(Thanks to the handful of people that suggested side hug. I want to side hug you in thanks.)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
#106. The side hug.
Yes, God wants us to be compassionate and kind and tender with each other. Not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. As long as there is no body on body action. I'm talking of course about a "full frontal hug," one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. That's why Christians the world over have pioneered the "side hug." In the side hug there's no risk of two crotches touching. Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their's. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you're taking a photo and you're both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. I don't know the exact scripture reference but try the book of Psalms.
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48 comments:
Oh, boy. This one always rubs me the wrong way.
I think I'd rather have a handshake or a high five than a stupid side hug.
I usually don't bother reading blogs, but this is good stuff. Finally someone is talking my language on Christianity. Cheers John.
I can't figure out how to email you my suggestion because I'm a moronic fool.
But here is one thing I know Christians like: capitalizing the H in "his."
its funny because its true....
Two more...
1. I kissed dating goodbye
2. Homeschooling
side hug back at you...
funny because its true...
I try to respectful and go for the side hug for my gal pals but they go for the full frontal hugs.
They are my sisters and I love them like no other. Side or frontal, there is no way I will deny a hug.
sgt.salt! how dare you put someone down for that (i do it all of the time)!
when are you coming home?
Like so many things, it depends. As I have aged, I’ve come to appreciate the value of a true friend. I’m no longer uncomfortable telling them I love them or giving them a full frontal hug. Oh and by the way, as the product of a parochial education, I’ve always capitalized the “H” in Him (or He). It’s reflexive. I did so long before I had any kind of relationship with Him. Even when I was actively fleeing from Him I still used the capital “H.”
We used to have a woman at our old church who would do the "roll you in" hug... We all tried the side hug but she would always roll us in!
I always thought that the side hug was to prevent breasticles from squeezing up against a male chest? That's why, when I'm not in church, I hug my female friends extra tight!
~Cracking up at Stacey's comment~
I went round and round with someone over this. Personally, I see nothing more personal that grabbing someone and pressing your body against theirs.
For me, this is all about who I'm hugging. If I know them well enough, I'm a full on hugger, but I have to know they are ready to get a hug.
By the way, side hugging *I think* is in the book of Hesitations.
Seriously, though if we are to be doing what the Bible says, why are we not kissing each other with a holy kiss? I have yet to see people puckering up at church. What's up with that? :)
This is an especially difficult topic. People side hug for many reasons: big chest (sorry, but I know this first hand), physical abuse, issues with lust, lawsuits, baby barf down my shoulder (again first hand knowledge) ...there are many reasons.
Just as much as I wouldn't emotionally bash someone with scripture, I wouldn't hug someone who didn't want a hug, side or otherwise. Forcing hugs because that is what the hugger wants is self-serving, not considering how the other needs to be shown love, wouldn't you say?
Hugging should be self-less and loving, but even in my years of church, it has not always been the purest motive of the person hugging me.
It doesn't matter if you are Non-huggers, huggers, side huggers, I just wonder how easy it would be to say, "Can I give you a hug?" When in doubt, just ask..even for a side hug.
Just another point of view.
Great post....
It took us til #106 to reach the side hug? The side hug defines Christians. We sometimes even announce it as we do it. "Hey, side hug!"
Kelli B is absolutely right, this has to lead to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," the book that singlehandedly killed everything that was good of an already fragile Christian dating scene.
You are NUTS! The almost back to back post of the side hug and the hand holding made my night. I always try to keep it real and start with the hand shake and pull it in chest to chest. Thats how we do it in the streets (for the guy/guy hug).
B-Rad
I went to a very conservative baptist college and public displays of affection were frowned upon, so we all mastered the "side hug with no pressage" for when our guy friends were feeling blue . . . Thanks for a great memory and a good laugh.
It's taken me some time, but I can deal with the full frontal hug; but I'm bolting if we see a holy kiss revival sweep the church.
As a youth pastor, my husband perfected the side hug. Sometimes I could see him mouthing the words:
"arm around shoulder, squeeze, release"
It was really personable.
A friend in college called it "The Christian Half-Hug." He then added a tagline: "All the satisfaction, half the lust."
