Next to unpacking, dumping your boyfriend or girlfriend is our favorite thing to do after a church retreat. We can't help it. The retreat speaker always tells us on Saturday night, "If there's anything you need to lay down before the cross tonight, to give up to God, come down and do it. Don't wait, this is your chance." And you are the first thing we think of. So we decide with our retreat friends that we are going to do it. This relationship is over. And then on Sunday afternoon when we get back, we call you and have the following conversation:
Girl:
"The retreat was good, it gave me a lot to think about."
Guy:
"Really? Like what?"
Girl:
"Well, I think you and I have grown apart."
Guy:
"You've been gone for 44 hours and were 119 miles away, what do you mean?"
Girl:
"God just really laid it on my heart that I should focus on him and not this relationship."
Guy:
"God told you to dump me?"
And so forth. The moral of this story is that if your girlfriend or boyfriend is going on a retreat, you better go too. Unless it's an all girl's retreat. And mission trips are even worse. Your girlfriend is going to start seeing Mark, that awkward but kind of cute guy, in a whole new light during that mission trip. It's a light called, "Look at Mark feed hungry children in Africa while my boyfriend plays Xbox back in Ohio."
Don't say I didn't warn you.
(Special thanks to Brian for the idea.)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
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They took it to the next level on a mission trip I went on in high school...
At the close of camp the staff asked all the kids to share what they had "left at the alter." One guy got up in front of 500 people (and his youth group) and explained how and why he was going to break up with his girlfriend when he got home.
I hope someone called her to give her a heads up.
Youth retreats are the hook up spot. I love your comment about Mark feeding hungary children in Afica while you are playing x-box in Ohio! SO funny, but so true. Seeing a young man praise the Lord often did it for me at youth retreats. But then a week later they were back to the x-box while drinking bud light and saying that they have changed because at least they are drinking light beer now and not chasing regular beer with shots of JB. Or so I hear that's how it happens.
I offer the "Prayer of Jabez" and the resulting merchandise nightmare that followed for consideration. Seriously, does a t-shirt with the actual prayer on it really make me holy?
haha...this blog is awesome!
I have a thought for you to write about...Spiritual Moo Cows. Sounds odd, but I'll explain if you would like to hear more!
I couldn't stop laughing at this one.
So true!
I literally just laughed out loud. That was hilarious...in a "that's so true" kind of way. I work with high school kids through Young Life, so you are speaking my language.
ah... this is actually part of "Steven's Trip Theory" which is that any relationship is either doomed or strengthened by a single person in the relationship going on a trip. Trip's often give us time to think... unfortunately, it's not always clear thoughts. The mission trip stuff is both "trip theory" and also an actual theory called something like "physical proximity theory" which states (approximately) that the closer you are to someone, the more attractive they become (which is why most long-distance relationships are doomed).
too funny, this one!
although what I saw wasn't so spiritual....you broke up because you hooked up with someone else from the retreat. And it started with who was riding in the cool van.
I'm pretty sure I actually did break up with my boyfriend after a youth retreat. We were both on the retreat though...
We got together again two weeks later.
Not only is this true, but I am the worst offender. I broke up with my boyfriend DURING a co-ed youth ski retreat. It was brutal and uncomfortable. The youth minister just kept shaking his head.
Haha, this one sounds familiar. I don't think I was ever dumped after a retreat per se, but retreat nights have always sparked those long conversations about the relationship. And my small youth group meant I always ended up on new retreats with the Exes soon after. I got dumped ON a mission trip once, at the beginning of the week. That really, really stunk.
Your girlfriend is going to start seeing Mark, that awkward but kind of cute guy, in a whole new light during that mission trip. It's a light called, "Look at Mark feed hungry children in Africa while my boyfriend plays Xbox back in Ohio."
LOL. There's something about everyone coming back from a mission that you didn't attend. It's like they're all Moses with glowing faces coming back from meeting with God... and then there's you just finishing off your golden calf statue.
I just stopped by your blog a few days ago and I'm still crackin' up!
this is great.
I have an idea for you...What about lyric switching. (an unfortunate side affect of some camps/retreats as well) Changing the lyrics to "secular" songs to make them workable as worship. (as a teen I heard Mariah Carey's Hero turned into He's a Hero with a Jesus twist) Or changing the lyrics to other frequently used church songs out of boredom. (ie...Just a little Chocolate Jesus)
Don't forget that people go to missions conferences and such hoping to meet their future spouses. That was popular with my college group.
Wow. So true. I was even awkward Mark once. That relationship lasted about as long as an ice cube on summertime bleachers.
I think you should include the hookups that go on at these retreats as well. And thanks for bringing a smile to my face every day. Your blog is cool!
You would be luckier if you were "convicted" to "break up" with the Girl from Omaha you met at camp, instead of promising I'll hold you in my heart forever, and I'll write every week. Because a) you won't and b)you won't.
I am going on a mission trip next month...and you just totally freaked my boyfriend out. I think he's getting rid of his Xbox as I write this.
Very nice, love your observations. I've been on so many retreats in my life, but this has never happened to me. I guess it would help if I had actually been dating someone beforehand...
BTW, check out DO NOT WANT You. If it's dumb, roflpwn me in the comments and I'll stop writing and torch the blog.
LOL, I love this post. It's so right on. Although, the last mission trip I went on ten years ago, my husband and I hooked up and have been together ever since. :)
Guess some relationships can stand the test of travel.
"There's something about everyone coming back from a mission that you didn't attend. It's like they're all Moses with glowing faces coming back from meeting with God... and then there's you just finishing off your golden calf statue."
Genius.
