#256. Mission trip fundraising letters (And why I should write your next one)

If you've ever gone on a mission trip you wrote one of these letters. If you know anyone that went on a mission trip, you received one of these letters. This is the simple piece of paper that asks you to give money to a friend or family member so that they can go on a mission trip. They are a staple of Christian life and I should practically apologize for how long it has taken me to address this subject.

The main problem is that for the last 30 years or so, we've all been sending out the same letter. Here is the basic outline:

1. Intro:
Two or three sentences of pleasantries, how are you, how are things on your end, boy it sure has been a hot summer/cold winter, do you think the mayor will do something about the geese problem, etc.

2. Here's what I've been up to:
Now that I've asked about you, let me tell you a little about me. Things are good, I'm staying busy with school/work/the flounder farm. One of the things I have started to get involved with more is my church.

3. Church Transition:
Whoa, speaking of church, I'm going on a mission trip this summer/spring/fall/winter. Few sentences about the place you are going, what you will be doing, etc.

4. Money Pitch:
The cost of the trip is $#,###. It would be great if you could support me and the church in this endeavor.

5. The Pretend You Don't Care about the Money Line:
You've just asked for money, so it's good to soften that hard sell with a sentence like, "Whether or not you are able to support the trip, I would greatly appreciate your prayers."

Maybe the letters you receive are completely different, but for the last 20 years, that is essentially the letter I have written and received. Until today.

In addition to starting what may be the largest "we named our kids after Lord of the Rings characters community," I thought it might be good to write the next mission trip fundraising letter you send out. You don't have to use it, but at the bare minimum it might give you some ideas. Anywhere you see "/" that's me trying to account for different situations. Simply choose the option that fits you best.

Let's go.

Dear _______,

I never write you letters.

That's a weird way to open a mission trip letter. My youth minister/pastor gave me a form letter to follow but that felt even weirder. The truth is that I don't write anyone letters and if I opened up this letter by pretending this is just the latest in a long chain of correspondence we've kept up oh these many years, that would feel as fake as when people run out of things to say and ask you questions like, "hot enough for you?" Wow, that was a really atrocious run on sentence, but I'm excited about this trip and I'm not going to let sentence structure stand in my way.

If I were you, I would probably be thinking, "_______ is going on a mission trip?" That's a completely fair thought. I keep asking myself that too. I'm not the first person people think of when it comes to feeding the hungry/helping the poor/working on a coconut farm. Plus, I'm so busy. School/work is really intense right now and this is not a good time to go on a mission trip. But I'm not sure if there is ever a "good time" to go on a mission trip. And I could probably come up with a list of reasons why I shouldn't go, but I keep coming back to the one reason I should – God loves people.

I've been trying to live that in the life I currently have. I mean it's easy to pray for far off places and far off people, but loving who you live and work with is a challenge. I've been trying to see my life as a mission field, not just this trip. And it's been cool to see the way God has used this new approach to everything from the way I tip at restaurants to the way I treat people in traffic. But now, it's time to take the things I've learned to a new longitude and latitude.

I'm going to _______ for ________days/weeks. Going wasn't a hard decision. When it comes down to it, Jesus laid out a pretty simple religion for us, didn't He? Love God, love others, and love ourselves. Nope, deciding to go was easy. Paying for it however, is a real challenge.

To be honest with you, I just don't have $#####, laying about the house, eating baked Tostito chips and watching soap operas. So, instead of selling my plasma 87 times, I decided to send letters to people I don't usually write and ask for something I don't usually ask for, money. I'd love if you could financially support me on this mission trip. A little, a lot, any would be great. And if you want to know more about the trip, please let me know and I will give you a call.

The one thing on the form letter I got from church that I agreed with was the request for prayer. If you could pray about the trip, that would be great. As much as God loves mission trips, other people don't. There will be a whole host of obstacles that pop up and entangle themselves around our ankles as we prepare to go love the people of ______. And knowing that you are praying would mean a lot to me.

Thanks for reading this rambling letter. I have included the form letter version as well in case you prefer a more traditional approach to the "can I please have some of your money" letter.

Sincerely, _________

P.S. If you do give, there's a good chance that you will be famous, or at least regionally famous because my friend Jon at Stuff Christians Like, God's favorite sarcastic Christian blog, will probably give you a shout out. I'm just saying, something to think about.

