After I wrote the post about the "mandatory youth minister goatee" I was flooded with emails about another phenomenon sweeping the nation, the "bald worship leader."
Never one to deny attention to things that are sweeping the nation, I thought I would address it. I'm not bald and I'm not a worship leader either but if I ever lose my hair and a church has a need for a triangle-playing worship leader (only instrument I've got in the bag), here are three rules I am going to live by:
1. Refuse the temptation to be weird hat guy.
When you go bald I think there's a deep urge to really explore all the wonders that the hat world has to offer. But when I see the currently cool Fidel Castro type hat on stage I don't think, "here I am to worship." I think, "here I am to overthrow a capitalist society." From cowboy hats to bandanas and top hats, I think you have to be very careful when it comes to how you clothe your head. (Bret Michaels, we know you are bald. Stop it.)
2. Manage the sweat situation.
If I go bald, I am going to develop the most incredible ninja-like ability to keep my head sweat free. I'll still be rocking out on my triangle, have no fear, but never will you find yourself hypnotized by betting on which bead of sweat will make it down my dome first.
3. Develop an awesome worship leader face.
Someone brought to my attention that in addition to musical skill, a worship leader must possess a face that helps set the tone. It must look engaged but not distant, focused but not unavailable, happy but also a little melodramatic. It's hard to describe, but close your eyes, form a half smile, and imagine you've just taken a bite of your favorite food and happen to be holding an acoustic guitar.
I am sure there are other rules when it comes to being an awesome bald worship leader, but those are mine. Please note: I know there are a lot of amazing female worship leaders. Some of my favorite worship leaders are women. The church that I attend has a bunch, but thus far none of the ones I know have goatees or are bald. So until I think of something funny or someone sends me something about a quirk of female worship leaders, I am sparing them the ridiculousness of posts like this.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
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32 comments:
as a bald man.. (i take offense).
this could be why i was fired as a worship leader.
is it too late to start a combover?
fo sho.
nice.
I must confess that i am a bald worship leader... but God made me this way.
I had two choices: comb-over or shave it all. I chose shave it all.
I think that God's glory actually reflects off the shiny head (where hair would normally absorb it) thus making bald worship leader slightly more effective.
I do not have a goatee anymore. I did in the past. but now i just have a scruffy beard. (which is also sweeping the nation among worship leaders and youth pastors) I have been tempted by, and at times, given it to the "weird hat".
i am so glad you asked... its the random streak of blondeness in dark mahogony hair that has captivated the praise team at our church. we affectionally call this "praise team hair" anyone that has ever visited prestonwood will know what i am talking about... and one of the praise team members is hair dresser, conveniently, so it's easy to achieve the uniform "edgy" vibe ...
OK, so just this past Sunday, the gal who was playing bass for the Worship Team was wearing, yes, a Fidel Castro hat!! None of the leaders are bald though...and is bald like shaved bald, or just balding?
I would scrap the triangle for more cowbell.
for female worship leaders, how about the "why sing one note when i can sing seven?" phenomenon? i think that only works if you're leading in a church full of Mariah Carey clones...
And if not bald, definitely sweaty... With thinning hair.
I think that the quirky thing about female worship leaders is that they all try to look like Darlene Zchech from Hillsong Church in Australia (which I love, by the way).
You know, the one who wrote Shout to the Lord?
You are hilarious dude. Thanks for the laughs. What a sad reality all of your mentions are! Definitely makes good humor and finding your blog today was indeed a good find.
So, the youth pastor thing didn't apply to my church, but this one does. Highly amusing. Thing is, they don't really have an option of what to do with the sweat, since they don't have hair to soak it up. My dad has been bald pretty much as long as I've been alive, and he used to embarrass the heck out of my brothers and me when we'd be out at a restaurant and he'd eat something spicy, and his head would start to sweat. He didn't want his head dripping, so what would he do? Dab his head with a napkin. Only not really dab. Sort of lay it across for a few seconds, and then put it down. Now we joke about "Napkin-head", but oh, it was mortifying. And yes, he used to lead worship sometimes. ;o)
This is cracking me up. I have a friend named Phil Ayers who is a worship pastor near Orlando, FL and he actually had a site going called www.baldworshipleader.com I don't think he keeps it up anymore though.