Amazing!
I do not know the "side hug" but am fimiliar with the full-frontal clavicle to clavicle hug (no chest-to-chest). My wife's nieces hug me this way when greeting and I am glad.
This is great! As a divorce e and then remarried, when another male wants a hug, that I am not related to, I give the side to side hug. Funny stuff!!!!
We definitely like our side hugs. Genius!
Ha, my friend James used to give amazing hugs, then he went off to seminary and mastered the side hug technique. It was a sad day.
Personally I think the side hug is a lot of hooey. Maybe it's just my love language of physical touch talking (oh yeah, I just pulled the love language reference out) but I'm insulted when someone half hugs me. I want to say, what do I smell bad, are you ashamed to be seen hugging me or something? Now I can understand the side hug for the well endowed ladies, my sister is one of them. But for everyone else, come on, if you don't want to hug don't hug, otherwise give a real bear squeeze.
side hugs in my world are a sign of respect
it says :i really like you and value your friendship but i also respect you and your need for purity and personal space:
i too went to a bible college and PDA was watched closely
but i also had a guy friend :take advantage: of the full frontal hug
i hated it
that is why i do not hug boys
EVER
it is a big joke in my office with me not hugging boys
high fives all the way!!!!
The side hug is a necessity and a life-saver when you are a large-bosomed woman. It's just too embarrassing and awkward otherwise . . .
oh how I hate the side hug. nothing says "we've already shaken hands and I still want to keep you at a distance but feel social obligated to hug" like the side hug.
I really apologise if this comes across as me being some stuck up heathen who doesnt understand Christianity. However, I am actually a Christian, I love Christ with all my heart and could never love anyone nearly as much as i love Him. If I saw Jesus (as I hope to upon death!) I would love to wrap my arms around Him and give him the biggest hug in the history of hugs, simply to thank Him for everything He has done for me. Having been brought up by a father who was uncomfortable hugging me (his daughter) I have experienced first hand the detremental effects that not hugging can have. I grew up absolutely terrified to hug boys, and uncomfortable hugging other girls. This has lead to the biggest regret of my life, no exaggerating! I had a male friend, who I had, have and always will be in love with. He fell for me too. At the same time as he began to let me see how he felt, just by dropping subtle hints and hugging me, I became so scared that I couldnt bare to be in the same room as him. I was housebound with panic attacks for 9 months, brought on by my fear of seeing him if i left home. During this time, he was the most supportive person I could have wished for, I couldn't believe how wonderful he was. But I still couldnt hig him back the way he hugged me. He made me feel safe, for thirty secongs, the fear left me and I felt that together we could face it and put the world to rights. He told me he was going to marry me, described his plans for our life together. But I was so scared to show any affection that he stopped hoping. I lost him, because of my fear of intimacy. This was not a fear of sexual intimacy, as you suggest is created by hugging, but spiritual intimacy. He never once made a pass at me or did anything that made me feel uncomfortable. I am, and he is a virgin. He made me well again, I know there is no way I would be half as strong as I am today without him. Today, we are friends, and I have to be greatful for that. But he never hugs me anymore, never smiles at me the same way anymore, and sometimes it is easier for us both to just pretend we havent seen each other, so we walk by one another in a crowd. I love him, but I will never have another chance. So please, hug everyone you can, the world needs more love.
This is hilarious. I actually had a friend just try to do this to me yesterday. He's moving and this Sunday was the last time I will see him for a while, so I didn't even give him the option of the side hug, I just grabbed him and gave him that evil full frontal hug. It wasn't until later that I realized he was trying to give me the side hug.
I used to hate the side hug for many of the same reasons other detractors above me have mentioned. Then I started volunteering at my Christian summer camp, and suddenly, side hugs became a priceless way to communicate affection to the campers under my care without violating "safe touch" rules (thereby avoiding the risk of being sued, etc). The side hug is the staple inside joke of all the staff at my camp, and we reference its ludicrousness at least five times a day.