#255. The song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

Eight years ago, while we were dating, my wife and I went to a Y2k gun show. I know, I know ladies, I'm a real catch. But I didn't go because I own guns or hunt boar or needed a brochure on how to make squirrel jerky. (Although I did get that brochure.) I went because I'm really fascinated by people and I had the sense there would be some interesting people there. I was not disappointed.

In addition to hearing people say things like, "when the banks collapse, bullets will be currency," I was able to get a pretty fantastic shirt. On the front it says, "If you can't get out ..." and on the back it says, wait for it, "... you better get ready." I'm not sure where "out" technically is and to tell you the truth I always thought it was about getting "off" the gird, not "out" of anything. But that's not the point. The point is, that place was awesome and until recently it was on my list of top ten most awesomest places. (If you listen closely you can almost hear the readers that hate my grammar printing out my profile photo, taping it to a pillow and punching it.)

Why was it pushed off the list? Because a new contender has arrived. I am of course talking about the room in which Christian radio stations decide which secular songs should be played.

I don't know what you envision, but I believe this room has serious chairs in it, a long dark wooden table and one of those reversible mirrors they have at police stations. Behind that mirror, watching in silence sits a triad of the most powerful people in Christian culture. One of the members is Thomas Kinkade and the others are, well I've said too much already. Let's get back to the room.

Based on an Atlanta Christian station's decision to play Natasha Bedingfield's song "Unwritten" 194 times a day, here is a recent conversation that probably happened in that room:

Man:
"Man oh man, that Daughtry is killing on the station. Just awesome. Who knew an American Idol star could be so big. After Fantasia, Ruben, Taylor, Katherine and everyone else had disappeared from that show I was a little worried. And I had no idea he was a Christian."

Woman:
"Well, most people don't, but he thanks 'his Lord and Savior' in his album liner notes which according to Stuff Christians Like is a sure sign. Better yet, he hasn't Evanescenced us yet, which apparently Jon is going to write about at some point.

Man:
"I understand only 14% of the things you're saying right now. Stuff Christians Like?"

Woman:
"Don't worry about it, it's just some sassmouth site about God and Christianity. But we do need to worry about finding a new song."

Man:
"What about that song 'Amen' by Kid Rock?"

Woman:
"Can't, it violates the station's rule, 'never play music by someone who got married to Pamela Anderson on a boat.'"

Man:
"What about that Nickelback song, 'If everyone cared,' it also prominently features the word 'amen' in the chorus."

Woman:
"True, but their other song out right now is about strippers and leading the rock star life. They're using the word 'amen' like people say 'bless you' when someone sneezes. Wait, I've got it. Natasha Bedingfield's song 'Unwritten' is perfect."

Man:
"Whoa, I don't know, she's got the word 'bed' in her last name, sounds a bit scandalous to me."

Woman:
"Oh stop, no listen, she was part of a Christian pop group a while ago. Her brother Daniel got a little famous with his song 'gotta get through this,' with an acoustic version which was great. But 'Unwritten' has all the signs of a secular song we can use on our Christian radio station."

Man:
"Really? Isn't Natasha Bedingfield the one that had that song, 'I wanna have your babies?'"

Woman:
"Yeah but that's about fidelity and commitment. Listen, secular stations have been playing 'unwritten' for two years which is about as long a head start as we like to give them. Unwritten has really upbeat lyrics like, 'today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.' That feels like chewing bubble gum made of rainbows and sunshine. And last but not least, a church in Atlanta used the title 'Unwritten' for a sermon series. It's a perfect storm.

Man:
"Awesome. If we could just figure out if recent American Idol winner David Cook used to have a Christian band called, 'this Cook won't burn' we'd be all set!"

I'm not sure that's exactly how it happens but that's my guess.

p.s. If you missed it over the weekend, make sure you check out, "the everyone is on vacation, anything goes church service" post. The comments about how churches do things differently on the Sundays before holidays are great.

#254. Secretly wanting to name your son "Aragorn" or your daughter "Arwen."

Before we knew that we were having a daughter, I wanted to name a potential son "Coltrane." Not that I am a huge jazz fan, but I really thought that if I named my son after legend John Coltrane, it would be impossible for him not to be cool. Even if he tried to be dorky like his dad, he'd be propelled into coolness by the momentum of his name. My wife, said no.

A lot of my friends faced a similar temptation when the Lord of the Rings movies were out. They wouldn't admit it in the theater but you could see it in their eyes. "What if we named our son Aragorn or our daughter Arwen? How awesome would that be? Very awesome, that's how. What is it going to take to convince my wife?"