I love your blog!! I hope you don't mind but I added a link to it on the sidebar of my blog. Great stuff :)
I was convicted to marry a nice christian guy, then after I made that mistake I was convicted to divorce him
Have you been reading my diary?
I love this blog!
This post made me laugh...I'll be going to Africa in two months, and things like that have definitely happened on past mission trips!
have you considered blogging about hebrew tattoos that christians get?
at least half of the youth staff at my church have one or more of them.
So, essentially, you're saying it's not me, and it's not you, but it's God?
Um, yeah, okay...guess it's hard to argue with that.
Yes.. I remember being the guy who did that one summer after camp.. and then had a "long distance" relationship that I think lasted for a week.
Great post.
That's too funny! I'm not sure I ever actually broke up with a guy after camp but I know I thought about it!
I think what the retreat speaker was going for was that you don't "break-up" but instead you just stop having sex so much!
Hilarious. I know I have been on the receiving end of that situation more than once.
Blessings,
Jm
6 hours, 30 comments. I guess thats an indicator that the nail was struck firmly on the head!
Okay so this one is just painful! I did actually use the "I don't think God wants us to be together anymore" excuse once and then, because I bet God has a really wicked sense of humor, I got dumped with that same line a year later!!
Left unsaid in the post was the primary reason for many of these breakups - conviction over an "unhealthy relationship."
"Unhealthy relationship" being Christian youth code for: "we have our hands inside each other's clothes at every opportunity." At a minimum.
Equally squirm-and-guilt-inducing is when a girl/guy you once dated experiences revival and calls you up to say "remember when we . . . Well, I've been really convicted about how wrong that was, and . . ."
Yep, the e-mailed first chapter of your book is pretty much right on target.
this is a really good one... and true in my life on 2 occasions. LOL!
I totally just busted out laughing!
My husband and I grew up together through youth group, and while we never broke up while dating, I totally remember OTHER people (pastors, friends, counselors) trying to break us up on retreats, camp, you name it! I never really put it together until now, but what on earth is up with that?!
i lived this...several times. thank you for writing this.. chuckling out loud, still ... ahhh... the poor boys.
High five on this one. It brought me back to all my church camp/mission trip days in high school. I never kept a boyfriend for very long, especially if there was a church trip during the span of our relationship.
a few suggestions..."true love waits" rings and other paraphernalia, messy games at youth group (like who can chug a bottle of syrup the fastest, or how many marshmallows you can stick on your face with easy cheese), Jesus fish on cars, yay God's (on a mission trip - everybody shares how they saw God that day, and everyone responds "yay God!")
LOVE your blog!
- Megan (Marci's roommate)
Ha, ha! Oh my gosh! I actually broke off my engagement to my college boyfriend after a mission trip! There were, of course a lot of factors involved, but it's pretty funny to see the phenomenon highlighted.
Popular in my circle was the idea of "dating Jesus" for a year. The idea was that you were to take your Friday and Saturday nights and spend time in prayer instead of dating. Also recommended was going to Applebee's, sitting with your Bible and talking to the Lord as if He were your date. I did this my senior year of high school. Sadly, Jesus didn't take me to the prom, so I didn't go.
The biggest problem with this was the end of the year. What were you supposed to do, dump God?
I have been a youth pastor for twenty and have the scars to show from all the breakups I've lived through on youth trips/retreat/mision trips, etc. The worse was many years ago when I had FIVE couples break up on the same day during a Christian music festival. To make matters worse, they all, yes, all five "reconnected" with each other's ex's the next day. So the next day they were all "together" again, just with different people. And of course, not only upset with the ex, but also the NEW boyfriend/girlfriend for rebounding with their ex. I was ready to offer scorecards for the chaperone to help keep up with who was dating who! Can you say youth pastor's NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, do you know me and I just don't realize it? My husband and I met 13 years ago on a mission trip to Norway . . . and that was the last of my boyfriend and his girlfriend. Too funny.
It's a light called, "Look at Mark feed hungry children in Africa while my boyfriend plays Xbox back in Ohio." - love it
Hilarious, and brought back memories of mission trips and retreats! Odd how true your observations are!
One of the other comments mentioned the "cool van"... somehow another topic there? Whether it was a 10-min. drive to sing carols at the nursing home, or a 8-hr drive to a CA retreat, there was always much pre-thought and wondering about where we'd sit in the van! Especially if the trip included somebody we liked!
This was hillarious! Someone commented on people going on missions/retreats hoping to meet their future spouses. This is too funny for me- because one of my good friends ended up doing this. She was not intentially looking for a boyfriend, but probably saw him "feeding the hungry children" or something and they ended up happily married a year and a half later!
The Christian group I attend at college (InterVarsity Christian Fellowship) has also been known to occasionaly promote the organization by saying that many people have found their future spouses within it. This is usually said jokingly, but it's kind of true- I know of at least 4 couples from our chapter alone!
If you haven't already, maybe you could do a blog on how people use their church/Christian organization as a dating service, because I see this happen a lot!
ah, yes... trips. i started a erlationship while on a youth group trip (actually lasted a year and a half, go figure), and then in college, i was the one staying at home while my boyfriend broke it off because of a girl he went on a mission trip with- and was dating by the time they got home (the dean of religious life's little sister). that lasted two and a half weeks, then he was feeling bad and back apologizing to me.
On a related note, http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001356.html
Haha! this actually happened on my senior trip (I went to a Christian high school), and there were many factors leading to the breakup. But we definitely broke up hundreds of miles from home.
for retreat hookups, there's always the "one-on-ones", having deep conversations at 11pm with that older guy in the youth group you secretly had a crush on. Priceless.
Ya well that happened to me yesterday. My girlfriend said the God told her to break up with me. She says she still loves me. I am heart-broken.
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