored.
That your spouse will not insist that the best way to find the route is by driving around and around and around instead of pulling off and just asking.
That you do not hear your GPS say, “Recalculating Route”.
That three weeks later you do not discover the missing hamburger/diaper/other hidden under the back seat.
Not having your AC die while driving through Death Valley, CA on a road trip.
- that there will be fun people in the car to talk with
- that there will be comic strip books to laugh at
- that there will be no fighting such as, "why are you throwing away your life by dating him?" (him = now my husband)
*Having a sister with the bladder the size of a pea having NOT to go when you leave the McDonald's but 10 miles down the road with no stop in sight crying that she's gonna pee her pants.
*Stopping on the side of the road to have said sister go in a bucket.
Mmm, my suggestion should be in the form of a negative statement. Not having these happen is the traveling mercy ;)
Traveling Mercies means getting from wherever you are to wherever you're going without having to stop from gas even though when you got in the car you had less than a quarter tank.
that I won't be fooled into pulling over at The Collossal Whiz-Bang-Bop Fireworks Emporium, which is more shoebox than superstore.
Traveling Mercies definitely sounds like a Southern gospel quartet doing a "Coming Home" special on TBN or PBS (if it's Easter).
I think I agree with the Preschooler Traveling Mercies Athiest. It just doesn't happen, dude.
Traveling mercies is if no one pees their pants, everyone makes it to the bathroom (or at least a handy tree), no one loses anything worse than the top bun of their cheeseburger, and there is a restaurant along the way that is NOT McDonald's. that's all you can hope for.
1. That when your little sister has a "call of nature" while on a trip to Colorado, you aren't standing there with her and your mom while she squats against a well-hidden rock doing her business and look up the hill to see dozens of tourists looking down at you because you stopped just below a well known scenic spot.
2. That you will not have to be nailed in the back of the head with bottles, paci's, shoes or any other weapon your toddler can get her hands on to show her displeasure of being locked into her carseat for more than half an hour.
3. That you will have "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" by Kenny Chesney to keep your toddler happy and distracted. Ditto for "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi.
4. That you won't have to listen to your teenager whine incessantly about how bad their cell phone service is in the city we're going through. If I hear the phrase "I've got NO bars here" I'm pulling over and looking for a bar if you get my drift.
5. That you are super-smart and upgrade to a DVD player in the car like we did. Saved us hundreds on family counseling ;)
since I'm from Canada and we have drastic winters and summers and my parents lived 8 hours from my college...
in the winter: that black ice wouldn't force you stop on the side of the road for 5 hours until the sun finally gets strong enough to melt it. The car doesn't stay warm very long...
in the summer: that somehow, by the grace of God your air vent will transform into an A/C while you sit in highway construction traffic for 2 hours on a 100 degree day.
with kids: that no one who isn't wearing a diaper mouths the words "I'm thirsty" because you know that in 8.3 minutes you WILL be stopping for that kid to pee.
That all siblings will respect the "line boundaries" in the back seat.
love reading comments from all you parents of young children. we actually look fwd to driving to maine every year, from houston TX. as the kids get older, the enforced time together becomes a wonderful time of great conversation. even the dvds and ipod aren't as fun as talking together. so, parents, persevere. great memories are being made, that your kids will treasure. the traveling mercies are that we have places to go and people to share travel with. even strangers on a plane can be great, as adam sandler showed us all...who wouldn't want to meet billy idol in 1st class?
Are there any other variations on this? I've also heard mercies journeys (or merceous?) and journey's mercies. Also, I would pray for no stops by random state's troopers (i.e. Indiana! grr).
p.s. We never had the luxury of Bon Jovi on road trips. My folks (Baptist pastor and wife) would basically allow Psalty.
ohhh... that would be on the youth choir tour, where you pull in at the shady roadside stop for a sack lunch and find the cutest little litter of kittens to play with, and then have all the girls in your van getting one last glimpse of their new little furry friends as you're pulling out, and the driver of the other van backs over the kitties. that's a trip killer right there...