And there's the rub. Usually, both parties are not invested in naming a kid after a movie or a book. It takes some convincing. So here, as a public service, are a few ways to convince your wife or husband to go with the name you like:

1. Offer them the next name.
Do the whole Popeye, "can I get a hamburger today and pay you for it on Tuesday" thing and say that they can name the next kid. It's like when they trade professional athletes and mention that some "athletes to be named" were involved in the deal. Tell your spouse that when it comes time to name the next kid, you'll give them complete freedom in picking.

2. Trade them the middle name.
If I were smart, I would have told my wife that if she let me name our son "Coltrane" she could have given him the middle name, "John Cusack." She loves John Cusack and would have thought it was great to have a living reminder of the movie "Say Anything." Tell your wife that your son's middle name can be "Christian Bale" or tell your husband that your son's middle name can be "William Wallace." Eventually they might cave in and give you first name rights.

3. Mention that fictional names are scandal proof.
It sucks when you name your kid "Orange Julius" and then out of nowhere someone named Orange Julius gets famous. They then proceed to get arrested for biting a cop outside a strip club and then throw a ham sandwich at the judge during the trial. Suddenly your kid is going to be called "ham sandwich" out on the playground. That's part of the beauty of a fictional name. Unless we unearth some unpublished manuscript in which Aragorn unexpectedly becomes a heroin addict, you don't run the risk of getting a scandal associated with your kid's name.

4. Search your family tree.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy to find the name "Lord of the Morning Mist" in your family tree, but it's not impossible. Dig deep and hard, going back generations until you find some way to position your proposed name as a family name. "Well honey, you see Herma named her son Herman in the late 18th century. And as you'll notice, "man" is the second half of that name, which is why I want to pay tribute to their heritage and memory and name our son 'Batman.'"

At some point, I need to do a post on crazy Bible names, but for now, hopefully you've got some new ideas on how to convince your spouse that Treebeard is a perfectly suitable name for a new born.

#253. Painting God mad.

One time my friend Ryan and I were talking about God. In the middle of the conversation I told him I thought God was chasing after him. His response was instant and puzzling: “If God is trying to kill me, he missed his chance when I got in that car wreck at 18.”

I wasn’t trying to say that I thought God was chasing Ryan down for the purposes of exterminating him. I meant that God loved him and was eager to show him that love and was running after him. But Ryan’s answer reflected what I thought for most of my life too, “If God ever gets his hands on me, he is going to punish me and make my life miserable.”

My vision of God was of an angry, old man with powers beyond my understanding and punishment beyond my creativity. His favorite activities, beside Frisbee, were smiting people and striking people down where they stood for their transgressions. The only reason He wanted me near was so that I was close enough to hit with a big, holy hammer. He was forceful and ominous.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only one that has thought this. The photo in this post is from a newspaper in France. The headline is "Think for yourself" and we can clearly see that a night-colored person representing God or religion is forcing the young woman to pray. There is condemnation and slavery and punishment captured in the faceless, dark shape that is controlling the scene. Looking at it, I can't help but wonder, "How did we get here?"

How did the God who Isaiah 30 tells us "longs to be gracious to you" and "rises to show you compassion" turn into such an angry ogre? I think one of the ways is that we all too often paint him as mad. We go through the Bible with a deep red mad highlighter and select the verses that capture his fury best and then we quote them as proof of a furious God.

I was reminded of this recently when someone posted a comment on this site. The full comment is too long to address and will be the subject of a post on one of my other sites, but here is an excerpt:

I would be extremely afraid if I were you. Have not you read Numbers?? What happens when people start complaining of what Godly people are doing? God ..not man.. God... kills them. In fact, God caused a plaugue that killed over 14,000 complainers in a single day. They were complaining of meek Moses and Godly Aaron!! Are not you afraid of our God who does not change?

Before I talk about this comment, let me say that this person gave me some good advice. I took to heart what she said and actually tweaked the post I wrote because she was right, a few of the sentences were pretty jerky on second glance. Though I may have disagreed with her delivery method, there was some truth in her message. I think she did a great job of pointing out where I was being sensational and that's honestly not good. It is a blessing to me when readers take the time to call me on something I've messed up. It's the only way this site will get better. But, within her thoughts, was also the continuation of the idea that we serve a vengeful God.

The biggest challenge I have with the comment is that it completely nullifies the life and death of Jesus Christ. When we want to paint a picture of God as a brutal no holds barred cage fighter, we often have to downplay or as this person did, completely edit out Jesus. Did God kill all those Israelites in Numbers? Yes. Is anger one of the colors in His palette? Yes. Could you quote me a million verses where He powerfully expresses that anger? Yes. Have I done things that are worthy of me being killed? Yes. (I once wrote a post called "My 6 most smite worthy moments.) Does Christ radically change all of that? Yes.