I was introduced to the side hug world at my BSU in college. As a freshman, I didn't understand the point of them. My sophomore year, my roommate and I discussed this and many other quirks of our BSU subculture (which, turns out, most of those extend past my college's BSU), and he told me the reasons (which have already been mentioned) for the side hug. It made sense, but I still think it's a little absurd to insist upon it.
I have to admit I love hugs. Even side hugs. Whatever hugs you got. Side hugs are awesome because they take some of the awkwardness out of awkward situations... being a girl and all. Thank God for side hugs :] And yeah, I was definately deprived as a child in terms of hugs :[
Anyway, ANOTHER great post!
Hi,
Please comment I am genuinely hurt and confused by hug less Christians right now.
I went to a church and was side hugged by one guy.he has since stopped even that. the church is very legalistic and I can count the number of hugs I received there in a year on one hand- including the side hugger dude. I was always shocked that he touched me at all. I did stop going there eventually be cause in other ways there was also "no love". .
I am some what attractive. Perhaps if I came to church dressed as a Leper i could get some high fives? my non Christian friends and I hug often when saying good bye & hello. I am a sanguine/touch is my love language. So, I am always ready to intercept hugs.I respect space boundaries.I get it that there are some people who hate hugs. But what if I do like hugs? Do I get to Hug Christians? But my Christian friends do not offer and do not let me hug them. If they do consent it is the half armed, shouldery, back, as far away as possible kind of awkwardness.
What is up with Christians not hugging/embracing at all?
If i don't ever get married- do I have to stay hug less also?
How can people with the love of Christ in them be so cold and stand-offish?Where are these fabled? Christians who hug? The Side hug is fine. It's better than people pretending that I have the plague. And thinking that ignoring women makes them holy. Oh the damage Christians do with all the things they DON"T and WON'T do.
Hug Less and confused by Christians in Colorado
i'm sorry jon, but i'm afraid i have to correct you - the A-frame is not the same as the side hug. the A-frame starts out deceptively like a full-frontal but each person leans forward so only the shoulders and arms touch (there is no chest-on-chest, thereby making it 'holy'). from the side it is the shape of an A. hence the name.
just thought i'd clear that up for you. :)
I totally agree w/ wat u said. The side hug is 100% safe wen avoiding any physical contact w/ another person from your congregation who u dont want 2 offend but do want 2 say ur goddbyes to. The side hug is sumthin that i do a lot b/c obviously there r certain folks who u dont always want so much front or face to face physcial contact with. =)
this is the stupidest fucking bullshit ever. if i ever have to lower myself to side hug anyone ill kill myself for being such a loser. i didnt know god was against hugging you fuckin losers.
I am a Christian. I love the Lord very much. I love hugs too. I love side hugs or front hugs. I like to feel like someone cares for me and I like to care for people. I love people because God loves people and loved me enough to send His own precious Son to die for sins. I think a "hug is a handshake from the heart." Some trials in life bring such broken-heartedness and tears to my eyes that I need a full, front hug...meaning that I need someone to hug me and hold me...like a family member or even a friend in whom I simply look to as a parent or grandparent, man or woman. I love full, front hugs...tight hugs from people in whom I just simply look up to and cherish...those who have helped me become who I am today...those who knew me as a child...and cheered me on for the right! But I also love side hugs! Those types of hugs are great too! Those are usually the types of hugs that I give to guy friends who are my age or around my age...only those friends who are strictly friends...those friends who are going away for a long period of time or those friends of mine who lost loved ones to death. My friends who are girls, I usually give any type of hug to...But I love hugs! I'm so glad that God created such things as hugs. People need affection...Even Christians! Yes, we should be careful and discerning when it comes to physical contact; however, let's not be so dogmatic about this subject that it turns people away from a great Saviour. Side hugs are great, yes! Front hugs are great too! They aren't evil in the least bit! They give us a sense of comfort and security. Hugs are special. God knew that we would need hugs. We need to be very careful, yielding our bodies to Christ in everything we do, every action we take, knowing that there is a Holy God watching us. We need to live everyday for our Lord. However, God gave us the sense of feeling and touch. It is to be used in the RIGHT way always...But, it is to be used! Thank you, Lord, that one day you reached down and touched me!!!!