As a kid those "traveling mercies" would be that my dad's arm would not be long enough to reach me from the driver's seat as he's trying to spank me and drive at the same time...all the while saying "I. Will. Pull. Over. This. Car. Right. Now. And. Take. Off. My. Belt. If. You. Don't. Stop. Fighting!"
That and that my parents would cheerfully let us eat at McDonalds.
As a parent "traveling mercies" would mean that I wouldn't have to do to the reach around and all I would have to do is give my kids 'the look' and they would instantly behave.
They would be temporarily blinded whenever we passed a McDonalds.
Ironically, I just went on a road trip last week with my best friend and my daughter, and people prayed for us to have traveling mercies before we left. Things went more or less according to plan:
- We ate an entire bag of beef jerky (glad I'm not the only one with that rule).
- We got a flat tire in the pouring rain in a small town in West Virginia at 7pm on a Sunday(thankfully, people were nice and helped us, and we didn't throw away my rim).
- We bought at least one serving of some variant of coffee at every single gas station.
- We only stopped when the baby needed to (except for that flat tire).
- We listened to most of the repertoire of Superchic[k] and Relient K.
Some things we failed to do (probably because not enough people prayed for traveling mercies):
- Play the celebrity and/or place game (listing celebrities or places back and forth alphabetically - we are nerds).
- Play 20 questions (again, we are nerds).
- Count license plates to see if we could get one from every state (looking over this list, I am starting to realize that I turn six on road trips).
- Eat supper at Sheetz (gosh, I love Sheetz).
...that my wife and kids would synchronize their bladders so that they could "go" at well-spaced and reasonable intervals, and not at every exit between here and Montgomery, Alabama, and I get so angry that we've travelled 6 hours and gone 80 miles that I refuse to stop the car again ever, and oh, now, I'm the bad guy...
That when you give a ride to a one-legged woman on the side of the road that you don't later find out she is the local prostitute.
(Believe it or not this happened to my mother-in-law)
That your father doesn't try to relive his youth by blaring Johnny Cash and the Beach Boys on every family trip.
PS. A shout out from my wife to those who mentioned Caedmon's Call and Bon Jovi. We've have many-a-trip listening to those tunes.
That you won't have to leave your underwear behind at a rest stop because you didn't quite make it in time.
(You know who you are DR)
"Lord, please help my husband to watch the road instead of the little arrow on the GPS."
That when traveling with your in-laws, they don't find it necessary to stop at every historical marker they see. Turning a two hour trip into four.
That we have at least 3 cds with Rawkfist on them so the baby is happy and that whomever falls asleep is not the one who drools and uses their siblings as pillows.
Hmmm... How about:
1. That you will be more pilgrim than tourist
2. That no drunk drivers veer your way
3. That you look at the people who wait on you, serve you, and provide you with places to stay with...appreciation?
4. That you be about the journey as much as the destination
5. That you wonder at the power of a thunderstorm
6. That people you encouner wonder, "what was different about that person..."
7. That you are not in such a hurry that you overlook someone in need
8. That you are able to laugh at yourself
I nearly missed one:
That you won't encounter a man in only boots while trying to re-enter the freeway. In February.
Stacy, Hailey & Sawyer's mom (6 & 4), your post was flippin hilarious.
Preschooler Traveling Mercies Athiest. Is that a new group on facebook?
"7. That you will not throw your flat tire with rim still attached over the siderail in the mountains of North Carolina because you are dumb and in college and named Jon Acuff."
oh. oh. oh.!!!
The more I think on this, the funnier it gets. I can't stop laughing. We need the rest of the story!
I've had a few trip that lacked mercy. Once, just west of St. Louis, an oil truck and a peanut truck collided. It took them two hours to clean up the spill, so we just sat in our car on the highway for two hours with thousands of others.