You see, I don't have to choose my words on this blog with the fear of a plague should I get them wrong. I don't have to wonder if an incorrect sentence is going to get me killed instantly like the men and women in the desert. I will definitely be held accountable for what I do, and need to respect that with fear and trembling, but if I waited until I was "perfect" to write, there would never be a word on this site.

Am I afraid of our God who does not change? Yes, I fear the Lord, and I find it really difficult to try to capture who He is in such a flat medium as a blog. But more than that, I am in love with our God who does not change. The one that loved me enough to send His son to die for me. The one that longs for me. The one that upon seeing a prodigal like me decides to throw a party, instead of throwing punishment. The one that sent a high priest to intercede for me. The one that allows us to "approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

The last thing I'll leave you with is that saying the word "love" is not the same thing as being love. One of the final sentences in the comment I was left by the person mentioned above was that her purpose was to "lovingly trying to warn you..." Anytime you raise the potential threat of a plague, wrapping up your comment with love doesn't really soften the blow. If anything it seems like an example of saying "in Christian love" before you punch someone in the face.

#252. The youth group leader that makes people cry during games with his over competitiveness.

On the last two men's retreats I went on, we held a Frisbee golf tournament. It was nothing official, just a dozen guys or so tramping about the campgrounds picking targets at will. I won both tournaments because I'm pretty spiritual and it's a well known fact that God rewards the super holy with super awesome Frisbee skills. I digress.

What was nice about both of these tournaments was that no one invited the "intense guy." Are you familiar with this guy? He's the one that takes every game, activity or challenge as if it were a situation of life or death. He'll punch an old man in the face if he loses at dominos, kick a game of Risk down a flight of stairs if things don't head his way, and try to choke to death someone that won't admit the word "Moops" on the trivia answer card is actually supposed to be written as "Moors."

I'm completely fine with this guy, I think he often adds some excitement to some otherwise dull games, but for inexplicable reasons, he often volunteers to help out with the youth group.

There are three things that usually result from having an intense guy as a youth leader:

1. Someone gets hurt.
I've long held that at least one person should leave a retreat with a cast in order for it to be considered a successful retreat, but the intense guy always takes things to new levels. My favorite example of this involves apples and a guy named Ben. This guy Ben should have played professional baseball. He had an amazing arm and could hurl round, hard objects at speeds that must have approached 80 miles an hour. This was great for church softball games but bad for apple orchards. One night after a hay ride, some of us started throwing rotten apples at each other. It was all lighthearted and silly, until a hard red blur streaked by my head. My friends quickly ducked behind a wooden bin and peered around the corner. There, in the moonlight, we could see Ben, unloading apples like one of those pitching machines that they have at batting cages. Fortunately the intense guy usually chills out once someone gets hurt, so only one of us had to take a not rotten and soft, but unripe and hard, apple to the side of the head.

2. Someone gets insulted.
Often, the intense guy doesn't like to admit that some of the teenagers in the youth group are better than him in certain sports. But it's true. A 16-year old track star can run faster than a mid 30s accountant in most situations. And when such physical forces of reality come together, the intense guy is often forced to start verbally sparring instead. "Yeah, you're faster, but my car is faster than you. Can you even drive? Do you have your own place? Can you stay out as late as you want?" It continues down this path until eventually the intense guy is saying things like "I can eat ice cream for dinner if I want to" and everyone kind of shuffles off, without making eye contact with him. This is not a pretty sight.

3. Someone gets fired.
Firing a volunteer is one of the most difficult situations ever. You can't cut their pay, they're working for free. You can't make them stay later or come earlier, they're giving you their time for free. You can't ask them to take training or learn a new skill, they're just trying to help out. But at some point you might have to fire an intense guy. There are a lot of theories on firing Christians and I might need to do a whole post on it. People don't do a very good job of this. A friend recently posted a comment that said "I got fired last week. And my boss, who is a Christian, said, 'You were here for a season and now it's over.'" That's horrible. The best way to get rid of an intense guy is to encourage him to try volunteering for another ministry. Tell him you feel that youth ministry is too easy and that he deserves a bigger challenge. If you make the food ministry sound like the Olympics of volunteering, he'll be unable to resist the challenge.

