Yes, God wants us to be compassionate and kind and tender with each other. Not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. As long as there is no body on body action. I'm talking of course about a "full frontal hug," one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. That's why Christians the world over have pioneered the "side hug." In the side hug there's no risk of two crotches touching. Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their's. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you're taking a photo and you're both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. I don't know the exact scripture reference but try the book of Psalms.And bonus points if you recognized Desmond Tutu in this four person side hug-a-thon. Bigger points if those of these people is you.
(Thanks to the handful of people that suggested side hug. I want to side hug you in thanks.)
32 comments:
Oh, boy. This one always rubs me the wrong way.
I think I'd rather have a handshake or a high five than a stupid side hug.
I usually don't bother reading blogs, but this is good stuff. Finally someone is talking my language on Christianity. Cheers John.
I can't figure out how to email you my suggestion because I'm a moronic fool.
But here is one thing I know Christians like: capitalizing the H in "his."
its funny because its true....
Two more...
1. I kissed dating goodbye
2. Homeschooling
side hug back at you...
funny because its true...
I try to respectful and go for the side hug for my gal pals but they go for the full frontal hugs.
They are my sisters and I love them like no other. Side or frontal, there is no way I will deny a hug.
sgt.salt! how dare you put someone down for that (i do it all of the time)!
when are you coming home?
Like so many things, it depends. As I have aged, I’ve come to appreciate the value of a true friend. I’m no longer uncomfortable telling them I love them or giving them a full frontal hug. Oh and by the way, as the product of a parochial education, I’ve always capitalized the “H” in Him (or He). It’s reflexive. I did so long before I had any kind of relationship with Him. Even when I was actively fleeing from Him I still used the capital “H.”
We used to have a woman at our old church who would do the "roll you in" hug... We all tried the side hug but she would always roll us in!
I always thought that the side hug was to prevent breasticles from squeezing up against a male chest? That's why, when I'm not in church, I hug my female friends extra tight!
~Cracking up at Stacey's comment~
I went round and round with someone over this. Personally, I see nothing more personal that grabbing someone and pressing your body against theirs.
For me, this is all about who I'm hugging. If I know them well enough, I'm a full on hugger, but I have to know they are ready to get a hug.
By the way, side hugging *I think* is in the book of Hesitations.
Seriously, though if we are to be doing what the Bible says, why are we not kissing each other with a holy kiss? I have yet to see people puckering up at church. What's up with that? :)
This is an especially difficult topic. People side hug for many reasons: big chest (sorry, but I know this first hand), physical abuse, issues with lust, lawsuits, baby barf down my shoulder (again first hand knowledge) ...there are many reasons.
Just as much as I wouldn't emotionally bash someone with scripture, I wouldn't hug someone who didn't want a hug, side or otherwise. Forcing hugs because that is what the hugger wants is self-serving, not considering how the other needs to be shown love, wouldn't you say?
Hugging should be self-less and loving, but even in my years of church, it has not always been the purest motive of the person hugging me.
It doesn't matter if you are Non-huggers, huggers, side huggers, I just wonder how easy it would be to say, "Can I give you a hug?" When in doubt, just ask..even for a side hug.
Just another point of view.
Great post....
It took us til #106 to reach the side hug? The side hug defines Christians. We sometimes even announce it as we do it. "Hey, side hug!"
Kelli B is absolutely right, this has to lead to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," the book that singlehandedly killed everything that was good of an already fragile Christian dating scene.
You are NUTS! The almost back to back post of the side hug and the hand holding made my night. I always try to keep it real and start with the hand shake and pull it in chest to chest. Thats how we do it in the streets (for the guy/guy hug).
B-Rad
I went to a very conservative baptist college and public displays of affection were frowned upon, so we all mastered the "side hug with no pressage" for when our guy friends were feeling blue . . . Thanks for a great memory and a good laugh.
It's taken me some time, but I can deal with the full frontal hug; but I'm bolting if we see a holy kiss revival sweep the church.
As a youth pastor, my husband perfected the side hug. Sometimes I could see him mouthing the words:
"arm around shoulder, squeeze, release"
It was really personable.
A friend in college called it "The Christian Half-Hug." He then added a tagline: "All the satisfaction, half the lust."
Amazing!
I do not know the "side hug" but am fimiliar with the full-frontal clavicle to clavicle hug (no chest-to-chest). My wife's nieces hug me this way when greeting and I am glad.