Too bad we didn't bring bread.
Then there was the time the Beaumont, Texas airport closed down, so some guy volunteered to drive us all to Houston in his Suburban. 15 passengers squeezed in, I had the worst sunburn of my life, and two of the passengers yelled at each other all the way there because one of them had dropped the other's suitcase while loading the truck. (They were strangers, but it didn't stop them from yelling.) Glory be.
It can also be a "trip" to be re-routed to O'Hare during a snowstorm while you're wearing your shorts and flip flops straight from the sunny beaches of southern Florida.
Really, we should be praying for traveling mercies.
I'm so guilty of this one!! Even worse, I think I use it because it sounds more hip than a more blatant Christian signature line like, "In his grip." And I have lots of traveling friends to boot. And I'm really borrowing it from Anne Lamott. It's like my euphamism for, "I'm that Christian that digs Anne Lamott." Pray for me.
I'm single with *no* relatives under the age of 18 so I actually really like traveling. Even flying. It's fun in a strange way...
But maybe I'm also paranoid, because when I became a Christian and first started hearing people pray for "traveling mercies," I assumed it was like praying for people going into surgery... that they thought transporting your physical body across long distances greatly increases your chance of death or injury. I assumed we were praying that there would be no car or plane crashes. Consequently, I must confess, I always pray when my plane is taking off.
That sounds so much weirder now that I've typed it... !
12. that your youth-choir tour bus will not catch on fire 4 hours after leaving home, and that you'll be stranded in the 100 degree sun for ... four hours ... waiting for a new bus.
That Carsten (while admirably controlling his legendary gag reflex) will remember to re-tell (for the gazillionth time, each time a tad bit more hilarious than the last) the mythic tale of peering into the clogged German plumbing with his mouth agape, just waiting to be filled.
(Also, speaking of Carsten, you need to correct the word "passed" in #6 about Carsten to the correct homonym for that situation, "past.")
hey jon,
i saw your post on carsten's facebook wall...and reading through the list i realized that i was present in #7...as a matter of fact, i do believe i had to do some instructing on how to fix a flat. although, i don't believe my instructions included tossing a flat tire with the rim intact! :) but i guess another night at montreat anderson beats a day of classes anyways! hope you're doing well!
That you won't be driving in the winter with a car full of people, windows sealed shut, heat up to "blast furnace" temps.....and someone passes gas. Not pretty. I've lived to tell the tale.
#8! #8! The long, long saga of the "weird dream I had last night." Loved the post.
That you won't be dumb enough to take the cat(s) with you, and thus, won't have to hear to CONSTANT meowing for two and a half hours until one or more cats voms in the front seat.
Boyd.
The insanely muscular violinist's name is Boyd.
I was taking a group of kids from Salt Lake City up to camp one summer. If you've ever been to Twin Falls, Idaho, you know there's a big canyon smack in the middle of the town. It's actually really pretty. Idaho... go figure.
One of the boys piped up from the walkie-talkie in the other van, "Is that the Grand Canyon?"
I'd been up since 3:30 that morning. I replied, "{Kid's Name}, do you pay ANY attention in school?"
Another traveling mercy - don't basically call the kids of your youth group dumb. Parents don't like it.
That when the kids FINALLY go to sleep, you won't suddenly have to pee. (For anyone who doesn't have kids, stopping wakes them up. Then it's all over.)
11. That your ipod will turn up loud enough to drown out your parents reading the autobiography of the man that invented the Q-tip or something to that effect
12. that your sister will not shake her dr. pepper bottle before she gets in the car so it explodes all over the ceiling ten minutes into the trip
13. That your sister will not throw up, which will make you throw up.
14. That your car will not explode on its way up the mountain leaving you stranded and at the mercy of the "car experts" driving by that all feel the need to weigh in on your troubles
15. that you won't get stuck next to the guy that hums too loud to his own personal soundtrack
Also, that you will see a Hawaii license plate so you can win the "license plates from all 50 states game"
Ah, traveling mercies. Journey mercies. This phrase was relatively new to me until 2 years ago. Then I started hearing it ALL the time. For me they would be:
1) That your dad, the mechanic, has actually finished all the 'upgrades' he's been doing to the car, and that none of them break down on the way.