Um.., well.., gee.
If a church would just let aging females continue it lead worship, we'd get there.
Trust me.
I'm nearing fifty and it ain't pretty.
Balding heads and goatees are not a totally male problem. Don't even get us going on sweat.
Thankfully, it would seem, weird physical attributes override the gifts of the Spirit.
I have a shaved head (technically not bald) and a chinbeard (technically not a goatee).
For that matter, I'm not a worship leader either although I do play in the worship band.
Great post!
Touche.
It's called surrender.
Our church:
Bald worship leader
Bald music minister (on stage playing instruments)
Balding pastor
I'm just trying to remember what happened in the O.T. when some kids made fun of the man of God's baldness...
Lemme see... what happened again?...
something about she-bears... carnage... 42 dead... oh nevermind.
Nevertheless - Beware, my friend.
BEEEWARE!
And yes - MORE COWBELL.
Uh- whoops. Guess who hadn't read #133 yet.
This guy.
It's almost like a rule now that you have to be bald to be a really good worship leader. ;-p
Funny Sutff. Love your blog.
our worship leader has a fohawk...
I laughed so hard at this. Read it to my husband (who is really bald) and he said, "Those guys aren't really bald, they shave their heads. Trust me, it's not the same!". As a female worship leader I have often felt very "unspiritual" because A) I don't lead from a guitar and B) I have lots of hair on my head and none on my face. Not sure if I have the face down or not. I'll need to ask a friend. Thanks for the laughs!
So if God has numbered the hairs on our head, is he bored with bald worship leaders? He's got nothing to count. Or just as he's counting, they get shaved again. OK, start over...1, 2, 3...
On television it appears that the female mega-church worship leader is partial to the pantsuit with the long overcoat. Not sure why this is; I sing on the praise team at my church and about the last thing I want to do is wear three layers of wool under those lights. Or ever for that matter (I am in FL). When you come up with the cure for the head sweat, maybe you could adapt the formula for these sassy ladies.
It's like they are driven to that position like a moth to a flame. LOL on the sweat thing.
My church:
Male Pattern Bald Worship Leader at the Old Folks Services
Twenty-something with spiky hair and goatee who talks between songs worship leader at the Contemporary Service
Youth Pastor with no goatee, but a flavor saver triangle of hair under the lower lip
Pastor with Baptist Hair. Very thick and very hard.
And all of them are awesome. Great team.
I was glad to see that someone has already mentioned the "fauxhawk" phenonmenon. As I see it, to be an effective worship leader, you must posess one of the following:
A bald head (preferably shaved)
A fauxhawk (preferably highlighted)
Strategically placed facial hair
Retro square glasses
Any combination of 2 or more of the aforementioned physical attributes makes you a force to be reckoned with. Rock on, relavent emerging worship dude!
I don't want to leave out the ladies. All you really need is a really long "worship jacket" and the ability to hold one manicured hand to God while simultaneously singing, closing your eyes and shaking your head (slightly bowed) in a "no, no" motion. Oh, and blonde hair. Blonde hair is definately a plus.
one of the most incredibly accurate descriptions of "the worship face" i've ever read:) props
I would be a & except it needs to be about 18 font and bold.. 6'3" and 320 lbs..and I do use that face. You nailed it.
Not weird hat guy during church but I do partake in hat attire when doing youth or on mission trips... that's a given.. don't do castro hats though.. stick to ballcaps or those aussie bush hats to keep the sun from krispy frying my ears. Love your blog!!
OK... so what if you just-so-happen to be a balding (shaved) worship leader AND a youth pastor with a half-goatee (chin beard)?
Have I narrowly escaped the trap or managed to successfully combine both cliches? :)
As a bald worship leader myself, I've found the Paul Pierce worship leader sweatband to be highly effective. Especially when combined with a dark suit and white high-tops.
As the holder of a college degree in percussion (working on a Master's degree), I would be willing to bet that you do NOT, in fact have playing the triangle "in the bag."
"It's hard to describe, but close your eyes, form a half smile, and imagine you've just taken a bite of your favorite food and happen to be holding an acoustic guitar."
ahhh....man...I'm here once again--Laughing at my desk at work trying to keep quiet.
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