This is great! As a divorce e and then remarried, when another male wants a hug, that I am not related to, I give the side to side hug. Funny stuff!!!!
We definitely like our side hugs. Genius!
Ha, my friend James used to give amazing hugs, then he went off to seminary and mastered the side hug technique. It was a sad day.
Personally I think the side hug is a lot of hooey. Maybe it's just my love language of physical touch talking (oh yeah, I just pulled the love language reference out) but I'm insulted when someone half hugs me. I want to say, what do I smell bad, are you ashamed to be seen hugging me or something? Now I can understand the side hug for the well endowed ladies, my sister is one of them. But for everyone else, come on, if you don't want to hug don't hug, otherwise give a real bear squeeze.
side hugs in my world are a sign of respect
it says :i really like you and value your friendship but i also respect you and your need for purity and personal space:
i too went to a bible college and PDA was watched closely
but i also had a guy friend :take advantage: of the full frontal hug
i hated it
that is why i do not hug boys
EVER
it is a big joke in my office with me not hugging boys
high fives all the way!!!!
The side hug is a necessity and a life-saver when you are a large-bosomed woman. It's just too embarrassing and awkward otherwise . . .
oh how I hate the side hug. nothing says "we've already shaken hands and I still want to keep you at a distance but feel social obligated to hug" like the side hug.
I really apologise if this comes across as me being some stuck up heathen who doesnt understand Christianity. However, I am actually a Christian, I love Christ with all my heart and could never love anyone nearly as much as i love Him. If I saw Jesus (as I hope to upon death!) I would love to wrap my arms around Him and give him the biggest hug in the history of hugs, simply to thank Him for everything He has done for me. Having been brought up by a father who was uncomfortable hugging me (his daughter) I have experienced first hand the detremental effects that not hugging can have. I grew up absolutely terrified to hug boys, and uncomfortable hugging other girls. This has lead to the biggest regret of my life, no exaggerating! I had a male friend, who I had, have and always will be in love with. He fell for me too. At the same time as he began to let me see how he felt, just by dropping subtle hints and hugging me, I became so scared that I couldnt bare to be in the same room as him. I was housebound with panic attacks for 9 months, brought on by my fear of seeing him if i left home. During this time, he was the most supportive person I could have wished for, I couldn't believe how wonderful he was. But I still couldnt hig him back the way he hugged me. He made me feel safe, for thirty secongs, the fear left me and I felt that together we could face it and put the world to rights. He told me he was going to marry me, described his plans for our life together. But I was so scared to show any affection that he stopped hoping. I lost him, because of my fear of intimacy. This was not a fear of sexual intimacy, as you suggest is created by hugging, but spiritual intimacy. He never once made a pass at me or did anything that made me feel uncomfortable. I am, and he is a virgin. He made me well again, I know there is no way I would be half as strong as I am today without him. Today, we are friends, and I have to be greatful for that. But he never hugs me anymore, never smiles at me the same way anymore, and sometimes it is easier for us both to just pretend we havent seen each other, so we walk by one another in a crowd. I love him, but I will never have another chance. So please, hug everyone you can, the world needs more love.
This is hilarious. I actually had a friend just try to do this to me yesterday. He's moving and this Sunday was the last time I will see him for a while, so I didn't even give him the option of the side hug, I just grabbed him and gave him that evil full frontal hug. It wasn't until later that I realized he was trying to give me the side hug.
I used to hate the side hug for many of the same reasons other detractors above me have mentioned. Then I started volunteering at my Christian summer camp, and suddenly, side hugs became a priceless way to communicate affection to the campers under my care without violating "safe touch" rules (thereby avoiding the risk of being sued, etc). The side hug is the staple inside joke of all the staff at my camp, and we reference its ludicrousness at least five times a day.
I was introduced to the side hug world at my BSU in college. As a freshman, I didn't understand the point of them. My sophomore year, my roommate and I discussed this and many other quirks of our BSU subculture (which, turns out, most of those extend past my college's BSU), and he told me the reasons (which have already been mentioned) for the side hug. It made sense, but I still think it's a little absurd to insist upon it.
I have to admit I love hugs. Even side hugs. Whatever hugs you got. Side hugs are awesome because they take some of the awkwardness out of awkward situations... being a girl and all. Thank God for side hugs :] And yeah, I was definately deprived as a child in terms of hugs :[
Anyway, ANOTHER great post!
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