2) That your parents brought enough Adventures in Odyssey tapes to last the whole car ride (Jon, please, oh please do an Adventures in Odyssey post!! They are like, my biggest memory of childhood!).
3) That you make the ferry sailing you were aiming for (I live on Vancouver Island, and waiting in ferry line ups SUCKS!).
4) That said ferry is a new ferry, and not one of the crappy old ones.
5) That on said ferry's car deck, you are not placed next to three giant trucks of chickens (grossest smell in the world!!!).
These ones are just from my childhood. Based on my latest roadtrip last month, I could add a whole bunch more...
Ok, based on the roadtrip my cousin and I took last month, here are the traveling mercies I now know to ask for:
1) That your car won't experience a 1-in-a-million, "this-never-happens" breakdown.
2) That said breakdown won't occur in a teeny, tiny small town that has only *two* car garages, and neither of them have the part that is needed because "this-never-happens."
3) That you won't stay in a crappy motel where you discover for the first time what "nicky, nicky nine doors" is.
4) That the town you're staying in has more than 2 taxis, and that those taxis answer their phones when you call.
5) That you won't waste 3 days in said town before they tell you that your car won't be fixed for at least a week, and you should probably rent a car.
*sigh* Good times roadtripping through Alberta. Wish I had known which traveling mercies to pray for...
Tams - You and I can't seriously have the same story...
"3) That religion, members of the opposite sex, and the parent's college days, and poop will all be a topic of discussion eventually. If not rolled into one topic."
I, unfortunately, can roll all those together and its not a pretty story.
For the rest: these are all the reasons that I travel alone and make sure to do all my preventative measures, as well as update my AAA membership. It's just me and my iPod...cause let me tell you, doing a road-trip with my mother last year was just weird. She doesn't like to listen to music and she likes to eat at McDonalds... me and fast food... ick (well Sonic doesn't count as fast food if you only buy drinks!).
Traveling Mercies for the Youth Minister.
That your old church bus will not burst into flames. (Happened to us a couple of times)
That the "really husky" little 7th grader doesn't spend all his food money on junk food before he even makes it to camp.
That the same 7th grader does not eat so much that he drops a load in his pants while on the bus. (This actually happened)
That you won't hear "How much farther?", "When do we eat?", or "Do you smell smoke?" every five minutes while driving.
When your old church bus does break down (and it will happen), it breaks down within walking distance of a gas station or fast food place.
Getting all of the youth on the bus to spontaneously start singing their favorite Christian band songs together accapella.
Quick Trip Hotzis
6. "past"
9. "you're"
(sorry)
- that you, as a staff member leading kids around a foreign country, won't get your nose broken by a student because he didn't see you behind him and threw his head back to laugh. (back of a head + bridge of your nose = many, many moments of pain...)
- that the driver of the van won't take the wrong turn so that you end up on the top of a mountain, complete with snow, and then run out of gas on the way down, with everyone in the van praying for no on-coming traffic since it gets difficult to coast down the side of a mountain on a windy, snowy road while having to worry about traffic coming at you head-on.
i heart this blog, btw!!
(and i'm not anonymous, my name is Michael Anne)
If YOU'RE going to be a writer, you should know the difference between your (possessive) and you're (contraction for "you are"). If it was just this post I'd ignore it, but it's not the first time, and it looks awfully silly.
-That when in Florida with your in-laws they don't read EVERY SINGLE sign out loud.
-That they remember next time to rent a 6 passenger car... so that you dont have to sit hunched over on your husbands lap in the back seat for 2 hours..listening to them read every single sign out loud.
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