I actually came from a church where the "holy kiss" was used quite often... but mostly by older ladies, so it was okay. In my church now, we commonly use the side hug as a greeting, a sort of "Hey, good to see you!" and a goodbye. I like it because I have very large personal space boundaries (not a biblical issue, just a me thing!). Side hugging my friends lets me communicate affection on their level (for those who are physical touch communicators) while still staying within my own comfort zone. Since I understand that this is their way of showing affection to me, I don't mind and have learned to enjoy it. And we don't do wimpy side hugs, either. They're good solid side hugs that let each other know "I genuinely care for you." (except in a not so sappy sounding way)
With my good friends, we developed a kind of half-side hug, half-full hug thing. We still only use one arm, but we mostly face each other and each person's chin makes it over the other person's shoulder. It's weird to visualize, but it works.
I also enjoy full hugs, but only from family members, or people I know very well and on special occasions.
I see the side hug as practical as well as comfortable. If you're at church, much of the time you will be carrying something. This way, hugging someone doesn't require you to put down whatever you're carrying, or have it get in the way.
Anonymous in July, come to our church in Arizona! We love to hug!
As a "well endowed" chick, I personally prefer french kissing my friends with my legs wrapped right around them...but only for my really good friends. Probably people I've known for at least two weeks.
-AJ
I was just pointed to this post after writing about being a side hugger today. I totally think it could be due to my church upbringing and I never knew it! I no longer side hug and I still go to church.
:)
Steph
Where on earth did you get this notion from?
I'm quite certain there ARE Christians out there who take everything too far and probably do feel hugging is too physical but ... I love a hug! A proper, normal, face on hug! When I hug a friend sex doesn't even come into it. I love Jesus, I've left my past sexual immorality behind but hugging? HARMLESS!
Call me crazy, but I have never encountered the side hug before! I have grown up in the church, as well as Christian schooling, but we always hug each other properly - full on frontal. Come to think of it, I've rarely encountered most of the stuff on this site - probably over 90% of the things mentioned I have never experienced. I must go to the only "perfect church" on earth. =P
Anyway, I still find the site hilarious and get plenty of laughs from it!
Thanks.
I just had to point out that when you google search "side hug", this post comes up first!
I'm working my way through the first 500.
So, yeah, I've side hugged some people, but there's also others that I end up cuddling when they try that. Most of the hugs I get are from people I grew up with, so if there are lust issues, they aren't on my side.
My personal favorite is the sneak attack. That's when you sneak up behind the other person and wrap your arms around them. Most people are caught offguard.
I have a feeling that I'll be running around Heaven hugging everyone.
i like hugs...alot. yet it does depend on who i am hugging. someone i don't know well i won't hug at all. if they come in for a hug i try and make it a side hug. it's just not something i'm comfortable with people i don't know well.
then there are the friends i go to hug who make it a side hug. i respect that. for whatever reason they have in making it a side hug...ok.
as for full-frontal hugs from my guys friend...i find it to be a very comforting action. there is an element of security and peace when hugging my "brothers". yet it's painfully obvious that some of them do not like the frontal hug i offer. either they are so far away from me when i wrap my arms around them our shoulders alone hardly touch or they divert to the side hug faster than a jumpy squirrel.
if my "brothers" don't want to feel breasts against their own chest to avoid wrong thought patterns, feelings etc...then dang it i won't hug them that way!
however if it is ok for me to hug them that way then i will indeed. some of my "brothers" give the most outstanding hugs and i will be honest in saying i thoroughly enjoy being held by them. it's such an encouragement etc.
by the way reading through all of these was fantastic!
The side hug ends up being 10x more awkard than the regular hug because you're never sure which side they're going for...
Titus 1:15
To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.
Wow, this has a lot of comments. I would have to say that the "A-frame" hug bothers me more. If I give a guy friend a frontal hug (we sound so technical...), I still want it to be a real hug. I'm pretty sure he's NOT thinking about my breasts all the time, and we just want to show affection. Most people aren't pervs. So give a real hug, and stop trying to be Christianly-correct.
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