I have to say that it doesn't have to just be an intense guy. It can be a girl too. When I was in the 9th grade, our high school basketball team was 0-19. We lost every game. Which is awesome for a teenager's self esteem. Our coach, who must have been a little bit crazy, decided we should scrimmage a girl's team. They killed us. They were the state champions and just killed us. Part of the reason was that they were awesome athletes and all intense girls. Part of the reason was that as freshman boys, there was no way any of us were going to cover girls closely. We were covered in anxious sweat before the game even began. But then, none of us were intense.

#251. The "everyone is on vacation, anything goes" church service. (AKA tomorrow)

It is a poorly kept secret that the day before a big holiday, whether you live in Cleveland or Croatia, your church is going to do things a little differently than on most Sundays. That is, with a large portion of the congregation out on vacation, they're going to mix it up a little.

For instance, at a lot of churches, the younger ministers are always asked to preach the day before Memorial Day. Senior pastors know that it's a lot safer to have some rough around the edges minister saying something crazy to 400 people than 800 people. Same goes with music. Go tomorrow (in the United States) and you're bound to see some guy that's always been in the background step forward for a totally unexpected guitar solo. Or a woman that's always wanted to lead worship will suddenly be behind the mic for the first time.

I call it "Day Before Vacation Syndrome" or DBVS.

And because I am a huge dork and it's roughly 800 degrees right now in Alpharetta, Georgia, I thought I would offer a few suggestions for ways you can avoid DBVS:

1. Snakes
Ever thought about incorporating some pit vipers into your service? Why not on the Sunday when everyone is out of town? I don't know where you can buy a "bag o' rattlers" but surely someone near you sells poisonous snakes. By the way, I don't mean to be selfish, but it would really help me out if someone could invite me to a church service where they handled snakes. I'm dying to write about that but won't unless I've actually gone to a service.

2. Skittles
Why not throw skittles out during the service? Instead of saying, "watch this" or "listen to this" or another phrase that is designed to get people's attention, why not throw handfuls of skittles at them? Wouldn't you love to be hit in the side of the head with a bunch of fruit candy delightfulness? I would.

3. Weird instruments
Ever wondered what an accordion and triangle version of the song, "I can only imagine" would sound like? Got a kid in youth group that is really good at beat box? Do you need more cowbell but are afraid most people would hate it? Well they're all on vacation. Get the accordion out, it's go time.

4. Haikus
Do the entire sermon in haiku. It's not as hard as you think. Here's an example:
Jesus was so cool (5 syllables)
He gave His life for our sins (7 syllables)
Let's be close to him (5 syllables)

5. Have a "SCL Sunday"
Why not throw a "Stuff Christians Like" service? We'll play Sandi Patty and Carman songs. We'll take a love offering and interlink our fingers when we hold hands. We'll get a puppet group, named "Strings of Mercy," to come do the Noah's Ark story and then I'll speak. It will be fantastic.

I would do some pop and lock breakdancing tomorrow in the hallway if North Point did any one of these ideas. If they don't I'm going to do that mime move where you pretend to be stuck in an invisible box. Mime is the opposite of breakdancing.

p.s. There are two things that go without saying: 1. I can't promise that your church will use any of these tips. 2. I can promise that the church I start, GracePointeLifeTruthHouseNorthRiverElevate, will use all of them.

#250. The unicorn hymn or worship song.

Depending on what type of church you attend, this idea can go completely different directions.

The unicorn song is when out of nowhere, from the shadows of the stage at church you start to hear the first few notes of a song they never play. At a traditional church, you realize that someone has finally learned how to play Chris Tomlin's "How Great is Our God" on the organ. And although at first it sounds a little like a raccoon has broken into the organ, you don't care. Something newish and fresh is happening and you are so excited. Your church has now entered the year 2003 and you are proud and happy and singing as loud as you can in celebration of this moment.

If you go to a contemporary church, the unicorn song is when you notice in the bulletin that one of the numbers you'll be singing today is a hymn. With a suspicious feeling you look down and read, "How Great Thou Art" and try not to get too excited. "Is that really the hymn version or has a pop/punk/acoustic/funk duo rewritten that song and I'm about to hear the contemporary version?" But then it starts, and it's the old fashioned version and for just a second, despite the goatees, despite the lasers and the mocha lattes sitting next to you, you're back in your old church, the one you grew up in and you're a kid again, for at least one song.

The unicorn song is fleeting though. For as soon as it ends, the spell that transfixed your worship leader is broken. He/she launches right back into the kind of music you always sing and for a few more months, the unicorn fades into the background.